Autumn Leaves

 By: Eva Cassidy

"The Falling Leaves Drift by my window

The Falling Leaves, Of Red and Gold...

Since you went away,

The days grew long...

And soon I'll hear  ...old winters song.

But I miss you...  Most of all..  My Darling.. 

When autumn Leaves.. Start to fall.." 

   Watching autumn leaves fall was his favorite past time. It was how they discarded themselves from the thin limbs of each tree, that interested him. Falling away from the one source that had kept them alive for so long. 

Watching those leaves, he noticed the one thing that kept him thinking. Thinking why people had to leave, why they had to disappear so quick once they knew their time had arrived. But did they really, truly know that their time had arrived? Their oh so precious time that they couldn't waste one second to even say goodbye? 

"My name is Zhang YiXing, but you can call me Lay.. nice to meet you."

He spoke in an almost whisper as his focus was entirely on the elder before him. The baby soft features plastered across his face. It had been quite some time since he'd last seen a man with such beauty. Such grace in his blinding smile. An architecture that was a sight to see every time. It seemed almost as if it were love at first sight for poor Lay. 

"Hi, I'm Luhan." 

That voice. It was gentle yet strong. A voice that planted and irresistible fragrance His ears. The first time hearing the voice of the one who he was simply texting this entire time. Just a miscellaneous username blinding them from each other. Finding him was completely annonymous, but being with him from that day on was destiny. 

From that day, there was only true love. There was only a sweet essence of bliss from the first kiss to the hype of their first night.  It was almost every night that they would fall into a puddle of delicious love. Taking a rich sip every second to keep themselves filled.  Lay was never fully filled with this love water. He was always craving more yet still feeding Luhan to keep him satisfied.  Turns out Lay had fed him too much. So much that Luhan eventually became sick. Sick of them being together.

Every night retiring to his bed, he would fall asleep. Back facing him, before Lay could even enter, let alone have time to say good night. In the morning usually there would be two hot bowls of rice with steams filling the air and they would share a conversation while indulging in Luhans splendid cooking, But later they disappeared as a small piece of toast would replace. Lay wasn't one to complain. He would happily take the breakfast since it was prepared by the one he loved so sincerely. 

Luhan would occasionally disappear for a couple hours, returning with a disgusted expression. Not even a glance was rendered. 

"Luhan... Are you alright?" 

Lay didn't have ambition to destruct their relationship in any way, considering he couldn't live without Luhan. Esspecially now that their love seemed limited and often restricted, he didn't want to alter any more feelings without meaning too. 

"I need to leave. My mother is sick, she lives in the USA. I need to go for a month." 

The words were agonizing to listen to, almost as if no emotion was involved, but Lay understood. He immediately blamed Luhans actions to stress. He was calm about it as he was about everything. Taking nothing the wrong way, he innocently allowed the transfer so That Luhan could satisfy his mothers needs. After all it was his mother. A woman that would give her life to her child despite the imperfections and form. He was sure Luhan could return the Unconditional love that his mother had given him. 

"I'll leave early morn. I'll be back." 

Lay was excited. Excited for the fact that maybe when Luhan returned he could see him happy again. He would see that innocent smile that he hadn't seen for so long. Maybe he'd see a burst of new Happiness in their little home, again falling into the ocean of pure love. Lay was eccentric of the possibilities that Luhan might return a happy man once he visited the blessed mother that had given birth to him. Maybe, just maybe...  

Lay woke up the morning luhan was scheduled to leave. The sheets left untouched, as if the elder hadn't even gotten into bed that night.  He searched around for a trace of him, some sort of sign, that maybe he hadn't yet left. Maybe he'd only gone for a walk through the maroon forest, But despite, he saw no car, no burnt toast breakfast, no sign of a goodbye.... Anywhere. Not even a trace of his luscious scent hanging even in the air particles of the home.  As if he'd taken everything.. But he was going to be back, right?  

Lay sat on his couch and blinked as he endlessly stared at the carpet.  A tear gently escaping his open eyes. The eyes that ran dry for the first time in his life, when his only jewel worth more than all the values of the universe, was forever gone.  The years that this home was once filled with the magic of love, the warmth of happiness, and the commitment to keep it that way for the coming years were diminished, gone, perished.

Lay remembered the day Luhan had promised to return within a month. The month Lay waited patiently for his arrival. Hoping and praying that the elder would return with a beautiful smile. One even better than the one he'd seen the first day they'd met.  Keeping the home clean and spotless, just the way he would've wanted it. Cooking his favorite dish every night and after multiple failures, finally being able to perfect it every time. Kissing the small picture of his Luhan every night right before bed and waking up bright and early to continue the cycle.  A month had, by that time, become a victim of the past, but Lay hadn't noticed. He mindlessly continued his cycle each day, only to perfect himself. To turn himself into the one Luhan would see as his ideal man. His ideal lover. His ideal half.  Lay was living in a cycle of a reason that Didn't matter anymore. That's what Lay should have thought, except his naivety kept him in that small secluded world of his. 

One day finally collapsing from boredom and longing he managed to slide onto an empty chair near the kitchen window. He'd only left the chair there since Luhan, in their early years, would enjoy watching the seasons come and go. It reminded him of yet another memory left behind. The delicate aurora his being radiated would turn Lays insides to jelly as his mind ceased to remember the tasks of the day.. just enough to watch him in a moment of silence. The gentle echo of his laughter when a leaf of pure gold would fall onto the window sill still lingered through their small home. As a ghost that hadn't yet seen the light.

Luhan, Lays ray of sunshine had just as silently dispersed into nothingness, as a tree withers away right before winter.

Lay felt yet another thin tear roll down his cheek, a tear that was struggling to break free, as he looked through the dirty glass of his window. 10 years pass by so slow in reality, but once you sit by your window, just waiting and remembering, they seem to freeze. Its a much better sensation when your not looking for anything but the leaves...

Leaving behind the only source that had kept them alive until they day they decided to move on.. 

I Think you should check out that song up there. The singer is Dead, but the song is beautiful. 

Thank you :)