Kissing is a sign of affection. It's a privilege we reserve for those who hold a special place in our hearts. Each kiss carries a unique message - a declaration of endearment, gratitude, and love.

A kiss on the head or forehead is usually platonic or family love. But it can also be romantic in certain situations. A kiss on the hand represents chivalry and is tender. However, when it comes to the lips, it exclusively symbolizes romantic affection. Hyunjin sees his parents daily giving each other a short kiss on the lips. Though one would rather call it a peck in this case.

But why does Hyunjin want to kiss Minho on the lips? Wanting to kiss Minho was nothing inherently astonishing. In fact, a lot of people want to kiss him. Be it old or young folks, boys or girls. Minho’s charisma draws people in. You would hardly find anyone who doesn’t want to kiss him.

He was nation’s favorite after all. Minho is the most popular idol, actor and model in South Korea. Everyone knows his name is synonymous with popularity right now. He is the number one. He is nation’s pick and his face graced various billboards throughout the city. It was basically eye candy where ever you went to.

Everything could be easy if Hyunjin was like everyone else. Having a crush on a celebrity didn’t mean anything. However, unlike the general public, Hyunjin was blood related to Minho. It was weird and forbidden for him to kiss him. Hyunjin knew that what he wants is wrong, but he can’t stop his feelings.

Even though Hyunjin and Minho are brothers, Minho remains blissfully unaware of this fact. Hyunjin himself only found out when he was around 10 years old. One day, he looked through some old photo albums and saw his parents with another baby. On some pictures, they were a happy family of four. When asking about the mysterious child Hyunjin’s parents finally revealed the long-kept secret to him:

Hyunjin has an older brother, Minho, who is two years older than him. They were a happy family but when they were young, they struggled a lot with money and were falsely accused in a drug incident. Afterwards the social security office forced them to hand over their children for adoption as they were not seen suitable to be parents. At that time Minho was only a little over 2 years old and Hyunjin was practically a new born. The social security office couldn’t take away Hyunjin from them, as he was too young, so instead they found a new family for Minho.

Ever since then, they were no longer allowed to have any contact to Minho and only received photos from the adoptive parents once every few years. By law, they were forbidden to meet him until his 18^th birthday, but it didn’t matter as they didn’t want to get involved into his life. They knew he was happy with his new family and telling him the truth would only put a burden on his shoulder. They asked the adoptive parents to never disclose the truth to Minho, they wanted him to become happy.

When Hyunjin saw the picture of his older brother for the first time, he didn’t know what to do with it. He didn’t really care about this Minho guy. To him, he was a stranger, a random face he sees on a photograph that held no emotional connection.

As the years passed Hyunjin tried to push thoughts of his “missing family member” from his mind. He refrained from referring to Minho as 'brother' because, in essence, he was a stranger. He doesn’t know what he likes, he doesn’t know what his voice sounds like it, he doesn’t know anything about him except for the pictures he glimpsed over the years.

Truthfully, he couldn’t care less about his existence until around 5 years later Hyunjin and his family saw Minho on TV for the first time. That’s the moment Hyunjin’s world began to change.

Like any other teen Hyunjin was fascinated by k-pop and quickly found his favorite group and favorite members. He avidly watched interviews, variety shows and basically any available content he could find. Over time, Minho ceased to be a mere stranger in a photograph. He was an idol he adored and frankly, started to have a crush on. However, Hyunjin didn't see him as a brother, that label didn't make sense given that they didn’t grow up together. To Hyunjin it’s just a label in the back of his mind that gnawed at him.

Even right now while watching the TV, Hyunjin feels slightly uneasy. Hyunjin’s sitting in the living room and his mother brings in dinner.

“Hyunjin, come over and eat.” His mother says.

“Can I keep the TV on?” he asks.

“Yes, but lower the volume a bit.”

Hyunjin did as he was told and ate the ample dinner his mother prepared, it was delicious as always. After a while his father asks him:

“Son, should I drive you to the fan meeting event tomorrow? I am off work.”

“Oh yes, that would be great! I don’t need to sweat like crazy in the subway then!”

“Are you already nervous?” His mother asks, smiling warmly at him. Hyunjin stops the chop sticks in his hands on their way to his mouth.

“Very…” he coyly admits, averting his eyes. As much as he had been anticipating this day it, he couldn’t deny his nervousness. It’s been over 7 years ever since he learned about Minho’s existence and tomorrow, he will finally meet him in person.

Later that day when he was going to bed, he checked the recent updates about his favorite groups and idols. Today though, he didn’t dare looking at Minho’s content.

The next day it was crazy hot. They are in the middle of summer and Hyunjin doesn’t know what to wear. He hasn’t been to a fan meet event before so he doesn’t know the proper attire. He wants to look decent, but not overdressed.

He wants to stand out, but not too much. After staring at his closet for what felt like hours he opted for a casual purple shirt and short blue jeans. Hyunjin packs everything he needs and walks to the car where his parents were waiting for him. During the entire ride, he clung tightly onto the entrance ticket to the event as if his life depended on it.

As they drew closer to the venue, the crowd heading towards the event grew denser. They parked at a nearby mall where his parents planned to do some shopping while Hyunjin goes to Minho. Before leaving, his mother hugged him tightly. She didn’t let it show, but Hyunjin knew they wanted to attend the event, but couldn’t. He will convey all their feelings to Minho on everyone’s behalf.

Hyunjin walked through the crowd looking for where to go. His heart pounding stronger every step he got closer to his idols. There was a security control and they checked Hyunjin’s ticket. Luckily everything went smoothly.

After the security check, he was instructed about the fan event’s procedure and only now he learned that he had to queue for each member individually. This way people could meet the idol they are most interested in. After the one-on-one sessions, the event would continue in a larger room, where more fans could watch the idols being interviewed and play games. Currently, he found himself in a relatively small hall, with only a handful of people possessing VIP tickets allowing them to meet the members individually.

“Whom do you wanna meet? You may chose up to 3 members.” The staff was unfriendly, not bothering to make eye contact.

“Can I meet the same person multiple times instead?”

“Sorry, no can do. Tell me names or they will be randomly assorted.” She sounded annoyed.

“M-Minho!” Hyunjin fanatically said. “And…Bang Chan and uhm, Han!” He couldn’t let anyone make this decision for him. After coming this far, meeting Minho was his priority.

“Alright, here are your individual tickets. You have 60 seconds with each member and you have to line up.” The staff handed him three differently colored paper strips.

Pressing the papers against his chest he walked to the only waiting line that mattered- Minho’s. The building was huge and there was constant buzz of conversation in the background.

He ignored all the white noise and focused finding the right lane. Minho’s lane was longer than the other members’ and by counting the people in front of him, he knew he would have to wait at least 30 minutes for his turn.

While waiting he looked around, heard giggling, talking, smelled all kinds of perfume and noticed a diverse crowd, which surprised him. He expected mostly girls to attend this event, but there were some other guys and even older men managed to secure VIP tickets.

His nervousness continued to grow and he tried to take a peek at Minho, but from where he was standing, he could only watch the other members’ booths. They weren’t really booths, but a few meters before each member there were some walls, giving each fan a little bit of privacy. If you could actually call it privacy was questionable as a manager always stood close by to oversee the interaction.

While waiting he contemplated about what to say, how to greet him, what questions to ask and how to act. Should he talk formally or should he wait for the idol to speak first? Lost in his frenzied thoughts, he didn’t realize that there was only one person in front of him. His final 60 seconds started now.

He frantically looked left and right, everyone seemed so calm while his mind was spinning and his heart was racing like crazy. He couldn’t think of anything. The moment he waited for all those years has finally come and suddenly he doesn’t feel ready for it. What if he embarrasses himself? What if he couldn’t get out one word? What if Minho didn’t like him?

Sweat is gathering at his temples and he quickly wipes it away, wanting to look the best as possible when meeting the celebrity for the first time.

And just then, his time was up.

“Next one!” the manager called and lead Hyunjin to his brother.

Amidst the chaos in his head and the bustling crowd around him, he cut out everything and only saw Minho smiling. It was as if he was walking in slow motion approaching him. With every step, he found a new aspect of Minho’s beauty to adore. Minho smiled like an angel and all his nervousness washed away.

The idol didn’t seem real and Hyunjin couldn’t believe this is actually happening. Now, there’s only a partition that reached up to his hips, separating them. He stands around 1 meter away from Minho and it might be his imagination, but he could even smell the Febreze Minho infamously uses as a cologne.

“Hello!” Minho greeted him cheerfully. His entire demeanor was like a bright star, despite wearing a dark blue shirt and a black leather jacket he’s wearing. His personality shined brightly and Hyunjin couldn’t help but smile back to his bias.

“U-uhm, hi” Hyunjin felt his eyes widen and his smile broaden, as his happiness finally became visible on his face. Even though he was at a loss for words, he knew that he had to get a hold of himself, because this was his only opportunity to meet his brother and he needed to make the most of it.

“I-… You can’t believe how happy I am right now. I never expected to see you in person like this! Ever since I learned about your existence, I couldn’t forget about you. Every day when I watch your content, see your updates, read your texts on bubble, you make me smile. I wish nothing but the best for you and I want you to be happy. I genuinely hope you find happiness and receive everything you deserve. I hope that your truth will prevail and the world turn in your favor.” he began, his words overflowing with excitement at first, but gradually becoming more solemn and calm. Minho listened attentively, initially smiling, but it slowly faded into a thoughtful frown. “I don’t know when I will see you again, if ever. And I would be fine watching you from afar for the rest of my life. But I… But before I might never see you again, I need to tell you that… I will always support you. As a friend, as a fan, as just myself. I am here for you.” He continued.

Just as he finished speaking, a nagging alarm went off. No, this couldn't be the end. There was still so much more Hyunjin wanted to say. He couldn't leave like this, not yet.

“I-!” Hyunjin gasped.

“Thank you very much for your words, they really touched me. I really appreciate it. I am fortunate to have such a kind fan like you.” Minho’s response and face remained professional, but Hyunjin could sense that there was something more underneath the surface.

As Hyunjin was about to speak up again, the manager instructed him to leave. But he couldn’t leave just yet, he didn’t want to.

“May I touch you!?” Hyunjin quickly blurted out hysterically before someone could push him away from his spot. “No wait, I worded this poorly. May I hold your hands?! Like, a handshake would be fine?” He looks with pleading eyes at the manager and idol.

“No, it’s not allowed, please leav-“ the manager began but Minho interrupted him by lifting up his hand.

“No, it’s fine.” Minho said and extended out his hand toward Hyunjin. Hyunjin didn’t need to think twice and quickly grabbed Minho’s soft hands before anyone could intervene.

When their hands touched Hyunjin looked into Minho’s crystal-clear eyes. For a moment, it seemed like time stopped and he was able to convey all the feelings and words he couldn’t say out loud.

In this fleeting moment Hyunjin thought about everything he wished for Minho to take with him.

He has watched him from afar and even though he couldn’t personally witness and encourage him overcoming unparalleled heights in his past, he was proud of him. He cherished his smile, his laughter and the way his eyes lit up whenever he was passionate about something. His dreams, his ambitions, they mattered to Hyunjin more than he can ever express.

He may never be able to utter it aloud, but his feelings for Minho run deeper than the bonds of family. No matter the distance, the circumstances, or the secrets that shroud their past, Hyunjin’s love and support for Minho remains unshaken.

In this hidden corner of his heart, he nurtured a love that remains forbidden, but it's a love he’ll carry with him, silently and faithfully, as long as he exists.

So, Minho, take my unwavering support as a testament to a love that dares not speak its name but burns perpetually nonetheless.

Hyunjin firmly squeezed Minho’s delicate hands and smiles at his brother. Suddenly the managers walked in to interrupt their moment.

“This is enough, I need to ask you to leave now. You’ve been occupying Minho way too long and exceeded your allotted time slot.” The manager stated impolitely. Hyunjin gazed at up to the manager and looked back to Minho who appeared a little confused.

Hyunjin gave Minho one final, genuine smile and mouthed a small “bye-bye” before letting go of his brother’s hands first and followed a staff out of the booth. Minho’s hands lingered in the air for a moment before he lowered them. On his way out Hyunjin looked over his should to get one final look at his futile love.

Days and weeks passed after the fan event. Hyunjin coped with everyday life as usual. High school kept him busy and he had to prepare for exams. At the same time Stray Kids released a new song and Minho starred in a new Drama, life couldn’t have been better, almost, that is. But he tried his best to distract himself from the reality he cannot change.

After his exams, his friends suggested sneaking in a night club to have some drinks. Hyunjin wasn’t particularly interested in drinking and was sure they wouldn’t even be let in as minors. However, he decided to join them nonetheless, knowing that these kinds of silly stories often make the best memories in the future.

It’s already past midnight and Hyunjin and 4 of his friends managed to enter a night club. It was loud, dimly lit, smelly and crowded. As Hyunjin roamed the club in search of a drink, he reckons to recognize the person leaning against the bar with a beer in his hand. He walked closer and stood a few feet away, cautiously glancing at the person next to him.

His suspicion was confirmed, when he heard the guy shout his order to one of the bartenders. This was indeed Minho. It seemed like Hyunjin wasn’t as unobtrusively as he thought he was, because Minho looked at him with piercing eyes. They stared at each other for a moment, and after receiving his order, Minho walked towards Hyunjin.

“I know you.” Minho said. He didn’t scream over the loud music and Hyunjin almost didn’t understand it. “But I don’t remember how.”

“Uhm, we’ve met before.” Hyunjin said, not wanting to disclose too much. He felt like having to keep some kind of distance.

Minho shrugged and downed his drink. “Dance with me handsome.” Minho nods his head towards the dance floor and walked ahead. Just then Hyunjin’s drink arrived. He downed it too and immediately followed the older.

They spend the night dancing and drinking their hearts out. At some point Hyunjin forgot about his friends and just enjoyed his time with Minho. When being with him, he didn’t think about him as a celebrity nor as his brother. Minho was just a person he was having a great time with. Minho was drunk the moment they met, but Hyunjin remained sober the entire night. He wanted to cherish every moment he could get.

The loud music encasing the room, Hyunjin and Minho started dancing closer to each other. Hyunjin saw excitement in Minho’s eyes and even though he has no experience with this, he somehow knew what was going to happen next.

“I wanna kiss you.” Minho shouted over to music, continuing to dance. Hyunjin closed his eyes and sighed. He shouldn’t do this, this is wrong. Minho is in no condition to assess this situation. He should do the right thing for the both of them. After some hesitation and a lot of will power, he finally says:

“We- we can’t. It’s just…no. We shouldn’t.”

“Oh come on, I’ve seen the way you look at me. I’m not blind, you know?”

“It’s more complicated than that….” Hyunjin shyly averted his eyes, well aware that his restraint was waning. He shouldn’t take advantage of Minho in this state. Unlike him, he is unaware about their circumstances, he doesn’t know any better.

“I give you 5 seconds. If you don’t walk away or give me a good reason why I shouldn’t, I’m gonna kiss you.”

Hyunjin’s eyes darted back to Minho. This was a situation he couldn’t even dream about. The whole set up seemed unreal. He stopped dancing and observed Minho flirting with his drunken eyes. He wonders just how much Minho still realizes in his current state, let alone what he would remember the next day.

Every fiber of Hyunjin’s being screamed to walk away a thousand miles, to put as much distance between them as possible. He couldn’t tell Minho the truth so running away, was his only option. He always thought he was a righteous citizen, but today he proved himself otherwise.

Hyunjin grabbed Minho’s collar and pressed his lips against his. Closing his eyes, he savored the moment. Minho, in response, grabbed Hyunjin’s neck and head and they passionately kissed. Minho is the first person Hyunjin kissed and he didn’t expect it to feel this good. The music around them faded into the background and all Hyunjin could focused on was Minho. He finally felt connected, they were pulling each other like magnets, but the rules were telling them to ignore those feelings.*

Kissing Minho send an electric spark throughout his body. He felt alive and despite knowing it was wrong, it felt so incredibly right. A kiss on the lips always held a high significance to Hyunjin, and now that he allowed Minho kiss his lips, he might not want to grant anyone else the same privilege.

After some time, they broke the kiss, both gasping for air. Hyunjin’s cheek turned read and he covered his mouth with his hand. His eyes getting watery, but he wasn’t sure what he felt. Inside of him a jumble of feelings collided. He was incredibly happy, excited and delighted, but at the same time he felt confused and felt like he did something wrong. He felt guilty.

“See, kissing me wasn’t that bad of an idea, now as it?” Minho tilted his head and smirked at Hyunjin. Before Hyunjin could respond, Chan approached them to get Minho.

“Minho! We gottta go, Hannie is already waiting for us.”

“Roger boss. See you handsome.” Minho bid his goodbye and excused himself with a mock salute, clicking his tongue. And as quickly as he entered his life in this bar, he left leaving Hyunjin dumbfounded.

After this incident months have passed and Hyunjin wasn’t able to attend any other fan meeting event, nor did he meet Minho somewhere in town.

Whenever he thought about Minho, he softly touched his lips, reminiscing about the night in the club. He didn’t regret what happened, but he felt bad for Minho. He will never learn the truth and he might have forgotten about the incident in the club entirely, given how drunk he was.

Even after months Hyunjin still felt guilty and miserable, because no matter what he did, he can’t change anything. He can’t just come clean with Minho and tell him everything. His parents put in so much effort to protect Minho, that he didn’t want to risk ruining everything for him.

Minho was happy and Hyunjin wanted to make sure it stayed that way. He was in the wrong with his feelings to begin with, he shouldn’t become a burden to anyone else.  Therefore, he decided to back away from Stray Kids and Minho. He needs to put some distance between his long-lost brother and his feelings.

Several months more have passed and Hyunjin finally graduated high school. He passed his college exams and met a nice guy, named Jaehyun, who quickly became his boyfriend. Life finally seemed to be great. At first, he was struggling to ignore his favorite kpop group as their popularity steadily grew and Minho’s photos and videos were literally everywhere, but eventually he managed to cut ties with them.

Hyunjin was deluding himself into thinking that he no longer harbored lingering feelings for Minho. However, he understood that his current situation was the best he could do. He had to look forward and open his heart to new things.

Years passed and one day Hyunjin found himself laying on the couch watching TV in his apartment. He initially turned it on to hear something while eating ramyeon, but when “Knowing Brother” started airing, he decided to continue watching.

At around the middle of the show they introduced a new guest: Minho entered the school room as a soloist. Hyunjin stared at the flickering light of his TV with an emotionless expression. He used to pretend that he didn’t care, but now he really doesn’t care anymore. Over time, Hyunjin realized that no matter what, he could never have a normal sibling-relationship with Minho and that he will always consider him a romantic interest, despite the taboo surrounding his feelings.

On screen he sees Minho happily engaging with the hosts, dancing and talking about the past concert tours.

“What was your favorite part in the last concert?” a host asks. Minho playfully tapped his chin, reminiscing about something special that had happened.

“I really loved it when the fans’ videos were being played on the big screens in the concert hall. I am always so grateful for all the positive words.”

“Which fan stands out to you the most?” another host asked after a while. Someone made a joke and everyone laughed before Minho could reply.

“Actually, I do have one fan that stands out the most. So much so, that I still think about him to this day.” Minho confessed. Hyunjin was about to stop listening, but the idol sounded wistful, which captured his attention.

“When growing up, there were times when I felt an emptiness, as if something or someone was missing. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents dearly, and I wouldn't trade them for anything, as they are the best I could ever wish for. But this mysterious feeling kept creeping up on me from time to time..." Hyunjin squinted his eyes slightly, confused what Minho’s trying to hint at. At the same time, he appreciated hearing more about his brother’s family. He was genuinely happy that apparently, they took great care of him, but at the same time, it stung hearing that someone replaced his parents.

“…And a few years ago, I had a fan meeting in Seoul and this guy, maybe a little younger than me, came up to me. He said he was a fan and he was cheering for me. The way he talked, it seemed like he tried to conceal something and that he wanted me to read between the lines. I could just feel there was something amiss and when he asked for a handshake, I couldn’t deny him that wish.”

“Wait is this guy responsible for why there are handshakes now at every fan meet event you hold?” a host interjected and everyone bursted into laughter again.

“I guess so….” Minho shrugged lifting his arms and giggled. It took Hyunjin a moment to register that Minho was indeed talking about himself. He’s the one Minho is talking about on national television. His eyes widen and he leans forward to the TV.

“…Yeah, so then we shook hands and I suddenly knew:  This is my brother. I’ve never seen a photo, nor did I have absolute proof that I had a brother but, in that moment, I just instantly knew it.” Minho’s voice grew a little shaky.

“So, you had a hunch?”

“I didn’t know this was possible, but I was very certain. I was so confused, but suddenly everything that bothered me when I grew up made sense. And this moment just really stuck in my head.”

“So have you met him again?!” the hosts exclaimed excitedly at the revelation of Minho’s past.

“Nope.” He smiled with flatly pressed lips. The hosts made a few comments and changed the topic. Hyunjin quickly turned off the TV, covering his mouth with his hands.

Once again, Hyunjin is left speechless. Tears started to form in his eyes and they quickly ran down his face. Quiet whimpering quickly turned into full-blown sobbing.

So, Minho knew. He knew all this time. And yet, he didn’t reach out to them, nor did he seem to question his life. No, Hyunjin shouldn’t make such assumptions, he doesn’t know what happened behind closed doors.

At the same time, Hyunjin was relieved, because apparently Minho doesn’t remember them kissing in the club.

So, what was he supposed to do now?

Kissing is a sign of affection. A person’s first kiss is engraved in one’s heart. This kiss is only reserved for that special one you truly love.

Hyunjin knew that from the moment he kissed Minho, there was no going back. He would always love him romantically and could never cultivate the sibling-relationship they both deserved.

Maybe in another life he could be free and love the one he wants to in order to become happy.

As the night went on, he continued to cry his heart out, until he fell asleep due to exhaustion.