One Step At A Time

Wandering In The Deep Fog, I'm Star Lost

Trigger Warnings : feeling of being overwhelmed, crying, arguments, mention of break-up.





His phone buzzes.

He tries to ignore it but after several ones, he has enough and takes it. It’s the group chat that’s coming back to life, but he also sees a few texts sent to him by an unknown number.


From : Unknown


Hey it’s Changbin

I was just checking up on you

Are you alright ?


Chan huffs and turns off the phone. He knows he’s being petty and childish but he’s really tired and he just wants everyone to leave him alone right now.

He just wants to move on Youngsoo.

But then someone knocks at his door and he stops the urge to groan in annoyance, “Yes ?” his voice is hoarse from crying but he doesn’t care anymore.

Someone opens the door but he doesn’t bother to look at who.


“Oh, she went rough on you, didn’t she ?”


It’s Lucas.


He puckers his lips, “More than rough,” he answers as Lucas sits at the edge of his bed, “she’s mean.”

Lucas snorts and Chan frowns, “Don’t make fun of me.”

“I wasn’t,” he tells him, Chan turns himself to stare at the ceiling, “so ? What did she do ?”

Chan’s gaze falters, “She… she just told me the truth,” he sighs, “and I’m not ready to hear that.”

Lucas hums, “She’s always been blunt like this, it’s like ripping off the band-aid, it hurts in the beginning but it needed to happen, and after that, the pain ebbs away fast enough.”

Chan stares at the ceiling, “It still hurts.”

His younger brother nods in empathy, “Yeah, but it would’ve hurt nonetheless if she would have gone slower.”

Chan sits, backing until he’s pressed against the head of the bed, “I’ll still need time to get over him,” he glances at him, a silence settling for a few seconds. “Is it really weird if he’s more than twenty years old than me ?”

Lucas winces, “Depends on the situation I guess, but here it’s clearly not well seen,” he answers, “the limit’s usually ten years apart,” he looks at him, “but for you it’s different, he’s kidnapped you.”

“Maybe, but he’s been really nice.”

“Nice or not, you never know someone fully, simple proof, you didn’t know you were in an experiment.”

Chan huffs, hating how right he is. He rubs his eyelids, “It’s not like we had when I was a kid, he waited for me to be an adult.”

“You got lucky on that,” Lucas tells him, “most of them don’t wait, others force them even if they’re a minor or not, it’s all a question of point of view.”


The older stares at him longly, guilt resting on his belly, “I… didn’t know that.”


Lucas smiles, “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about the world, you’re like a newborn taking his first steps,” he adds gently, “you’ll have to learn to trust the good people and to listen to your instinct, to trust yourself, because most of the time, you’ll be right.”


Chan nods at his words, feeling bad for talking like this with Hannah. She’s been right and worried and he just didn’t listen to her. He’s still bitter about their argument but he’s the oldest here.


He needs to swallow back his pride and apologize.


“Do you feel better now ?”


Chan smiles sheepishly, “Yeah, thank you for that.”

His younger brother stands up with a smile, “Good, then let’s go play videogames.”

Chan grins at him and follows him to his room, “I don’t know a lot of videogames, so you’ll have to teach me.”


Lucas beams, “You’re in good hands, don’t worry.”


“Oh my god you’re cheating !”


“Am not, you just at it—”


“This isn’t fair, I've never played that one before ! I want a rematch.”


“In your dreams.”




“Chan hyung.”


“A rematch.”


“What do I have if I win again ?”


“Uh… I’ll— I’ll do what you want ! Come on !”


“Fine alright, if I win you’ll have to do twenty push-ups.”


“And if I win ?”


“It’s not gonna happen, let’s start—”


“If I win you will do thirty.”


“Alright fine, deal.”






“I hate you.”


Lucas laughs aloud, “Not my fault you’re so bad at it, come on, twenty push-ups.”

Chan huffs but gets in position. He starts his push-ups and finds it getting harder to continue. It’s only been a week since he hadn't worked out and yet he’s already tired. He really needed to get back on track.

At the last one, he pants and drops on the floor while Lucas laughs at his misery.

“You’re so mean,” he whines and lays on the floor like a starfish to feel better. “What’s the next bet ?”

Lucas hums as Chan stands back up to sit next to him on his bed, “If I win you will… have to sing me a song,” he grins mischievously.

Chan huffs, “Well, I’m good at singing so I’ll just bless your ears—”

Lucas coughs exaggeratedly, “Sure sure.”

“Hey ! I’m not lying,” he puckers his lips, “then if I win you’ll do a dance for me.”

Lucas makes a face, “Dance ? The worst,” he complains, “fine, deal.”

Chan grins and looks back at the screen, “I’ll win this time !”




Chan throws the controller on the bed in frustration, “This isn’t fair !” He glares at Lucas who’s laughing at him, “Don’t laugh at me !”

He throws a pillow at his face only making Lucas burst out laughing louder. He sulks with crossed arms before sighing in defeat, “What do you want me to sing ?”

Lucas grins in satisfaction, wiping an invisible tear from his eye, “I don’t know, what do you know ?”

Chan hums pensively, “A lot I guess ? I’ve listened to Korean songs and English ones.”

The younger raises an eyebrow, “Do you follow any group ?”

Chan blinks, “I uh, yeah ? I mean what exactly do you mean by follow ?”

“Do you like a group and listen to their songs right when they get out ?”

The older nods, “Yeah, I mean I listen to it when it passes on the radio, I think they’re called Imagine Dragons ?” he grins, “I really like their song Believer !”

Lucas winces, “That’s a hard one, but I’m all ears,” he takes out his phone with a mischievous grin, and points it to Chan.

“Wait what ? You— are you filming me ?” He asks with a pout and pink cheeks.

“Yep, I need to commemorate that moment where you’ll bless my ears.”

Chan rolls his eyes but huffs with a smile, “Fine, I'll sing something else, Just the Way You Are. I don’t really understand some of the lyrics since it’s all in English, so bear with me, it might be gibberish.”


“Just for you to know, we’re Australian.”


Chan blinks, “We’re what ?”


Lucas chuckles, “Australian, all of us speak English, but you don’t have to worry, we’ll teach you.”


The older nods, awes with the new piece of identity. He did remember back at his house— prison, he had a certain easiness to learn English. Must be why.

He’s starting to puzzle himself back.


“I’ll tell you if you’re singing bull.”


Chan glares at him and the moment is lost in memories, before clearing his throat, “Can you play the song too ?”

“I’ll put the karaoke version then,” he tells him as he cuts off the video, then takes the switch controller to go on YouTube, “there will be the lyrics too if you want to know.”

“Wait really ? Where ?” He asks in surprise, staring at the screen while his younger brother’s tapping the name, “We can listen to songs on—” he cuts himself when he remembers scrolling through what looked like videos that weren’t long with the title of VEVO or Music Video and hums.

This must be the same.

“Yes, all the songs you listened to on the radio are on Youtube, most of those you listened to have an MV too.”

Chan looks at him, “An MV ? What’s that ?”

Lucas stares at him for long seconds, “It’s a video that matches the song I guess ? Where the singers and all are in, sometimes it’s the performance, like choreography, or a story they show, like a tale.”

Chan’s eyes grow wide as saucers, “I can see them ?!” he gapes, “Show me !” He yells excitedly, shaking his brother.

“Fine fine,” he clicks on a video, “it’s the MV for Just the Way You Are.”




“So he is Bruno Mars.”




“That kind of looks intimate though, that video.”


“It’s what he wanted to convey, he also did tons of interviews, if you’re curious.”


“Interviews ? Like in the movies ?”


“Yep, you can find them on YouTube.”


“This is so cool.”


Lucas snorts.


“But how do they do all of that with the… the thing, the tape ?”


“They’re using some visual effects.”


Oh, it’s just like movies.


“Oh, but how does it work ?”


“Sometimes there’s a few making of to explain how they did this on YouTube, but I’ll say they did it through a computer and some program.”


Chan hums.


“I didn’t think the video would be like this though.”


Lucas chuckles.


“What were you thinking of then ?”


“I don’t know, but clearly not that, it's cool tho.”


The younger shakes his head before saying.


“Let’s start your forfeit.”


Chan looks at Lucas, hopeful, “You’ll show me other stuff ?”


Lucas nods with a smile, “Yeah, don’t worry.”




“Ready ?”


Chan huffs, “Why are you even filming me ?”

Lucas shrugs, “It’s good to keep memories, especially since you came back.”

The older falters at his words, eyes lingering on his younger brother’s arm where a name is inked.

“I guess,” he sighs but then tries to smile, “okay I’ll start, you can put on the music.”

Lucas plays the karaoke version of Just the Way You Are and Chan focuses on the lyrics showing on the screen.


He clears his throat, takes a deep breath and starts.


He’s hesitant at first, voice weak and focusing on the lyrics, because he’s still singing a song to a stranger, though he finds him more like a friend now, someone he can talk to without feeling like drowning.


It’s now that he notices how easy it is to talk to his… brother.


He’s managing to crack jokes with him, laugh and talk like two friends that had lost each other. It’s good and simple.

Then he feels more confident, ignores the lyrics that are difficult to sing according to the rhythm, to focus on the song instead.


He’s having fun too, he’s forgetting the pile of problems he’ll have to face at some point and it feels good.

It feels great to just forget and rest for this simple moment.


Soon he’ll be fighting to swim through everything, but for now, he enjoys the present and forgets the future.


The song finishes and Chan hasn’t noticed he had closed his eyes until he’s opening them back.

He grins at Lucas, only to find him shocked and surprised and then he’s blurting—


“What the ,” he cuts off the recording he’s been doing and Chan lets out a startled laugh at his words, “you can actually sing.”


Chan’s cheeks turn warm and the tip of his ears burn, “I— I guess.” he rubs one of his earlobes in embarrassment, a contrast to his past proudful smile. He’s always been singing back in his… in his ex’s house. It helped him a lot with loneliness.

“But you were clearly singing half bull.”

Chan laughs, “I told you.”

Lucas takes his phone before asking, “Give me your phone number, I’ll send you the video.”

The older is surprised by his words but he listens, and leaves the room to take his phone from his bedroom.

He finds it on his bed, forgotten and takes it, turning it on.

He instantly feels bad when he finds out both Minho and Changbin had been sending him texts, asking him how he was.

He hesitates at sending something when Lucas calls his name.

He goes back to his younger brother’s room, less smiley than before and he hopes Lucas doesn’t notice it.


“You good ? What happened ?”


Why is he even startled by his words ?


Chan simply sighs, “Yeah, it’s just,” he sits on the bed, “my— my soulmates.”

Saying it feels too real at the moment and his heart isn’t ready to accept that, not when his mind is filled with Youngsoo.

“What about them ?” Lucas asks, and Chan hands him his phone to show the proof of his guilt. But Lucas simply hums with confusion, “They’ve been sending you texts… ?”

Chan nods, “Yeah.”

“And… ?”

“And I don’t know what to do,” he explains with a sad whine. He looks down at the floor, “everything’s been a lot to… to accept and proceed,” he shakes his head, “I don’t even know… I just— it’s hard. I know they’re my soulmates but I can’t really accept that.”


“You still like your kidnapper.”


Chan cringes at his use of words but nods anyway, “Yeah, I mean I can’t just forget about him just because I have soulmates now.”

He looks at Lucas when he sees him typing something and then his eyebrows shoot up when he finds him on the chatroom sending the video he filmed, “What are you doing ?!” He goes to take back his phone and Lucas lets him, a small satisfied smile, “Why did you do that ?” he whines in embarrassment.


He reads what Lucas has texted just before and relaxes a bit.


⭐Chan⭐ : hi it’s lucas, chan’s brother :)

⭐Chan⭐ : chan’s fine he’s just overwhelmed which explains why he doesn’t really text any of you

⭐Chan⭐ : you can still send him some texts but don’t expect him to answer

⭐Chan⭐ : he’ll need time to go back to any of you, just be patient

⭐Chan⭐ : I’ll send something instead that you might enjoy

⭐Chan⭐ : Chan singing.mp4


He finds himself reading their answers, lips parting at their words.


The Victim : !!!

The Victim : dont worry we aint gonna force him to do anything


The Choker : promise

The Choker : we just wanted to know if he was alright

The Choker : so thank you for telling us


Minhoe😏 : thank u lucas

Minhoe😏 : we promise we’ll take good care of him and he can take all the time he needs to take care of his own well being

Minhoe😏 : but also

Minhoe😏 : chan can sing ??



The Real Suwun🌞 : thank you lucas !!! :D


Kim Puppy : :O

Kim Puppy : he’s a good singer !


🥵 : his voice is steady !!!! WHAT HE FUCJK


The Victim : oh MY FICCK


The Victim : his voice will be PEFRECT


Lord Bread : I am speechless

Lord Bread : I need to hear it live !!!!!!!!!!!


🥵 : I’ll dance to his voice I SWEAR ITS SO GOOD


The Real Suwun🌞 : he’s so cute too🥺


Chan can’t help the flush spreading to his cheeks down his neck with their words. He expected them to be upset at him, to ask at least for apologies with the way he acted, but they’re just all so… kind.

It’s as if everything he’s been making up in his mind is less heavy, a bit more light than before. But he knows it’s not that simple, he still thinks they’re acting to corner him somewhere and laugh at his face for believing them. He still thinks they’ll take him by his throat, pierce his weak heart with red lies and just let him die in the cold, like a doll they got bored of.


He feels bad now though. More than before, but it’s also mixed with a foggy relief.


His eyes are burning with unshed tears now, and he quickly blinks them away, wiping away the stubborn ones and sending a grateful smile at Lucas, “Thank you.”

Lucas smiles, like he knows something he doesn’t, “No worries hyung.”

“Kids, it’s time to eat !” Their mother yells and both of them leave the room just as Hannah opens her door.


Chan freezes.


Hannah looks at him for a second with a raised eyebrow before going downstairs.

Lucas pats his shoulder, “She’s not gonna eat you, don’t worry,” Chan hesitantly nods, “and don’t forget you’ll have to talk to her at some point.”

“I know,” he sighs, “let’s just go.”


He’s just not ready yet.


The dinner is heavy with awkwardness and stiffness. Chan doesn’t know how to change that, but at least their parents ask him question, try to make conversation. Lucas doesn’t seem surprised, just a curious look he doesn’t understand while Hannah simply stares at her plate and eats in silence.

Chan swallows the uneasiness and tries to smile.


(But before they can ask another question, Hannah gets up and leaves.)




Chan sighs as he goes out of the shower, taking a towel to ruffle and dry his hair before he’s catching sight of himself in the mirror. He stares at his reflection and he can’t help being sad.


He’s been so naive before. Believing everything his— Youngsoo told him, being happy to just wait for him everyday.


But gosh does he miss that.


It was easier back then, to just believe everything and be good.


Now he’s facing the consequences.


He looks away, focusing on drying up before wearing the clothes Lucas lent him. The fit is small, tight around his biceps and chest but he’ll have to do with it for now. He brushes his teeth, doesn’t bother combing his hair before throwing his dirty clothes in the laundry basket and putting the wet towel to dry on the small hanger against a corner.

He’s about to take the knob when the door opens brusquely, hitting Chan square on his face and particularly his nose.

He yelps in pain, backing off and holding on to the injured area and promptly slips on the floor, to fall and hit the edge of the bathtub with a loud thump noise.

He groans in pain and holds on his head, heartbeat pulsing around the injury just as someone talks.


“Oh , you alright ?”


Chan sits when someone crouches in front of him, and he knows it’s Hannah, they always have dramatic meetings or something ? “I’m fine,” he answers rather harshly. He’s not really in the mood to talk to her of all people.

“That was kind of a heavy fall,” she mutters just as he stands up.

Chan just hums and goes to leave. He hopes she’ll get the message that he doesn’t want to talk right now. He just wants to bury himself in his bed. He’s been wanting to do that since he’s here.


“Lucas told me.”


Chan pauses.


“Told you what ?”


Hannah stands up and looks at him, “You cried because of what I said.”


Chan glares at her, “And ? Are you gonna make fun of me for that ?” he’s tired and angry, and he knows he’s supposed to talk to her but he doesn’t want to, “You’ve just been treating my boyfriend like he’s some sort of—” he cuts himself when he catches the word, glassy eyes turning shaky with a scarred heart bleeding heavily.


My boyfriend. My love.




Chan clenches his jaw and leaves.


He gets in his room before Hannah can even think of following him and closes his door, presses his back against it.

He sighs shakily, the silence deafening just as another set of tears start leaving his eyes. He sniffles again, wiping his eyes quickly and goes to his bed where he can bury his misery under the warmth of his blanket and the softness of the pillow.

He hopes to forget about it this time, taking his phone to find out his soulmates have been texting on the chatroom.





The Victim : can someone give me Chan’s phone number ??????

The Victim : i wanna send some AMAZING advices and none of u deserve to hear it


Minhoe😏 : then no


The Choker : then no


The Real Suwun🌞 : 😂


The Victim : come ON GUYS

The Victim : this isn’t fair ! D:<


Kim Puppy : I do want to have his number too in case


Minhoe😏 : ofc baby


Lord Bread : me 2

Lord Bread : I have to send him more videos to watch

Lord Bread : he’s gonna love them for sure


The Choker : sure gimme a min


🥵 : me too binie !!! ❤️


The Real Suwun🌞 : me 2 binie ! >3<


The Victim : I am offended

The Victim : how dare u all

The Victim : then I’ll keep spamming everyone


Minhoe😏 : Han Jisung

Minhoe😏 : if i see that i’ll come to your room and spank you until you can’t even sit anymore

Minhoe😏 : understood ?


The Victim : …

The Victim : yes mommy🥺


Lord Bread : u disgust me


The Victim : 😏

The Victim : I know you like it baby


Kim Puppy : oh lord end me already


The Victim : nyaaah~

The Victim : jeongin oppa~ uwu


Minhoe😏 : what did i create

Minhoe😏 : @The Choker & @🥵 do something


Lord Bread : oh my god I’m gonna puke


🥵 : Jisung

🥵 : you do know chan can see those texts ?


The Victim : …

The Victim : no way…

The Victim : ahahaha impossible


Kim Puppy : I prefer him freaking out than acting like an anime girl


Lord Bread :🥤🍿

Lord Bread : now I’m ready :)


The Victim : he’s not even

The Victim : oh


The Real Suwun🌞 : ive jsut noticed too but hes logged in yeah


Chan looks at his username, wondering how they even know that. Was there something that showed he was logged in ?


Either way it’s a bit awkward that they found out, especially since he doesn’t text back and simply read their chat.


The Choker : rip


🥵 : rip


The Victim : he can’t be here

The Victim : doesn’t it act as if he’s logged in even if he’s not on the app ?????????


Kim Puppy : it is possible yeah if the app runs in the background

Kim Puppy : but it’s funnier to think he’s actually reading everything and watching you freak out


Lord Bread : i hope he is :D


Minhoe😏 : either way he’ll find it at some point you know ?


The Victim : …

The Victim : no

The Victim : I refuse


The Choker : u literally dont make any SENSE

The Choker : sungie just accept it and move on baby😔


The Victim : NEVER


🥵 : baby it’s okay😌

🥵 : we still love you

🥵 : and chan hyung gonna love you too🥰



Chan falters at his words. He doesn’t know why he’s so down now despite it being true. Is he really going to fall in love with all of them ? Even though they’re so many ?

Isn't it weird he has so many ? His brother only has one, same for his parents and for Hannah… he doesn’t know. She’s been wearing long-sleeve shirts ever since he arrived here.

Maybe she’s got a lot too ?

He hopes because he’ll feel kind of lonely and overwhelmed if he’s the only one. Seven people is a lot. He doesn’t even know how they’ll work with it.

Hyunjin has a lot too if he remembers correctly, even Changbin. Actually there isn’t one who only has one soulmate in their group.

Maybe it’s normal ?

Chan sighs and closes the chatroom. Overthinking isn’t going to help him right now. But he’s clearly going to do that all night, he needs to think of something else.


So he goes on YouTube again.




The next day is just as heavy.


He goes to the bank with his father to open an account, then back at the police station to answer new questions and talk about the situation. Youngsoo is supposedly arriving at the harbor in three days and they’ve asked the Australian’s embassy to arrest him.

After that, he follows his father back to their car. He can feel the awkwardness while his dad turns on the motor and drives them away from the police station.

He hasn’t really talked to him, just the two of them. So it’s hard to understand how he is. His mother’s sweet and caring, his brother is a mix of nonchalance and fun and honesty, and his sister is… blunt and cold-looking.




Chan stares out the window, watching people walking on the streets, couples, friends, family… he’s… envious at the moment.

“How have you been feeling ?”

Chan fights back the sigh wanting to leave. He doesn’t really know how to answer that. He doesn’t really want to face it. It’s too vulnerable and he feels already like since the past few days.

“I’m fine I guess,” he lies, eyes sad and gazing out the window to see a young girl with her big dog walking. He just wants to stay in his bed forever and have no one come to annoy him.


He’s just sad and for no valid reason.


(Except maybe there is, and it’s a name and a person looming over his mind and heart like a threat to his happiness.)


“Are you sure ?” He asks, “you can tell us, especially if you want us to give you some alone time.”

He wants to. But asking for this will be too selfish and he can’t be like this when his family just wants to grow close to him.

“No it’s okay, I’m just…” he shrugs his shoulders, “overwhelmed.”


His father hums.

Chan falters with a quiet sigh.


“Do you want me to cancel the different appointments ?”


The younger shakes his head, “No it’s alright, it’s better if I do everything right away.”


It goes quiet again as his father turns the wheel after pushing down a black stick ? Chan stares at his maneuver with curious eyes. He’s always been sitting at the back so he’s never seen how driving works. Except in movies of course.

“Do you want to learn how to drive ?”

Chan glances up at his father who’s focusing on the road ahead. “Maybe ? But later I think.”

“Of course, just take it slow for now, I’ll enroll you in one of the driving schools next year.”


Chan raises an eyebrow, “There’s school for driving ?”


His father chuckles, “Yeah, but it’s not like a typical school. It’s way smaller and has maybe one or two classes. There’s no attendance check, the hours are different and then when you pass the exam, you’ll have a teacher just for yourself who’ll help you learn how to use a car.”

Chan is surprised by the information. He’s definitely curious now. He’ll have to watch some videos on the subject, hopefully YouTube has that too.

He snaps out of his thoughts when his father turns to go in the parking lot of a restaurant. “Are we eating here ?”

His father nods as he parks the car and unbuckles his belt, “Your mother’s working here.”

Chan parts his lips in surprise, before hastily following his father out of the car and into the restaurant.

He gapes as he stares at the interior of the restaurant. It’s a traditional one, mixes of red and natural brown. The tables and chairs are dark wooden-like, both rounded, but the chairs have stuffed seats and backs with an earthy red color while the tables have the same color for the accessories such as the grill encrusted in the tables and the cartes.

The walls are wooden too with sometimes hollow parts in form of cubes with small statues in and lights on others.

A waiter notices them and quickly greets them, “Hi, Bang-ssi, it’s been a long time, do you want me to call your wife ?”

Chan glances at his father who gives back a greeting, “If you can please.”

The waiter glances at Chan then, smiles, “I’m guessing you’re Chan-ssi ?”

He startles when his father places his hand on his back, “Y— yes it’s me,” he bows in greeting and the man smiles, “nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you,” the waiter looks back at his father, “we’re happy for both of you,” he even pats his shoulder, “you can go sit wherever you want.”


Chan follows his dad, glancing every now and then at him whose expression is almost emotional in a way. It’s not something he expected from him, but he stays quiet. He feels like if he asks, he’ll just deny it.


At their table, they both sit when the waiter adds a third chair with a smile before giving them the cartes. And then he leaves to the back.

“She’ll be happy to see you here,” his father says with a small smile and Chan simply nods, focusing on the carte. “What do you want to drink ?”

Chan glances at him with hesitation, “Water ?” his father nods before he’s calling the waiter to ask for a bottle of water and two glasses.

“What do you want to eat ? You should maybe look for the menus,” His father advises him and Chan puckers his lips. He doesn’t know what to take, everything seems so good.

“Uhm… I don’t really know.”

“I’ll take the first menu, you can take one of the others,” His father helps him and Chan nods, opting for the third menu.

Just after his father finishes giving their orders to the waiter does his mother come out of the back where the kitchen is.

She finds them easily and the joy is written on her face. Chan smiles at her and gets startled when she bends a bit to kiss the top of his head. She doesn’t seem to care they're still strangers, though Chan can’t help but flush from the gesture. Is that what mothers do to their children ? To show they’re happy to see them ? Or to show their love ?  “Thank you for coming here,” she tells them as she sits on the free seat, giving her husband a gentle squeeze on his hand on the table.

His father smiles, “I thought it would be good if he knew where you work.”

She smiles, before looking at Chan, “What do you think of the restaurant ?”

Chan feels embarrassed of being the center of attention, he stutters quickly, “It’s— it’s pretty here.”

She looks satisfied, before she remembers something, “Oh, I was also thinking of taking the week off to stay more with you.”

Her husband nods, “I thought the same, we could spend the rest of the week showing you around.”

Chan smiles, but he can’t help the dread of coming to those moments. He knows they’re doing this for his sake but it’s all going too fast. He doesn’t have the time to breathe.


Welp, better be fruitful now or I’ll just be like before, doing nothing in my room.


He smiles, tight-lipped, just as their orders arrive at their table, “I would like that.”




When they leave the restaurant, he just can’t stop thinking of his bed, where this bone-deep tiresome will disappear. He’s still happy to have gone to the restaurant because now he knows what he’s supposed to do in one of them. It’s interesting and relaxing too, though he didn’t really feel relaxed with his parents trying to converse with him every five seconds.

The problem now is that his father seems happy to show him around, since it’s only two in the afternoon. He looks at his phone to see a few too many texts from the chatroom and that’s when the whole topic he’s been thinking of, comes back.

He glances at his father who’s quietly enjoying the radio and hesitantly asks, “Can I… ask you something ?”

His father hums in approval.

“Is it… is it really possible to have so many soulmates ?”

His father glances at him briefly before focusing back on the road, “Of course,” Chan’s shoulders relax. He glances at his forearm where his scars are, hidden by his jacket, “I’ve known someone who had her arm full of names.”

Chan’s eyes widens in shock, “Seriously ?” He hums pensively, “So it is normal…”

The older man chuckles, “It is,” he smiles, “but it might be weird for you since you… you didn’t know about soulmates.”

Chan stares ahead and something heavy takes the mood. He already knows his father’s going to ask him something he isn’t going to like, before he even opens his mouth.


“Was he really good to you ?”


Chan falters, something sad and bitter as he gazes out of the window. They haven’t talked about his ex since that one time at the police station. He knows his parents must have a lot of questions or worries, but they haven’t asked in fear of Chan pushing them away.

“He was.”

He doesn’t explain more and his father doesn’t ask either, simply nods.


Chan wonders how long he’ll be thinking of Youngsoo. How long before he’ll stop longing for his touches and craves his soulmates’ instead.

How long before he forgets and walks forward ?


Only time will tell.


Just this thought is enough to discourage him.




He’s following his dad the rest of the day, around the city to his workplace. By the time they come back home, he just had the time to shower before his father asks him to sit with him in the living-room to watch a movie together.

Chan wishes he could say no, but he can’t.

So he smiles weakly and nods. They watch a kung-fu movie, something about his father’s favorite genre and they talk, quietly, comment on some scenes of the movie while his father brings some snacks.

Chan loses himself in his mind, remembers Youngsoo pressed against his side as they watched an Indiana Jones movie, all soft and warm. He remembers how his hands felt on his skin, his scent of cologne mixed with something sweet, his whispers, his laughter and smiles, his kisses—


“Chan ?”


He jolts up to look at his father, frowning worriedly, “Y— yes ?”

“Are you sure you’re alright ? You don’t look so… good.”

Chan cringes, but smiles to reassure him, “No, I’m fine, it’s just that I’m tired,” he rubs one of his eyelids for emphasis.

His father nods in sympathy, “Go take a nap, I’ll wake you up when it’s time to eat,” he tells him, patting his back.

Chan feels bad and grateful at the same time, “Okay, thank you,” he stands up and walks upstairs, and something like relief takes his bones as he falls face first on his bed, letting out the longest sigh he can.

He quickly gets under the blanket, and melts in his safe cocoon. He stays like that for a few seconds before taking his phone to go on Youtube and putting on a playlist. Lucas had shown him before leaving this morning and he’s glad because he can listen to a lot of songs now and sometimes with the MV !

So he closes his eyes after passing the ad and listens to the first song.


He’s made sure it’s a playlist with only soft songs, to be lulled by them and briefly wonders if his mother used to sing him songs if he couldn’t sleep.




He wakes up to someone shaking him and he hums hoarsely, shifting in the bed to look who had woken him up.


But the moment he sees it’s Hannah, he freezes.


“Dad told me to wake you up.”


Chan’s whole demeanor stiffens and the bitter memory of their fight resurfaces. He sits on the bed, frowning annoyingly. His phone is turned off now that he notices, “Thanks.”


Hannah stares at him, “I think we need to talk.”


The older clenches his jaw, “Now of all time ?”


“I don’t really have the time, since I’m in school, you know,” she replies and he can’t help but feel like she’s taking him for a since he never went to school, “and I have to do a livestream after, to tell some certain people to off.”


Chan tilts.


A livestream ?


He doesn’t ask what it means because he’s still upset and he doesn’t want to act as if nothing’s wrong between them. He hasn’t forgiven her yet, gripping the mattress meanly.


She sits at the opposite, back to back.


While Chan’s facing the half shut windows, Hannah’s facing the door.


“I’m sorry for what I’ve said,” she starts, “I was too blunt and I didn’t really try to put myself in your shoes.”


Chan’s grips on the bed lightly relax, surprised by her words. He shifts to turn and looks at her form. She’s wearing a sleeveless black hoodie with the hood on.

“I get why you would like that… guy,” it’s almost as if she’s forcing herself to be kind with her words. Chan can’t help the small smile at that. “You’ve only talked to him, right ?”

Chan looks through the window, soft light brightening the dark room, “Yeah.”

She hums, “So I get it now, but you can’t blind yourself like that,” she tells him and Chan falters, “it might take time but you’ll have to open your eyes at some point. You can’t lie to yourself like that.”


“I know,” he croaks out weakly, “but it’s hard.”


“Of course it’s hard, nothing is easy in life, right ?” She murmurs back and Chan can’t help the weak sniffles and the burn coming from his tears, “But that’s why you’ve got us and your soulmates, you know ?”


Chan stops himself from even asking the question at the tip of his tongue, will he really love them one day ?


“It’s sure that if you stay here everyday you’ll never get to know them.”


Chan shifts to look at her, he hasn’t meant to say it out loud but her answer is something he hasn’t thought of.


She turns herself and that’s when his eyes lock on her forearm, bare with no name.


He parts his lips.


“You don’t… have a soulmate mark.”


Hannah looks down at her forearm and shrugs nonchalantly, “Oh yeah I don’t, they must’ve died before I was fifteen.”


Chan blinks in stupor. She doesn’t seem to care at all, unbothered as hell, “You— you don’t care about it ?”


Hannah huffs with a small smile, “Nope, I used to care too much before but what’s the point of that if it’s not going to change anyway ?” she stands up and Chan thinks it’s the first time he’s seen her smiling genuinely, “I’ve taken enough time crying over it, now it’s time to move forward.”


He stares at her with parted lips, like something just clicked and he just—


She shows him her fist, “You ready big bro ?”


— and she’s right. What’s the point of crying and crying, of staying in bed, of trying to avoid the people who’ll care about you forever like they’re the pest ? He knows it’s good to cry and drip his pain out of his soul but he will need to stand back up at some point.


One step after another.


For now, he’ll let himself mourn the loss of his loved one, he’ll let himself cry and ask for a rest and then he’ll be back on his feet.


It’s just a matter of time.


He smiles, “I’m sorry for yelling at you too, I think I didn’t want to understand you,” he grins, encouragingly and brighter, “but I’ll get better, promise,” he fist bumps her, “let’s go.”




The dinner feels brighter now, especially with Hannah teasing him every now and then when he tastes a new food he never tried before. His parents smile, comforted by their happiness and Lucas joins in the teasing.


(It feels better, like a rough draft of a home, his home. It’s not that great yet, messy lines crossing over others, a singular color that melts everything together with no depth and perspective, but the foundation is there.)







Another chap of angst for Chan :,((
But it's getting better thankfully !
I might do more than three chap to be honest, depends if I'll dump everything in the next chap or not :D

Everyone's getting closer to Chan, now, the only problem left is the parents with Hannah ;)
How will it go ?
Also rip Hannah, I didn't mean to make her suffer from not having a soulmate, I just thought it would be good for the plot and Chan's clearly going to think about her point of view more now.

See you next time !!! (which I don't know when it will be)

Stay safe and healthy ! <3

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
This story is a continuation of Reach Out So I Can Hold Your Hand !!! :D It's focus around Chan and his family but skz will appear sometimes !!! Enjoy <3


You must be logged in to comment
No comments yet