Chapter 2: A bit of advice from a person to person.
Add some breaks here and there, dont make it into one paragraph... and if you do make it into a paragraph, add diversity in your words. And make good use of the differnt type settings (italics/bold/underline...etc) you have. They come in handy to present a differnt and good look and both the writing itself and the story.
The story is good! I see where this is going. *Thumbs up*! Good luck!
Hope this helped, and that i wasn't being too cold with my comment. ... :/
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