Yeji sits at the wall table on the main library's first floor cafe. She faces the window where she can see people walking by and has a notebook open in front of her with a pen in hand. 

The film student emailed them asking to meet on the following day for the first interview when she'll explain more of the project then.

Yeji is writing a list of things couples should technically know about each other when she starts thinking of all the things that can go wrong. Ryujin and her giving different answers to questions, Ryujin doing something stupid and Yeji arguing with her, Yeji doing something less stupid but Ryujin arguing with her nonetheless, Yeji blurting out that everything was a lie... 

The possibilities are endless.

Yeji checks her phone, 3:32PM. Ryujin should be here soon. She tries to ignore her fast beating heart. Yeji hates lying, she's never been very good at it. And now she is supposed to live in a lie for a whole month?

She probably should've thought it through before actually agreeing with Ryujin. But whatever, now it's too late. Maybe if she thinks of this as just a class project she will manage to keep her nerves down. 

She may be doing something bad but technically she is also helping that student with her actual project, so, clearly, everyone wins. That is, if she can manage to cooperate with her project partner...

Yeji hears a noise next to her and startles. It is Ryujin pulling the chair next to her and sitting down.

She places her phone down in front of her. "Just read the email." She glances around then looks at Yeji with her usual bored expression. "The library cafe is a little lame for a first date, don't you think?"

"This is not a date." Yeji rolls her eyes and Ryujin starts to check her phone. "So." Yeji starts, "Tomorrow she's gonna interview us so we need to get ready."

"I'm sure we could just wing it, but sure." Ryujin keeps her eyes glued on her phone.

"No, Ryujin, this is important. It'll be suspicious if we look like we're coming up with the answers on the fly!" Yeji fidgets with her pen. "We also need to have the same answers. Will she ask things about us individually or as a couple? There are so many possible questions, where do we even begin?"

Ryujin places her phone down and looks at her.

"Can you, like, chill for a second?"

Yeji clenches her jaw and glares at her.

"You won't stop shaking your leg, it's distracting me."

"Oh." Yeji didn't realize her right leg was bouncing nonstop. She stops moving it, but becomes aware of both legs and how they are suddenly heavy and feel like will start hurting if they don't move. She feels her heartbeat accelerating and focuses harder on not moving.

"Yeji." Ryujin says.

Yeji blinks, realizing she is staring into space, and focuses back on Ryujin.

"Please go back to moving your leg you look like you're gonna explode."

"Sorry." Yeji exhales and now both of her legs are bouncing. "I'm a little anxious, I guess."

"Yeah, no ." Ryujin's tone changes to a familiar, almost worried tone that Yeji can't remember when she last heard it. "Relax your shoulders." Yeji exhales and relaxes them. "Now take a deep a breath." She inflates her chest as to make Yeji mimic her, then exhales with her. "Better?"

Yeji smiles a bit shy, her legs stop bouncing.

"Yeah, thanks."

Old memories of Ryujin calming her down when they were kids pop in her head. One day Ryujin had read somewhere about breathing exercises and taught them to Yeji. They would do them together when she got one of those 'weird staring into space' moments, as Ryujin called them.

"Has it gotten worse? The anxiety, I mean." Ryujin stares and Yeji can't really read her expression. At least she doesn't look bored anymore. As they grew older Ryujin would always say the same thing once Yeji had calmed down, "Dude, you should really startー"

"It's gotten better. Like, so much." Yeji smiles. "I started therapy a while back."

"ing finally."

"Yeah." Yeji shrugs. "I figured I shouldn't avoid it anymore after the accident."

"Accident?" Ryujin frowns.

"Oh, um, yeah." Yeji averts her eyes from Ryujin's and looks out the window. She goes back to fidgeting with her pen. "Last year I had a panic attack episode. Ended up at the hospital."

"Oh." Ryujin says quietly. Yeji looks back at her but she's also turned to the window.

Silence falls around them and the air feels a bit heavy all of a sudden.

Yeji clears . "Anyway, as I was saying we should prepare for possible questions."

"Sounds good." Ryujin gets up from her seat. "I'll just get something to drink first."

"Sure."

"She'll probably ask us how we started dating, so we can start with that question." Ryujin says before walking away.

Yeji turns to a blank page on her notebook to brainstorm ideas, she thinks better when she writes things down. She glances behind her and finds Ryujin waiting in line. Yeji tries to remember the last time they saw each other, not counting the smoothie fiasco.

The first memory that hits her is not a pleasant one.

 

*

(It's Saturday night and Yeji is hanging out with her friends at another sophomore dorm, where a party is going on. Yeji's never been there before, but apparently Ahn Yujin has friends who live there. She has friends everywhere.

She is walking to get another beer when she spots her across the room. Ryujin looks in her direction but quickly turns her face. Yeji knows she saw her.

Yeji sighs and starts to make her way towards her.

They haven't even had a proper interaction this semester. The last time Yeji tried to approach her she just turned around and walked away before Yeji got to her. There was also a time someone shoved past Yeji at one party and only after regaining her balance she realized it was Ryujin. She is also pretty sure Ryujin flipped her off the other day when she briefly saw her in a crowd.

Ryujin hasn't replied to any texts, not even during the whole Summer break. Last semester they already barely hanged out and now Yeji feels they are going to completely lose touch. Honestly, she is really tired of reaching out and being ignored. But now it seems like a good opportunity to ask Ryujin what is going on.

"Ryujin, hi!" Yeji smiles.

Ryujin looks up at her and rolls her eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"This is not a private party, you know." Yeji crosses her arms. "How are you?"

"Was doing just fine until now." Ryujin gives her a mean smile, then her face drops to a bored expression. "What do you want?"

"To talk?" Yeji sighs. "We haven't seen each other in forever, I don't even know what you did this summer!"

Ryujin doesn't take the cue. She can't really read her expression so she reaches for Ryujin's forearm with one hand.

"You also don't answer my texts anymore. Is everything okay?" Yeji insists.

Ryujin flinches and Yeji drops her hand.

"You really can't take a hint, can you?" Ryujin scoffs.

Yeji exhales heavily and shakes her head.

"I just don't understand why you have been such a ."

"I'm a ?!" Ryujin raises an eyebrow. "I'm not the one bothering people in parties. Just go back to your annoying little friends and leave me alone."

"Don't talk about my friends like that." Yeji raises her voice and narrows her eyes.

"Woah, girls, maybe let's take it down a notch or two?" Chaeryeong's friendly voice appears next to them as she puts her hands on their shoulders. Yeji didn't realize she approached them.

Ryujin pushes her. "Don't ing touch me."

Chaeryeong almost loses her balance with her unexpected reaction.

Yeji scowls. "Don't ing touch Chaeryeong."

She pushes Ryujin, who seems ready for Yeji's reaction and just moves a few steps backwards. Ryujin steps forward and grabs Yeji by her jacket.

"Or what?" Ryujin asks. The smell of alcohol from her breath burns through Yeji's nose.

Yeji is about to react when she hears Lia's voice loud next to them.

"Don't you ing dare lay a finger on Yejー"

Lia can't finish her sentence because Ryujin lets go of her and pushes Lia instead. The force is such that Lia stumbles backwards and falls over a table.

The thing about plastic party tables is that they aren't very sturdy. It collapses and a bunch of red cups and rests of pizza fall over Lia.

"Lia!"

Yeji and Chaeryeong both scream and crouch next to her in an instant.

"Oh my God, Lia are you okay?!" Chaeryeong asks as she removes a piece of pizza from her shoulder.

"What the FUー My hair!!!"

"Oh man, this party just got so much better." Yeji hears Ryujin snickering behind them. "But I better get going now."

Yeji turns to see Ryujin walking away. She looks back at Lia, who is now struggling to take cheese off her hair, while Chaeryeong removes pepperoni from her shirt, then back at Ryujin, who is quickly getting farther.

Yeji tenses up, clenching her fists.

"This is not ending like this."

"Yeji, no!" Chaeryeong reaches for her arm as she gets up, but she pulls it from her hold and walks away.

Yeji doesn't like to cause a scene.

She gets frustrated easily but she is usually good at hiding it on the outside. But she is tired. Tired of Ryujin being rude or mean for no reason every time they see each other. Which is actually so rare nowadays. And tired of being nice.

Being rude to Yeji is one thing but now Ryujin wants to mess with her friends?

Yeji stomps. She feels her blood boiling, and she doesn't bother to avoid shoving past people who are in her way. She doesn't remember the last time she felt this angry.

She sees Ryujin almost reaching the door and starts to move faster, basically running now.

"Ryujin!" She shouts. "You're not getting away with this!"

Ryujin pauses, then turns.

Yeji blames the alcohol in her veins for her next move. She jumps and tackles Ryujin.

Thankfully the door is open and no one is in front of it as they roll on the ground to the grass outside. They stop with Ryujin on top of Yeji, holding her by the collar of her shirt, nails craving down on her skin, but the adrenaline is too high for Yeji to notice the pain they are causing.

"What the is wrong with you!?" Ryujin shouts at her face.

Yeji knees the side of Ryujin causing her to groan and loosen her grip, then turns them around. Yeji pins her to the ground, straddling Ryujin and holding her wrists over her chest so she can't move.

"Don't you ever with my friends again, you hear me?"

Yeji pushes Ryujin harder against the floor causing her face to contort.

"You're ing hurting me!" Ryujin's voice gets higher in pitch.

Yeji shifts her weight from Ryujin's wrists to her knees and lightens her grip.

She remembers the world around her. From the corner of her eyes she sees a bunch of people standing around them, staring and saying things Yeji can't really hear. She notices she is panting and her hands are shaky. Ryujin has a mix of confusion, disgust and fear on her face.

"Yeji!" Yeji hears Chaeryeong and feels hands pulling her by the shoulders. "That's enough, Yeji. Let's go."

Yeji lets go of Ryujin and Chaeryeong helps her get up.

Ryujin sits up. She pants and rubs one of her wrists. "You ing crazy ."

Chaeryeong doesn't let go of Yeji and starts leading her back inside.

"Don't answer. Let's go back and help Lia clean herself up, c'mon."

Yeji turns, hands still shaky, then enters and doesn't look back.)

 

After that night Yeji decides to 'take the hint' and to stop reaching out to Ryujin.

People grow apart, she thinks. 

Sometimes that's just how it goes.