Kyuhyun silently watches as Donghae sings along to the Disney movie he’s watching with Sunkyu. The five-year-old is admirably looking up at the man from her position next to him. Junghwan is in his baby walker next to the couch, also staring at Donghae. He’s starting to think that his best friend spends way too much time with his kids. Today, Sungmin is at a local community college, tutoring students on the piano. Even though he has no feelings of love toward the girl, he still feels nervous every time he’s left alone with the kids, fearing that she wouldn’t come back. At times like these, he’s glad that Donghae volunteers to keep him company.

He’s been quiet for a few days about seeing Siwon, not really sure if the matter is a big enough deal to tell anyone. Luckily, Sungmin and Sunkyu didn’t spot him, or the reunion could have been ugly. Though, he’s not exactly sure if his daughter would recognize him, he knows Sungmin would have taken immediate action.

The dreams of his ex-boyfriend have returned again, having left him over a year before. They’re very innocent dreams of the two cuddling or talking to each other. They comfort him just as much as they make him long for Siwon even more. Ever bit of him wants to drop everything and drive back up to Goyang, but he knows he has a responsibility to stay. The kids have a stable, happy life and leaving Sungmin would be a huge change early in their lives and would leave Sungmin financially unable to support herself. This is enough incentive for him to stay without the constant threat from Sungmin, swearing she would take the kids away if he ever left. With their unmarried status, he knows she has every right.

“Donghae… Hyung, I saw him.” 

The older of the two looks over, his face very serious because he knows how conflicted his best friend must feel. Sunkyu senses the changing atmosphere and hops off the couch. “Let’s go play, Hwanie,” she sings as she pushes the walker down the hall to her room.

Kyuhyun raises an eyebrow at his kids. “Sunny’s a weird one.”

“Not weird, just observant. She knows you were referring to Siwon.”

“How would she?” He gets up from the recliner and goes into the kitchen area to retrieve a bag of cookies. “She doesn’t even remember him.”

“She does.”

Kyuhyun unceremoniously rips the cookie bag. “How would you even know that?”

Donghae comes over to pick up the few cookies that had dropped to the floor and pops them into his mouth without hesitation. “You know she tells me everything, right? A few months ago she asked what happened to him, and of course I asked if she remembered him. She told me that yes, she did remember him, but she pretended not to because it made you and Sungmin sad when she talked about him. You have a very smart daughter.”

“Oh.” His features contort into a frown as he wonders how he could miss the signs of how smart Sunkyu really is. His own parents hadn’t noticed how intelligent Kyuhyun was and instead of investing in his education, they had tried to appease him with material things, such as video games. He attributes this to the reason he stopped trying in school and dropped out so easily. Mentally, he reminds himself to read to Sunkyu more, a task Siwon handled when the girl was a toddler.

“But anyway, you saw Siwon. Where? What happened?”

“Oh, yeah, well he works at the petting zoo we went to for Sunny’s birthday, and he asked me how I was doing and if I was happy.” He sets the cookies down on the counter without touching them. “I lied and said yes, then I left.”

“Story over?”

“No, I just. I really miss him. Like, I knew I missed him before, but seeing him makes me want to drop everything and leave. But I can’t. Seeing him makes me feel ridiculous for staying here completely unhappy when I know he made me happier than I’ve ever been. But… I know I messed up, and if he even took me back he would probably be paranoid that I’d cheat on him.” Kyuhyun sits at the kitchen table and puts his head in his hands. “He looks so good. So happy. I should stop thinking about him.”

Donghae turns the television off and sits across from his friend. “You’ve been in love with him for 3 years. Don’t you think it’s weird to stay with Sungmin, who you see everyday and still don’t love, then to make yourself happy and go back to a person who haven’t seen for years but still makes your heart flutter?”

“You’re a good friend, Donghae, you really are. You’re always looking out for what’s best for me.” He looks up and smiles slightly, the expression not reaching his eyes. “I need to put my kids first though. I didn’t before when I cheated and took Sunkyu from her dad, but I have Junghwan now who I can’t take away from his mother. Anyway, after Hwan was born, Sungmin swore that she would take the kids away if I ever left her.”

The orange-haired man raises his eyebrows. “She threatened you?” Kyuhyun nods. “I’ve never liked her.”

“It’s not like I would leave her for anyone else,” he shrugs. “I swore that I would never cheat, and I consider breaking up with her and immediately going to someone else is cheating. Even without the kids factor, I don’t think I would be able to go back to him. Going between two people is selfish. Anyway, Siwon is very good looking and mature, and I’m a father of two who’s entirely too much of a masochist to stay happy.”

“You’re being given another chance. Don’t blow it.”

Kyuhyun reaches for the bag of cookies and takes a bit from one. “How are you even still single? You’re surprisingly good at advice.”

“Oh, I’m waiting until Sunny’s old enough to marry.” Kyuhyun thumps him on the head. “Ow! I was kidding! I’m just focusing on my career. But in the meantime, I’m getting plenty of child care experience; women will love me.”

“If you’re trying to attract women, you need to stop winning over my daughter.” The observant father points to the stack of cookies that Donghae’s attempting to hide in his hand. Donghae pouts but still gets up to give the cookies to the girl.

“What? She’s the only girl who’s always happy to see me besides my mom. Of course I’m going to butter her up.” Kyuhyun frowns while Donghae’s face breaks into a huge grin. “And heads up, I know you don’t remember, but it’s your birthday so you can expect that Sungmin will try to make you celebrate.”

The younger man groans and nods, thankful for the warning. 

On his 22nd birthday, Sungmin had attempted to throw a party for him, but the gathering was much too awkward. Sungmin was missing Henry while Kyuhyun was still severely depressed over Siwon leaving him. The birthday cake was discovered to be carrot cake when Kyuhyun sliced into it. He refused to eat it, making Sungmin cry and the party quickly dissolved. On his 23rd birthday, Sungmin had told him that she suspected she was pregnant. He had immediately gone to the bathroom to throw up, hoping that she was mistaken. But the girl knew her body and they had a new family member in September. 

This birthday, he just really wants to be ignored. Birthdays are no longer something he wishes to celebrate, especially with Sungmin. His birthday should be the one day he doesn’t have to keep up the charade of being in a happy relationship.

Donghae is quick to duck out before the older woman returns home. Uncharacteristically, she walks in fiddling with her fingers and staring at the ground. He raises his eyebrow at the sit and sets the infant in his arms in the playpen set up in the living room. Sunkyu had fallen asleep earlier after demanding a few songs from Donghae. The woman nervously readjusts her shirt and approaches her boyfriend.

“Kyuhyun… I know you’re probably sick of me asking, but can you please consider marrying me? It’s just that… we have two kids together, and next year I’ll be 30. The neighbors are starting to talk…” She looks up at the taller man through her eyelashes. “We’re doing this for the kids, right? They’ll grow up happy thinking their parents are married and in love.”

“I think there’s a difference between giving the kids security and outright deceiving them.”

“Kyuhyun…” she pleads pitifully. “Why can’t we just get married? I can’t let you go. You’re the only person I’ll ever want to spend my life with. Please? It’ll make me happy… why should both of us be unhappy?”

Anyone outside of the situation will take the statement as completely ridiculous, after all, isn’t it human nature to increase one’s own happiness? But to Kyuhyun, Sungmin makes sense. He’s already resolved himself to living unhappily after chasing off his one source of complete happiness, so why should both of them be miserable? 

So he agrees to marry her. Not out of love for her, but for the sake of their two kids who deserve to grow up as normally as possible. After all, now he knows how perceptive small kids can be and once they’re older, there would be no way to hide the fact that both of their parents had lost the life in their eyes.

Sungmin’s eyes light up as she throws her arms around Kyuhyun and clings tight to him as if afraid that he’d disappear at any moment. “Thank you, Kyuhyun! I promise, you won’t regret this. You’ll fall back in love with me, I can feel it.” The young man doesn’t bother to tell her that a piece of paper will hardly change the situation they’re in now.

-

The death of Prime Electronics founder is the biggest story anyone talks about these days. In the days following, the corporate is in a panic as they try to decide who should take over ownership of the company. An examination of the late founder’s will reveals that though her son’s name isn’t expressly written as heir, her wishes are that the company stays under the Choi name.

But Choi Siwon isn’t answering any of the corporate calls. Park Jungsu is a man of his word and has every intention of handing the company over to his old friend as they agreed to years ago when Siwon stopped being his parents’ son. The current owner knows he has an obligation to the workers of the company but the stress of work was beginning to wear on the happy life he had set up for himself. His boyfriend, Kangin, had threaten to leave several times because of the almost non-existent time they saw each either on a weekly basis. In fact, the elder had taken to sleeping on the couch as to not disturb the other when he comes home later than promised. But he knows he could never leave the company high and dry. He needs out before his chance for happiness is gone.

This is the message overhears as he’s bringing coffee to the Vice-President’s nearby office (really, it’s not his job, but the new secretary looked ready to jump out of a window). Park Jungsu ends the conversation with a low “Please call me back when you get this, Siwon-ah” and glances up at a staring Kyuhyun. The caught man quickly looks away and down at his face. One thing that bugs him about staying at the company is the frequent looks he gets from his co-workers. Of course everyoneknows that he and Siwon were involved, and stories of how they broke up change depending on the day. The version he hears the most is how he supposedly used Siwon to gain a job then dumped him to the point that the former president probably drove himself into the Han River.

“Cho Kyuhyun, can you come in here for a few minutes. Close the door behind you.” The young man silently curses to himself, but obeys his boss’ orders. His hands are trembling and he’s about half a second away from begging for the CEO to not fire him, as he thinks is about to happen. “Now, I’m not one for rumors, but everyone is aware that you and Choi Siwon were romantically involved.” Kyuhyun frowns slightly at the statement. “I hate to bring up any bad memories you may have, but I really need to get in contact with him, and I feel that you may have more luck than me.” Kyuhyun is entirely ready to turn down the older man, after all, he’s been trying to unsuccessfully heal for two and a half years, but Park Jungsu continues. “My relationship is in absolute ruins and if he doesn’t come back, my boyfriend will leave me. I know it’s entirely selfish, but Youngwoon is… he’s the most stable thing I’ve had in my life, and I can’t lose him. Please consider doing this for me.”

How could he say no to someone in a situation he knew too well? But he does. He shakes his head and adamantly refuses the request. “I can’t, hyung, I just can’t.”

*~*~*

It’s almost 5:30 in the evening when Donghae pulls up to the small petting zoo he’s been looking for. Even though he left Seoul immediately after work, the directions he hastily printed off at his work computer didn’t account for roadwork and he quickly got turned around in Goyang.

After Kyuhyun’s conversation with the company owner, he returned to his desk, much quieter than usual. Donghae, his supervisor, had wondered what happened when his friend passed by his office without his usual snide remark. After much pleading and empty threats, Donghae finally got the young father to tell him about the conversation. When asked why he wouldn’t do it, Kyuhyun could only tell him that after seeing Siwon again, every fiber of his being wanted to go back to him. He couldn’t do that to his family.

So, he finds himself walking up to a very small establishment, a place he would never imagine seeing the former President Choi. The dimpled-man is easy to spot as he crouches down next to a young boy and helps him pronounce the name of an animal. He can’t help but notice how sad his eyes turn when the boy’s father comes over and leads him back to their vehicle. As his eyes leave the boy, they land on Donghae who’s awkwardly standing at the entrance.

Siwon stands to his full height and ever-so-casually starts his job of feeding the small animals before the end of his shift. “What are you doing here, Donghae?”

He shrugs. “I guess I’m curious like most people as to why you left so suddenly. I can see why maybe the career was getting to be too much, but why would you leave Kyuhyun like that? He needed you. He still needs you.”

“He’s more than fine without me. Sungmin makes him happier than I could and he’s moving on and building a better family for Sunny.”

“I know you don’t believe any of that . You know better than anyone that he was lying. I haven’t see him genuinely smile in years. He’s still so much in love with you that he’s afraid that if he sees you again he’ll leave Sungmin and lose his kids.”

“Then it’s probably best that we don’t see each other.” The natural businessman comes out of the 30-year-old as he drops what he’s doing and turns to Donghae, the old jealousy flaring up. “And if you’re so willing to do anything for him, why don’t you find a way to make him happy yourself? You’ve been in love with him for years.”

Donghae looks as if he’s been doused in cold water. “H-how… how do…“ he sputters. Being found out was definitely not his intention. In fact, he was very set on never letting anyone know until his feelings went away; if anything, they got stronger. “That’s not the point…” he starts quietly. “Kyuhyun loves you. You make him happy and right now, all he’s been doing is punishing himself for losing you. He’s marrying her because she’s begged and pleaded enough to wear him down; he doesn’t love her at all. And Sunny still remembers you, but she pretends not to because it makes Kyuhyun too sad to hear about you. If you left because of some stupid idea of them living happily ever after as a family, you’ve made a huge mistake.”

Silence falls between the pair, the only noise coming from the small pony munching on the carrot the caretaker had fed him. “Does she really remember me?” Donghae nods in affirmation. “Kyuhyun… His eyes were sad that last time I saw him, but I hoped…” He pauses to gather his thoughts. “When I left he was still in love with Sungmin; he’s strong, and I know they’ll work things out.” Siwon turns away from the younger man, ready to go back to the employee room to clock out.

“Have you heard anything I’ve said?” Donghae stubbornly follows him through the door clearly marked ‘Employees Only’. “He’s intentionally making himself miserable. As his best friend, as someone who l-loves him I can’t stand see him like this. I am willing to do anything for him, and right now I know that the only thing strong enough to bring him out of this is you. Where’s the Choi Siwon who would already be jumping into his car and on the way to see him at this moment?”

“Gone. That Choi Siwon wouldn’t have left in the first place. This version is scared,terrified, that he’s too hurt to ever take me back. I can’t put him in the same situation where he can’t choose between two people again; there are more people involved. More people that could be hurt if I’m selfish.”

“I realize that more people can be hurt, but that can never be avoided. Aren’t I being selfish for loving him so much that I drove up here to beg you to see him again. I’m hurting myself. As much as it kills me to watch him with you, letting you give him all the happiness I can’t give him, it hurts even more to see him destroy himself for someone he doesn’t love and that I’m unable to personally do anything to change that. Being selfless in love is what Kyuhyun’s doing right now. He’s putting everyone and everything before his own happiness. He fell out of love with Sungmin the moment you left, but he loves the kids too much to take them away from the mother, too much too come back to you on his own. Go to him and convince that making himself unhappy isn’t doing anyone any good. He’s hurting you, me, himself, Sungmin, and eventually, the kids. So, please be selfish.” Donghae is, at this point, red in the face and looks ready to lash out. Siwon looks at him very seriously for a few seconds before pulling him into a tight hug. The young man is completely taken off-guard and stiffens, thoroughly confused.

“You’ve been hurting.” Siwon simply says. “Why haven’t you told him? You’re his best friend, he would listen.”

“You where already there before I knew him, weren’t you?” He lets out a dry chuckle. “Besides, you make him happier than I ever could; you’re the only guy he could love. I don’t even have the courage to tell him that I’m gay. Some best friend I am.”

“You know Kyuhyun couldn’t hate you for that. Even if he’s surprised and acts differently around you for a few days, he always comes around.” 

Donghae pulls away slightly and looks up at the taller man. “You’ve been hurting, too.” He shakes his head and leans back into the hug, enjoying the physical contact since he’s been careful to avoid unnecessary contact his best friend lately. “The things we do for Cho Kyuhyun.”

*~*~*

“Kyuhyunnie, I need an engagement ring.” Sungmin cutely whines.

Kyuhyun shoots her a look from over his book that dares her to call him by the unwanted nickname again. “Why? Didn’t you say you want to marry before the end of the year? It would be a waste of money.”

“Why is it a waste? I want to show all my friends. It’s not enough that you said you would do it; a ring would make it more real to me. Every girl dreams of being proposed to with a ring.” She takes the book out of her fiancé’s hands and settles herself into his lap, ignoring his retort of ‘I never proposed to you’. “Where’s the ring you originally proposed with before Sunkyu was born?”

“Hyoyeon’s ring finger, I suppose.” Sungmin frowns. “I gave the ring to Hyukjae before he started earning money for his dancing. He wanted to propose but didn’t have the money to buy a ring. I had one I didn’t want, problem solved.”

“Can you at least pretend you love me? Sunkyu’s just in the other room.” The young man rolls his eyes at how quick she is to bring up the kids but doesn’t say anything else. “Let’s go buy another ring, hmm? We can get the same one as before! The one you picked out was so pretty.” Before Kyuhyun can protest, Sungmin hops off his lap and runs to Sunkyu’s room, excitedly telling her that Appa was going to buy a shiny ring for Eomma.

*~*~*

“I’ll see you next week, Jinyoung. Keep practicing!” 

The teenage boy shyly bows to his piano tutor, a blush apparent on his cheeks. “Yes, of course, Noona.” He trips over his feet slightly as he leaves which makes Sungmin smile after him. Checking her schedule list, she notes that the school replaced one of her regular teenage students with a graduate school student.

The glare of the ceiling’s light on her ring catches her attention. It had taken half an hour more to convince Kyuhyun to take her to get the ring. Even after they made it to the jeweler’s he was very disconnected and refused to put the ring on her finger in the end. The trip ended in tears on her part, as most of their interactions did.

“Ah, hello, Instructor Lee, nice to meet you.” The brunette turns to see a familiar red-haired man come into the practice room. “Oh… Shengmin, it’s nice to see you again. How have you been?”

Sungmin looks back down at her schedule and curses to herself for not being able to recognize Zhou Mi’s Korean name. “I’ve been fine, Mi. And you?”

“I’m wonderful.” And he really does look wonderful as he grins down at his former bed partner. In all the times that they had been seeing each other, he had never smiled with so much sincerity that lit up his whole face. When she stopped calling all of her flings (around the time she left to look for Kyuhyun) sometimes she found herself wondering what happened to the fashionable man.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t called or anything. I really miss shopping with you.” She forces out a small smile and looks down at her face.

“No need to apologize! At first I was a little down at losing a shopping partner, but now shopping doubles as dates with my wife.” At the mention of a wife, Sungmin’s eyes dart to the lanky man’s ring finger, which in fact holds a silver wedding band.

“Married…? A lot has changed, huh?”

“Mmm, things between us moved pretty quickly, but I don’t regret any of it. I really do believe we were meant to be together. All my other relationships were so forced and mundane, but the world just seems generally happier with her.” Sungmin’s stomach feels sick at the way Zhou Mi talks about his spouse because what he’s describing sounds exactly what love should be, but it’s nothing like the love between her and Kyuhyun had ever been. From day one it seemed things in their lives had gotten worse, but she craved the feeling of having him love her again.

Maybe that’s all her “love” for him was; a want to be loved unconditionally without giving the same thing. She shakes her head, bringing her out of her thoughts as the Chinese man looks at her inquiringly. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“I just commented on the fact that you seem to know how I’m feeling by the ring on your finger. Who’s the lucky guy?”

“My boyfriend, Kyuhyun, finally proposed recently. We’ve known each other for over 6 years and we have two kids together; a five-year-old and a 6-month old.”

“Five year old? You never mention that to me when we were seeing each other a few years ago. But what we were doing really wasn’t dating.” Zhou Mi smiles as if he’s telling an inside joke between friends, and Sungmin smiles slightly. Every bit of her regrets the years she slept around, collecting dozens of numbers, some of which still messaged her occasionally asking if they could meet up.

“I should get to your piano lesson. That’s what the college is paying for me for, after all.” The girl hurriedly pulls a music book from her bag and sets it on the piano. “We’ll start with the basics today, like reading music and identifying the notes on the piano.” She slides over to let the slim man sit by her on the piano bench. “What made you want to learn how to play?”

The small blush on Zhou Mi’s face is very endearing, Sungmin thinks as he rubs his hands together nervously. “My wife, Heechul, mentioned that she likes classical piano music. I know it’ll take a while for me to work my way up to that kid of music, but I want to try for her.”

“Mi, your wife is a very lucky woman. You two seem really happy.”

“You say that because you’re experiencing the same kind of love, huh?” He nudges her with his forearm and runs his fingers over a few of the ivory keys in front of him.

Sungmin forces out a small smile and starts teaching how to read treble clef.

*~*~*

Kyuhyun sits at his desk, doodling on a sheet of paper while he waits for a task to come up. The past few weeks had been more of the same as far as the relationship between him and Sungmin was concerned. With the speed she was planning, he was sure Sungmin was pushing for a wedding before the end of spring.

Park Jungsu had been persistently trying to get Kyuhyun to change his mind on the request, but he stood firm on his decision. Donghae, to his relief, had stopped trying to persuade him to go, but he seemed more antsy than usual.

His phone buzzes, signaling an income message from Donghae. Come to my office, it reads. The young man frowns at the curt message. Even though he’s a businessman, the older man tends to be less serious in his actions. Usually, when he was bored, he would send cute Come play with me! ^^ texts which always makes Kyuhyun roll his eyes and smile to himself at the same time. This new texts worries him, so he quickly leaves his desk and goes to his friend’s office.

“Close the door behind you.”

Kyuhyun, hesitantly, does as he’s told and sits in the chair across from his friend. “Are you okay, Hyung? You’ve been acting different lately.”
“I think you should go see him.”

“Are we really doing this right now?” The brunette stands up from his chair, his features showing his annoyance. “You know why I can’t see him; we’ve been through this again and again. Bring this up again, and I swear i-“

“I’m gay.”

“I- You- Oh.” Kyuhyun’s mouth gaps open slightly, not sure of what to say or how to act to the sudden confession. Was Donghae just spouting out things to get a rise out of him? Was he really gay? And if he was, why was he just telling him now? 

“I know I should have told you,” he starts quietly. “But there’s never been a good time to tell you. Granted, this isn’t a good time either, but I’m sorry I’ve been lying to you.”

There’s not much the younger can do besides nod and silently going back to his desk, staring at his doodles and not really knowing what to do with the new information.

-

Driving isn’t Kyuhyun’s favorite thing to do. In fact, he only learned after Sungmin kept pestering him that she wouldn’t always be able to drive him everywhere. He took a quick crash course from Donghae (which almost literally ended in a crash) but didn’t bother with acquiring a license, so driving is a test everyday. He’s sitting in the driver’s seat, fiddling with the heater when an overcasting shadow at his left makes him jump in his seat.

The scene couldn’t be more cliché. The late afternoon sun is just at the perfect angle where Siwon looks as if he’s glowing. His usually perfectly-in-place hair is ruffled and unkempt, blowing slightly in the wind. Kyuhyun’s brain tells him to run, get out of the situation immediately, and he even switches the car into reverse before his mind blanks on every aspect related to driving a car and he can’t even remember where he was going. He hardly realizes he’s slowly rolling backwards until Siwon shouts his name, bringing him out of his mind. Quickly, he parks the car but doesn’t dare look away from the steering wheel.

“Kyuhyun, could I talk to you for a few minutes?” He receives no verbal response, but the brunette does reach over and unlock the passenger door. “How are you really feeling?” he asks when he settles into the car. “I know you lied to me before.”

“You lost all rights to tell me if I’m lying or not.”

“Are you angry at me for leaving? I was hurt; you cheated on me.” The hurt Kyuhyun feels at this moment is comparable to the day Siwon left him: a feeling of hopelessness and self-loathing because really, it was his fault things ended the way they did. The older man seems to realize how hard his words have hit. “Oh, Kyu… I didn’t mean it like that, I’m not mad anymore.”

Kyuhyun squeezes his eyes shut for a few seconds, collecting himself enough to remember the life he has now. A life where he’s “happily” engaged to the mother of his children. His eyes pop open. “It’s okay, I’m over it. If you hadn’t left, Sungmin and I wouldn’t have been able to reconnect and fall back in love. I wouldn’t be marrying the woman of my dreams. If you’d like, we could add you to the guest list.” His eyes stay ahead of him because he knows that if he looks over at his ex-boyfriend he won’t be able to lie.

“No, I don’t want to be invited to a wedding and watch the person I love marry someone else.”

His heart skips a beat before it starts racing uncontrollably. Wasn’t this how he felt everyday with Siwon? Why did he ever mess that up? “You’re a little too late don’t you think? I’ve moved on.” His voice is very unconvincing, and his eyes are darting everywhere but at the man beside him. Suddenly, Siwon is entirely too close, and Kyuhyun can feel his breath down his neck. “W-what are you doing?” He turns his head slightly to look at the older man out the side of his eye. If he were to turn his head all the way, their lips would be touching.

“Kissing you.” It doesn’t take much effort to turn Kyuhyun’s chin and press their lips together, not surprised when he’s pushed away.

Kyuhyun’s eyes are wide and his breathing has become very labored from the brief contact. The position he’s in makes it seem as if he’s ready to run: his hand gripping on the door handle while his foot finally leave the brake pedal. His next move is sudden, taking Siwon off-guard when his arms are suddenly full of his ex, clinging to him and kissing every bit of skin he can reach. 

The kisses are desperate and hurried, afraid that they’ll be caught soon. Siwon’s jacket is impatiently pushed off his shoulders and his shirt is quickly opened to allow Kyuhyun’s hands to roam the familiar body. They waste no time moving to the back seat where they’ll have more room to explore each other’s bodies. Their ears tune out the rest of the world, filling the car with heavy panting and zippers being pulled down. The is sloppy and quick, but it’s something they both have needed for years. The love Kyuhyun feels here is nothing like what Sungmin tries to push on him. And Siwon hasn’t tried to venture out into the dating world, instead choosing to buy a cat for his company.

Afterwards, the two of them sit in the back, holding each other. Kyuhyun is silent, but Siwon easily fills the silence with everything he’s been wanted to say for years.

He starts off with why he left. When Sungmin had come back into the picture, Siwon was fully prepared to fight for his family. Never before had he wanted something so much as he wanted Kyuhyun and Sunkyu, but when he saw how much the toddler had bonded to her mother, he didn’t have the heart to follow through. Yes, he loved them both more than anything, but he would never be able to forgive himself from taking a child from a parent who was trying to come back in her life. Legally, he wouldn’t even stand a chance if they went to court with homouality being a very taboo subject. In a way, he thought it would lessen his pain if he left on his own accord instead of being forced out. Quitting his job was a careful decision he made after the breakup. After all, he knew there was no way he could see Kyuhyun at work and pretend like nothing ever happened. Afterwards, he moved a lot, looking for a job he loved which happened to be the petting zoo in Goyang. His fortune is still intact, but says he hasn’t felt the need for anything extravagant lately. He stayed away as long as he could, hoping on the fact that Kyuhyun would fall back in love with Sungmin and they would be the happy family Kyuhyun deserved, but from that one glance at the petting zoo there was no doubt that he had made the wrong decision.

“I’m sorry I left you. It was stupid… I’m stupid.”

“Don’t apologize, it was good for the both of us.” Thee younger man pulls away from the elder’s arms and starts pulling his clothes on while the other stares at him in confusion. “This was a mistake. I love Sungmin, and betraying her is the worst thing I could do to her. I think you should go.”

“Kyu…? What’s with you? What are you talking about?”

Kyuhyun’s eyes are trained on the floor of the car as he slips his pants on and pulls on his shoes. “We shouldn’t see each other anymore. This is damaging my relationship. Please leave.”

“I know you don’t believe anything you’re saying now. I know you love me which is why you can’t look me in the eye and say any of this.”

“Get out!” Kyuhyun turns his face in the direction of Siwon, but doesn’t dare to meet his eyes. “Please… I need to go home to my family.” The last part is barely above a whisper as Kyuhyun readjusts his clothes and climbs over the center console to sit in the driver’s seat. He tries his best to not look in the rearview mirror as Siwon redresses and reluctantly opens the door.

“I’m sorry if I’ve done anything to chase you away, but I know you, Kyu. You aren’t happy anymore. Not as happy as you could be.” The comforting hand he places on the younger’s shoulder is shrugged off. “I love you. You know that right?” His answer is the sound of the engine turning over as Kyuhyun turns the key and puts his seatbelt on. “I’ll leave for now… but you know this isn’t over.”

The brunette waits until Siwon is out of his car and out of sight before he rests his forehead on the steering wheel and sobs.