Kyuhyun visits Ryeowook at the hospital whenever he can. They had both been discharged from the hospital but Ryeowook has to undergo rehabilitation and it hadn’t been easy convincing him. He was like a lifeless zombie.

Ryeowook was in the middle of rehab when Kyuhyun came with a box of his favorite cake. They stopped for a break.

“Wookie, why don’t you smile? It’s two months from Christmas and you look like you just come from a funeral.”

“I did. And what’s the use of Christmas without Yesung, we had everything planned out… until…”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way… but hyung won’t be happy to see you this way.”

“Look Kyu, I know you mean well. You’ve already convinced me to get into rehab don’t push your luck if you think you can bring Christmas to me as well.”

“I’ll bring it to you.” Ryeowook was forced to look at Kyuhyun, his voice suddenly changed. “I promised to make Christmas merry for you haven’t I?”

“W-what?”

“I said that hyung would be happy if you’re happy. Why, did I say something else?”

“N-no… I’m going back with the therapy.”

Ryeowook felt a chill run though him. Kyuhyun’s eyes, his voice, his feel… it all felt like Yesung. For a moment, it was as if Yesung was talking to him. He must’ve really missed him, he was hallucinating and it was not the first.

The day after Yesung’s funeral, Ryeowook locked himself in his room, crying. I wish I had died along with him was almost like a mantra until he falls asleep. Kyuhyun regularly came to talk him out of his grief. Bringing him his favorite treats, coaxing him to take therapy, go back to college and play the piano.

“I TOLD YOU TO STOP BOTHERING ME! I WANT TO DIE!” he yelled as he brushed aside the food tray in front of him. Torrents of tears falling, “I want to follow Yesung, my Yesung… he’s gone… what’s the use of living and going out when everything reminds me of how it used to be?”

“Stop acting like a baby!” Kyuhyun snapped. “D’you think you’re the only one who’s had it hard? I’ve lost a brother and I live in a house which we share and do you see me making a hermit out of myself?! Yesung hyung wouldn’t like this…” his voice had gone softer as his hands slowly reached out for Ryeowook’s weak self.

“He wouldn’t want to see you destroy yourself… for hyung’s sake… please, come back to the world Wookie… that would make him happy.”

And he planted a soft kiss on Ryeowook’s forehead and embraced him. Ryeowook cried harder inside Kyuhyun’s embraced but for some odd reason it had felt like hugging Yesung instead, felt like talking with Yesung instead. And that had been the beginning of his hallucinations. He felt guilty for using Kyuhyun but he can’t help it when Kyuhyun acts like his older brother.

***

“Kyuhyun,” Kibum called, poking his shoulder. Kyuhyun lay on top of his desk half awake. “Have you been taking care of your brother’s boyfriend again?” he asked, concerned.

“Ex-boyfriend, Bummie, and yes. I can’t just let him be, not with his current state.” Kyuhyun answered curtly. He saw the hurt in Kibum’s eyes, confused if it was for his sake or Ryeowook’s or his own. Kyuhyun looked away, somehow he felt uneasy. It was Kibum in front of him but at that moment when he looked at him with those eyes it seemed like they were Ryeowook’s.

“I’m sorry. How long will it take for the pain to go away?”

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything. And as for the pain… I don’t really know. Why don’t you ask yourself that?”

“I have Bummie, God knows how many times I’ve asked myself that!”

“And what does God say?”

“Go screw myself.”

Kibum guffawed and realizing that he has gotten attention to himself hastily composed himself.

Kyuhyun gazed at his best friend, it had been some time since he last heard Kibum laughed that loud and genuine.

“That’s an interesting answer but remember Kyu, we’ve got this semester’s project. Don’t forget.” And Kibum patted him hard on the back, Kyuhyun thought his lungs would fall but he knew what that meant – Don’t lose strength, I’m here as you were once there for me. Don’t forget.