Sunggyu was twenty two years old when he met the love of his life. It was where he did his part time job, trying to afford his college tuition after freshly moving to Seoul. He was the cashier, she was the barista. To this day, he could vividly remember the scent of vanilla and burnt coffee in her hair.

Jung Eunji was the living definition of perfection. Not only was she disarmingly beautiful. She was also quiet, charming, passionate about everything that she did and very, very smart. Her, in his eyes, was that one bright star in the western sky during sunset that appears in the east when it’s sunrise. Jieun told him it was Venus, the planet. Which was funny, because Venus was also known as the goddess of love.

Sunggyu knew nothing about love until he met her. Even as he sat under the parasol that moment, watching her from a far, all he could think about was the ways she taught him how to love; to love others, to love himself. She taught him how to live without saying it in words, how it should be embedded in all his little gestures, in all his secretive glances, everything he did and said. Because that was how she loved him. It was the kind of love that toppled mountains, the kind of love that he could never return.

So it was just easier to see her like this, love her for the distant but brilliant Venus that she was. Jieun often called him a stalker, an obsessive past lover. Infatuated, he was. Blinded, fallen so deep he could never climb up again. Hers was the life that added a little bit of colour to the dull, bleak life of his. Back then and even now. All Sunggyu wanted was to see her without her knowing that he could. It’s been five years already. She has moved on, and she was happier. Seeing her like this, for him, was more than enough.

Sunggyu didn’t enter the cafe when it was her behind the counter. He had observed her enough to know that she left the counter at regular intervals with the cashier at the hands of her little brother. It was always Eunji’s dream to open her own book cafe. She was an avid reader, she loved the scent of coffee and books together like her own secretive addiction. Although she majored in law, following the path of her parents’ footsteps, working at their law firm was never her ultimate goal. It was the only reason why what happened to him five years ago never bothered him. It was unjust, yes. But at least it freed her from where she didn’t want to be.

Sunggyu ordered the same thing every day. He despised going off his routine. As he was supposed to meet grey wolf outside the cafe today, he doubled that order and also added two packets of Christmas cookies to take home. 

“That’s 45,000 won, sir, would you pay by card or cash?”

“Cash please” He handed over a 50,000 won note. By instinct he could tell that grey wolf’s car had just pulled onto the curb. 

“Thank you sir,” Minki, Eunji’s little brother, handed him the change. “Please take a seat, your order will be ready for you soon”

When Sunggyu returned to his table, the suitcase in his hands, grey wolf was already under the parasol with a cigarette in his mouth. Sunggyu wordlessly reached out and crushed it in his hand. “Smoking not allowed here”

Grey wolf scoffed, throwing himself against the back of his chair.

“Says who?”

Sunggyu gestured at the small sticker placed on the side of the parasol’s pole and tossed the crushed cigarette into his lap. Then he placed the suitcase full of five billion won in cash on the table before him. 

“Ah, our angel strikes again”

Sunggyu rolled his eyes and pushed the suitcase in his direction.

Angel, short for angel of death was his nickname in his army squadron. His platoon leader said it was because Sunggyu had a face too sweet for a killer, and Howon, who added the “-of death” part to his original nick name said that it was because of his 99% success rate of sending people down under. Not a lot of people knew him by his real name, it was a risk that ROKA didn’t allow him to take, hence the squadron members addressing him Angel. But it has also been a running joke among them.

“You got your next assignment?”

“Hm?” Sung Gyu looked at the other from under his cap. “Yes, I did”

“Okay, let me guess” grey wolf leaned forward, clasping his hands together. “It’s on Christmas Eve”

The unit members never shared any information about their assignments; it was a part of their role. There were no friends, only foes. They’ve been taught to look at each other with filtered eyes.

Sunggyu shrugged, gripping the buzzer in his hands. Grey wolf laughed at this, throwing his head back, his eyes thinning at the edges. He was a young lad, grey wolf. At least five years of his junior although he acted like he’d been in the squadron for years.

“It’s funny, when you think of it. Someone named Angel taking out people on Christmas Day”

Sunggyu hissed sharply and leaned towards him. “If you don’t keep it down, you’ll be the one seeing angels soon”

Grey wolf laughed again and patted on his arm. 

“There, your buzzer’s going off. You won’t me to get it for you?”

“No, that’s fine” Sunggyu climbed up on his feet, eager to get away from the other. There were no friends, only foes. And Sunggyu didn’t want them too close to the people dear for him in his life.

Jung Eunji was back behind the counter. He froze on his steps for a second, his heart pounding, eyes fixed on her lousy bangs, the large red bow in her hair. He imagined the scent of coffee on her skin, the sound of folding pages in her quietness, the weight of her back in his arms as she laid in his lap, lost in her own little world of fiction. In a matter of seconds, Sunggyu went back into the best few years of his life.

“Here you go, sir” Minki’s voice resounded from the collection point. Sunggyu hurriedly placed the buzzer on the counter and grabbed the tray laden with the cookies and drinks. 

“Can I also get a few paper bags to go?”

Minki quietly produced two paper bags from under the counter and placed them on his tray. “Enjoy!”

Grey wolf was already up on his feet when Sung Gyu returned to the parasol. The sun was setting in the horizon and it was beginning to get cold. Soldiers of the Hawk unit did not stay out too long, making conversations. They were always on the move, slithering among people like ghostly snakes, taking down one or two of them in careful precision, only to disappear into the crowds once more. 

As Sung Gyu approached the table, he realised that something just didn’t feel right. His awareness was wavering, but that heaviness in his head wasn’t unfamiliar. It was only that this is the last place he wanted this to happen.

“You good?” Grey wolf asked him as Sung Gyu deposited the tray onto the table. He sat back in his chair. Grey Wolf followed.

“Hyung…”

“Give me a moment” He gasped, grabbing his head with both his hands. His eyes were sore and blurry, all he could see of Grey wolf was a liquidy shadow. He pressed his hands to his eyes and tried to catch his breath.

And that’s when he felt it, warm and moist, dripping down his lips. ‘God, please, not here’ Sung Gyu prayed in his mind. But it was too late.

“Hyung, you’re bleeding”

Droplets of blood splashed onto the marble white table, staining the covers an ugly brown.

“Here” Grey wolf handed him a wad of tissues, which he immediately pressed to his nose, tilting his head back. Sung Gyu’s was no ordinary nose bleed. It wasn’t like when you stress too much, stayed up all night or simply when you hit your face on a door. He bled out pints of blood for a long period of time. It was a complete mess, and obvious enough to gather a crowd.

“Oh my god” A familiar voice came from beside him. 

Sung Gyu could have spent five years recounting only memories of her like a broken record, but he’s never forgotten her voice. That deep, resounding huskiness, that quiet concern. It was all coming back to him in rapid shockwaves. She couldn’t see him. She was not supposed to see him. Coming to the cafe in a mask, a cap, a hoodie, anything that covered him enough, staying as far away as he could, away from her searching eyes. He has done this for five years without wavering any suspicion. He couldn’t let a nosebleed blow his covers now.

“Angel Hyung” Grey wolf called him. The concern in his voice was palpable. “This is not good, you know that right?”

Sung Gyu closed teary eyes, tring to breathe through his mouth. His airways were blocked, overflowing. He had to go somewhere safer and clean that out.

“Is he okay? Shall we call an ambulance?” Eunji again. Sung Gyu raised a hand and vigorously indicated not to.

“We can drive him to the hospital” Minki suggested helpfully. Sung Gyu waved his hand again and with the other, he put away the soaked tissues before it could block his airways even more. His whole face was smeared in blood, there was hopefully no way that Eunji could tell it was him.

“Tissues, we need more tissues”

Soon, a whole box of it was placed on the table.

“Is this normal? Does he usually bleed like this?” Eunji inquired. From the corner of his eyes, under the cap, he traced the silhouette of her in her pastel pink sweater, Santa hat and a white apron, standing with her hands on her waist. Sung Gyu closed his eyes and tried to think straight. He had to make a beeline to his car fast.

“It’s not normal, but I’m sure it's not the first time - Hyung!”

Sung Gyu abruptly climbed up to his feet. There were gasps, Grey wolf calling for him again, calling him in his silly code name. Would people still react the way they do if he was called in his full code? Sung Gyu doubted that. He managed to keep his head tilted as he made his way towards his car. Once inside, he put away the blood soaked tissues and cleared his nostrils out into a clean handkerchief. Airways cleared out momentarily, his head felt lighter. Looking down at the now stained piece of cloth, he found a dark lump of blood and mucus. Sung Gyu threw his head back and closed his eyes. Grey wolf was right, it was not the first time. But how many more? He could never tell.

Grey wolf returned to his side after a while, carrying his drink and the two bags of christmas cookies, all put into a plastic bag. Sung Gyu rolled down the window and grey wolf ducked his head in before placing his things inside.

“You skipped all your health check ups, didn’t you?”

Sung Gyu stayed quiet, a fruitless attempt to recollect his thoughts.

“You know what it means right? Hyung, this-,” He pointed at the bloodied handkerchief resting on his lap. “This is bad news, hyung. This is very bad news”

“Please”

“Do something” Grey Wolf told him on an endnote. “You don’t have long”

Five years ago, Kim Sung Gyu made a decision that would change the entire trajectory of his life. People made the hardest choices in the name of love, and for him, it was one of them. 

Orion Constructions was a subsidiary of the Il-Shim group, one of the largest conglomerates dominating multiple sectors all across the Korean Peninsula. Jung&Kim, the legal backing of Orion constructions of that time, was the law firm run by Kim Minji and Jung Junyoung, the parents of the love of his life, Jung Eunji. 

Sunggyu was able to secure his position as a legal associate at Jung & Kim thanks to his girlfriend’s parents. He wasn’t the brightest lawyer out there, but he was trying hard enough and that impressed his potential in-laws. But positions taken through connections always came with a price; that’s what his sister used to tell him before he went ahead and did just that without her knowledge. Maybe he should have listened to her. Maybe that’s why, to this day, Jieun acted like she knew the best.

Sometimes Sunggyu wondered if it was just his ill-fate, some demon sitting on his shoulder, controlling the course of his life. When the South tower of the Orion Housing complex collapsed just a day after its opening, Sunggyu who was by then a litigation attorney at Jung & Kim, was appointed to represent the management of the Orion housings South tower. Because of two preventable deaths, ten injuries and a financial loss of millions of dollars; Orion Constructions lost the case, and it was the representing attorney that had to take the fall. It was no secret to anyone that Il-Shim was behind his sudden dismissal, their influence strong enough to prevent him from being recruited anywhere else. Sung Gyu couldn’t face his girlfriend and his bosses after then. It wasn’t fair for Eunji to be with someone like him, who couldn’t stand his ground, who lost one of the biggest cases of their strongest clients. It’s been five years since Sunggyu quietly disappeared on her, only to accept an offer that he’d previously rejected for the sake of his family and the love of his life. 

Sunggyu was never prepared to meet Eunji after that. He was deeply embarrassed and disappointed in himself for allowing what happened, happen. And he was also pretty sure Eunji never wanted to see him again, especially after she resigned from her position, permanently stopping all her possibilities of becoming a partner. Things were simpler when he was in hiding and when Eunji was essentially convinced he had left the country to never return. Even as he watched from a far how she raised to her feet, building the cafe of her dreams from the scratch, Sunggyu was happy to be a part of her journey from a distance, with the support he could give her just by being a loyal customer of five years. But Sunggyu had to come to the realisation that night as he prepared to leave for his last assignment of that year, no lie could stay a lie for too long.

“I’m so jealous you got all the good genes” Jieun was telling him as she helped him into his smart suit. It was one of those spy suits where he could discretely hide his weapons in. A small gun, a dagger that looked like a lighter, a blade that looked like a card holder. Even Sung Gyu’s black and platinum grey tie was made of a special material that could be used to strangle people, and his expensive durable watch could be used to knock people's lights out. By appearance, he just looked like a party-goer, a handsome one, as his sister put it. But in every other way, he was an ostentatious assassin. 

Sunggyu took his watch from her hands and carefully clasped it on. “I got the looks, you got the brains, so we’re even”

Jieun scoffed, smacking his arm. “And you’re also conceited”

“Thanks” he pursed his lips.

Sunggyu was in a navy blue pin striped three-piece suit, and because Jieun not told but rather whined until he gave in, he had his hair in a neat updo. She found a grey cashmere winter jacket for him, adding a bit of more colour as not to look too much like an assassin. He carefully put his army pin on the lapel. It was a formality for the special task force soldiers, especially the hawks unit. In any case they were caught or even worse, killed, during a formal mission, as soldiers would wear the dog tags, Hawks had their pins on. They also always carried the IDs but the pins were the easiest, quickest form of recognition while also keeping their true identities intact, especially if they were found in a state of unresponsiveness during a mission. 

Jieun gazed at him on her full-size mirror longingly, her eyes set on his lapel, on his pin. The little hawk sign wasn’t so obvious if you weren’t familiar with it, but Jieun had seen it on him far too many times. The day that she found him on a hospital bed at the army headquarters with an oxygen ask on his face, the first thing she has done was ripping the pin off his coat, throwing it across the room and screaming until the walls shook. She’d really thought she lost him that day, and she had had nightmares of that night for days after, even until now. Sunggyu could say nothing as she stared at the pin, her eyes slowly filling with tears. Doing this job also meant she’d never know when she would lose him. She’d have to live with that fear every day.

“Sunggyu-ah”

“Hm?” He looked down at his sister who caught his hand.

“Promise me this would be the last one”

Sunggyu heaved a heavy breath, he felt his lungs squeezing out of air. He hated to make promises that he couldn’t keep. But for that moment, he nodded, nodded and nodded. False hope was worse than fake promises, and he’d just irrevocably given her both.

Jieun let out a heavy sigh. “You’re doing this for her, aren’t you?”

Sunggyu looked down at his feet. Jieun was right, but only partly, because most of what he did, he did for his family. Yet, the weight of unknowingness has been pulling him down the past few hours. A part of him was thoroughly convinced she would be there tonight, while a part of him was praying to god that she wouldn’t. Sunggyu still loved her. He fell for Jung Eunji eight years ago and he’d stayed there since then. It was a painfully beautiful place he could never bring himself out of. At the same time, the last thing he wanted was for her to realise that she’d been betrayed and lied to, that he’d been around among the crowd this whole time without her knowing, and even worse, he’d been doing so while killing people for a living. 

“Do you think she’d be there today?” Sunggyu asked his sister. He wanted a little more reassurance that she wouldn’t. It would be hell if he had to protect one person more than the 99 others from a psychopathic killer. Even worse if he had to explain this to the love of his life.

Jieun hummed thoughtfully and turned to face him. 

“You know what? I strongly feel that she would be”

“Noona…”

Jieun smiled and reached out to fix his tie.

“And I also strongly feel that, if nothing worked, she would be the reason and your biggest conviction to finally stop what you do”