“How many months left?” Seungri inquired, still in shock.

Jiyong sighed, “That doesn’t matter boo,” was his reply as he rested his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder seeking for comfort.

Seungri brushed him off and stood up immediately. “Of course it does! I want to know how much time I have left with you!” The younger man was raising his voice, definitely not pleased with the response given.

A little hurt and surprised at the sudden outburst, Jiyong calmly stated, “He just gave an estimate. I wish I knew the real answer too.”

Seungri was now furious. “I told you to stop smoking, I told you so many times Ji! But you never ever listen! You’re so stubborn,” he accused, glaring at Jiyong.

“You’re blaming me? You think I wanted this?! I am so not in the mood to argue with you Lee Seunghyun,” Jiyong surrendered this time. Everything was just too overwhelming today, Jiyong has had enough. He picked up his jacket and left their apartment, not forgetting to slam the door on the way out to show his frustration.

When Jiyong left, Seungri felt alone but he knew Jiyong would be back later. How about months from now? Would Jiyong still be able to come back to their apartment? He was quite uncertain about the answer to that question. The uncertainty made his eyes water because Seungri cannot imagine his life without Jiyong.

Seungri tried to imagine himself in Jiyong’s shoes. How could Jiyong be so calm when he knew his time on Earth was limited? He then tried to imagine what it was like to receive the news, to hear the doctor saying ‘Lung Cancer, Stage 4, X months to live’. Who could be so calm and collected after hearing that? Seungri lay on the couch and that’s when he started to sob uncontrollably upon realizing that life is truly fragile.

What if he lost the man that he loves the most?

After a few hours, the apartment door burst open to reveal a very distraught Jiyong. His red eyes and nose were evidence that he had been crying all this while. Seungri rushed to the door, welcoming him home with a shower of kisses and apologies amidst his tears of regret. He rushed through his explanations of why he burst earlier but Jiyong did not want to hear any of it. He just needed a warm big hug. Jiyong pulled his lover into his arms and it was in Seungri’s embrace that the previously calm Jiyong started to crumble.

--

‘Baby,’ Seungri whispered softly into his lover’s ear, ‘I don’t want you to leave me.’ He could feel tears pooling in his eyes again.

Jiyong turned around to face Seungri, pulling the blanket higher, hugging him closer, wiping away Seungri’s tears (fears). ‘I don’t want to leave you either Ri, I don’t want this either,’ he said as he rubbed his lover’s back in order to comfort him.

‘But Ji, what if you go? What will happen to me?’ Seungri choked out.

Jiyong hugged his lover tightly, ‘Ri baby, death is a certainty of life. Everyone will die eventually. We just don’t know when or how we will go. Who knows you might even go before me, in an accident or something. I don’t know if this is going to kill me. Even though there is a high chance it will, what if I can fight it and survive? What if it’s not my time yet? I know you’re scared, I am too Ri.’

Jiyong had a point. Death is surely a definite in life. Having cancer does not mean that Jiyong has to be put on the death sentence, there is a possibility (albeit little) he might make it through. Seungri tightened his grip on his lover, not wanting to leave his embrace. He was afraid to let go, fearing that releasing his grip would cause his lover to leave him forever.

‘Hush baby, don’t cry. I’m still here,’ Jiyong releases his embrace to make his lover look him in the eye, ‘I’m still here see?’

Seungri placed a light kiss on Jiyong’s soft lips. Jiyong returned it with a deeper one, caressing his lover’s face as he did so while wiping away any remaining tears. Seungri pulled away and ended the kiss, he was in need of oxygen.

Jiyong rested his head against Seungri’s forehead, ‘Promise me something?’

Seungri gave him a questioning look.

‘Promise me that no matter how much time we have left, you’ll create happy memories with me. Happy memories that we’ll never forget, even if one of us has to go,’ Jiyong continued.

Seungri nodded as he locked his pinky finger with Jiyong’s, ‘Happy memories, I promise.’

--

To be continued~