O too this is so dramatic this shaking

Of my great planet that is bigger than you thought it would be

So you ran and hid

—

Jeju is warm in the summer, always leaving Byul feeling on the wrong side of sticky whenever she spends so much as five minutes outside. Still, she supposes that compared to the sweltering temperatures in Seoul, the humid sea air is preferable. Their managers must be thinking the same thing because their hotel has beachfront access and because it’s the height of summer there are lots of tourists and locals enjoying the beach, especially now that the sun is close to setting and the heat isn’t as oppressive. 

She manages to find a relatively isolated corner of the shoreline for herself; and because sunburn and tan lines are a thing that physically haunt her, she’s also wearing a long-sleeved rash guard, long beach pants, cap, sunglasses, and face mask that cover every inch of her skin. Byul is sweaty, sticky, and more than a little sleep-deprived thanks to their early departure from Seoul and there’s nothing she wants more than to curl up back in the hotel room’s air conditioning for a nice, long nap before dinner.

Except that the reason she can’t is currently splashing around in the sea right now.

Beneath her facemask, Byul grins at the sight of Yong playing around in the water. The moment they had gotten settled in at the hotel, Yong had begged her manager to accompany her to the beach, when he had disagreed, she had turned to Byul and she was helpless to resist. 

They’re here for a MAMAMOO+ fan meeting to generate hype for a new, long-awaited comeback. Their first one since–

Byul winces. The irony of having to do a fan meet tour with your ex-girlfriend who knows that you still have feelings for her because you told her while she was waiting for her current girlfriend at the place where you used to go on dates together isn’t lost on Byul. That had been a few months ago now but the memory still burns clear and bright behind her eyelids. 

It’s not that she regrets being honest with Yong, but it’s definitely another tiny hurt piled against the long list of aches she’s carried in her heart since they broke up.

She sighs. If she were a stronger person she would just let all of this go and spare herself the emotional turmoil. Except she can’t because–

“Byul-ah, can you hand me my towel?”

Yong’s voice brings her out of her thoughts. Suddenly the other girl is in front of her, dripping with seawater and limned against the late afternoon sun. Yong is also in a full-bodied rash guard but still, Byul feels her breath catch as goes dry. Her wanting is a low current running through her limbs, always.

Yong frowns. “Yah, are you asleep or something?”

Byul shakes her head and tosses the towel they had brought from the hotel room at Yong’s face. “I was not sleeping!”

Yong laughs and it brings a fresh wave of want coursing through her. “You could have fooled me. I can barely see you underneath all that!”

She just chuckles in response and scoots over on the beach mat to make room as Yong plops down next to her. 

“Come on, at least take off the mask, I’m feeling sweaty just looking at you,” Yong says as tucks her feet in to prevent her toes from touching the sand. 

Byul scoffs but does what she’s told anyway. She turns to face Yong, a smirk on her face. “There. You happy?”

Yong’s grin is still playful but something in her eyes softens and Byul has to look away. “Thank you Moon Byul-ssi,” Yong says, in that childish voice she uses when she knows she got away with something. 

There’s silence for a few beats and from the corner of her eye, Byul can see Yong squirm in her seat a bit. A clear sign that the other girl is working up the courage to say something.

She beats her to it.

“How was the water?”

Yong looks up, eyes wide like she was caught off guard. She gives a shrug. “Really good. Kind of cold but in a refreshing way, especially since it’s really hot.”

“You looked like a seal bobbing around in the water,” Byul says.

It has the desired effect of Yong smacking her in the face with a damp towel. It knocks the hat and sunglasses right off her head so Byul laughs and retaliates by splashing her bottled water in Yong’s face. Yong sputters and tries to wrestle the bottled water from her hands but Byul holds it out of reach so Yong pinches at her side. Soon they’re both laughing and there’s a wet spot on Byul’s side where Yong is leaning into her, trying to reach the water bottle.

“You’re such a child!” Yong says, even as she gasps for air between laughs.

Byul is laughing too, tears streaming down her face and for a moment she lets herself forget. Right now they could be just like the dozens of other couples here on the beach, just enjoying the sun, the sea, and each other. When the laughter dies down they enter one of their familiar silences and Byul is grateful that after everything , they can at least still have this. 

After a while, Yong says, “Are you ready for tomorrow?”

It’s a vague question, but Byul can hear the hidden layer beneath it. The ‘ Are we okay?’ is as loud as if Yong had actually said it. They never talked about what Byul said at the Han those months ago, which is just as well. She doesn’t think she can take her heart being broken a second time. 

She thinks about taking the easy way out and making her answer about work anyway. Then she looks at Yong and sees that there’s a nervous set in . Byul sighs. 

“Of course,” she says and means it. “I know it’s a bit–” she shakes her hand to convey the stilted awkwardness that is their shared history, Yong nods in understanding. “--but you’re happy and I’m happy so tomorrow will be great!”

Yong just nods, and for that, Byul is eternally grateful. Around them, the shoreline is slowly emptying out. Parents usher their children out of the water so they can wrestle them into a bath to prepare for dinner. The stragglers that are left are either old grandmothers, walking the shorelines for seashells, or small friend groups taking photos and tiktoks as the light around them turns gold in a pink and purple-tinged sky.

“This is a nice place,” Byul says, offhandedly, trying to steer the conversation to more neutral waters. She leans back and rests her weight on her palms. “We should vacation more.”

It’s an old running joke, especially since amongst all their members, the two of them are the ones who very rarely indulge in long periods of time off. Yong hums, a fond smile curling up the corners of her lips. Her laugh lines are a bit more prominent now that they’re older, and the sight of it sets Byul’s heart racing. 

Something in Yong’s expression shifts. Byul looks away because if she stares any longer, she’s going to say something they might both regret. Instead, she tries to go back to enjoying the silence. Her gaze sweeping across their fellow beachgoers. 

In the far distance, Byul can spot a male couple leaning close together, one of them has their head resting on the other’s shoulders. It’s a tender sight.

“We broke up.” 

Yong’s words shatter the peaceful calm around them. They come out of nowhere, unprompted and apropos of nothing. At first, Byul doesn’t understand. She feels an irrational anger bubble up in her chest, the heat of it coming up to sting the backs of her eyes. Why would you remind me , she wants to scream. I’ve been doing so well, trying to forget, trying to get over you.

And then it clicks.

She looks over at Yong. The other girl is hugging her knees to her chest like she’s bracing herself against something. She looks so young, Byul thinks, and her heart aches for her. 

“Since when?” She asks.

Yong sighs like the weight of the world is on her shoulders. “Last month. She–we–” She cuts herself off and buries her face in her arms. “I ended it.” Her voice is muffled, but Byul can still hear the note of shame there.  

Byul closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, she tries very hard to stamp down the small spring of hope popping up in her chest.”Why are you telling me?” 

She can’t look at Yong. She can’t . If she does, any progress she’s made over the last year and a half will slip through her fingers like fine sand. From her peripheral, she can just barely see Yong clenching and unclenching both hands.

“Because,” Yong says, words coming out in a rough whisper, almost drowned out by the sigh of the waves against sand, “I–I thought that–I mean I just realized that–uhm.”

Her heart breaks for Yong, it really does, even after everything. At the end of the day, Yong is still her best friend first, more than anything, and Byul knows that at some level, Sodam had made her happy. Even if, apparently, it was only for a short while. 

Which is why, if their places were switched, Byul knows what she would want from her best friend.

She sidles closer and nudges Yong’s shoulder with hers. Yong takes the hint and rests her head there, where she has so many other times before. Byul can feel a damp spot forming where Yong’s hair is pressing into her own rashguard.

“I’m sorry,” Byul says.

“I feel like I’ve just been wasting everyone’s time,” Yong says, and Byul does her the courtesy of pretending not to notice that her voice cracks. She opens to protest but Yong has more to say.“Yours, Sodam’s. Everyone. All because I couldn’t—” The words cut off into a sob so Byul wraps an arm around Yong’s shoulders.

There are even fewer people along the shore now. Something she’s eternally grateful for.

“For the record,” Byul says, voice soft, “I never thought you wasted my time.”

Yong sniffles, “Liar.” She wipes at her eyes and her nose with the back of her hand and takes a few shaky breaths to try and settle herself.

Byul huffs out a laugh, “I’m not lying!” She adjusts them so that they’re facing each other, “I mean, did you shatter my heart into a million pieces when we broke up? Yes,” It’s the truth, but she’s smirking anyway so that Yong knows she’s teasing. 

It works because Yong rolls her eyes and returns the smile, albeit a bit sheepishly. 

“But,” Byul continues, sincere now, “even after, I didn’t think any of it was a waste.”

Yong reaches out and laces their fingers together. Byul has to breathe through the rush of longing. “I didn’t think it was a waste either,” Yong whispers into the air between them. 

Byul’s only human, she can’t help the pleasant effect those words have on her emotions.

They fall back into a long silence, and Byul takes the opportunity to ground herself in the moment. Around them, the sky and the sea are a clean, cobalt blue and the first stars are starting to twinkle above. The resort lights are casting gold flecks across the sea and the sight really is very pretty. 

“I’m sorry, by the way,” Yong says, “about breaking your heart.”

Byul winces but she shrugs it off.

“If it makes any difference,” Yong says, slowly, nervously, “I broke mine too that day.”

Byul’s breath hitches in .

“And if I could,” Yong is looking up at her, hopeful and so, so, so beautiful. “I’d take it all back.”

She isn’t sure how they end up kissing. Only that, between the space of one breath in the next, Yong’s lips are on hers and Byul feels herself holding on for dear life. It’s warm and soft and Byul isn’t sure if the salt she can taste is from the seawater or Yong’s tears but she doesn’t care because it is everything she’s been missing for over a year. If a tsunami came and wiped them all away right then and there she would die happily. 

Except there’s a wriggling thought in the back of her mind and despite her efforts to ignore it, it grows stronger and louder until she has to pull away. “Wait,” she says, a little breathless. 

Yong scoots back like she’s been electrocuted. Her eyes are wide and hurt and even in the steadily growing darkness of night Byul can still just make out a furious blush painting the tips of her ears. “I’m sorry,” she gasps back, already moving to stand up, “I shouldn’t have–”

“No, no, no, just wait ,” Byul grabs at Yong’s wrists and pulls her back down, “I didn’t mean, I didn’t like it.” Yong settles back down but won't look at her so Byul adjusts her grip so that she’s rubbing small concentric circles into the pulse points of Yong’s wrists. “I just think,” she says slowly, like she’s afraid to frighten the other woman away, “that we should maybe take this slow?”

 She watches some of the tension bleed out of Yong’s shoulders and considers that a win. 

“Oh,” Yong says.

“Yeah.” 

“So just to be clear,” Yong says, suddenly shy. There’s a pretty, little, hopeful grin just begging to lift the corners of . Byul wants to kiss her again. “You want this too? With me? Again?”

Byul huffs out a laugh and leans forward until their foreheads are pressed together. “Just to be clear,” she parrots back, “I think you’re it for me. I think you always were.”

Yong’s smile grows a little bit brighter as she nods and waits because she knows Byul has more to say. She loves that Yong knows that about her. She loves her. 

“But,” Byul continues, “I think we’ve both changed a bit since last time, and I want us to be really sure before we go diving into this again.” 

Yong nods again like she understands because she does. There are still tears clinging to her eyelashes and her voice is still a little thick from crying but she says, “You’re right, and I’m okay with going slow,” Finally, finally Byul feels the last of the aches she’s been carrying around for a year and a half melt away.

“Plus,” Byul’s teasing now because if there’s one thing she’s really missed, it’s getting to mess with Yong like this, “I’m too good to be a rebound.” She says it with a salacious wiggle of her eyebrows and the annoyed groan Yong makes is like a balm to her soul.

“You’re the worst,” Yong says, “I’m already regretting this.” She’s smiling as she says it

“Have i ever mentioned,” Byul presses on, because she’s just so light now that she gets to have this again so she really can’t help herself, “That I think you look extra cute after you cry? You get this little blush on your cheeks and your nose and you–”

“Oh my god, shut up!” Yong shoves her back down into the beach mat. Byul just smiles, elated and hopelessly enamored.

Yong smiles back and reaches out again to link their hands together. Night has fully settled around them and as a warm sea breeze blows past, Byul thinks she actually doesn’t mind the summer heat after all. 

—

I will not cry also

Although you will expect me to

I was wiser too than you had expected

For I knew all along you were mine