“Where are you going?”

The little girl's voice at the top of the stairs made Ryujin freeze. Her hand shook, hounding the handler. For a second, she imagined herself opening the door without looking back.

“Ryujin?” Yuna’s voice sounded small and insecure.

She turned around slowly, her heart beating fast at the thought of Yuna not being alone. But she was. She let out a breath and approached the end of the stairs slowly as her sister made her way down.

“You should be on your bed.” Ryujin finally said as Yuna stood before her, a couple of steps up.

“You too.” Yuna looked at the bag on Ryujin’s back and the teddy bear in her hand. “You’re going away.” It wasn’t a question.

“I’m sorry.” That was all Ryujin could say. It wasn’t a lie. She was sorry for leaving her siblings behind, but she wasn’t sorry for pursuing her dreams. 

“It’s her, isn’t it? The soldier. She’s the reason why you smile so much now.”

Ryujin nodded. There was no point in denying it. Of course, Yuna would figure it out. Of all people, her little sister was always the one who never stopped surprising her. Kids are so intelligent.

“I love her.” The words were out of , leaving behind a soft smile. 

It was Yuna’s turn to nod. For the first time, Ryujin could see something mature about her sister. She looked a bit older, but the trembling bottom lip showed the truth. Yuna was just a kid trying to be brave to protect her sister's happiness. 

“And she loves you?”

“Yes.” 

“You better go then.” Yuna’s voice finally broke, the unshed tears making her vision blurry. But she didn’t cry. She refused. “Before mom and dad wake up.”

"Yuna..." Tears welled up in Ryujin's eyes, mirroring Yuna’s. But unlike her sister, Ryujin couldn’t help but let them trickle down her face as her arms embraced the younger. "This isn't a goodbye, okay? We'll see each other again."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise." The hope in Ryujin's voice made Yuna believe every word because the older sister believed in them. No matter how much time passed, they would find each other again, even if it took a while. Ryujin squeezed the stuffed bear one last time before handing it to her sister. "Keep him. He guarded my secrets. Maybe he can guard yours now."

Yuna took the bear and looked at it for a second. The grey teddy bear had been her sister’s silent friend for years, always keeping her company. His button eyes looked back at her. It felt familiar. She hugged him tightly, watching as Ryujin gave her a small smile before walking away. 

When she passed through the door, Yuna ran to the window, watching as the older vanished amidst the flowers in the garden. Ryujin didn't look back even once.

The younger sister wiped her tears and looked at the gray bear in her hands one more time, the last trace of her sister. Her heart tightened as the loose eye, which had been wobbly for a while, finally fell and rolled onto the floor. Yuna carefully picked up the button. She would find a way to put it back. She ran her hand over the teddy bear's face fondly, as if he could understand her good intentions.

That's when she noticed something strange. In the small hole that had opened when the eye fell out, there was something white that didn't seem to be the usual stuffing of the bear. She picked at the edge of whatever it was, immediately noticing it was a piece of paper. Yuna carefully pulled it out, realizing there seemed to be many more inside the teddy bear. The handwriting was undeniably Ryujin's. Letters, notes, and stories, everything important that her sister had written was hidden in there.

One day, the little gray bear had kept her sister's secrets, and now it was Yuna's turn.

When her daughter turned six years old, Yuna gave her the teddy bear that once belonged to her sister. She had kept everything that Ryujin had hidden inside it in a small wooden chest stored at the back of her wardrobe. In all the years that had passed, her daughter had been the only person to whom Yuna told the true story of her sister. Many knew what had happened, but didn’t know all. Others didn't know what to ask to hear an answer. But children are smart, and Yuna knew that her daughter would appreciate Ryujin's story the way her sister deserved.

After the day she left, Yuna had never seen Ryujin again.

On the morning after the escape, their parents had been frantic. But the feeling was soon been replaced by disappointment and anger when they found out Ryujin had fled with the gardener. They searched for her for a while but never found a trace of her whereabouts, and after a few months, they stopped looking.

The only person Yuna remembered suffering as much as she did from Ryujin's departure was Jisu. The eldest of the three was devastated and almost postponed her wedding because of it. She and Chaeryeong had some fights, but the captain stayed by her side the entire time and even helped lead some of the searches. They got married at the end of that year and moved away due to Chaeryeong's work in the army. Yuna and Jisu never lost touch, meeting periodically and communicating through letters.

However, the letter Yuna had received wasn't from Jisu.

She knew who it was from the moment she saw her name written in the middle of the letter that had no apparent sender.  And as much as there was a desire deep in her chest to rush upstairs and check if the handwriting on the letter was truly Ryujin's, there was a much quicker way to confirm it. Taking advantage of the fact that her husband had gone to put their daughter to sleep, Yuna finally opened the letter. 

Over the years, she had heard a few comments here and there about where her sister might be, but Yuna had never heard anything come directly from Ryujin. Whispers would come here and there from time to time, but it was hard to know what was true or not. All she knew was that her sister was somewhere in the West and that she was well.

So when Yuna’s eyes met Ryujin's familiar writing, she couldn't help the tears welling up at the first few words.

To my dearest sister, whom I miss deeply,

My dear sister, how are you?

I’m sorry

I’m sorry

Hello Yuna, I’m sorry

I've spent days contemplating how to write this letter. So much time has passed that it's hard to know where to begin. It's been 17 years without seeing you, more time without you than with you. You were only a kid when I left, but I hope you still remember me as I remember you. 

I’m so sorry.

I think an apology would be the most appropriate thing to say first. Yuna, I'm so sorry. I should have tried to reach out before, but I didn't know how . Things were difficult.I didn’t know if I was allowed to miss you. I couldn’t. I tried. I will explain why I didn’t, but I don’t think anything I say might be enough of an excuse. I’m truly sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me.

After I left, things became very uncertain. When they started to improve, I wrote to our old address a few times but never got any responses. I imagine the letters reached our parent’s hands before they could ever reach yours or one of our siblings, and their silence was a painful answer. 

But I found you, as I said I would. It just took me way longer than I would’ve liked to, and for that I’m sorry. I hope one day we can fix things. I hope this letter can be the first step towards that. 

I'll start from the beginning, from where things make the most sense in my mind. When Yeji and I left town.. .— No, I should probably say something before I start . I think it's better to make a small intermission here . First, I need to make an introduction.  I don't think I've ever personally told you her name, and I hoped that you could get to know each other under different circumstances. Maybe someday. Words sometimes fail me when I need to talk about her; that's the effect she has on me. Her name is Yeji, and she is the love of my life, Yuna. She's the reason I smile every day, and without her, I wouldn't be writing this letter in the first place. Yeji's the one who gave me the strength to write, and I can't wait to tell you more about her.

So, when Yeji and I left town, things got complicated. We planned to catch the first boat out of the country to America. Can you believe it? We were doing something crazy, leaving with what we could carry in our small suitcases and a bit of money just enough to start anew. But it wasn't easy. We were impulsive and didn't plan properly. We missed the first boat, and the next boat out wouldn't leave for another month. Everything seemed lost because the next day, there were guards and soldiers all over the town searching for us. I knew that if they caught me, I would be sent back home, but I didn't even want to think about what they would do to Yeji.

We were at the docks when we almost got caught. It hadn't even been 24 hours since we were together, and we were about to be separated again. But then, Yongbok showed up . But then Felix showed up. Do you remember him, Yuna? He’s the soldier who danced with me that night. Yongbok is his birth name. 

He had been very kind to me, but there was no reason for us to believe he would help. After all, we were running away and trespassing on his father's docks. But he found us. I can never forget the look on his face when he saw Yeji. He froze. His face turned pale, and his voice didn't seem to come out. We were about to run when he said, "Your eyes... You have his eyes."

I think I need to give you a little more context for this situation, but I imagine you've read the letters and stories that were in the teddy bear. They contained many pages of my story with Yeji, many of our moments together that I needed to write down to make sure they would stay with me forever. They were the start of a book I knew I desperately needed not only to write but to live. A story with I still hope the end is far away. I never had a chance to show them to her the way I wanted, but I know you found them. And it's okay. I left them with you for a reason.

I know you've read them. I know my little sister. But in case things have gotten lost for some reason, here's some information: In the first years of his military service, Felix fell in love with another soldier. His name was Hyunjin, Yeji's brother. I think in his life, Yongbok never loved anyone else like he loved Hyunjin. So when he saw Yeji and me at the docks, somehow he recognized her, and when he showed us the dog tags with Hyunjin's name, we knew we could trust him.

Felix hid us in his house until the next ship arrived and we could get away. His father was the only other person who knew where we were, and he helped us as he could. We worked at the docks during that time, every penny was important to us. So we spent a month hiding in plain sight, and when it was time to leave, the fear was strong, but the desire to explore the world together was even stronger.

And Yeji was perfect. She worked all day at the docks, carrying heavy boxes under the sun, and never complained. I couldn't go out for fear of being recognized. Yongbok’s dad taught me how to cook and care for the house, so that was my only job for the time we spent there. Yeji and I even had disagreements for a while. The fear began to haunt us, and doubts weighed heavy on our hearts. We got through it even on our worst days, because we knew being separated would hurt much more.

We spent weeks sharing a tiny cabin on the ship, and I got terribly seasick due to the motion, but Yeji took care of me. I was very weak, and rare were the moments when I could actually eat something and feel well enough to get out of bed. That's when I realized how love was somewhat different from the beautiful moments I used to read about in books because Yeji loved me even in my ugliest moments.

When we finally arrived in America, I still hadn't recovered and couldn't do much. My friend, Jimin, who had moved here, was the one who welcomed us for a while. Her name is Karina now. I think you might remember her. She and her wife helped us get settled, but that was only for a while. The city they lived in wasn't what Yeji and I wanted for our lives. It was all too big, too new, and too noisy. A dream of modernity that wasn't ours. We were in a new continent where I spoke little of the language, and poor Yeji couldn't understand a thing.

Just imagine, we got close because I was teaching her to read and write, and suddenly we were back to square one with more difficulties. It was all very stressful, and we desperately needed a job. Yeji wanted me to focus on writing my stories, but my english was very basic, and publishing a book in another language wouldn't be possible. I would have to go back to studying, but we didn't have the money for it.

Finding a job was difficult for me. Living surrounded by people who do everything for you certainly makes you inexperienced in many aspects, and not being able to prove my education and having little money made everything worse. So, even though I spoke some english, Yeji could find a job much more easily.

She did a little bit of everything, I swear to God. There were weeks when Yeji worked in construction and others when she helped in hair salons. Days when she delivered newspapers and days when she repaired clothes. Days when she delivered milk in the mornings, took care of gardens in the afternoon and cleaned bars at night. 

Honestly, I don't know how she endured all of this. Especially because people didn't treat us well most of the time. They usually don't like foreigners around here. I missed