Wheein suddenly sat up, that made her head spin. She was woken up by the ringing of her phone, she sighed, wishing that she should’ve just put it in silent mode before sleeping. 

She picked up her phone from the bedside table, formed an ‘o’ when she saw the name of the caller, tilting her head because of confusion. Why is Yongsun calling her at this hour, at 2:17 am? She was hesitant but she answered it nonetheless, she cleared , she does not feel sleepy anymore.

“Hello? Yongsun?” Wheein heard a sniff, a strained sob. “Whee –“ Yongsun did not need to say anything, Wheein’s already standing up from the bed, fishing out the key of her car from a jar that looks like her cat, Ggomo.  “I’m sorry for calling you at this hour, I didn’t mean to wake you up. Good night, Wheein, go back to sleep. I apologize again.”

“No, it’s okay, Yongsun. I’ll drive to your house right now. You won’t call me suddenly if something isn’t up.” Wheein said as a matter of fact, she and Yongsun are friends but for some reason, they are not really the closest but there were a lot of times when Yongsun reached out to her whenever she was not okay. It was heart fluttering for Wheein because Yongsun trusts her enough to share her vulnerable moments with her but at the same time, it was confusing for Wheein, to be honest, they are not the closest but Yongsun can freely share her dark times with Wheein but on the second thought, along with Wheein’s confusion, it makes sense to her.

There are times when Yongsun would show up at her apartment with bottles of soju, sometimes beers, or sometimes both, everyone knows that Yongsun is not a heavy drinker but she would always ask Wheein to accompany her when she feels like drinking. One night, Wheein asked Yongsun why she likes drinking with her, “I like the view in your house, we can oversee the Han River.” Wheein’s eyebrows furrowed with the answer because Yongsun goes to her apartment at night, when it’s too dark to see the said river.

Wheein wanted to drive faster so she can arrive at Yongsun’s place immediately but it is important to drive carefully especially at night, although she can’t help but worry, Yongsun never called her while crying, it really baffled Wheein as to why, Yongsun must be really hurt, Wheein took a deep breath to prepare herself for whatever it was. She never bothered knocking, she just entered Yongsun’s passcode.

Wheein automatically went to Yongsun’s bedroom, her steps faltered, she couldn't help but to look at the picture frames around Yongsun’s house. There are a handful of pictures of Yongsun with her long-time girlfriend, Ock Joohyun. Yongsun met Joohyun when they both starred in a musical called, ‘Mata Hari’, it was such a big hit, Yongsun was still a rookie actress during that time but she managed to sweep the hearts of people in the musical industry. Everyone wanted Yongsun and that includes the biggest and the most renowned musical actress of South Korea – Ock Joohyun.

That’s also the time when Wheein first saw Yongsun, Wheein was enamored, Yongsun was so captivating, she has the most beautiful voice too, Wheein was entranced with Yongsun’s every move. Wheein was asked to document everything, she was a rising director at that time; her fortes are more inclined with live shows so she was able to witness everything, in every angle. Yongsun’s manager introduced Wheein to Yongsun since they’re like co-workers in a way, Wheein as the camera director for the VOD and Yongsun as the actress, she remembered witnessing a nervous Yongsun who only gave her a small smile because of her nerves, again, it baffled Wheein because Solar, Yongsun’s stage name was far from who she really is on stage – Solar’s confidence was overflowing while Yongsun in her dressing room was a nervous wreck.

A year after the musical, Yongsun and Joohyun were rumored to be dating, it caused an uproar, 2 renowned musical actresses are dating each other, in South Korea?! But it was more of a ‘She's into women?!’ moment to Wheein. 

That surely was talked about, even internationally. Both Yongsun and Joohyun received backlash, especially from the conservatives but instead of denying the rumors, both parties confirmed it. Wheein wanted to tell Yongsun to take it back because she just started her career but it occurred to her that Yongsun does not care about the fame, she just wanted to do what she loves and that is to perform as a musical actress. 

Yongsun dating a woman indeed affected her career negatively, unlike her girlfriend who already established her name in the musical industry. Yongsun was a rookie musical actress, she had to lay low for months and she had to reject some projects but Yongsun is Yongsun, a hardworking and a persistent woman for her dreams.

Wheein turned the doorknob of Yongsun’s bedroom, the latter was so into her head that she did not notice the presence of another person inside her room. Wheein sighed, Yongsun looked crestfallen, eyes glossy as the woman stared at her ceiling. Wheein cleared .

“Yong?” She successfully got Yongsun’s attention, the woman’s eyes once again watered, she opened  her arms, inviting Wheein for a hug, probably to comfort herself. Wheein strode towards Yongsun’s bed, she laid down beside Yongsun, facing the woman. Yongsun automatically buried her face on Wheein’s neck, while Wheein put her hand around Yongsun to hug her. She patted and caressed the woman’s back, a gesture that tells that she’ll always be there for her no matter what. After a moment, Yongsun spoke.

“We broke up.” Wheein didn’t hear it clearly, she asked Yongsun to repeat what she had said. Wheein could not believe it, she wanted to ask why but she decided not to. There’s so many questions in her head, she already accepted that there’s no way Yongsun will look at her the way Yongsun sees Joohyun, Yongsun and Joohyun love each other so much, they’re together for almost a decade, well, as far as Wheein knows. Wheein remained silent, she didn't know what to tell the woman so she just resorted to hugging Yongsun tighter. 

It was comforting for the both of them, none of them spoke, basking in each other’s presence. For Yongsun, Wheein does not have to say anything, her presence is enough and she knows Wheein is not the type to talk, it was both amazing and confusing for Yongsun because Wheein is there but at the  same time, she’s far away, there’s like a big wall between them and Wheein never let her through and Yongsun understands, Wheein and her aren’t really the closest, it was ironic actually because whenever she spirals down, Wheein is her one-call-away friend, literally a savior and Yongsun sometimes wishes, she could be there for Wheein in her vulnerable moments too. 

Sometimes, for Yongsun, Wheein is like a star that is too far away to reach, or like a butterfly that you’d rather admire from a distance instead of ravaging its peace. 

Wheein is not the type to talk but she listens well and Wheein never really asks, she’ll wait until you tell her something or you can tell her nothing at all but she will never bug you about it. A lot of people might interpret it as being uncaring or being emotionally unavailable but Yongsun knows that Wheein is caring and genuine. 

For the second time of that day, Wheein was woken up by the ringing of her phone and without much thought, as if her mind was in autopilot, she answered the phone. Hyejin wants her to be the director of her new music video, Hyejin was one of the first kpop idols she had worked with and with how frequent they worked with each other, they became best of friends. 

Wheein sighed, she’s used to her sleep being disrupted but of course, sometimes, she can’t help but to ask why she can never have a peaceful sleep for once. She groaned, wiping her face with the possible remnants of sleep. Wheein heard a giggle so she turned around, she was faced with the most gorgeous woman ever, Yongsun pinkish and grayish hair was a little bit messy but she’s still so beautiful so Wheein felt a little conscious, remembering how they are beside each other, in Yongsun’s bed. Wheein cleared . 

“Good morning, Sorry, did I wake you up?” Yongsun nodded, smiling with her puffy eyes. “And, I didn’t mean to sleep here.” Yongsun yawned and for Wheein, she looked adorable.

“Oh no, it’s okay, it’s not like it’s your first time here. I should be apologizing for making you drive here at dawn.” Wheein smiled, the dimpled one. “It’s okay, Yong. Like what I always tell you, I’m always here for you.” Yongsun patted Wheein’s head, a sign of affection. “Thank you, Wheein.”

“To repay you, I should cook you breakfast before you go home.” Yongsun offered and Wheein agreed, looking forward to Yong’s cooking. The break-up between Yongsun and Joohyun was not mentioned over breakfast. Wheein and Yongsun talked about random and mundane things, they shared giggles and laughter. Yongsun felt good, like the heaviness in her chest was lifted. She thought how much she really likes these little moments with Wheein as if the wall that Wheein built was not there, as if she has a chance to have a glimpse of Wheein’s vulnerable moments too but Yongsun knows that it was far-fetched.

The heaviness in Yongsun’s chest came back when she received a call from her manager, asking about the break-up because several news outlets released articles about it. Even international news outlets.

‘Musical couple - Joohyun and Solar rumored to have broken - up’

‘Mata Hari couple, Kim Solar & Ock Joohyun is over?!’

‘SolHyun couple no more?’

‘Fans react to news of alleged break-up of musical actresses Solar & Joohyun’

‘Ten years' relationship of this Queer Couple of South Korea is finally over?!’

Wheein looked at her with worry and sympathy, the woman was quick to indulge Yongsun in a very comforting hug, Yongsun did not cry but she felt like all her strength was off of her. Wheein guided her to lay on her couch but she refused to let go of the younger woman, Wheein was surprised as she let Yongsun spoon her, she even felt Yongsun take a deep breath like she was inhaling her scent. Wheein’s heart beat fasten, she tried to create at least a little distance between her and Yongsun, scared that the older woman will feel the racing of her heart but Yongsun pulled her closer, as if Wheein’s the only thing that is left for her, as if Wheein’s her only source of strength, “Please, don’t leave.” Yongsun sounded desperate and in a snap, Wheein let her walls crumble, the wall she created around her heart to keep it safe is now slowly shattering.

Wheein’s visits to Yongsun’s house became frequent, it was almost everyday and sometimes, she would sleep over. Wheein could say that they unlock a new level of closeness. Yongsun often invites Wheein to drink, sometimes Wheein helps Yongsun with her scripts for the musical and to decide which role to choose. So now, they are on Yongsun’s couch and the woman is practicing & memorizing one of the songs that she will perform. Yongsun was singing softly, unlike what she was known for - the powerful and belty vocals, she had this longing look in her eyes that Wheein cannot help but to be mesmerized. As a director, it amazes Wheein how Yongsun’s really into her role, like it was raw and real. 

Maybe it was.

But Wheein brushed off the thought, she continued listening and staring at the woman in front of her. Yongsun’s sweet voice filled the living room. The story of the musical is about a woman who can’t be with the love of her life in any lifetime because of a curse. The protagonist is longing for someone but she has no idea who that someone is so nothing fills the void. Yongsun closed her eyes, feeling every lyric, conveying the supposed emotions, and singing every melody with ease. Yongsun could feel the intensity of Wheein’s eyes even with her eyes closed, she wanted to ask what Wheein thinks about her little performance so she opened her eyes, only to be met with the most loving eyes. The younger woman was staring at her with admiration and fondness, her singing abruptly stopped, her breath suddenly hitched. She observed Wheein's eyebrows furrow because of worry.

“You don’t have to worry all the time, Wheein.” Yongsun softly laughed as she watched Wheein’s facial features relax. 

“I can’t help it, I mean worrying, for you.” Yongsun can’t help the warm feeling that is now blooming in her chest. Wheein is always by her side, no questions asked. She feels really grateful for Wheein.

“I am sorry for making you worry and thank you for always being there for me, for everything.” Yongsun genuinely said. Yongsun also wanted to apologize, she feels like she left Wheein with no choice but to be there for her. It is like she had taken her for granted. Yongsun was about to but Wheein beat her to it.

“No problem, I am always here for you, you can always tell me everything.” Wheein said as she reached for Yongsun’s hand that was on the woman’s lap, rubbing her thumb on her knuckles softly. Yongsun was surprised at first because Wheein is never the one to initiate such contact. She grabbed Wheein’s hand, clasping both of her hands around it. She stared at Wheein’s eyes, “Believe it or not, I would never know what to do if I didn't have you, Wheein.” Yongsun said, she sounded almost breathless, like she wanted to get it out from her chest for a long time now. 

Wheein thought it was uncalled for, well, she just did not expect Yongsun to say such words. It’s not like Yongsun never thanked her before, it’s just that she was never really at the receiving end with those kinds of words. Wheein felt appreciated, important and she almost wanted to berate herself for feeling that way. She also kept reminding herself that she and Yongsun are just friends and it is very normal for friends to thank each other, especially in moments like those.

And Yongsun is never really the type of person to cross the line, right? 

Right? 

And Wheein is not that dumb to let it happen, right?

Right?

Also, Yongsun just came from a break up of a ten-year relationship. It is impossible for her to see me as more than her friend given the circumstances, Wheein thought.

It was one of those nights again, but instead of Wheein going to Yongsun’s house, Yongsun’s going to Wheein’s place with the alcohol of her choice. She actually felt bad for making Wheein go to her place all the time and of course, the most caring Wheein reasoned that she can just drive to Yongsun but the older woman insisted, using the Han River as an excuse, again. Honestly, the Han River excuse is lame even to Yongsun but how can she explain to Wheein that she loves being in her company, especially in her cozy place, without making it weird? 

Well, it is not weird. Why would it be? We’re friends. Yongsun said to herself. Wheein gave her the passcode so she could just enter in the younger woman’s place, she was welcomed by a cat tower, an overgrown grass or plant that is very tilted to the side, Yongsun thinks it’s for her cat, Ggomo because she can see him biting it. 

“Hi, Ggomo.” Yongsun greeted, the cat stopped what he was doing when he heard his name being called to stare at Yongsun. If Yongsun is being honest, she felt judged, like the cat knew her darkest secret because of his stare whenever she visited.

 “Oh, you’re here already.” Ggomo and Yongsun’s staring contest was interrupted when Wheein emerged from her kitchen. Wheein giggled, finding her amusing again.
“You looked funny, why do you look so surprised?” The younger woman asked as she continued to chuckle at Yongsun.

“Oh, nothing. I was just thinking if Ggomo is judging me with his stare.” That made Wheein laugh as she watched her cat destroy the poor grass or plant, Yongsun is not really sure.

“We’ll never know, he has his ow