It was like love at first sight when I laid my eyes on him, on Bang Yong Guk.

His short, fiery red hair. Black hair peaking through on the bottom. Determined chocolate eyes visible between his bangs. His gummy smile. Muscled arms. Lean. Tall. I had never seen another man pull off a black wife beater, leather jacket, black jeans and sneakers as well as he did. And when he talked... I was under his control before I even knew his name properly.

I shut my eyes tightly at my memory of him. So long ago, so different from now. Tears rolled down my face, being absorbed by my pillow.

"Hannah!" he called after me.

I turned back curiously and saw him jogging slight towards me. He stood in front of me, nearly towering over me due to his height.

"Do you mind if.. uh.. I walk you home? It's dangerous when it's dark..." he asked shyly, scratching the back of his red hair. 

I had left early from a dinner and drink gathering of our mutual friends to go home. He had left early to be alone with me.

I smiled at his offer, feeling my cheeks get hotter.

"Thanks," I muttered, starting to walk side by side, step by step beside him.

I had no idea then. I had no idea things would get like this. I turned over and pushed my face into my pillow, trying to muffle the sobs that were threatening to be let out. I liked him so much then.

"I'm so sorry," he apologized sincerely, looking at the big stain across my shirt.

I had wiped away most of the excess but the stain was clearly visible across the pale shirt.

"It's okay... but I don't think I can go around all day like this. What should I do, YongGuk oppa?" I pouted, looking up at him with puppy eyes.

YongGuk looked concerned too, before his eyes lit up with an idea. He started ping his hoodie.

"What are you doing?" I asked him curiously.

He took off his grey hoodie and placed it on my shoulder, putting my arms into it for me. Lastly, he zipped it up and looked at me with a smile. The stain was no longer visible.

"You can wear this from now on, okay?" he said, showing me his bright gummy smile.

I looked down at myself in his hoodie, obviously too large for me. I could detect YongGuk's lingering scent in the clothing.

"Okay!" I nodded, happy to have something he owned. 

I turned over again and looked at the hoodie hanging on the back on my door, mocking me. Haunting me. I got up from my bed and stormed over to the door, grabbing the hoodie. I opened the door and threw the piece of clothing across the house, shouting in anger. I slammed the door again and leaned against it, breathing heavily. I cursed my past self, for being so blissful without knowing what was to come.

I twirled my raspberry Chupa Chups lollipop in my mouth, zoning out.

YongGuk and I were hanging out in the neighborhood playground, both on the swings side by side. Conversation had simmered out a few minutes ago and we were just enjoying each other's presence in the afternoon setting sun.

"Hannah-ya..." he called softly.

I was still zoning out, staring at minuscule grains of dirt around the playground. I twirled my lollipop again.

"Hannah~" he called softly again.

"Hm?" I asked, raising my eyebrows in response but still not moving my eyes from the ground. 

A shadow crept over where I was staring. I looked up, wondering what had changed. I found Yongguk's face.

"Hehehe," I sent him a shy smile, feeling sorry for not paying more attention. I twirled the lollipop to the other side of my cheek.

I caught YongGuk blush a little.

"You idiot," he muttered.

I leaned my head a little to one side in confusion.

YongGuk crouched down in front of me and stared at me. I stared back, wondering what he was doing.  He grabbed both the chains of the swings I was on and leaned in closely to my face. I kept staring at him, wide eyed.

Our faces only a small distance away from each other, he slowly took one hand to the handle of my lollipop and tugged lightly, causing me to release it.

"Your lips are bright red, you know that?" he asked in a low murmur, staring at me intensely.

Before I could respond, he took his lips to my own, planting a soft kiss.

I let out a cry, another sob forcing its way out my throat from the pit of my stomach. Both of us were so happy then. We were so happy. I remembered when he used to sing to me at night over the phone with that velvet voice of his. We cared for each other. We couldn't go more than a day or two without seeing each other. We couldn't get enough of each other. And maybe that's where it all began.

I held the phone to my ear, listening to him anxiously.

"Hannah, why did you pick up so late? Didn't you check your missed calls? What were you doing that you couldn't pick up earlier?" he asked me, demanding answers as soon as I picked up the call.

"Oppa, I only missed your call once," I explained, feeling a little bad for making him worry. "And I had to study, final times you know."

"I've been hearing some rumours..." he told me quietly, his tone scarily calm.

"......What rumours?...."

"That you were cheating on me with some guy."

"That's ridiculous!" I exclaimed. "You know I wouldn't do that!"

"Do I?" was all he said before he hung up the phone.

I stared into the screen, dumbfounded. A slow uneasy feeling was starting to take place.

I slipped down onto the floor, leaning against the door. I should have known then. I should have realized what was beginning to happen. I should have ended it before it got any worse. I took my hand to my mouth, biting my nails.

"Hannah-ya, stop doing that!" he scolded me jokingly, grabbing my hand so I wouldn't bite my nails.

"Ah, sorry, YongGuk oppa. Old habit, I just can't kick it," I explained, looking at him apologetically.

"Well, now you will, because I won't have you deforming yourself, okay?" he told me, kissing the tips of my fingers.

I laughed at his remark. "They're only nails, they'll grow back."

"Even your nails are mine, so just listen to me."

"Oh, I'm yours, am I?" I asked, teasing him.

He looked at me seriously.

"All mine."

I removed my hand with haste and started shaking ever so slightly. The tears just wouldn't stop. I slipped further to the floor, coming to a laying position on my side. I bit hard down on my lip, hoping that would help the pain in my heart. It didn't.

"OPPA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" I shouted, grabbing his arm. I tried to stop him immediately.

"This thinks he can hit on you when you're already taken," he growled, refusing to get off of my sunbae who had volunteered to help me with my school project.

"It's not LIKE THAT," I shouted again, squeezing my way in between them and staring at YongGuk head on. He finally took a step back, angry still.

"Oh yeah? Would you like the explain to me what the HELL is going on then, Jung Hannah?"

"He was helping me with SCHOOL. He already has a girlfriend! God, oppa, this is the third time already..." I told him, exhausted by his actions. 

"Bull," he spat, before storming out of the cafe.

I let out a deep sigh while I grabbed my forehead. I could feel a migraine coming on.

I stared out the window of my room from my position on the floor, staring at the moonlight. I brought my legs in, hugging them. That calmed down the shaking. I hoped for the longest time that things would get back to normal, that it was only temporary. That we were just going through a phase. But it wasn't. So I tried. I tried to end it before things turned uglier than it already was. I tried...

"We need to talk."

"What's wrong, Hannah? You sound like you're going to break up with me or something," YongGuk joked, smiling at me.

I didn't smile back.

"We need to stop this."

"Stop what?" he chuckled uneasily.

"Stop us. Stop you and me. I want to break up, YongGuk oppa."

YongGuk's smile dropped.

"What are you saying?"

"You know exactly what I'm saying."

"Why are you being like this?"

"..."

"There's no way we're EVER breaking up so just shut up."

His voice dripped with venom and danger. His eyes drilled into my own. I swallowed dryly, suddenly frightened.

I sobbed into my knees, having traced my memories back to the present. This horrid present situation. Every morning, he showed up in front of my house. Acted as if nothing happened. Acted as if we were still madly in love. Called my name like he always did. Held my hand like it was the most natural thing. Talked to me without a single concern. Always ignored or changed the subject when I mentioned I didn't want him around anymore. Each day felt like an eternity, to see him there every morning. And to see him in front of my house when I got back each night. To be forced to answer his questions as to where I've been, what I've been doing, who I had met...

I felt like any moment now, I was a snap away from being broken on the inside...