No light; no touch; no taste; no smell. Just someone whispering, 

“Please wake up, I’m sorry.” Over and over and over again.

If you love me, you wouldn't stay out late. If you love me, you wouldn't lie to me. If you love me, you wouldn't leave me all alone. If you love me, you wouldn't bring her home.

I was in his cosy living room, with his arms wrapped warmly around me as I looked up at his glowing chestnut eyes. He kissed my forehead and gave me a smile; I gently laid my head on his chest as I closed my eyes, smiling. His mother was in the kitchen making dinner and his youngest sister was sitting on the cream coloured sofa watching “Boys Before Flowers”. His dad was away working at the restaurant. All of a sudden the door bell rang abruptly and forcefully. His mother rushed to the door thinking 'who could this be at this time of hour?' 

As soon as his mother reached for the door handle, I felt a cold shiver down my spine. Something’s not right. Then a beautiful woman with long brunette hair and cloudy blue eyes entered the living room. He quickly took his eyes off me. I became a shadow in her beauty. He said her name in shock; his expression was hard to read. Who is she? Is she his ex? Is this one of the secrets he’s hiding from me? Is she the reason he comes home late or barely comes home at all?

“Hey darling,” she said sweetly. “I thought you managed to get everything sorted, but I guess not since she-“her eyes darted over at me-,” still looks clueless at my appearance.” My head started spinning, ‘Darling’? What the hell is going on? I looked at him, he was speechless. His sister swiftly joined his mother in the kitchen; shutting the door abruptly, drowning out the painful cries of betrayal and the raging argument that was yet to come.

I was in his car, sitting in the front passenger seat while he drove. I looked at him, he was concentrating on the road. I thought I would ask the question I was dreading to hear the answer to.

“Please let me explain, She wasn’t-” I cut him off; it was pointless hearing his excuse. Seeing that beautiful woman staring lustfully at him was enough.  

“Stop the car,” I said abruptly. The car came to an immediate halt. We stopped at the 3rd corner near my house. He tried to put his hand on my shoulder, but I shook it off, “Don’t…touch me,” I hissed as I looked out the window. The car was silent for a few minutes then I opened the door.

“Where are you going?” he asked,

“I’m going to a place that doesn’t concern you,” I answered coldly. As I closed the door I told him, “I thought better of you.” I slammed the door so hard that it made the car shake.

I ran into the house, then headed upstairs to my room. I flung my suitcase on to my violet covered double bed and started packing. I wanted to leave, I wanted to leave Seoul. Then I looked up and saw the pictures of me and him. I grabbed my favourite photo; it was the photo that one of our friends took of us at the masquerade ball. We were facing each other outside the ballroom, in the garden. Our faces were so close, we were only an inch away from our lips touching. With our masks on, our warm eyes meet lovingly. I was happy.

I threw the picture with full force at the wall. Bits of glass were stuck in my hand. I sobbed in pain. Was it emotional or physical pain? I couldn't tell. With a bandage around my right hand, I quickly gathered all my stuff.

I went to the train station and got on a train that would take me to the airport. As I was on the train -3 stops left- I thought, 'Where am I going to? Tokyo? ...no, he, his family and friends will find me. Italy? California? France? That will be a nice fresh start.' My phone kept ringing so I decided to switch it off;  it was annoying the people around me. Guess who was calling? His family and him? Bingo. It was my stop after this one, and hopefully they woun't keep searching for me.

No such luck.

For some odd reason, I looked out the window and there they were, searching for me. He looked my train as it started to move again. He quickly got his sister and mother’s attention, but it was too late. My train was gone- making its way to the airport. They knew where I was going now. Great.

When I got out of the train station, I made my way over the busy roads to get to the airport, his sister caught me. She tried to talk me into staying, but… I couldn't. It’s too painful. Then I saw him coming round the corner and stood next to his sister. Soon after, his mother came running to them. My head tilted down and I whispered words so low that the people around us could barely hear.

“I should have know being your girlfriend was too good to be true especially with someone as high profile as yourself,” I looked up at him with tears running down my face. More and more tears started to flow down my cheeks. 

He called my name in agony, 

“This is all just a misunderstanding. Don’t do this,” he slowly walked forward.

I took a few steps back towards the road. At this moment I was standing on the kerb. They knew what I was going to do. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a speeding car coming our way. Maybe this is an easier way to end my suffering.

 I gave a small smile. Goodbye forever. 

“Don’t do it, please don’t-” he ran but it was too late. Their eyes widened when I leaned back. My legs stopped supporting me and there was the sound. The horn of the car, screaming. I felt my body being lifted slightly, then rolled onto the ground by the force of the car. I heard him screaming my name, my breathing started to get slower. My eye-lids shut. 

I kept hearing him, screaming my name like an echo. A long while later I started to hear a beeping noise coming from a machine. My heart started beating normally again, oxygen finally got to every part of my body. Then I started hearing voices, saying: “Go home and get some sleep; …Go and get something to eat, I’ll tell you when you when she wakes up.” But there was no response. Well, I couldn’t hear it. I felt something holding my left hand the whole time; something that never let go of me.

I felt something covering my mouth, up to my nose. Slowly I opened my eyes. My vision was very blurry. All I saw was a breathing apparatus that was covering half of my face and very bright lights. I saw a dark image on my left side. I couldn’t move. I had no strength.

Someone touched my face very gently and whispered in my ear with a harsh tone,

“Why? Why did you do it?” I remembered that voice but I couldn’t tell who it was. I replied.

“Who are you?” I crocked out but as soon as I said that my lungs collapsed. My eyes became shut again. I couldn’t breathe. I heard something rush then I passed out. 

Gradually and steadily I regain consciousness once more. Then I heard that voice again- the voice I knew yet didn’t know who- in a more sorrowful tone.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, please don’t leave me.” 

My eyes slowly fluttered open and I looked around my new surroundings. On my left was a guy, sleeping peacefully. His head resting on the side of my bed with his hand wrapped around mine. I carefully pulled my hand out of his and gently touched his flexible dark chocolate hair, then his flawless soft cheeks. I withdrawn my hand and tightly crossed my arms over each other. I looked at his innocent face thinking, who is this stranger? Why does he look so familiar?

Luckily a few minutes later a woman in a white uniform came into the room.

“Hello miss, how are you feeling?” she spoke quietly, seeing the young man asleep. She walked over to check some of the instruments that I was attached to.

“A little thirsty...Who’s this young man?” I asked modestly. Just as the nurse was going to answer, he stirred and woke up. 

“You’re awake,” he said in shock as he stared at me. 

“Who is he?” I asked the nurse again, but he interrupted me by commanding the nurse to rush out and fetch a doctor. I turned to him and asked him who he was but he turned the question around. 

“You don’t remember me?” I shook my head gently, feeling my muscles beginning to hurt. A doctor burst into the door with the nurse just a step behind him. He greeted and started talking to the young man; acting like I wasn’t in the room.

“This is expected after her traumatic incident. The only problem is we don’t know if the amnesia is short term or...” the doctor hesitated before adding, “or if her memories will never come back.”

“This...is all my...Fault!” he slammed his fist into the wall. My body jolted with fear hearing this young man in such anger. “If only I had asked her sooner, like I planned it...None of this would have happened.” 

The doctor apologised before exiting with the nurse. He turned to me, I didn’t dare ask him who he was again. Taking a deep breath, he asked if I was hungry. I gave a small nod and in a second he had stormed out. 

My muscles were too weak to even lift up a napkin so he ended up feeding me. I blushed as he wiped the spatter of soup on the side of my mouth. 

“I see the colour's returning to your cheeks,” he smiled warmly, making me blush an even deeper red. 

“Erm...I have a question,” I spoke softly. He froze.

“Yes?” 

“Who am I?” 

I was a cheerful, short tempered girl he explained, that loved spending time in my fashion studio, drawing and making dresses. I was a well known wedding dress designer in East Asia. My parents were directors of a major pharmaceutical company in China. I'd just come off on my big vacation to spend time with him. This young man that was sleeping by my bed, asking the doctor how I was doing and basically looking after me was my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for three years.

“It’s late, you should get some sleep,” he whispered as he covered me with the thin duvet. 

“Okay, goodnight,” I murmured as I drifted into a deep sleep, feeling a light peck on my forehead. I’ll miss you.

I finally remembered everything the second he stepped into the sunlight one morning, calling my name. It was like something in my mind just snap and out poured the hatred and curses darting straight for him. 

“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be with that pretty woman who waltzed in that evening?” I said venomously looking out the window. He immediately defends himself, saying I’ve got the wrong idea. “If I've got the wrong idea then what was she talking about? Why was she calling you ‘Darling’? She’s the reason you’re almost never home, isn't she? She’s the secret you’ve been trying to hide from me right? I might be blind but I’m not stupid.” A tear trickled down my cold colourless cheeks.  “Now, get out.”

“Would you please let me explain-” he begged.

“Get out.” He slowly picked his jacket up off the chair next to the bed and opened the door.

“I love you,” he whispered as he shut the door.

Silent cries filled the day as I continue to watch a bird build it’s nest on the branch just outside the window. 

Something unexpected happened on the day I was meant to be discharged from the hospital. She knocked on my door.

“You’re not welcome here,” I said flatly as I packed my things into my small bag.

“It’s not what you think. I didn’t mean to-” she began, but my fury got the best of me. I’ve never seen a woman so terrified before, all the colour drained from her face. “I’m the wedding planner,” her lips quivered with fear.

“So he was screwing a wedding dress designer and a wedding planner, who next? The caterer?” I snapped a sarcastic comment before slamming the lid and zipping shut the case, making the woman grip her neck uncomfortably. I was ready to rush out the door but the moment she spoke I dropped my bag in surprise.

“He was going to ask you to marry him,” she tried to speak calmly but her voice just wouldn’t settle. 

“I don’t understand,” I murmured, dumbfounded. 

This was why he had been acting so strange recently. Taking time off work to organise everything perfectly. Planning the perfect wedding. He bought an apartment not too long ago to be our future home to start a family. He showed me the apartment just once before and I thought it was only a new place for a music studio. Not a family home. She gave me a small envelope and inside was a key and an address. 

“I didn’t mean to act that way when I entered the house that day,” she apologised. I stared at the address and the key. It wasn’t her fault, it was mine. I jumped to conclusions. Now I’ve lost the one I loved the most. It’s been two weeks since the last time I saw him. He wouldn’t want me back in his life.

Just as I was  going to hand the items back to her, she was gone. 

I switched on my mobile as I exited the building and my phone was flooded with messages. The very recent messages-that was sent three days ago-caught my full attention immediately.

He was missing. 

My heart was racing as I quickly got into a taxi. I visited our favourite restaurant, the mall, then I went to the bridge (in a park) where he took me on our first date. Where he gave me my first kiss. I couldn't find him. I felt the envelope burn through my pocket as I remembered it’s existence.

I was there within 20 minutes; I stood in front of the door with the key in my hand. Should I go in? Will he really be there? Will I be welcomed in?

I stuck the key in the lock and slowly opened the door. There he was. Sitting up-right on the black leathered sofa, asleep. The phone on the table switched off and the lights still off too. Then I saw some boxes on the dinning room table; I guess he already got his stuff from the main house. I closed the door quietly, not making a sound. I slowly put on a dim light at the corner of the sofa, near where he was sitting. I searched for a blanket to cover him, feeling the cold surrounding me. 

I walked towards the main bedroom and it made me stare in awe. Three walls were pearl white, only one was crimson red, the one that faced the double bed in the middle of the room against the back wall. There was a small sitting area on the window ledge that opened to a beautiful city view and a cream coloured dressing table next to it. I felt my eyes become blurry as I saw my favourite picture of me and him -enlarged- hanging on the crimson wall. The one I smashed. 

I opened the wardrobe and found a fluffy white quilt in the bottom shelf. I glanced at the room one last time before carrying the quilt into the living room and gently placing it over him.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. As I turned round, making my way to the door with the keys ready in my hands, I felt soft, warm arms wrap tightly around me and his chin came to rest on my right shoulder.

“Welcome home.” A tear dripped down my face as he kissed my cheeks. 

.The End.