I can't believe it's happening . Why did I let this happen?  I'm so mad at her for hurting me this way at the same time I still love her. Yes I never stopped loving her. Life without her is like a living hell to me.  I regret every actions I made after we broke up. I let my pride takes over me. I should have listen to her. I shoudn't push her away. I knew she 's been told of what I've doing  after we broke up. And again I regret those actions.

Yes, my affair with Jessica is partly true. We've been going out a lot lately for me to show her she made a biggest mistake of  hurting   me . But everytime I'm with Sica, all I see is Dara's image.   When she laughs, it was Dara's laughing. I know it's unfair to Sica but I admit that I used her to  forget Dara.That's how jerk I am. I wasn't thinking logically that time. I was blinded by jeallousy and anger. And then when I kissed her, the realization comes to me, she's not Dara.

She's not the one I've longing for a kiss. She's not the one I want to be with. Oh God what did I do? Why did I do this to my Angel? Why didn't I listen to her? I want to fix things with her. I want to let her know that I'm still the same. She hurt me but we can start all over again.

But how? I don't even know where she is after the incident in Japan. I heard from Bommie that she'd been suspended from all her activities. That's so stupid of me, I blame myself for causing it to her. If I didn't come and follow her that time, this wouldn't happen. I don't know but when I saw Yunho was there too, my mind kept blank. I want to snatch her away from those two.  I notice some changes in her when they talk about Yunho. She's blushing  mentioning  his name.  I felt a stung in my heart when she reacted about Yunho dating. And when Changmin  invited her to come over, I come closer to them, what the hell. I won't let that happen.

I'll do anything in my power to let her come back to me, even If it takes forever.  Me..yes...the one and only Kim Jaejoong...