∞

--SEOHYUN--

“Let go” I struggled, but he held on.

“Please. I m begging you.” He said in a hoarse voice. I let out a breath.

Quietly, he said “Two years ago, I ed up. But not in the way you think. That night do you remember that night? The night we were driving back from your school and it was raining so hard, we had to stop at a motel. Do you remember?”

 I remembered that night. Of course I did.

“That night, I didn’t sleep at all. I stayed up, thinking about what to do. What was the right thing to do? Because I knew I loved you. But I knew I shouldn’t. I didn’t have the right to love anybody then. After my mom died, I was so pissed off. I had this anger in me all the time. I felt like I was going to erupt any minute.”

He drew his breath in.

“I didn’t have it in me to love you the way you deserved. But I knew who did. Yong, he loved you. I thought he’d never hurt you. If I kept you with me, I was going to hurt you more than this. I knew it. I couldn’t have it. So I let you go.” He stopped and took a breath and continues

“Being near you again, talking the way we used to talk. You looking at me the way you used to.”

I closed my eyes. What he said now didn’t matter. That was what I told myself.

“I see you again, and everything I planned goes to . It’s impossible. I love Yong more than anybody. He’s my brother, my family. I hate myself for doing this. But when I see you two together, I hate him too.” his voice broke.

“Don’t marry him. Don’t be with him. Just be with me” His shoulders shook. He was crying.

Hearing him beg like it felt like my heart was breaking. There were so many things I wanted to say to him. But I couldn’t.

With Kyuhyun, once I started, I couldn’t stop. I broke away from him roughly.

“Just tell me. Do you still feel anything for me?”  I pushed him away.

“No! Don't you get it? You will never be what Yong is to me. He loves me no matter what. And you, we both know it’s too late. Why say these things right now? You and I are--” I stopped; I had to find the perfect word so he’ll let go of me forever.

“You and I are were never anything” I firmly said

His face went miserable, his eyes look so miserable than ever.

 I started walking again, and this time he didn’t follow me. I didn’t look back. I couldn’t look back.

If I saw his face again, I might not be able to leave.

As I walked, I told myself to hold it, hold it just a little longer.

 Only when I was sure he couldn’t see me, only when the house was in sight again, that was when I let myself cry.

I dropped down in the sand and cried for Kyuhyun and then for me. I cried for what was never going to be. It’s a reality that you can’t have everything.

 In my heart I knew I loved them both, as much as it is possible to love two people at the same time.

Kyuhyun and I were linked, we would always be linked. That wasn’t something I could do away with.

 I knew now that love wasn’t something you could do away with, no matter how hard you tried.

∞

To be continue.

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