“Shi-appa!” Sunkyu breaks into a sprint the moment she sees her two fathers waiting outside of her school. Open arms greet her and she jumps into them, wrapping her small arms around his neck. “Shi-appa! I missed you!” Kyuhyun smiles at the sight before him. In the couple of months he’s been friends with his former lover, he hasn’t seen him this happy. The corners of his eyes crinkle, showing all his 31 years.

“I missed you too, Sunny! You’ve gotten so big! Have you been good for eomma and appa?”

Sunkyu nods and sloppily kisses his cheek. “Are you here to make Appa happy?” Kyuhyun frowns, suddenly remembering why he’s been so hesitant to let the two see each other again.

“Me and Shi-appa are just friends like you and Sooyoung, okay?” Sunkyu pouts but nods, clinging closer to Siwon.

“Thank you for letting me come with you to see her, Kyu, I’ve really missed her.” He kisses the 5-year-old’s cheek which makes her squeal, then he leans over an plants a kiss on Kyuhyun’s cheek.

The brunette pulls away and scowls at Siwon. “We’re friends. Friends don’t do that.”

“I do.” Siwon shrugs nonchalantly and readjusts the child in his arm. “Didn’t I use to do the same to you after we first met properly?”

“Yes, but you were already in love with me.” His eyes suddenly narrow and he side glances at his friend. “You do this to all your friends?” Siwon nods. “Even Donghae?” Another nod. “But you don’t even like him that much.”

“That’s not true, well, not anymore. He’s very cute and fun to talk to when you get to know him. And he likes the attention, but you know that, right?” Kyuhyun half shrugs because, yes, he knows how Donghae is and about his need for attention, but recently, his friend hadn’t sought that sort of attention from him. “Is Baby Kyu,jealous?” Siwon teases.

“No!” He waves away the hand that’s trying to pinch his cheeks. “And I’m not a baby,” he protests. He smiles though, letting the other know that he’s not mad at all. Siwon continues to for a little bit as they get into Kyuhyun’s car and drive back to his apartment.

*~*~*

It’s funny how time flies when you’re with someone you like. Sungmin is hardly aware that she and Hankyung have been sitting and talking for over two hours, until Heechul enters the room holding Junghwan. She’s still very petite, but definitely pregnant at 6 months. They both sigh and unwillingly separate from each other.

“I told you two: if you’re going to be playing house with each other, don’t do it here.” She sets the 9-month-old down and stalks away, clearly irritated. Heechul had quickly discovered how unstable Sungmin’s marriage was when the girl started frequenting her house to see Hankyung. She wouldn’t say that she was cheating, but they were quite flirty which other which annoyed Heechul.

“Maybe she’s right… I’m married.” For a moment, she feels proud of herself for upholding her marriage vows. Even though the marriage was slowly falling apart, she wanted to show as much commitment as Kyuhyun promised. After all, she was the one who keep begging for them to make their relationship official. After taking him from someone he really loved.

A arm easily wraps around her waist and pulls her back. “But you’re not happy. And I love you.”

Shivers run through Sungmin as the words sink in. Pure happiness overtakes her, and she can’t help the grin that spreads across her face. I love you. Only Sunkyu said those words to her these days, as Kyuhyun hasn’t since Siwon left. That’s why she had come back in the first place, to reclaim her love. It’s been so long since someone really loved her, so she can’t really help the butterflies she feels.

“We’ve only known each other for 3 months, how is that possible?” Of course, they’ve known each other for much longer, but not much talking went on during their first meetings.

“I thought about you a lot while I was back home. I didn’t only come back for Heechul and Mi; I wanted to find you too.” He nuzzles his nose into the crook of her neck, and she’s never been happier that Junghwan couldn’t talk. The baby had crawled to the other side of the room to his baby bag, ignoring his mother being intimate with someone who was definitely not his father. “But I was too late, right?” He pulls away and Sungmin suddenly feels too cold.

“Mm, you were too late, she agrees, but she turns to plant a shy kiss on Hankyung’s cheek. The Chinese man gave her that feeling of love she had been craving for years. But it was too late. Way too late.

-

Sungmin’s still on a cloud when she enters the apartment, barely noticing Kyuhyun curled up on the couch by himself. Usually, Siwon would be over too, spending time with Sunkyu, but today he was nowhere to be found and she supposed Sunkyu was at a friend’s house.

Junghwan whines from his carrier so she sets him free before joining her husband on the couch. “Where’s Siwon?”

“With Donghae, I suppose,” Kyuhyun shrugs, trying to wave the subject off like it’s nothing. His two friends had finally told him that Siwon was preparing Donghae for the role of President, a role Siwon currently held as well as CEO. Donghae deserved that promotion, Kyuhyun thought, he had been with the company a couple of years longer than Kyuhyun and though he did like to goof around, he never fooled around when it came to getting his work done. He understands the two need to spend time together to get Donghae ready for the big responsibility. But jealousy tells him that they spend too much time together. Their friendship had evolved so fast that Kyuhyun had no time to really comprehend it. Siwon told them little snippets of what they did when they weren’t working. Mostly, they watched a bunch of English movies that Kyuhyun refused to watch, and Siwon would supervise Donghae while he cooked. He had a known reputation for small kitchen fires.

But he supposed they could do whatever they wanted to. 

Sungmin’s head drops onto his shoulder and he rests his on top of hers in return. Even though Kyuhyun was still upset over her having Junghwan to keep him, he wasn’t one to just throw away all the process they had made in their relationship. The topic hadn’t come up again, but he knows they’ll have to deal with it soon if they’re really sticking with the marriage.

“Kyuhyun-ah, do you think you’ll ever fall back in love with me?” she asks seriously.

“I can’t say,” he answers just as seriously. “Right now, I think we’re friends. Not best friends yet, but I think we can get to that point. But honestly, I don’t see myself falling back in love with you. I’m sorry.” 

She feels herself shake her head. “It’s fine. Honestly, I don’t think I’m going to fall back in love with you either.”

The young man lets outa bitter laugh and intertwines his fingers with his wife’s. “We’re idiots. Complete idiots.” Sungmin only let out a similar, humorless laugh. Well, they had both agreed to this, might as well have everything in the open.

*~*~*

“Sooyoung hit me,” Sunkyu complains as she colors at the kitchen table.

“Well, why would she do that?” Siwon ruffles her hair and returns his attention to his work.

“Well…” That look that tells Kyuhyun there’s more to the story crosses her face. “I bit her.”

Donghae snickers and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Why’d you bite her?”

“I wanted to know what she tasted like.”

All three men burst into laughter over the girl’s innocence, completely forgetting about the work they were doing. They had all congregated at Kyuhyun’s apartment to catch up on their growing workload. Sungmin was working at the community college later than usual that day so Kyuhyun had quickly volunteered his home instead of staying in the office where Sunkyu would have been bouncing off the walls, and Junghwan would have gotten into everything.

Bonding like this is something Kyuhyun wishes they did years ago. Whenever he was with one of them, he always missed the other. Even if he’s in a loveless marriage, this friendship was something that would get him through the days (months, years).

At 8, Donghae’s stomach starts to grumble and he drops his pen to wrap his arms around himself. “Ugh, I think I’ll head home and pick up something on the way. I thought learning common Japanese business terms would be fun and easy, but clearly, this is gonna take me the rest of the night.” Everyone (including Sunkyu who’s actually slowing them down) helps Donghae gather all his work, which includes several phrase books in different languages. When Donghae attempts to lift the box he’s been carrying back and forth for weeks, his arms absolutely refuse to hold the weight. Kyuhyun childishly sniggers at Donghae’s panicked flailing before he lands on his backside.

Siwon laughs and picks up the box with ease. “I’ll help you to your car.” Donghae pouts like he’s about to protest and insist that he can do it himself, but he nods and hugs his youngest friend.

Sungmin enters the room just before the two men exit the room, and she can’t help the feeling of contempt she gets every time the tall handsome man is in her home. But she shouldn’t be the insecure one now, after all…

“Kyuhyun, we need to talk,” she steps to the side to let the two men through the front door. “It won’t take long.”

Kyuhyun eyes her for a moment and nods slightly. He’s in the process of starting to cook the rice for a simple meal for the family, but he moves away from the appliance so he can get a better view of his wife. He notice Donghae’s mobile phone lying on top of the kitchen table, and excuses himself to return the phone. Really, he’s in no hurry to return the phone, but he doesn’t like the tone Sungmin’s using and rather Siwon be nearby for sort of emotional support.

Since when has he been this dependent? Wasn’t he the same man who was fully prepared to raise a child on his own? And now he couldn’t even have a conversation without his friend behind him. The last few years had been especially emotionally damaging.

Outside, Siwon’s just finishing loading the box into Donghae’s passenger seat and turns to say goodbye to him.

With a kiss. And not one of Siwon’s typical forehead or cheek kisses. This kiss is one that’s meant to be shared between two lovers, with a hand cupping Donghae’s jaw and eyes closed as if they’ve kissed like this before. A wide toothy grin spreads across Donghae’s face one they pull away. Eventually, he gets into his car, but not before another quick closed-mouth peck.

His legs seem to have cut themselves off from his brain because as much as he wants to return to his apartment and pretend this never happened, he’s still standing there after Donghae drives off and Siwon turns and sees him.

And it hurts to see the look on Siwon’s face: no regret for the action, but an apology for not being more discrete. But who is he to get upset over this? Over and over Donghae told him to know blow what was a second chance at being happy, and he went in the opposite route of the opportunity. Sooner or later, Siwon was bound to move on, but he hadn’t expected for it to be this early and with his best friend.

“I’m happy for you,” he hears himself say as Siwon nears him. And he is. To him, Siwon’s happiness is contagious, and he loves to see the older man happy. He just hates that he’s not and can’t be the one making him smile.

“Kyu… I’m sorry, we just didn’t know when to tell you.” He pulls the trembling Kyuhyun into his arms tucks his head under his chin. “But this doesn’t change me always being here for you and Sunny, okay? I still want to always protect you, and be her father.” Kyuhyun makes an odd noise that he was hoping would sound like a confirmation, but it sounds exactly like what it is: the beginning of tears.

“I’m so happy for you,” he keeps repeating, but he knows he isn’t getting across the truth of his words across by the amount of tears that are streaking down his cheeks.

That night, he never does figure out what Sungmin wants because the minute he walks into the apartment with red eyes and Siwon’s arm slung around his shoulders, she quietly goes about her business. But after Siwon leaves, he wishes she would have asked why he was so upset.

But she would probably tell him the same thing he’s internally telling himself: He missed his chance years ago.

*~*~*

So, in the past 6 weeks, Kyuhyun has had to become more and more accustomed to the idea that his best friends are dating each other. At least, for his sake, they hold back on physical affection, but he can't completely shake the sadness that came with the realization. Donghae explained the relationship as something that slowly came from all the time they spent together. He assured that they weren’t in love, maybe not even heading that way, but they found themselves wanting to spend more and more time with each other. Donghae, like Siwon before, promise that this won’t change their friendship and he’ll always be there for the younger.

Kyuhyun wishes he could agree that nothing between them would change. But he can’t help how jealous he feels whenever he spies on the two having a moment. Maybe in time he’ll be able to move on, maybe his chest won’t feel so tight all the time.

On this particular day he’s unbelievably sick at home with a nasty cold. Sungmin told him last night that she would be working and would Junghwan to the college with her to keep him from catching Kyuhyun’s cold. Today, Siwon’s picking up Sunkyu and keeping her entertained until Sungmin gets back to watch the kids. And although Donghae would probably do more damage than help, Kyuhyun can’t say no when his best friend insists on nursing him until his wife comes home. And secretly, he likes the attention.

When he unlocks the door for Donghae to come in around 4, the older can’t help the ‘God, you look awful’ that falls from his lips. Kyuhyun just shoots a weak glare and returns to the couch he’s been camped on all day. First, Donghae attempts to make soup, but Kyuhyun has to step in when Donghae’s about to put the whole can in a pan.

“I miss you when you weren’t this cute,” he mutters as Donghae stands behind him, like a child watching his mother cooking. Donghae wraps his arms around Kyuhyun’s midsection as a response and continues watching.

After they eat, Kyuhyun downs a bunch of cold medicine that’s guaranteed to knock him out for at least 8 hours. Donghae promises that he’ll stay around until Sungmin’s able to come home and take care of him. Before he drifts off to sleep, he murmurs a few words of appreciation for being taken care of, although with Donghae, he feels that he was doing most of the work.

A few minutes later (well, it feels like a few minutes, the clock tells him it’s been 5 hours) Donghae shakes him awake, his eyes are wide and panicked.

“I will kill you if this isn’t important.” He’s never been pleasant when he first wakes up.

“It is,” another voice replies, and he sits up to see Siwon standing near the entrance to the kids’ room.

Kyuhyun’s brows furrow as he sets his expression into a frown. “Why are you here? I thought you were just dropping Sunny off after Sungmin got in.”

“I took Sunny to Sooyoung’s house.”

“…Why?” Siwon’s tone is very careful, like he’s purposely beating around an important topic.

Donghae answers this time. “Sungmin didn’t come home.”

This brings Kyuhyun to his feet where he sways a bit from his slight dizziness. “What do you mean? Last night she told me she was working a little late and was taking Junghwan so he wouldn’t get sick.” He suddenly gets a horrible thought. “Were they in an accident? Are they okay?” He trips over his feet as he walks to his bedroom to change, assuming that he needed to rush to the hospital. But something’s… off about the closet.

He had been asleep on the couch early in the morning when his wife left for work, so this is the first time in two days he’s really been in their bedroom. He discovers half of Sungmin’s clothes are gone. So he stumbles out of the bedroom and into his kids’ room. And most of Junghwan’s things are gone. On the changing table is a short note in Sungmin’s neat handwriting.


Kyuhyun-ah,

I fell in love.

I’m sorry.


“She took Junghwan.” This is worse than any scenario he’s been running through in his head. “She took Junghwan. She took Junghwan.” No matter how many times he says it, the words seem impossible, like a topic of a nightmare than a true statement.

His world tilts and he’s out before he hits the ground.

*~*~*

“How old is your son?” Hankyung easily smiles at the flight attendant as she coos over the baby in his arms.

“Just over ten months,” the words naturally roll off in his native tongue, and Sungmin’s worried if she’ll speak as good as he can.

Honestly, she was stressed over every aspect of this situation. Kyuhyun would never forgive her; there was no doubt about that. What kind of woman forced a man into a marriage and then took away his child?

One who didn’t deserve any type of love, she thinks. But despite every bad thing she’s done in her life, Hankyung is always reassuring her that he loves her. She’s wary of him saying it at first; she isn’t stupid, she knows people can use “love” to manipulate people into doing what they want. Isn’t that what she was doing? But when the Chinese man asks her to go back to China with him, he sounds and looks so serious. Is this what real love was like? Moving over 800 miles to live with someone who made her happier than she’d been in years?

Junghwan whines from Hankyung’s lap and reaches out towards his mother. She obligingly takes the squirming baby from Hankyung and pulls him into her chest. Recently, he had started distinctively saying “ppa”, this close to “appa” being his first word. She supposed in time his tongue would adjust to saying “bà”.

There was no way she could tell Junghwan what she did, not anytime soon. She hated herself for all the things she’s done, so she knows Junghwan will definitely resent her if he knew she took him from his father… his sister. She knew there was no way she could bring Sunkyu with her. Though she had bonded with the girl, Sunkyu was unmistakably Siwon’s daughter. She couldn’t make up for the lost times in the most important years of her daughter’s life.

With this final (complete horrible, heartless) act, she hopes she’ll be able to start her life over and maybe one day the bad memories of the past 5 years would feel like an old bad dream.

*~*~*

How long he’s been out, he’s not sure, but he wakes up on his bed, sandwiched between Siwon and Donghae who are both asleep with legs and arms piled on top of his. Beads of sweat or running down the side of his face, but that might be a result of the high fever he knows he has because his whole core just hurts.

The corners of his eyes start to sting and he knows he’s about to cry, but really, he hates crying in front of people, even if the only people near him asleep. His breathing becomes heavier as the wills the tears to go away, but the changing movements of his chest wakes Donghae, who was always quite a light sleeper.

“Are you crying?” he whispers. Kyuhyun shakes his head. “Well, you should be. You’ll have to tell Sunny in the morning, and if you don’t let yourself be sad now, you’ll never be strong enough for her.”

“She doesn’t deserve my tears. She ruined my life.”

“So, yell and scream. Do something… let your emotions out.”

Siwon’s arm wraps around him tighter from his other side. “You’re an emotional wreck. You need to heal, and you won’t unless it let it out.”

Instead of listening to his friends’ advice, he stubbornly untangles himself from them and goes into the living room to sleep.

-

Sunkyu is literally bouncing as she tells her father about what she and Sooyoung did during their sleepover. During the car ride, she can’t stop talking about how much fun she had, but she missed playing with Junghwan. At home, she rushes into the apartment and looks around for her mother to share her story. Pouting when she doesn’t spot the woman, she heads to her room instead to play with her baby brother. Kyuhyun stops her before she can walk into the half empty room.

“Sunny… sweetie. We need to talk.” She half-frowns, half-pouts in a very Sungmin-like way and nods, following Kyuhyun to the kitchen table. “Eomma is… gone. She’s not hurt or anything, but she went away, and I don’t know if she’s coming back…”

“Like a vacation?”

“No, not like a vacation. Remember before Eomma came back?” She nods. “It’s going to be like that again. I don’t know where she is, so we can’t call or write letters. And- and she has Hwanie too, so we might not see him for a long time.”

Big, brown, sad eyes look into his as what she’s saying sinks in. “So… Eomma and Hwanie went away forever?”

Telling Sunkyu this is the worse thing he’s ever had to do and ever will have to do, he thinks. As much as he wants to fill her heads with fantasies and hopes of their family being whole, he has a duty to be honest to her.

There’s no time for Kyuhyun to answer because the 5-year-old immediately bursts into tears. For a little while, she lets Kyuhyun hold her as tears flood from her eyes, but the more she cries, the angrier she gets. The young father can only watch when she pushes his arms away and runs into the bathroom, successfully looking herself in.

Kyuhyun can’t help that he starts to cry when she refuses to come out, even to eat. Offers of eating candy for dinner and going to the amusement park are ignored as she screams ‘I hate Eomma!’ until is raw and coughing starts. Desperate, he calls Siwon who somehow gets the message through Kyuhyun’s sobbing and hiccupping.

Siwon and Donghae can hear the crying the second they’re in the hall. Both father and child are in hysterics, and neighbors are starting to poke their heads out to see what the commotion is. The front door easily pushes open and they’re met with the site of Kyuhyun kneeling in front of the bathroom door, begging for Sunkyu to come out. Donghae leads the distressed man away from the door to let Siwon try his luck at getting the girl to unlock the door.

Once again, Kyuhyun’s unaware that he’d fallen asleep until he awakes sandwiched between his two friends ago, only this time they’re both awake. “Your fever spiked again,” Donghae explains. “After Siwon finally got Sunny out of the bathroom and asleep, you were half unconscious and shivering.”

“Sunny?” He attempts to sit up a bit but is pushed back down by Siwon.

“She’s okay. Of course she’s devastated, but the initial shock isn’t there anymore.” He lands a friendly peck on Kyuhyun’s clammy cheek. “Go back to sleep.”

For four days, the couple stays over to help Kyuhyun. He’s in and out of consciousness the whole time but refuses to go to a hospital in case Sunkyu needs him. His daughter’s become more reserved than she used to be. The bright light that used to always warm Kyuhyun’s heart is dull and shows no sign of returning soon.

On the 4th day of being sick, tears just start pouring from his eyes. Words start spilling from his lips about how betrayed he felt. How could she do this to him? How could she just leave and take his child like that? Did she ever really love him? He’s completely emotionally damaged, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready again to let someone get close enough to break him like this.

His heart still races every time he sees his ex-boyfriend, but he’s nowhere ready to be with him again. Besides, the way Donghae’s face lights up when he sees the older man is endearing, and something he can’t take away just because he may have met Siwon first. That time where he and Siwon could freely love each other without interference was gone.

But he can’t dwell on those memories forever because there’s a little girl who needs him. A little girl who was experiencing pain someone her age should never feel. Life without a mother is something he can’t fix, but he can help her heal and in her own special way, she can help him heal too.

Right now, the only relationship he needs in his life is a father-daughter one. And he’s going to make sure she knows that she’s his world.