Karina’s

I’m lying on my back as i let my whole body sink into the mattress, it helps me drift away from reality. The deeper I dive, the more i get lost in my own thoughts. Questions starts to gather, I let curiosity get the best of me. This is my escape.

Having thoughts like,

What makes a person, a person? Is it how they live their life? or how life wants them to live? How can life be so fascinating yet miserable to live with?

Yesterday it’s okay,

Today’s not okay,

Tomorrow? I don’t know.

Okay? maybe,

or

Maybe not.

I’m not sad but I’m not happy either, somewhere in between I guess.

My family’s okay, we’re well off, but my family's not arrogant. We help as much as we can to those in need. My Mom’s a Doctor and my Dad’s a Business man. So they’re always busy but I get it naman since they’re providing for our needs.

I have two siblings, my older sister’s a Doctor just like Mom and my older brother’s an employee at our Dad’s company.

That leaves me as the youngest of the Yu’s. I'm close with my two siblings, they're basically my Mother and Father figure.

My life is, welll… how do i describe it ba

well I guess it’s neutral.

I envy people who can feel happiness and sadness, people who can feel emotions. People who can laugh and people who can cry.

They say that’s how life is.

I don’t know…

I don’t know because I don’t know how to live that life. I can’t feel emotions. Everything’s just black and white and monochrome to me.

So do you live life like how a person should be? or do you let life decide how you live as a person?

My thoughts were interrupted with a knock on my door. I moved just my head to look at the door when someone spoke

“Jiminie, can I come in?”

“Come in Ate Joo”

The door opened revealing my Ate Irene still in her lab coat, I guess she came home early today. Ate sat beside me, with that I laid my head back shifting my head to look outside the window

Another ‘talk’ with ate.

“Jim, how are you?” ate cautiously ask

“Hmm, Just fine I guess”

“I have a proposal to make Jim” well that’s new? usually she would just ask me how I’m doing or how I’m feeling. What changed?

“Do you want to live in a dormitory? You know change of environment ka naman. You’re finally a college student na, why not try something new?” Ate excitedly said, I’m not quite sure but she does have a point.

Eversince I started going to school I’ve always been accompanied, Everywhere I go laging may kasamang yaya and bodyguards. Since my parents are always busy they always make sure na may kasama kami especially me. Ate and Kuya have been independent since high school, but me? Lagi akong may kasamang yaya or bodyguard as per my parents wish, though I’m grateful for them. I know I felt neglected but that doesn’t mean na I want to be followed 24/7. They think of me as “special”, was it because of my abnormal emotional quotient? or was it because of what happened when I was young that made me emotionless.

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