It's Friday and Yong’s wiping down the bar in preparation for the opening, already anticipating the impossibly large crowd of multicolored-haired, multi-pierced, boots-and-stockings-clad twenty-somethings that the Lilac Brewery tend to attract like moths to a flame.

The last time she had been back was just a little before the fourth wave. Her boss had texted her with pleas to go salvage some of the expiring fruit in their industrial freezer and the sight of the bar back then, empty and silent, had scared her a bit. Living through a pandemic really .

Even now, masked up, fully vaccinated, and with Seoul not having any new cases in over half a year, she feels the phantom paranoia clawing at her brain at the idea of so many people cramming into one space. Eating. Drinking. Possibly screaming their lungs out.

Still, a job’s a job, and she had promised the owner that she would come back to work as soon as the night clubs were allowed to operate again. Never let it be said that Kim Yongsun is not a woman of her word. So when Moon Byulyi saunters in, in her thigh high leather boots and oversized black blazer, Yong thinks it’s forgivable that she doesn’t notice the other girl right away.

Byul dyed her hair back to blonde some time during quarantine and there are screenshots on Yong’s phone from when Byul had video called her in the middle of the night with a spur of the moment urge to dye turquoise streaks into her hair. The streaks are still there, and with the swipe of turquoise shadow on Byul’s eyes, the younger girl looks even more striking than usual. 

“Hey,” Byul says, trying to sound casual, although her fingers are flicking restlessly at her sides, the way they do when she’s nervous. Yong finds that a little strange. Before the pandemic, Loser Crew played a string of sold out gigs all across the country, they were a crowd favorite at the Busan Rock Festival twice. Surely Byul can’t be having an onset of stage fright, not for a small gig at a niche indie bar in Seoul’s nightlife district. 

“You dyed your hair,” Byul says, apropos of nothing. Then again, she hasn’t performed in front of a crowd in over a year. Maybe she has a reason.

“Yeah,” Yong’s hand immediately comes up to smooth the ends of her hair. She had sent a picture to Byul the day she decided to get her haircut chin length, and with full bangs, but dyeing her whole head a deep red, she hadn’t decided on until just last night. “I mean, it was sort of on a whim and I have a box of black dye at home if--”

“No!” Byul is still fidgeting, “Uhm. I like it. You look good, Yong.”

“Thanks,” Yong replies. “Miss me?” Her tone is flippant, but she’s actually really curious. They haven’t seen each other in person in over a year and texting with the occasional video call can only get you so far. She wants to know if Byul missed her at all in that time.

Byul glances around the Lilac Brewery. When she’s ascertained that they’re alone, no bar manager by the stage and no early evening stragglers walking through the door, she rips her mask off. “Take your mask off.”

She hesitates for a beat before taking her mask off, and then Byul reaches over to press her lips to Yong’s in a quick, chaste kiss. Just as her eyes flutter shut, Byul moves to pull away. If Yong makes an irritated noise in the back of , it’s easily covered up by Byul’s smiling mouth as the girl leans in to kiss her again, more heated this time, her palm cupping the curve of Yong’s cheek. It’s probably good that the bar is between them for this, she’s not sure her self control is enough to keep this from escalating.

---- Six Years Ago----

“And as an added perk for all our employees, you can have a free drink on the house, each night.”

Yongsun smiles politely, “Oh um, thank you for the offer but I’m not really--”

“Ah, it’s fine,” the bar owner’s smile is jovial as he waves the apology away. “I just wanted to make the job a little more fun for all you young folk. The offer stands though, so if you have friends perhaps you can entice them each night by saying they get a free drink by knowing you.”

Yong smiles and nods to be polite. There’s no need to tell the owner that this is her first time even attempting bartending and she doesn’t exactly have any friends here. This is only supposed to be a temporary job anyway, just something to help with rent until she can get on her feet and figure out what her next move is. 

The bar owner stops right in front of a raised platform. There are three girls already there, one on the drums, on the bass, and one doing vocal warm ups by the mic, her hair is a fluorescent orange. “And here, we have The Loser Crew.”

“Sorry? The Loser Crew?”

One of the girls--the orange haired one on the mic--laughs. “Uncle likes to be cheeky to hide the fact that our band is the only reason people visit his bar.”

It’s the owner’s turn to laugh. He’s a friendly and warm man in his late forties, if Yong had to take a guess. The type that tells dad jokes and tries to get with the kids. It’s sort of endearing and she feels a little better about taking the bartending job if the owner is this nice. “Now, now. Be nice before I tell your father you’ve been disrespecting your elders.”

The other two girls crow in teasing. The one at the bass catches Yong’s eye and she gives a wink that sends heat pooling in Yong’s stomach.

“This is Ahn Hyejin,” The owner says, stepping up on the platform to wrap an arm around the vocalist. “My favorite niece,” he adds with a pinch to her side. Hyejin rolls her eyes, but hugs her uncle back anyway, “If dad hears you saying that he’ll be so mad.” She addresses Yong now, “this is Wheeinie on drums--” the drummer waves happily, her smile dimpling in the cutest way. “--and Byulyi-unnie is on bass.”

The bassist--Byulyi’s--smile grows. Yong chances another glance at her. Byulyi has long honey-colored hair and enough eyeliner to put the entire female population of Seoul to shame. Yong feels a traitorous blush creep up her neck. 

---- Now----

When they pull apart, Byul is grinning, a little brightly but also a little bit vaguely unsure.

“Yong I--” she fumbles, and normally Yong would joke about the lack of Byul’s usual greasiness, but she’s still a little bit lightheaded from the kiss and she’s pretty sure there’s a stupid grin on her face so she keeps shut.

“You and me,” Byul says finally, “I want us to be together. What do you say?”

It’s not a yes, I miss you but that’s got to be a whole lot better though, right? Before she can do anything more than blink at her in surprise, the rest of the Loser Crew barge into the Lilac Brewery. They don’t exactly pull apart, apparently at some point after the kiss, Byul had laced their fingers together. They both straighten a bit though. Yong blinks a few times to clear her head. 

Hyejin’s hair is the shortest Yong’s ever seen. It hangs about her chin and the ends are dyed blood red, which is in stark contrast to the deep black lipstick she has on tonight. Wheein’s gone blonde too, it seems, in an ombre that shifts from a soft blonde to strawberry blonde as it reaches the ends. 

“Unnie!” 

Even with masks on, Wheein and Hyejin’s voices travel just as loud and clear across the bar. The two greet Yong enthusiastically, hugging her across the bar before they simultaneously whisk Byul away for warmups and practice on the platform that housed the bar’s well-worn instruments: the drumset, keyboard, and bass that Wheein, Hyejin, and Byul had respectively learned on. 

Now look at them, Yong thinks.

----Five Years Ago----

“The key is to just down it in one go, no! Don’t sip it!”

Of course, being her, Yong still sips at the drink anyway.

Byul is laughing, which Yong thinks is entirely unfair since she can barely contort her face into anything that isn’t a grimace. 

“It tastes awful!” Yong says, shoving the half full shot glass back into Byul’s hand. The bassist just continues to laugh before downing the shot herself. “It’s supposed to taste like that!” Byul says, pouring another shot and handing it to Yong.

“I don’t see why this is so important,” Yong says. She eyes the drink warily, hoping that perhaps this time, it won't taste like piss or battery acid or whatever other manner of disgusting liquids Byul has been foisting on her ever since the bar closed.

“You’re a bartender in one of Seoul’s coolest bars!” Byul says, “You should know what you’re serving to the patrons!”

There was a point there, but Yong had long since crossed the line past tipsy to see it. “I might throw up.” She warns. The room was starting to shift a little and she was only three shots deep.

Ever since she started the bartending job, Yong was still no closer to figuring out what her next move in Seoul might be, and she found that she was slowly coming to terms with that. She liked working at the Lilac Brewery, she liked chatting with patrons and learning their favorite drinks and cocktails and making it just the way they liked, she liked listening to the Loser Crew play their indie punk rock music every night.

“Don’t worry,” Byul reaches over to rub a hand up and down her back, “I’ll drive you back to your place.” And yes, she likes this too. Yong likes hanging out with Byul after the last patron leaves, just them talking or laughing, or Byul teaching Yong how to drink.

Byul smiles at her just so, and Yong feels heat pool in the pit of her stomach. There’s a sure flush on her face too. Both these things can be attributed to the alcohol though, so she chooses to ignore them. 

----Now----

Once the Loser Crew starts practicing, Byul doesn’t glance back at Yong, but while she continues prepping bottles and glasses and Byul continues with her sound-check, their gazes lock from time to time, and the question still lingers in her eyes.

When people actually start trickling in, Yong puts her mask back on. They come in gradually at first, and then the place is more full than it’s ever been in the last year. There are some things that take getting used to. For one thing, every bar patron is temperature checked before entering, and masks are required. Yong’s also wearing gloves, which doesn’t help with her dexterity with the bottles, but soon enough she loses herself to the routine of taking orders, mixing cocktails, and pouring and serving drinks. Every chance she gets, she sneaks glances at the stage.

On the whole, she’s neutral on The Loser Crew’s music, she’s always been a little more partial to catchy pop beats, but she loves watching Byul perform. She’s got this thing where she sways along to the beat as she’s strumming, somehow getting lost in the song and still being so present in the performance at the same time. 

Yong isn’t ashamed to admit that more than once, her eyes are drawn to the way Byul’s long fingers move nimbly against her bass, skilled in the same way she’s felt them curl inside her. She needs to immediately stop that line of thought though because she’s working and that way lies madness and a broken bottle.

Still, if the way the crowd is responding is any indication, their year long sabbatical due to the pandemic has done nothing to dampen The Loser Crew’s overall stage presence and appeal. Their music is loud and melodic, Hyejin’s raspy vocals melding with Wheein’s honey tone while Byul deeper register rounds it all out with her bass line. All of them spurring one another onward until the walls of the bar are practically shaking and the crowd is a frantic mess of jigsawing necks and pumping fists.

The Loser Crew perform like they were born for the stage, a radio DJ on Naver Now once said, they don’t need music shows to display their prowess, give them a live stage and they’ll blow you away.

Watching them now, Yong can’t help but agree.   

----Four Years Ago----

Yong pulls out three soju bottles with a single hand, hip checks the fridge closed, and with her free hand pulls out three shot glasses from the rack and sets it all up in a neat little row in front of her friends.

“Wow, Unnie, you’re getting really good at that,” Wheein says, at the same time that Yong opens all three soju bottles in succession and pours each of them a shot like it was nothing.

“If only we could say the same about her alcohol tolerance,” Byul teases. Yong rolls her eyes but hands Byul her shot personally anyway. If she shivers a bit as the calluses on Byul’s fingers linger just a bit against hers, she can just blame it on the air conditioning.

“Aren’t you four quite the sight?” Hyejin’s uncle says as he approaches.

Every few months or so, The Loser Crew get it into their heads to change up their hair styles. “It’s all part of the indie punk culture!” Wheein had insisted with a laugh. Today, they had all managed to convince Yong to join them at the salon, which was how all four of them ended up with wildly varied hair colors. Wheein’s head came out cobalt blue, Byul’s chose varying shades of purple and lavender, Hyejin went rogue and cut her hair into a bob before asking the stylist to dye it lime green, and despite the other three trying to talk her out of it, Yong had half her hair dyed bubblegum pink, while the other half stayed jet black.

“Do you like it, Uncle?” Hyejin asks with a flick of her own head, it really was a bright shade of green, but Hyejin’s darker skin and bold lip really tied it all together. 

“You girls have never looked better,” Hyejin’s uncle replies, his eyes are sparkling with excitement, “Which is good because I have some news!”

They all three set down their soju bottles, even Yong puts down the tall cocktail glass she had been wiping. 

“I just came from a call, a very good call!” Hyejin’s uncle says, trying to hold for suspense.

“Ah, Uncle! You’re making my palms sweaty!” Wheein says. “Just tell us already!”

Yong isn’t sure why she feels nervous, the news is obviously for The Loser Crew which has nothing to do with her, still her heart fluttering wildly in her chest. She feels something warm against her fingers, when she looks down, Byul’s hand is covering her own. She turns her palm up so they can lace their fingers together. They share a look. Byul smiles.

“I just got off the phone with Artist Alliance Recording,” Hyejin’s uncle says, “apparently one of their producers was here last weekend. They saw you girls perform and,” He pauses for suspense but everyone’s eyes are already wide with shock, Hyejin’s jaw has fully dropped and Yong feels Byul’s grip on her hand grow tighter by the second. “--They want to sign you girls for a four year record deal!”

There’s silence for a beat and then--

“NO WAY!”

“Oh my god? Seriously? Uncle this better not be a joke!”

Wheein and Hyejin are screaming their heads off, with the former already running around the tables of the bar laughing and squealing as she went.

Yong takes one look at Byul and the other girl’s bright smile is so blinding that it takes her breath away. Before she can keep up, Byul pulls her into a tight hug. Byul is shaking a bit in her arms and Yong is kind enough not to comment on the tears she feels dropping into the strands of her new pink hair.

----Now----

At a lull between drink orders, Hyejin’s uncle claps her shoulder behind the bar. “Just like old times?”

Yong grins. It does feel good to work again. When the bar had closed for the pandemic, she’s ashamed to admit that she entered a bit of a depressive state. Her sister tried to reach out to her a few times but she resisted at every turn. She wasn’t ready to open that can of worms just yet. The only thing that really kept her afloat was--

The bar erupts into loud cheers and screams. Most of them female. When Yong looks up, it’s to see that The Loser Crew are goofing around on stage between songs. They’re switching up instruments. Hyejin has Byul’s bass draped over her, Byul is sitting by the drumset, and Wheein gamely has a tambourine in her hand. The resulting noise is hilariously cacophonous and the crowd loves every second of it.

Hyejin’s uncle chuckles. “Good to see some things haven’t changed.”

She nods in agreement. There’s not a doubt in her mind that part of the reason Loser Crew shot to fame so quickly is because of how goofy they acted when they weren’t performing. The disparity was both refreshing and endearing.  

“Their manager spoke to me yesterday, you know,” Hyejin’s uncle continues. Yong looks up at him. “They're about to enter into negotiations to get the girls to re-sign for another two years.”

Yong thinks about earlier. About Byul kissing her over the bar when it was just the two of them, about the question she had asked that, technically, Yong still hadn’t answered. She grabs an ice cold bottle of cider from the refrigerator and takes a long pull from it, the tickle of carbonation down calms her a bit.

“It’s a good opportunity for them,” She says at last. Her lips feel a little swollen, but she knows it’s because she had just chugged ginger ale in front of her boss, not because Byul had kissed her earlier.

“It is,” he agrees.

----Three Years Ago----

It must say something about her that she considers herself too old for these kinds of things, but she looks at the special pass around her neck, and the fact that Hyejin’s uncle gave her the night off just for this, and pushes forward anyway. She checks her phone to make sure she’s not too late or too early and frowns a bit at the message she was sent with all the details.

After they released their first album, The Loser Crew became an underground cult favorite almost overnight. It probably helped that they already had a loyal fanbase from their Lilac Brewery performances, which allowed their streams and album purchases to grow steadily. Enough that a year after they signed on with Artist Alliance Recording, their label managed to get them a slot in the Busan Rock Festival.

Yongsun hesitates just outside the perimeter of artist tents. The week before the festival, Byulyi had texted her to say that the band had listed her name as one of their special guests. Then the day before, at work, Hyejin’s uncle had an envelope for her that contained a ticket, a backstage pass, and a number for her to contact when she arrived at the festival.

She thinks about calling Byul, but the current band playing is heavy metal and there are thousands of screaming fans enjoying the performance. Not a good combination. 

Then, almost as if Byul can read her mind from dozens of meters away, her phone pings with a message.

Are you here? 

She cranes her neck a bit to try and peer around the tents and see if Byul is standing somewhere outside. There’s no one. Yong considers her screen again before typing and sending a reply.

Secret

Byul’s reply comes seconds later. :(

Yong laughs to herself and is typing out a more honest reply when another message comes in.

We’re backstage and we’re up next! Hurry up slowpoke!

Yong looks up and towards where the stage is, just in time to catch the heavy metal band saying their goodbyes and a host coming on to introduce the next band. The Loser Crew.

She practically runs towards where the stage is, dodging people left and right, by the time she finally reaches it The Loser Crew are already starting their first song. Around her, the crowd is cheering and screaming, but it’s almost like she can’t even hear them over the music she’s spent over two and half years listening to almost every night at The Lilac Brewery. 

Right now, on the festival stage, with thousands of fans cheering them on, Yong thinks her friends have never looked more radiant. There’s a bright energy around all of them; Hyejin is hyping up the crowd like a pro, Wheein is effervescent as she plays along to the beat, and Byul. It feels like most of her nights watching them, Yong’s eyes are drawn to Byul. She’s swaying along to the rhythm, her lips curved up in a smirk and Yong’s heart is hammering hard against her ribcage.

When the band is making their final goodbyes on stage, Yong wastes no time walking as close as she can and presenting her pass to security and almost a dozen stage hands. In the end she doesn’t even have to call out their names. Byul turns, catches her eye and comes running toward her.

The hug is sticky because Byul is practically drenched in sweat, but it’s also warm and Yong holds on as tightly as she can.

This is it, isn’t it? She thinks to herself as she breathes in that familiar scent that’s so distinctly Moon Byulyi. The point of no return.

----Now----

“Noona!”

Yong turns to grin at the familiar chorus of voices. Once Loser Crew had left to tour, Hyejin’s uncle had gotten a different band to play most nights and Onewe were as talented as they came. It shocks her to realize that she also hasn’t seen them since the pandemic started. 

“I’ve got your drinks right here, boys!” She called out gamely, setting out a row of chilled bottles on the bar just for them.

“Noona is the best,” Even with a mask on, the childlike glee in Gi Wook’s eyes as he approaches the bar is almost too evident. Yong laughs and adds an extra squeeze of lemon to his glass.

“How have you guys been doing?” She asks. There’s a lull in the performance as The Loser Crew pause to gulp down water so she doesn’t have to shout to make herself heard. “Are you performing tonight?

“Nah, we’re just cheering fans today,” Yonghoon says, while he isn’t looking, Dongmyeong switches out his drink with Hyungu’s. Harin laughs into his bottle.

“You and everyone else.” Yong smiles, “Maybe you’ll get to open for them in concert one day. When concerts become a thing again.”

“If only,” Dongmyeong says, easily dodging Yonghoon’s punch when he realizes his soju got swiped out for craft beer. “Wheein-noona told me when they go on tour again, they’ll force their label to bring us with them.” He says this almost wistfully. They really are a talented group, and not for the first time she finds herself hoping that they do get the chance. 

“Did you boys quarantine together too?”

“Nah, I don’t think I could have lasted a whole year with these idiots,” Hyungu says, which earns him a few good natured shoves from his bandmates. 

“We all stayed in the area anyway,” Harin adds, “it was easy to meet up every now and then and practice.”

“Must be nice,” Yong says before she can really help it. She hopes they don’t hear her, but no such luck.

“Oh, that’s right. Loser Crew stayed in Jirisan the past year, didn’t they?” Yong Hoon says.

Yong can only nod. 

----Two Years Ago----

The day The Loser Crew got back into town from their three month tour across South Korea, Hyejin’s uncle threw them a small party at the bar. Right now Onewe is performing to a cheering audience but Yong isn’t outside tending the bar. She’s in the bar’s storage closet. Making out with Byul.

“Byul, I--” The rest of the sentence fades away into a gasp as the younger girl kisses a line down before biting at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. Yong pulls her in a little tighter to hide the fact that her knees are starting to feel like jelly.

“Did you miss me?” Byul says, her voice low and husky, and oh, the shiver it sends down Yong’s spine. She feels her hands grip Byul’s shoulders a little tighter. This isn’t the first time they’ve done this. In fact, she can’t even count how many times they’ve already done this and more in the last year alone. Still, it feels new every time. The way each of Byul’s kisses make her toes curl; Yong doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to it.

“Did you miss me, Yong?” Byul asks again, fingers teasing just at the top of her jeans, just enough to be frustrating. Yong holds back the whine in the back of .

“You’re so annoying,” she huffs out instead, and Byul smiles. 

“I could annoy you like this forever,” Byul whispers, and everything in Yong’s lizard brain comes to a screeching halt.

On the day she had told her parents that she was dropping out of medical school with no plans of going back, her father had taken one look at her through the video call and left the room. Later that night, her mother called, trying to get her to change her mind. When she still refused, her mother had told her not to bother coming home. She cried alone in her dorm room that night.

A month later, she applied to work at The Lilac Brewery.

Now, Yong hasn’t heard from her family in four years and if she’s kept everyone around her at arm’s length since then, she argues that it’s for the best. After all, if her own family could up and leave her, what’s to stop other people from doing the same? She’s done a good job of placing that trauma and fear at the very back of her mind in the last couple of years. So of course all it takes is for Byul to utter one little word to bring all of it back in full force.

Some of that anxiety must show on her face because Byul pulls away just a bit. “Hey, you good?”

Byul dyed her hair silver for their summer tour and the longer Yong looks at her, the more ethereal the other girl seems. Like she’ll disappear into thin air if Yong grips her too tightly. Her knee jerk reaction is to pull away and pretend all this doesn’t mean anything. But that would be a lie. 

Yong hadn’t realized, then, how vulnerable she would become by falling in love with Byul. She didn’t understand, until right this moment, what power Byul holds over her. She didn’t know, until right now, how much losing Byul would hurt her. Because one day Byul won't be there, the dark, traitorous part of her mind whispers. One day, Yong will be alone again. The more she lets Byul in, Yong digs herself in deeper too, creating caverns in her heart that will never be filled when Byul is gone.

It’s better she doesn’t know, Yong thinks. So that we can stay just like this.  

“Yong?” Byul asks again, cupping her cheek with her hand. Yong leans in to the touch, relishing the feel of Byul’s callused fingers against her skin. She doesn’t want to talk about it. Not now. Still, her thoughts are a raging tempest in her mind, so she kisses Byul hard and deep in an attempt to drown out the sound.

----Now----

“Down to our last two songs,” Hyejin says into the mic to a chorus of ‘no’s’ and ‘encores’ from the crowd. “Any requests?” As the crowd erupts into cheers with pleas for one of The Loser Crew’s more famous tracks, Yong motions to Hyejin’s uncle that she’s going to take her allotted 5 minute break.

The Lilac Brewery has a back door that leads to an otherwise unused sidestreet that all the bars and clubs on this side of the road use as a sort of communal smoking area. Not that Yong ever smokes. She tried it once, and immediately hated it. Thankfully, there are no smokers out here tonight, and the spring night air is a little chilly still, even with summer just around the corner.  She lets out a breath and watches it condense into a puff of fog above her head. 

Even outside she can hear The Loser Crew playing their penultimate song. A crowd favorite. She hums along. Normally they use this song as their very last one, had she misheard earlier? She stares down the empty street. There’s no one around at this time of night.

Briefly, Yong thinks about leaving.

It should be easy, she thinks, to go up to Byul after the gig and give her the answer she deserves. The answer they both obviously want. Still, Yong feels herself hesitate, because more than anything, she knows herself in and out.

Even now, when she thinks about it, a part of her hesitates just at the edge of the precipice. The part that’s afraid no one will be there to catch her at the bottom. The part that still remembers how much it had hurt to be abandoned by her own parents. However, there’s also the part of her that instinctively smiles any time Byul enters the room. The part that goes warm whenever Byul reaches out for her hand. 

She’s just not sure which side she should listen to. 

When she hears The Loser Crew end their song to thunderous applause, she looks down the empty street and thinks about leaving again. In the end, Yong sighs and heads back inside.

----One Year Ago---- 

“Yong? Yong can you hear me?”

Yong grins at the phone in her hand, where Byul’s face is taking up the majority of the screen as the other girl moves closer to practically yell into her own tablet..

When the coronavirus patients began numbering in the thousands, the majority of South Korea went on lockdown. Just before that though, Byul left to quarantine with Wheein and Hyejin in Hyejin’s grandma’s house near Jirisan. It was initially supposed to be a weeklong getaway for the band, a way to unwind before the record label puts them back to work on the new album. Then more cities began closing down because of the virus and one day Yong received a text from Byul saying that the band would stay in Jirisan for the foreseeable future.

“I can hear you,” Yong says in reply. There must be some signal interference in Jirisan because Byul’s face on her screen freezes for a second in a mess of pixels. Yong laughs.

When Byul’s pixels start moving again, the girl smiles and leans her chin on the hand that wasn’t holding her phone. “Best part of your day, right?”

Yong makes a big show of rolling her eyes and cringing, all while hoping that her phone camera wont catch the blush creeping up her neck. 

“You should have come with us,” Byul says, not for the first time. When things started to get really bad, most of The Loser Crew’s booked gigs were cancelled or postponed indefinitely. Staying in Jirisan became an easy way for the band to stay together and post self shot covers or stripped down versions of their old songs without having to worry much about getting each other sick. If Yong had known she would be separated from all three of her closest friends like this, she might have begged to tag along before they left.

Of course, the fact that Byul insists on video calling her almost every other day also helps. A lot. 

“Do you know when you’ll be back in Seoul?” She asks, On her screen, Byul shrugs.

“If it were up to us we would probably head back within the week. But the label wants us to stay for a few more months. They planned a series of streams we could do out here. Online stuff.”

“Ah,” Yong says, dumbly. In the background she can hear Hyejin and Wheein yelling and laughing at each other. She plasters on a grin. “Are the kids driving you insane yet?”

Byul laughs. “Single parenthood is so tough, wish you were here.”

The way she says it so casually, so matter-of-factly, makes another piece of the wall Yong had been building up for so long crumble away. It has always been so easy for Byul to be so upfront with her affections. To just care for other people like it was as easy as breathing. The thought of it makes Yong go warm all over. God. She’s really in deep for this girl.

“Guess you’ll just have to suffer without me,” She teases instead, because it’s easier than the alternative.

Byul’s expression shifts slightly and Yong briefly wonders if she just imagines it or if it's the bad connection distorting her friend’s face. In the next second it’s gone. “So, I was thinking about letting Wheein dye my hair red. Thoughts?”

Yong giggles, bright and happy, “Sounds like a bad idea.”

----Now----

She won't run away. Byul deserves better than that. But she also deserves better than her , she deserves someone without the abandonment and commitment issues. Someone who is as effervescent and caring as she is. These are the thoughts in Yong’s head as she puts her mask back on and makes her way inside.

As the last song draws to an end, the crowd falls silent, waiting with bated breath for the song The Loser Club are going to close with. Byul is looking around the bar, frowning slightly. Yong shrinks back into the wall, out of instinct, not sure if Byul is looking for her or even if she wants her to.

After a beat, Byul turns around to mutter something to her fellow band members, both of whom break into eating grins. In fact, Wheein is practically cackling with laughter, already bouncing on her seat. When Byul faces the audience again, she reaches for Hyejin’s mic and says, “This last one isn’t really our style, but if it all goes according to plan, it will be worth it everybody!” 

Before anyone can figure out what she means, The Loser Crew starts playing. Wheein leaves her drumset to move to the keyboard now and the song is soft and electric and happy, and there are a few confused cries but mostly there is surprised laughter and good-natured cheering.

“Just imagine,” Byul says in English into the microphone, “I know you want it. Stick with me.”

“The way you talk always mysteriously stays near my ears,” Wheein sings sweetly into her own mic, light and upbeat, “My face grows red.”

Yong’s heart races because there is no way Byul got her band to sing this cheesy and commercialized OST track from a series Yong had gotten obsessed with a few years back, which she always hums in Byul’s ear just to . No one else in the entire bar, not even the other members of The Loser Crew, know what this song means to the two of them, and it quite possibly outranks all of Byul’s past greasy gestures by a mile. In the overall grand scheme of romantic gestures, it isn’t all that grand, but it’s theirs and theirs alone. 

And, just like that, Yong realizes she has nothing to be afraid of after all.

She shoves her way through the crowd, trying not to use her elbows as much to be polite but hey, they just came from a pandemic, so she’s not above it either. Finally, she’s standing right in front of the platform, in front of Byul, losing herself a bit in the music she makes, in the rise and fall of her chest as she harmonizes with Wheein and Hyejin on the chorus, in the way she takes her favorite song and gives it back to her all golden and new. Byul’s eyes light up once they rest on her and they never let her go, holding her until the last keyboard chord fades away.

She leans forward, holding back her bass so it doesn’t smack Yong in the face, “Well?” She asks, her voice hoarse and her cheeks more than a little flushed too. Good , Yong thinks , at least both of us can be blushing messes for this part.

Yong takes off her mask so that Byul can see how happy she’s just made her. She reaches out a hand to tuck a stray turquoise strand of hair behind Byul’s ear. “I think you're stuck with me,” she says, smiling so much her cheeks are aching. It’s a good pain. “I hope that’s not a problem.”

“Like I said,” Byul murmurs, leaning into her touch. “You’re worth it.”