My Rude Princess
Description
BOYFRIEND. That is evey one of the girls would like to have specially Park Jiyeon. Yeah, she's beautiful; beatiful like a princess. But that's the only thing she have. Her face. No one attempt to court her because she's like a monster. She is very rude. It's not like the guys are afraid of her, it's because they hate her so much. She wants to have a boyfriend since she was in her 8th grade but she just keeps it as her dream. A dream that will never come true.
Mr. Park pity his daughter so he made an agreement to someone to be Jiyeon's temporary boyfriend. His name is Lee Kiseop. He's also rude when someone acts rude to him. He's nice when someone acts nice to him. Can he stand Jiyeon? Will they fall in love to each other? or just hate each other? Why Mr. Park chose Kiseop instead of somebody else?
So deppressing story.
Park Jiyeon (19 years old)
She is the most beautiful yet the most who got a very high number of haters in her school.
She is the youngest daughter of the President of South Korea. but they keep it secret.
She is cold, always serious, don't care about other people, spoiled, etc.
Always fails in school specially in Math.
Lee Kiseop (19 years old)
He is becoming 2nd year hidg school student this year but he forced to stop because his father have a cancer and he needs money so he accept Mr. Park offer to be Jiyeon's "temporary" boyfriend.
He is very smart specially in Math.
He is already the breadwinner of his family at his young age.
He came from a poor family.
Jessica Jung (19 years old)
Jiyeon's best friend and only friend.
Her atitude and personalities are exactly the opposite as Jiyeon but she managed to understand Jiyeon.
She is also dumb and her weakness is Science.
She came from a wealthy family like Jiyeon.
Foreword
reviewed by ★kpoplistener
Title: 5/5
I really liked the title. It was unique. When I searched your story, yours was first to come up so I can honestly say that it's uncommon. Also, it relates to the story. Full marks.
Foreword/Descripion: 5/10
You basically explained the whole plot in the description. No one likes Jiyeon, rich father hires poor temporary boyfriend, they fight like cats and dogs and then they fall in love in the end. We all know what's going to happen, so you didn't really need to elaborate it that much. In the foreword, you posted character profiles. It's unprofessional for a writer to post their characters personality before they even introduce them formally in the story.
Display/Appearance: 10/10
I really liked the poster! It's done very well.
Characterization: 8/10
I also admired your characters. Jiyeon was consistent in being rude and disrespectful, but in the end she changed. Kiseop's character was also consistent. He definitely was rude to people who were rude to him and he was also nice to people who were nice to him. As for Jessica's character... I didn't get her character much. She's just Jiyeon's best friend. She's like a helping character rather than a minor character who has an actual personality. Other than that, you were really consistent with your characters' personalities. Good job.
Plot/Originality: 10/15
The plot's not very unique. In the fanfiction world ,it's not uncommon for a rich girl to have a temporary and poor boyrfriend. However, you had your own twist to it. Instead of Jiyeon liking Kiseop in the first place, she hated him. Also with Kiseop. I really liked the twist.
Grammar/Spelling: 20/25
Here are some of the grammar and spelling mistakes I have found:
That is evey one of the girls would like to have specially Park Jiyeon.
Correct: That is every one of the girls would like to have specially Park Jiyeon.
You forgot to add an ‘r’ in ‘every’.
beatiful
Correct: beautiful
But that's the only thing she have.
Correct: However, that’s the only thing she has.
You can’t start a sentence with a conjunction. Also, it should be “has” since “She” is just singular.
Why Mr. Park chose Kiseop instead of somebody?
Correct: Why Mr. Park chose Kiseop instead of somebody else?
You should add “else” since “somebody” is not a person.
“Why? When I’m still new here, she caught my eyes and starts to fall in love with her. I tried to court her but I ended up being stupid. I’m approaching her every time I see her but even once, she didn’t even talk to me, instead I received deathly glares from her but I didn’t give up and continued to follow her even when she always embarrass me in front of many people. And because of that students start to bully me and that’s all because of that wicked witch!”
Correct: “Why? When I was still new here, she caught my eye and I started to fall in love with her. I tried to court her but I ended up being stupid. I approached her every time I saw her but not even once did she talk to me. Instead, I received deathly glares from her but I didn’t give up. I continued to follow her even when always embarrassed me in front of many people. Because of that, students started to bully me and that’s all because of that wicked witch!”
“You’re mother left you?”
Correct: “Your mother left you?”
It should be “your” since it shows possession. “You’re” means “You are”, therefore it’s not suitable for the sentence.
Kiseop complimented Jessica that made Jiyeon hits him.
Correct: Kiseop complimented Jessica which made Jiyeon hit him.
"They let me join to carry thier stiffs?"
Correct: “They let me join to carry their stuffs?”
It should be “their” and also it should be “stuffs”.
"Oh now you went full retard, who like a girl like her!!"
Correct: “Oh now you went full retard, who would like a girl like her!!”
You should’ve added a “would” to make the sentence have sense.
It's mostly confusion with tenses and spelling mistakes. Other than that, your grammar and spelling are okay!
Flow: 10/10
Some people might say the flow is too fast, but to me, it was paced perfectly. I wasn't confused and the time frame was exact. Good job.
Entertainment and Enjoyment: 15/15
I would like to read more of your stories. Your story was very good. I really enjoyed it, it was fun and it was funny.
Bonues: 5/5
I liked it too much.
Total: 88/105
Hello! I really like Kiseop and Jiyeon to be together so I tried to make one but still, I like Jessica so I put her in the story. Please read my story and comment!!!
SUBSCRIBE please!
Credits to Reahthestars in PARANOIA Graphics for the Poster and the background :)
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