February 2007.

                My daily routine for the past days is going to school, go training, go home, study for the following lessons, and sleep. During weekends I would go to church, go practice, go home and again study for the upcoming lessons. Isn’t it so exciting? NOT. I can’t even go shopping and go to the park alone without this man following me all around.

                My parents hired me a driver and told me that there’s no need for me to ride a cab anymore. Maybe they were just being cautious now after unnie’s accident. I have no reason to decline, but what’s making me angry is that he isn’t my bodyguard. He’s just a driver, why does he always follow me around.

Some of the times when he can’t follow me were only during my classes at school, practices at the company, when I am home, and of course, when I go to the bathroom.

There’s this one time I go shopping with Hyo Yeon unnie, he went inside the mall with us, following wherever we go, maintaining the ten meter radius from us. I want him to get lost but unnie wouldn’t let me, want to know the reason? It’s because she’s crushing on him.

I must admit it, he’s obviously handsome. His face is really familiar though. It’s like I’ve seen him somewhere. All I know from him is that he is Jung Ajussi. He doesn’t want me to call him ajussi because he said our age is not that really too far. When I asked him how old he is, he would not answer me. He’s really mysterious. Everytime I ask him about his personal life he would always say ‘I invoke my right to self incrimination’. I would just let him be. Some time he explained to me, it is better not to know someone’s identify to save oneself, for sometimes ignorance is a blessing.

Yup, I conclude that he is really weird.

Another time, when I was with Jessica unnie, going for a walk around our neighbourhood park--- yeah, Jessica unnie and I stayed in the same neighbourhood--- she laughed so hard saying: “Joo Hyun-ah, why so innocent?”when she met my ‘driver’ or must I say ‘bodyguard’ because of his tremendous dedication to the job. I thought she must have gone crazy but then I just let it off my head. She told me that we should get him lost track of us. She said she doesn’t want to be followed with just random guy. She planned the escapade and I admit that she got the skills towards the planning.

After a minute of talking, I mean more of whispers, we started running separately away from Jung Ajussi. Yeah, I still call him that, just to piss him off sometimes. I like it when he’s mad he just doesn’t talk, which was always what he does, it’s just fun when you know the reason why he isn’t talking, than not talking without any valid reason. Got me there?

Yeah, I feel new the past days, since I always hangout now with random people, not like before, only my sister and I. Guess, I’m starting to see the purpose of unnie’s farewell.

Anyways, that day when we run away from Jung Ajussi, we thought we succeed. But no, we failed. We met up on the coffee shop we promised to meet, but before I enter the coffee shop, I saw him sitting down beside Jessica unnie by the glass window. How can it be?

I’ve got no choice but to enter. I saw Jessica unnie’s disappointed face.

I sat down on the vacant chair and we ended up ordering smoothies for ourselves.

Yup, that’s all about Jung Ajussi, the handsome driver I have.

School is ending soon, and I’m excited to finally go on high school.  Since I’m going to be with all my co – trainees on that school which our company has designated us to study, it would be fun then.

------------------------------------

March 2007

                First day of high school.

Of course, Jung Ajussi was the one who drove me to school.

“Thank you, ajussi. I’m going,” I said before climbing down the brand new car, my parents bought for me, just a month ago. My car arrived home the same time Jung Ajussi was introduced to me.

                Just when I closed the door behind me and step about 5 steps away from the car, he speeded away suddenly.

                No manners, ajussi.

                “Seo Joo Hyun!” a familiar voice called me.

                I looked for its owner and saw the doe – eyed , pretty girl waving at me.

                I run towards her direction. “Yoona unnie,” we hugged each other. It’s one of the reasons I realized having a companion at school sure is bliss.

                “Where are the others?”

                “I haven’t seen them yet. Anyways, you should know that the group meets during lunch break. We can’t meet during this time since homeroom classes are starting early. Let me take you to your room. What room?” she said.

                “Okay unnie,” I searched for my schedule inside my coat’s pocket and let her see it.

                She was examining the paper and the smiled. “Your section is 1-A. You’re really an achiever dongsaeng-ah!” she said while patting my head. One thing I like about unnie is that she really treats me like a younger sister. Unlike the other unnies they are more childish than me.

                “Thank you, unnie,” I smiled at her and she started walking as I follow her towards the building.

                “This building is for freshmen, so you’ll be in this building for the whole year. The middle building beside this is our building, so if you want to look for me and Soo Young, you can look for us there. You see that building there, the one next to our building,” she asked pointing the farthest building from where we are. I nodded as she continued talking.

                “That’s the senior’s building, most of all our unnies are there. So, just go there if you want to look for them. Get it?” Yoona unnie eyed me.

                “Yes, unnie. By the way, where’s the cafeteria that we’ll meet later?” I asked.

                She was looking up, pointing her pointing finger on her temples. “Go look for it yourself. A challenge for today, so you can roam around the school. Call?”

                “But unnie --- “

                “YOONA!”

                Yoona and I looked towards the owner of the shouting voice.

                It’s Soo Young unnie waving at us. She is on the second floor balcony of the building next to the building where we are.

                And the bell rang.

                “Homeroom. Hurry, the third door to the right is your room. See you later,” said unnie as she was running towards their building.

                I also run towards the door where she pointed and when I reached the door, I looked at the section, it reads 1-A. I entered just as our teacher entered with a welcoming face.

                “Go find a seat, sweetie, I’ll be starting soon,” she spoke gently.

                I looked around the room, the seat beside the window was not yet taken, so I sat there.

                Arranging myself and preparing my things for the class, a figure beside me caught my sight. When he saw me looking at him, he smiled and bowed. I also did the same. Our attention was taken then by our teacher.

                “Okay class---“ she was about to start when,

                “Teacher, we’re sorry were late,” two tall guys entered the door and bowed ninety degree.

                “It’s okay, no need to be sorry. I’m not really strict when it comes to time since most of you are soon to be promising celebrities. But please understand all my lessons heartily so you will have good grades. Arrasso?” she smiled at the two tall guys. “Go find a seat.”

                Yes, there are only two types of kids in this school. It’s either you are a chaebol’s child or either a trainee from an Entertainment company.

                The seats behind me were not taken so they sat there.

                We began starting the class and I found out that the name of the person who first smiled to me is Kim JongMyeon, the two guys who were late is Kang Min Hyuk, the one with the cute eyes, and the other is Lee Jungshin, well he’s funny and I’ve nothing more to say.

                Lunch break came. I know most of the students would head to the cafeteria so I just followed where they were going.

                 After passing the building which I know Yoona unnie and Soo Young unnie were, a huge pathway was directed to an area where it read’s cafeteria and comfort rooms.

                The cafeteria was really large. It was really difficult for me to look for the others, good thing Hyo Yeon unnie dyed her hair bright blonde that stands among the others.

                “Seo Joo Hyun – ah,” almost most them gasped when they saw me.

                They were sitting around a round table by the middle of the room, two vacant seats were situated in between Yoona unnie and Taeyeon unnie.

                I sat beside Yoona unnie.

                “Welcome!” she spoke just when I sat.

                “As if we haven’t seen each other yet,” I smiled at her.

                “Sorry, late comer, as always,” Jessica said, panting beside me and took the chair.

                “Yong Hwa pulled me to meet his bandmates,”

                “Is Yong Hwa oppa with Jong Hyun?” Yoona unnie asked her.

                I looked at the two of them, since they were sandwhiching me because of their conversation, I can see both of them clearly.

                “How did you know my cousin?” Jessica unnie asked, full of surprised.

                “It just so happen that...” Yoona unnie was responding to Jessica unnie’s question but my mind lingered on Yong Hwa.

                Yes, I remembered, he was a schoolmate of my unnies, so basically, he’s studying in the same school. I would see him everyday.

                If he’s not a chaebol’s son, then maybe he’s a trainee from any Entertainment Company. Seeing him performing live only gratifies that he surely has talents.

                When I saw him at our company lobby last time, bringing his guitar with him, it was not that he auditioned, he has been a trainee since then. But how come I haven’t seen him around? Does he have connections? Maybe, he’s indeed a Chaebol’s son and he didn’t even need to audition.

                “Joo Hyun – ah!” Jessica unnie shook my shoulder with an irritated face, “I’ve been calling you for the fifth time already.”

                “Ne, unnie,” I answered.

                “I want to ask you if you’re going to visit Eun Soo later,” she was now smiling at me.

                “Not today, unnie, I have lots of homework to do,” I answered back.

                “Good student Seo Joo Hyun on the floor, yo!” HyoYeon unnie butted in.

                “Let’s go eat at the malls makane-ah!” Soo Young unnie invited.

                “And order our favourite bubble teas at my cousin’s store,” Yoona unnie joined.

                “Chill girl, it’s only the first day of school, come with us later, we’ll go shopping,” Tiffany unnie also butted in.

                “Yah, let her be, it’s only the first day and you’re teaching her to go loitering the malls instead of studying,” TaeYeon unnie chided them.

                They all reacted “Oh” at Tae Yeon unnie’s statement.

                “Honestly, it’s my mom and dad’s anniversary today, so I’m going home early to help my mom cook dinner. So we’ll finish early and I can study afterwards,” I informed them.

                They just let me be and enjoyed talking and eating, waiting for another thirty minutes for our afternoon classes to start.

                But in the middle of our talk, tall guys stood up from a table and it caught the attention of many. I’ve seen them before, they were the band my sister fell in love with. Especially the guy with the dark hair, slinging his guitar case on his right shoulder, Jung Yong Hwa.  Two of them were my classmates. Are they going to debut soon?

                “Aish, our superior genes always give us disadvantages,” Jessica unnie sighed.

                “Huh, you assume too much Sica-ah!” Yuri .

                “See how the girls around drool over my cousin’s simple gesture, how much more if he performs right in front of them. The girl’s would surely go crazy,” Jessica unnie confidently spoke.

                She was right, all the girls around the room are looking at Jung Yong Hwa with hidden desires. Even my sister fell into his charms. Superior genes indeed. If Jung Jessica unnie and Jung Yong Hwa are together, they’ll surely be eye – catchers.

                The whole afternoon turned out well. I’ve learn a lot from my teachers and classmates. Getting to know each other is the main theme of the day.

                After bidding goodbye to my unnies I went to the parking lot where I know Jung Ajussi is waiting for me. Wait a minute, why are all the Jungs so good looking? It’s just that all the Jung’s I’ve known are all gorgeous in their own way.

                Me and my internal dialogue again.

                I saw Jung Ajussi’s leaning on my car’s hood while he was also facing a man, not much taller than him.

                Again, for the second time around, I know the man who always gets my attention and let me end my thoughts.

                Why do I always see him these days?

                Is this the sign I’ve been waiting for, unnie?

                Maybe this is.

                I was about five meters apart from them when they noticed me approaching.

                Jung Ajussi composed his posture and opened the door for me,

                “Joo Hyun – ssi, nice to see you again,” Jung Yong Hwa welcomed me with a smile.

                I bowed and replied a simple, “Ne.”

                I was really curious why both of them were talking earlier, so I bravely asked them, “Do you happen to know each other?”

                Both of them looked at each other and they looked back at me.

                “Yes,” a simple answer from Jung Ajussi’s mouth.

                I want to ask more, but the look on his eyes tells me not to.

                I went inside the passenger seat and was about to close the car’s door when Jung Yong Hwa takes hold of the car’s door.

                “Hyun, it may be rude of me, but can I drive you home?”

                I was already sitting inside the car seat, and he was bowing his head to get a clear view of my face through the open car door.

                He called me Hyun, no one else calls me that name, it would always be Hyun-ah, Hyunie, or Hyunie-ah... not Hyun. He even get rid of the honorific, he’s too confident enough to use Banmal with me, are we even that close?

                “Why,” I blurted out unconsciously.

                “I just want... I just want to know you more,” he beamed at me.

                “Are you pursuing me?” innocent words coming out from my mouth with the absence of my mind.

                “I guess, I am,” he answered.

                I guess now is the time unnie.

                I’ll start the inevitable tragedy that he’ll be experiencing from this day onwards.

                “I don’t know, but I guess you need to ask permission to Jung Ajussi first, my driver,” I carefully told him.

                Jung Ajussi was just standing facing his back on us by the driver’s seat. Is he giving us some privacy to talk?

                Jung Yong Hwa chuckled. I don’t know why he did that, but it’s music in my ears. Oh My Goguma! What exactly am I saying?

                “Hyung,” Jung Yong Hwa started.

                All I can see from Jung Ajussi posture is that he was now facing the car’s door and he was pulling something from his pocket, it was the car key. He raised it up as if saying “Come and get it.”

                Is he allowing Jung Yong Hwa to drive me home? Does he trust him that much to the point that he is giving the car key to a stranger? I know he’s not a stranger anymore, for I already know him, but it’s not enough to let him drive me.

                Joo Hyun, now’s the time.

                I made up my mind and just let everything go with the flow of fate.

                I’m sacrificing my trust and pride for the sake of a sister’s love.

                Last time I realized is that, Jung Ajussi told him that he’ll be waiting by our neighbourhood’s gate, he’ll be driving me towards our home, not to stir the minds of my parents.

                And now, I am awkwardly sitting on the passenger seat, YongHwa driving my car.

                I can’t believe that at one point in time, I would be riding with the man who was a big cause of my sister’s death.

                It was a silent drive but it was better than talking.

                Because, honestly, I don’t know how to start a conversation with any guy I have just met.

                I just busied myself in planning what to do if he continues doing this courtship.

                I guess, this is the right beginning of everything I have been waiting for.

                You will surely feel the pain I’ve felt when I lost my sister.

               

                On the next following days, it became our set ups, he would drive me towards the neighbourhood’s gate, and Jung Ajussi would be waiting for us there. Everytime I tried to ask Jung Ajussi about Yong Hwa he would not answer. I do not hover too much so it was not a problem for me. If he doesn’t answer my questions then maybe he have some personal reasons behind it.

                Days became week, week became two weeks, it became three weeks, it became four and it became a month.

                During those days, we finally started talking about our likes and dislikes. I did not realize that we’re suddenly getting to know each other.

                I learned that he likes to compose songs since he was young. Music has been his passion. He was also training at our company as of today. He will be debuting with a four – member band. He was always the one who’s starting a conversation between us but I felt that he sometimes let out some privacy regarding his family’s business. While, I on the other side, expressed how blissful I am to have thoughtful parents and comfortably talks about their works and personalities.

                Our joyride developed more when he told me that he’ll be practicing at the company rigidly for the next few days. And since I also need to practice, we finally decided that we’ll go to practice together using my car.

                But the set up of driving only towards the neighbourhood’s gate was strictly implemented, since the ever loyal Jung Ajussi would always wait for us there to switch drivers.

                It was the thirty fifth day since Jung Yong Hwa started driving for me, yeah, I never lost track of the times he drove me. I was about to climb out from the car when one figure caught my attention. She was crossing her arms just as her eyebrows were crossing.

                “What’s the meaning of this?”

                “Sica unnie... we... I...” I don’t know how to explain our set – up. I was not ready for this confrontation. How could I not think of it beforehand? What if it’s another member? What if it’s one of the employees? What if it’s one of the Board of Directors? What if they’ll reprimand me and tell my parents about my misbehaviour? How will I explain to my parents? What should I do...?

                “We’re late for our own group’s practice, Jessica, let’s talk later,” Jung Yong Hwa spoke full of calmness.

                While I was so disturbed with this incident, there he was, full of serenity. How can he treat this situation like this? Isn’t he afraid that we might get lectures from the BOD’s if ever it reaches their ears?

                “You better have a good reason Jung Yong Hwa,” was all Jessica unnie said and walked away ahead of us.

                “Hyun, don’t worry, I’ll talk to her, and I promise you, she’ll understand.”

                One thing I acknowledge from Yong Hwa’s personality is that he spokes sincerely. That even though I haven’t known him for the longest time, the way he articulate every word he say, it leaves me to trust him.

                As predicted, Jessica unnie won’t let us go without explaining to her the real score between Yong Hwa and me.

                In the first place after all, there’s no score between us, and there’s no us.

                “I knew it!” she exclaimed. “I knew it that you like her.”

                It was a great occasion that we were inside my car, talking

                “So both of you are dating behind my back? How did you keep it from me Joo Hyun – ah, you know you can count on me,” Jessica unnie felt betrayed.

                It’s funny how her excitement turned into sadness.

                My bipolar unnie.

                “Jess, please, we’re just on the level of getting to know each other. I just want to make friends. You know how much I want to have friends, and knowing Joo Hyun’s personality, she would be a great friend,” Yong Hwa elaborated. I like how he distinguish the pet name he birthed me. Whenever we’re around someone else, he would call me Joo hyun, but when we are alone, he calls me Hyun.

                Oh My Goguma! I’m slowly falling into his charming personality that also captivated my sister. I should always bare in my mind that everything is just a play. It is a game I’ve started and I’ll end victorious.

                It’s a game Joo Hyun.

                “Driving off while talking more than a month with just the two of you alone is not called dating and just being friends?” Jessica unnie said sarcastically. “Thank you for enlightening me that.”

                We defended ourselves but Jessica unnie won’t let us win.

                We just then shook our heads and let her plea win. At least she promised us that she’ll keep it a secret between us.

                I can’t see myself dating someone.

                Dating, sometimes speaks of two persons hanging out, meeting on desired places, talking of each experiences, to do an activity together... dating is a social engagement that two persons has a romantic relationship.

                We’ve done most of those things, but one thing I do not claim is that we don’t have any romantic relationship.

                We’re just friends getting to know each other.

                My mind tells me that but my heart beats for the opposite.

                Maybe Jessica unnnie’s right, we’re exclusively dating, one thing that I’m not sure of yet is about the romantic relationship.

                When I think of those words, my sweats suddenly turns cold, my hand suddenly shakes, and my heart thumping too much that sometimes it makes it hard to breath.

                Why am I actually feeling this way?

                Maybe I’m just nervous because somebody besides Jung Ajussi knows my everyday joyride with the man whom I’ve faulted of my sister death. The man whom I have hated... before.

                Before... What’s supposed to be now? It’s supposed to be I hate him until now...but I don’t. I really don’t know what’s happening inside my crazy head right now. Everything is suddenly turning upside down, I don’t know what’s right and wrong anymore... I don’t know, I really don’t.

                After the day of the confrontation, I haven’t seen Yong Hwa and heard about him.

                I was so worried that maybe something happened to him.

                Where is he?

                A day became two, three, four and I haven’t still heard of him.

                I want to ask his bandmates, who by the way are my two skinny – boy classmate. But shame would always eat me.

                If I also ask Jessica unnie, she’ll only tease me and maybe the other members will hear it. I don’t want them to know my closeness towards Yong Hwa because I know in the end, there will never be us. I don’t want them to root for us for I know it won’t grow. Everything was only a game, and I always remind myself that it is.

                 But why do I always think of him the other way all the time, instead of planning vengeance, all I think now is admiration?

                How can he be so gentle and caring towards me while inside my mind I was planning the retribution for my sister?

                I was sitting alone on my chair by the window, all the students were off to the cafeteria since it’s lunch break, I was not hungry so I declined from their invites.

                I was looking outside the window, where the student were mobbing the school ground when I almost shrieked because of hearing the voice I’ve been longing to hear for four days.

                “Miss me?” There he was standing, he was so refreshing to look at. His hair was newly cut and was neatly fix up. His school uniform was neatly ironed. His dress shoes were neatly polished.

                And my heart went crazy that instance.

                So this is what they called missing... I already feel this way when I missed my sister, but today was different. I can’t find the reason why, it just felt different.

                Is the behaviour of my heart betraying you unnie?

                I was about to stand and said yes, but the cast on his right arm caught my awareness.

                “What happened?” I asked, worried.

                “Just a minor accident,” he’s only the man of few words whom I believe the most. Just that simple composition of words wash all my worries away.

                Why do I trust him that much already?

                “Hyun, I want to tell you something, I hope you’ll not decline my request,” he spoke full of anticipation.

                Not the three words and the proposition yet, I’m still too young for that, I’m still 16, and I just let him drive for me because I want to avenge my sister.

                My heart suddenly ached whenever I think of the revenge... why, oh why, heart?

                What will be his request?

                “Can you be....”

---------------------------------------------

March 2007

                Dear Goddess,

                I was so glad to hear the news that I’ll be seeing you for the rest of the school year, since you’ll be studying at the same school I am currently studying at.

                Then I see you there eating with the bubbly group you have. I want to talk to you, but the circumstance won’t let me. I don’t know why, but why does this girls follow me around. I’m not famous nor does my friends are. One of the reasons why I have this cold expression is to turn them away from me. I try to be avoided by them by any means.

                There’s only one person I don’t want to be avoided with, and that is you, Goddess.

                My brother works for your family as of the moment. You’re dad called for help from my family’s business, and it was a pleasure to help your family.

                When I saw him waiting for you at the parking lot I talked to him and persuaded him that I really have good intentions towards you.

                I don’t know how I persuaded him, but he agreed.

                The very first road trip was actually a great moment for me, that even though you only speak a little along the way, your presence is enough to put me in high spirits.

                These were my chances in pursuing the girl who woke up my sleeping heart.

                Jessica was right, I really like you.

                But I know that you still feel awkward around those kinds of topics.

                For a month of spending time with you inside your car, I finally saw the things I imagined what you would be. The innocent and upright woman inside my head that took a place inside my heart.

                I’m really getting there, I’m soon getting there.

                There to the place where a person gets crazy for someone.

                The place of loving someone truthfully.

                I suddenly forgot all my worries whenever I’m around you, to the extent that I forgot that my job doesn’t suit our set up.

                I was suddenly alarmed when my call of duty was announced.

                I don’t want to leave you worried where I went, but it’s for the better.

                I don’t want to keep on hiding some of my private life and lie whenever I need to.

                I want to tell you everything but I also want to keep it away from you.

                My job is not safe and you knowing about it will be more dangerous.

                My arm was shot during my call of duty. But I never give up, since I don’t want you to keep you from waiting in vain.

                Now, I have the reason to fight, I have the reason to win, I have the reason to protect myself more, since I have found you. You, the one who keeps me breathing. You became my life, goddess. I am really thankful for that.

                I don’t want you to worry for me more, so I finally made the biggest decision of my life.

                To let someone enter the most undisclosed part of my privacy.

                To show you my world.

                I hope I made the right decision.

                Clandestine Chap

 

-----------------------

                “Can you be... my date?” he spoke smiling that arresting smile he seldom shows.

                “Yes,” I beamed.

                I was really good with my masquerade the past few days. How can I hurt someone this sincere?

                There he was, giving all his effort in pursuing me, but then here I am, thinking of ways to break his heart.

                Is it worth it, Joo Hyun?

                Are you blinded with hatred, vengeance, and pride that even if you know that deep inside your heart you’re also falling into  your own black hole of brokenness, that you’re also falling inside your trap of pain, that you’ll also hurt when you see that person feel the pain you’ve caused him?

                Is it worth the pain?

 

Hi. here's a very long chappie to make up

from my long time MIA drama....It was really hard for me to write

this days since I've been travelling a lot again..it's summer anyway...

But here's the update...

I hope to update another chappie soon too..LOL

Hope you like it...It's only a filler though, but at least I did an update right?

So Jung Ajussi is Yong's brother..

Can't wait to show you how the date changed their feelings in the next chapter..

so enjoy reading...fighting

-xhaie