seungwan has a theory.

in every person there are two versions of them. one is your true self and the other is what other people want you to be. it depends on you which one you become. in most cases it's a mix between the two -- seungwan thinks she's like that.

in other cases, there are free people, she pauses to let two young boys pass by as they chase each other. neither apologizes but she laughs a little, remembering how it was to be young like that.

she knows people don't choose their lives, they can't help the family they are born into. she got a knight for a father, who grew to be the right hand man of the king. her mother was a maid that got promoted to a chief for the royal family. she is well off. she knows she's lucky. if seungwan was more naive she would think that it means nothing. but she knows it gives her status. it lets her walk through the halls no commoner can walk.

she climbs the stairs in quick short steps. by the time she's at the top, she hasn't lost her breath -- she prides herself to be in the shape that her father would be proud of.

she's late.

the meeting hall is packed when she walks in.

her eyes seek someone else immediately, her breath catches in every time.

there are rare cases in a society where you are born into a family that is in the public's eye -- seungwan walks closer, slipping past people, barely brushing their sides and shoulders -- it is a difficult life to live. she can't pretend to know what that's like. seungwan is not exactly required to do anything besides be a good student.

her joohyun on the other hand...

seungwan stops in her tracks when the eyes she was seeking turned to look at her.

no, it's not exactly her joohyun. this joohyun belongs to the people. seungwan wonders if her joohyun is still in there somewhere, locked up and angry at the world like she was when she was younger.

seungwan wouldn't know. joohyun had stopped telling her things like that a long time ago.

"it's decided!" king's voice booms and seungwan can see joohyun flinch.

it almost makes her smile -- remembering all the times when seungwan teased joohyun, making her scared. she was always easy to scare but now she wants to protect her more than join in on the fun.

people around her cheer and seungwan claps along. slowly and slightly confused she smiles when a man grins at her, happy at whatever the king decided.

the royal family stands up together. queen gives everyone a wide motherly smile and king stands tall. his serious yet still somehow boyish face makes him look kind even thought he isn't smiling at all.

joohyun on the other hand...

when seungwan looks at her, she sees misery. other people call her shy and humble. she never speaks out of turn, never interrupts. joohyun keeps to herself and everyone praises her demeanour. seungwan wonders how people doesn't see it.

and that's what keeps her quiet.

she's not sure if she knows joohyun that well anymore. maybe she's the one who's wrong. who is she to say what joohyun feels. she is her own person. she has her own voice and she can tell someone if she was unhappy.

right? seungwan tracks joohyun's blank face. it looks like she's scanning every person. seungwan recognizes the face she's making. it's the same expression she used to wear when she loses a game.

"it will be good." her father says, packing a bag.

seungwan doesn't believe it.

being the king's right hand man should mean he's safe. he should be by the king always and wherever king is -- it's the safest place.

"it was a long time coming," he says as if reading her mind.

"i don't understand why do you have to go." seungwan crosses her arms.

when everyone was so happy, she didn't know they were happy for putting her father in danger.

for three years or so now neighboring kingdom was terrifying their people. they were stealing and terrorizing everyone near the border. their king thinks too little of them to listen to their letters. seungwan understands why the war hasn't started yet -- the king doesn't want it. if war was to start, there would be even more bloodshed.

compared to a full-on war, it's a tiny sacrifice -- to just turn a blind eye to it.

but people have been talking about how the king is too weak. how their land will soon shrink because he takes no action to defend it.

of course king decided to do something about it. seungwan would too.

but she would go there herself, not send her father instead.

"he's a coward." seungwan mumbles.

"seungwan!" her father scolds her, "do not talk about the king like that." he looks at the open window in the room.

they both can hear people stepping on stones below. would she disappear in the night if that were the king's guards?

"king is right to do this." he says, "i suggested it."

"why would you?"

"i want to know everything is done right," he tells her.

"so you don't trust the king either," she whispers.

her father doesn't say anything to that. he puts another shirt that her mom had washed in a bag that she made. seungwan leans against the wall as she watches. she never liked the king, no matter what anyone says. she has seen him at different situations that made her think that way. she doesn't think someone like that can lead a nation well. she has nothing against the queen though.

"i will be back before you know it," he says.

"two weeks is a long time in a foreign land."

"it's not foreign to me." he reminds her.

"your home is here."

he shakes his head, "my home is where you are."

her heart clenched at the thought of him leaving. she got comfortable with the thought of them being too important to ship off. she didn't consider her father's care for the people. he always wants to help -- rather than the land, it's the people that he wants to protect.

"don't stress." he puts a warm hand on her shoulder.

"i can't help it."

"there's too much going on here." he taps her temple, "less thinking, just trust everything will work out."

"that's stupid." she frowns making her father laugh.

she watches the sunset with her father before he leaves. they both stay silent as the last light leaves for the day. it makes her think that there are more ways than this that could make her life brighter.

it's by chance that she sees joohyun walking in the garden.

for once she's without her guards -- she doesn't remember the last time she saw joohyun alone. for a second she thinks something is wrong, her heart plummets but she realizes there is no danger. still, she is frozen as she watches joohyun a rose's petal.

joohyun always liked flowers, some things hasn't changed after all.

knowing the garden like the back of her hand, seungwan ducks behind the bushes and walks closer. her mind stops working, she just gets an insane urge to get closer.

without detection, she crouches down, looking at the face of the most beautiful woman she has seen.

the first time seungwan saw joohyun she saw her ears and a wide smile. it's weird but seungwan misses joohyun's ears. since she took her position with her father, joohyun had been wearing her hair down, hiding her ears. tied hair meant play time. tied hair meant the best time seungwan will ever have.

she remembers chasing joohyun in this very garden, making her laugh -- she never laughs anymore--, laying in the grass side by side all alone while the adults were busy. they had no responsibilities then, they had no worries.

on joohyun's sixteenth birthday, her father took her to a meeting with her. when they met up later, joohyun was so angry she rambled on and on for hours. seungwan thought it was the funniest thing -- to see her so red in the face. she didn't know what it meant yet. it was months after that when joohyun started pulling away. she had less and less time for seungwan, she would always have some kind of lesson. suddenly people were following her everywhere she went, seungwan couldn't get a hold of her without someone shooing her off. joohyun's apologetic face appeared less and less until she just didn't say a thing at all and let other people make up excuses for her.

to this day she still wonders if it was joohyun's decision to pull away. were people around them at fault? did joohyun see no value in spending time with seungwan?

she wants to ask. she takes a hesitant step closer. like seeing a deer in the wild, seungwan makes as little movement as possible as if to not startle it.

when she makes a