That kid was alive, he was a mess, but he was very much alive, and in my thirty years of existence, I swear I have never felt so relieved like that. He was lying on his side, his back was facing me, but I could hear his steadying breath. It reached my ear like a lonely melody. My eyes glued to his back, watching as his shoulder rose up then down again with each wave of oxygen filling his lung.

Then he suddenly turned around and faced me. I was taken aback by his pair of beautiful eyes that was blinking repeatedly, trying to adjust to the surrounding lights. I saw him unconscious a few minutes ago, and even then, I thought that this kid was beautiful. But seeing him awake, with eyes open, twinkling like a faraway galaxy, I was speechless. This, has got to be the face of the most perfect human being God has created, at least the closest to being perfect in my opinion. And somewhere deep inside my heart, I knew, that I have found the one. He is the one.

“S.. Siwon?”

For a second there, I was stunned. There’s something about the way he called my name that felt somewhat heavenly. It might be his beautiful, angelic voice. Or it might be the longing tone hidden in his voice. I don’t know... All I know is, that kid drew me closer with the simplest thing like calling my name.

“Yes, how do you know?” I asked him once I had regain control over my mind.

That kid, Kyuhyun, he kept staring at me. I can’t help but to feel my face burn. I hope he didn’t notice me blushed. He left me no choice with his beautiful curious stare. I can’t believe I keep calling him beautiful. But seriously, how can a guy be so beautiful?

“Park Siwon! Is it really you?” his beautiful voice snapped me back to reality. But what did he just call me? Park Siwon? Who the hell is Park Siwon? I felt something rose in my chest. What is this feeling? Anger?  What am I being angry about?

“You came back for me?” Kyuhyun asked again. So that Park Siwon left him?! Idiot. Is that why Kyuhyun tried to kill himself? Because Park Siwon, whoever he is, left him?? I took a deep breath and smiled as wide as I can, this kid needed to smile, and I know for a fact, that a genuine smile is dangerously contagious.

“Err... No. I think you mistook me for someone else. My name is Choi Siwon.” I smiled. He was quite for a while, but then the corners of his lips started to went up and a weak smile was formed. It was short, but more than enough to send chills down my spine. In other words, I felt like a teenager in love.

“Oh, sorry.” He said later. “Why are you here?”

I just smiled again.

“I’m here to help you.” I said warmly.

“Why?” Kyuhyun asked again.

“Because....” I paused, considering whether what I’m about to say would be the right choice for the moment, but then, just like I knew that Kyuhyun was the one for me, that time I knew that honesty was better for us. So I continued, “Because I’ve been looking and waiting for you for all my life.”

Kyuhyun blinked several times, but a few moments later, he smiled again, this time wider than before. His cheeks were turning rose, and it made him looked a lot healthier and a lot more beautiful. I felt my lips twitched upwards. Like I said, smiles were contagious.

And then the ambulance came. I rode with Kyuhyun, held his hands all the way, making him sure that I’ll take care of him. Then I checked him in the hospital. I talked to some of my fellow doctors and nurses about Kyuhyun’s condition, and we agreed to not tell his family about his condition until we have reasonable assurance that his family was not the cause of his suicidal behavior.

When I came back in his room, Kyuhyun was already wearing a hospital pajama, and he was staring blackly at the window. I sat on his side and anxiouslytouched his hand to get him to look at me. He turned around and facedme, again with that weak smile.

“Your name is Kyuhyun, right? Cho Kyuhyun?” I asked. He nodded. Then I continued, “I have told you before, my name is Choi Siwon, I’m a doctor here. Are you feeling better?”

Cho Kyuhyun turned away again.

“I felt like crap, Siwon-ssi. And I should be feeling worse right now. But oddly, right now I’m feeling quite....relieved.” he said.

I reached into my side pocket and pulled out a piece of paper.

“Do you mind if we talk about... this?” I asked while I held up and showed him the paper which contained his own hand-writing.

“Oh... that.” He sighed.

Then he began his story. The most heart-breaking story I’ve ever heard. I thought this kind of drama only appears in novels and TV shows, but no, that was real. He began with his childhood, where he was first adored by everyone. But soon the adoration turned to mockery. All that because of the fact that he was beautiful, too beautiful. I was angry just hearing about that. How can that stupid people do something so horrible? Mocking this beautiful being also means they were mocking his creator, they were mocking God!

He continued to his high school years when the mockery turned violent. He showed me the scars all over his body. More than anger, I felt pain, frustration, I felt so helpless. Where was Kyuhyun back then? Where was I? Why couldn’t I have met him before all of these happened? But then he told me someone saved him. And his school life gone more peaceful afterwards because that guy was always protecting him. But then they fell in love, and that’s when things started to get messy again.

His parents heard about their son being gay and that he’s been dating a guy. They were furious. They tried to force some senses into him, but he was being resistant. He didn’t want to be separated from the one person who made his life better. And just because he refused to break up with that guy, his father told him he could leave their house instead. And Kyuhyun, being as stubborn as he is, took off without even looking back. No one, not even his beloved mom and sister can make him leave his boyfriend. No one.

Life felt good, felt right for a while. He was living together with his boyfriend. And everything was fine, until he felt their relationship was breaking apart. His boyfriend found someone, or maybe he was just got bored with him, but all Kyuhyun knew, his most beloved person threw him away one night. And just the way Kyuhyun left his parents without looking back, that person also left Kyuhyun in the same manner.

And since then life just getting worse and worse. He lost his faith in God, he lost his faith in love, he lost the will to live, he lost the will to survive. His sister called one morning telling him that their mother was being hospitalized. His heart was breaking to hear the news. He hurried to visit her in the hospital, but reluctant to see her in the end. I understand, facing someone you hurt so much is very difficult for someone who still has a heart. But he found courage at last.

He told me that his father was being offensive when he came. But his mother let them speak finally in the end. He told her everything about his life. And she was devastated, more than he was. Maybe the fact that her beloved and only son being treated so bad like that was too much for her. In the end, her heart gave up. It just stopped beating. And that was the saddest day in Kyuhyun’s life, when his mother lied lifeless in his arm.

His father blamed him for his wife’s death. And once again, he threw him away. Alone. Guilty. Hopeless. And hurt. Kyuhyun had to see his mother being buried from afar, hidden behind a big oak tree, sobbing alone in silence. Not after everybody went home did he dare to approach his mother’s tomb.

I was lost for words. And deep down, the feeling, no, the need to protect and take care of this beautiful and pitiful kid grew bigger and more demanding. I carefully rubbed his back. He wasn’t crying, just a drop of tear hanging on the brim of his eyes. But it was more hurtful to see.

“It’s all over now...” I hugged him and whispered in his ears, “I told you I’m gonna take care of you, and I really mean it.” I search his round eyes, looking for a little sign of hope somewhere in the dark orbs. Then they went soft.

He hugged me back.

“I believe you. You are the reason I’m alive now. And for the first time in years, I feel like I want to live again. So, thank you for not letting me die. Please take care of me, and help me take care of myself, too.” He said to me.

I can’t help but smile. For the first time in my life, I think I’m in love. Can love happen so fast? I don’t care. All I care about is I have found Kyuhyun now, and Kyuhyun is here with me, and somewhere in the depth of our stare, we knew we have found peace, we have found freedom to be who we want, and we have found the person we want to share our lives with. If that was not love, then love does not matter. Not for me, not for him, not for us.

“Alright, get some rest now. I’ll check up on you again later, okay?” I stood up and patted his head softly.

He nodded, I caressed his cheeks, then walk away. I was right at the door when I heard him called.

“Thank you, Siwon... For finding me.” He said with a smile. Not weak like before, but pretty radiant lively smile. There was something in the way he said my name, a sheer intimacy that just emerged out of nowhere. Like magnets, once we met, there won’t be any distance anymore between us.

“Siwon... I’ve heard, ah.. Can I ask you something personal?” I asked shyly, “Who is this Park Siwon you mistook me for?”

Kyuhyun closed his eyes.

“Figured you’d ask.”

------- to be continued -------