another day, another iyak na naman. do the world hate me? kaya ba palagi niya akong sinasaktan? nakakapagod umiyak every single time.

is it wrong to love? 

is it wrong to give your all?

is it not enough?

is love not enough for them to stay with me? 

what did i do in my past life to receive this kind of treatment? am i a bad person? 

last night, my long-time girlfriend broke up with me. her reason is she's tired of me. ayaw na daw niya sa akin kasi nasasakal na daw siya, when i know to myself that she's free to do what she wants.

i support her pa nga sa mga gusto niyang gawin, i pushed her to do the things she wanna do yet she'll say na nakakasakal ako?

she was my fourth girlfriend.

we've been dating for two years yet i didn't know it's not enough for her to stay with me. 

she's the girlfriend that i thought will stay with me for a lifetime. 

well, i was wrong.

everyday, everynight, every single time i cry my eyes out and it's draining me.

i don't drink alcohol but they taught me how, because of the pain that they caused me.

totoo ba ang mga cupids? if they are, please match me to someone i will love and will love me for the rest of my life.

i'm here outside at the coffee shop, the usual shop na pinupuntahan namin whenever we have free time. 

the once sweet coffee tastes so bitter now.

i can't help but to tear up again. i really don't know how to stop myself from crying so much.

will i ever be okay?

siguro if someone will see me, they will think na i'm crazy. well, i can't blame them if that's what they're gonna think of me.

i heard my phone ringing.  i quickly looked at it to see who was calling, hoping she would call me and take me back. but to my dismay, it's my friend, heejin. 

i feel so bad kasi i don't return their calls, nor reply to their messages. 

they're probably worried for me.

i decided to take the call, i miss them rin naman. it's been three weeks since the break up and since i started ignoring them as well.

"girl! ano na? kumusta ka na? we heard what happened… nasaan ka?" i can hear from her voice na she's so worried.

narinig ko rin na may kasama siya, that's probably hyunjin.

"i'm just outside. sorry if hindi ko kayo kinausap these past few weeks. i'll make bawi na lang sa weekends, is that alright? and then i'll tell you what happened." 

she's nagging me nonstop, and honestly i miss how they scold me for doing something they didn't know.

maybe hanging out with my friends will help me to not think about her.

i am here at the park today, i decided to get some fresh air. i am sitting here in a wooden chair under a big tree. it feels so peaceful.

last week, i hanged out with my friends. they were so mad at her, for hurting me and making me cry like this.

but i told them not to hate her kasi hindi ko naman din siya masisi, if she suddenly fell out of love with me. hindi ko naman hawak ang decision niya.

my friends treated me outside the country. 

heejin and hyunjin being lovey dovey, while giselle and ningning are like cats and dogs. palagi naman kasing nagbabangayan 'yung dalawa na 'yon.

i felt like crying again today. when will i ever stop crying just because of one person?

i don't wanna think of her yet she's popping on my mind like a mushroom. i hate myself for thinking na babalik pa siya sa akin.

i was crying a little loud, not minding the few people who's wandering around.

then i felt a presence.

"magandang araw sa'yo." she said. she looks like an angel.

anghel ba 'to? she even speaks like one even though i haven't seen an angel in my whole life. 

i looked at her first before asking, " who are you? why are you here?" it's weird kasi na she'll talk to me kahit she doesn't know me naman in the first place.

"pasensya ka na. hindi ako marunong magsalita ng ingles ngunit kaya kitang intindihin. ako ba ay naiintindihan mo?" wow. may mga tao palang hindi marunong mag speak ng english? i didn't know na may katulad niya pang nag e-exist sa mundo. 

i find her cute tho. 

she talks again, "ako nga pala si winty, at nandito ako dahil napukaw mo ang aking atensyon. nakita kasi kitang lumuluha at naisip ko na baka may problema ka." what a cute name she has. 

she speaks tagalog so deeply too. i can't seem to understand some of it. 

and what does she mean by napukaw ang atensyon? does she mean she's interested in me? but i don't feel like she is.

she looks like a lost puppy. a cute little puppy. 

she's standing in front of me waiting for me to talk to her.

i tapped the chair, gesturing her to sit down next to me. "you look like a good person. i'm sorry if nakita mo pa akong umiiyak," i said while fidgeting my hands. "i didn't mean to look like i am weak." 

inabot ko ang kamay ko sa kaniya para makipag handshake pero she's looking at it, thinking if aabutin niya rin ba or no.

i was about to put it down when she suddenly took it.

wow. her hands are too soft. you know, parang tofu ang softness niya. "there. you finally hold my hand. i'm katrina. it's nice to meet you, winty. ang deep mo mag-talk ng tagalog. i can't understand some of your words." i laughed at what i said.

should i tell her my problems? she looks like a good person naman kasi talaga.

and talking to strangers about your problem is alright naman 'di ba? kasi they won't judge you because they don't know you.

and so i decided to tell her some of it.

"is it okay if i rant?" she just nods her head. "well, uhm. promise me you won't judge me ha?" she looked at me confusedly.

"ano ang ibig sabihin ng judge?" gosh. she's so cute. "uh… husga? huwag mo akong husgahan?" she finally understood what i said. 

parang galing siya sa ibang panahon, kasi why can't she even understand some of my words? i thought she can understand me? but maybe hindi niya lang talaga alam ang iba.

"wala akong karapatan para ikaw ay husgahan. nandito lamang ako upang makinig sa mga nais mong sabihin." too deep.

i started telling her about my exes, and the recent one as well. i told her that my first two girlfriends cheated on me. while the third one chose her career over me. 

and the last one who fell out of love. 

the first two exes cheated on me for the same reason. i was possessive according to them. but that was only the one time i did that. is it bad to feel jealous? i have the right naman 'di ba? 

pero i didn't date them naman that long. siguro mga months lang, the first one is umabot lang ng 6 months, while the second one lasted for 4 months.

si third ex naman who chose her career, we've been dating for almost a year. pero sabi niya she can't do ldr kaya she broke up with me.

she's kind, and lovable too. pero i can't blame her if she wants to pursue her career, and so i supported her. 

and the recent one who left me because she doesn't love me anymore. 

"nagmahal lang naman ako pero why do i have to be hurt like this? what did i do wrong in my past life to suffer from this heartbreak? to be hurt constantly?" nagulat ako when she suddenly hugged me.

i can't help but to cry again. 

her hugs felt so warm. it's like a hug from your mother, 'yung hug na uuwian mo every time galing ka sa work.

i hugged her back. 

"alam ko mahirap para sa iyo ito. pero magtiwala ka lang sa plano ng panginoon. darating din ang tamang taong mamahalin ka nang lubusan. kayanin mo pa ang hamon ng buhay." even her words are so warm.

i don't know if i will ever see her again, but lord if you can hear me… please let me meet winty again. 

i bid my goodbye to her kasi i have a work pa. i'm working sa isang clothing company. it's quite sikat, so i won't tell the name na lang muna.

she was waving her hands cutely. 

thank you, winty, for making me warm. until we meet again.

i can't still believe na during these past few weeks ay palagi kong nakikita si winty. i don't know kung may power ba siya, because every time na tinatawag ko siya sa isip ko ay bigla siyang dumadating. 

have i told you na she met heejin and hyunjin na? they were so daldal nung na-meet nila si winty. 

it was cute to see them interact as well. 

i also told her na i want to try again, try loving someone again pero of course… hindi pa ngayon. 

during the weeks na nakakasama ko si winty, nakakalimutan ko na siya. and i guess it's a good sign that i am finally moving on. although sometimes i still miss her presence, pero hindi na katulad ng dati. 

today, i'm at the coffee shop. chanting winty's name. 'will you come for me, winty?' 

and as if i casted a spell, i saw her walking towards me. hindi ko na alam if this is just pure coincidence or what.

"what the… do you have some sort of magic? i was just thinking of you and now you're in front of me." i laughed at my own remarks. 

"wala akong mahika, katrina." it's really cute whenever she talks like this.  konti na lang and i will think na she's really someone from ibang world. 

"you really can't speak english, 'no?" she nods her head.  "i haven't told you this but, you're cute winty." she's looking at me like i said something bad.

she didn't understand me, kaya? ang cute kasi she's thinking so hard right now. i guess i'll keep the meaning of it until she finds out. 

"cute? ano ang ibig sabihin no'n?" i just smiled teasingly at her. 

i've been meaning to ask her this kasi ever since i met her, palagi na lang akong may weird dream about us. and i don't know if it's real, or just a dream.

but kasi, it feels so real.

"winty, do you believe in cupids? or angels?" she's looking at me like i said something ridiculous. but it caught me off guard when she said, "oo, bakit mo naman natanong?" maybe… maybe my dream is real?.

"really? do you think they are real as well?"

"bakit, hindi ka ba naniniwala sa kanila?"

"to be honest, i don't. unless i see one." lord can you give me a sign that my dream is real? i really think na this is not just a pure coincidence eh. 

"hey, i was just joking. i do kinda believe in them. who knows maybe i'll find someone who is secretly a cupid or an angel in disguise." i mean it. what if she's one of them?

what if that dream na nandoon siya ay totoo talaga? how can i face that? 

i kept looking at her, tinitignan ko lang if she's one of them. i probably look creepy na kasi i'm looking at her like i know something… like i know her secret.

but is she capable of lying? i don't think so.

if it's true then, i'm sorry if i took too long to realize na it was you, winty. 

i spread my arms, asking for a hug and she gladly took it. "you know, your hug feels so warm. hugging you makes me feel the comfort i am longing for." maybe i am really yearning for you.

i want to cry because i feel so stupid. 

i felt her soothing my back "magiging ayos rin ang lahat, katrina. nandito ako, hindi ka nag-iisa." and that is what i want to hear from her. 

when we stopped hugging i told her na aalis na ako to work, pero ang totoo niyan is i just want to go home and cry. i think i just had a realization that i am not ready to face yet. 

"thank you, winty. i'll see you soon, again!" i waved my hand while walking away. and when i turned my back against her, my tears started to fall.

i'm sorry winty, i'm sorry for not recognizing you.