Why is it so dark? Why can’t I breathe? Someone help me… I’m so cold… someone… Yesung!

He was already crying, his body was so painful, it was so cold but no one, and not even his beloved Yesung was there to help him. Suddenly, some shadow came close to him, he could feel the warmth as it came close to him. Yesung… Ryeowook whispered.

Ryeowook opened his eyes slowly. His body ached like in the dream. He saw Kyuhyun, his head bandaged, a small patch of gauze on his left cheek and a sad expression on his face.

“I’m sorry Wookie… He didn’t make it.” Kyuhyun softly said, a tear fell from his eye.

Ryeowook looked away from Kyuhyun and let the tears fall. His body ached more, not because the anesthetics had wore off but his Yesung was dead. That was what Kyuhyun meant. His beloved Yesung had died while he survived with an arm and leg broken. He was better off dead himself, he thought.

***

“Kyu, I want you to meet Wookie!” Yesung beamed as he held Ryeowook’s hand tighter.

Kyuhyun thought it was weird for his older brother to be gay, but he adored Yesung and didn’t care about his preferences but when Yesung introduced Ryeowook to him, he felt his heart make a jump which was weirder.

However, after a few months he somehow loathed seeing them lovey-dovey, he got annoyed whenever Yesung shares his feelings and often switched topics, he gets weird dreams about Ryeowook that almost always leaves a mark in bed during the morning and that makes him hate himself. And when they had their first fight and Kyuhyun had to console the devastated Ryeowook that’s when it hit him… he was in love with his brother’s lover.

He hoped countless times that he’d get over with this infatuation because it was slowly and painfully killing him but the more he sees Ryeowook the deeper he falls. He wished they would just break up for real and Ryeowook would realize that he was the better person but he never wanted for that accident to happen. He and Ryeowook lived but Yesung did not survive. He waited at Ryeowook’s bed until he regained consciousness, he didn’t need to recuperate even if that’s what the doctors and nurses advised.

“I’m sorry Wookie… He didn’t make it.” he managed to choke out. A tear fell from his eye, he thought maybe this time Ryeowook would now look at him but just before he woke up, when he suddenly kissed him out of need Ryeowook had called out for Yesung. It hurt him. He wants his brother gone but not this way. With his death it was harder for him to reach Ryeowook now. He hated himself for thinking so selfishly still… he wants Ryeowook to love him more than he loves Yesung.