It takes Donghae a whole day to think over what his friends told him. That mainly consisted of Donghae second-guessing and contradicting himself on everything, then scouring the Internet for kimchi jjigae recipes, only to find out that there are affordable meal kits he could buy at the grocery store. Once the day is over, he’s only eighty percent sure he could do this right. Donghae is still a little unsure but no longer enough to cripple him to not do anything.

The next day Donghae sets out with his plan; his first stop was the pharmacy, then the grocery store. Donghae spends fifteen minutes at the pharmacy and twice as long at the grocery store solely because Donghae gets side-tracked and contemplates whether to buy Hyukjae’s favorite ice cream and candy bars. 

On the one hand, showing up at his best friend’s apartment with his favorite treats would cheer him up. Judging from his best friend's texts, Hyukjae is still bedridden and is starting to get tired of eating the same juk for three days straight. On the other hand, bringing his sick best friend sweets might delay his recovery. 

Oh, what the heck, Donghae thinks; he’s going to go with what his gut tells him.

So with the medicine, kimchi jjigae meal kit, and settles for a frozen pack of donkkaseu (Hyukjae’s favorite) instead; Donghae brings everything he bought to his best friend’s apartment. It’s a short walking distance from his own studio apartment, so Donghae doesn’t even break a sweat. 

When Donghae arrives, he notices that the apartment door was unlocked. Out of habit and courtesy, Donghae still knocks and calls out his best friend’s name to announce his arrival. It was quiet inside the apartment except for the sound of faint laughter coming from Hyukjae’s bedroom.

“Hyuk? Are you awake?” Donghae tries calling out again, but it seems like the closed door is effectively shutting him out, so he welcomes himself inside. Not like it ever mattered before. Donghae tries to call out for his best friend again from the kitchen once he’s done laying out the meal kits he bought, no answer still. He must be asleep, Donghae concludes, so he takes that as a cue to start assembling and heating the meal kits. 

His best friend’s kitchen isn’t that elaborate; everything Donghae needed could easily be found in one cabinet. After retrieving a pot and a small frying pan from the cabinet, Donghae reads through the instructions on the meal kit twice before opening the vacuum-sealed packs inside to begin assembling the kimchi jjigae. 

With the stew safely simmering, Donghae starts filling the frying pan with oil once it’s hot enough. He contemplates frying two breaded pork fillets, would two be too much? Hyukjae’s been in his bed for three days already, he’s positive that his best friend will have a black hole in his stomach. But then again, wouldn’t overeating be bad for him too? 

“Uhm, hello?”

Donghae jumps from where he’s standing; the voice of another person besides his own catches him completely off guard that he almost drops the frozen pack of donkkaseu on the floor. It’s a good thing he has quick reflexes. When he turns around, he sees a younger male standing a few meters from where Donghae is. The first thing he notices is the cotton candy pink hair that looks fluffy and soft albeit the multiple bleaching sessions the younger male probably went through to get to the bright color. The next thing he notices is the younger male's doe eyes staring wide at him, obviously surprised to find Donghae in the kitchen.

“Hi,” Donghae says, after staring at the stranger for more than a minute, “who are you?” he adds, trying not to sound hostile to not get the wrong reaction from the younger male. It’s not Donghae’s apartment, so his hostility isn’t warranted.

“I’m Jaemin. Who are you? What are you doing in Hyukjae hyung’s apartment?”

“I’m Donghae, look I think you’ve got the wrong idea—”

“You’re Lee Donghae?”

“Uh, yeah?” Donghae is getting more and more confused. First of all, who was this Jaemin, and what was he doing inside Hyukjae’s apartment? Second, why do his eyes shine with recognition and a bit of mischief?

Yet before he could even ask, the cotton candy-haired male dragged him by the wrist to Hyukjae’s bedroom. For someone who looks like he doesn’t weigh much, Jaemin is surprisingly strong and has effortlessly maneuvered Donghae through the apartment. Or maybe he’s taking advantage of Donghae’s stupified state.

“Hyukkie hyung, look who I found!” Jaemin announces once he’s inside Hyukjae’s bedroom. The cotton candy-haired male is bouncing at the balls of his feet in excitement and completely unaware of the confused looks from the two other people in the room.

“Hae? What are you doing here?”

“I-uh, I brought you kimchi jjigae.” Donghae manages to stutter out. “I was hoping it could cheer you up; I didn’t think you’d have company with you.”

It’s the first time he’s seeing his best friend again after three long days, so forgive Donghae for staring at Hyukjae for a little while longer. Donghae wasn’t there when Hyukjae came down with the nasty flu, the latter immediately texting Donghae not to come over to his apartment so that he wouldn’t catch it. 

Donghae’s glad his best friend looks better now than he was three days ago. He no longer sounded congested, and he looked well-rested. His eye bags faded, thanks to the bed rest. Though his hair looks like a bird’s nest, it doesn’t look greasy or oily; Hyukjae was probably strong enough to have a warm bath.

“I could come back another time?”

“Oh, that’s alright, hyung. I was just about to leave.” Jaemin’s voice brings Donghae back to the present, the younger male still has this wide smile on his face that isn’t showing any signs of dimming. “Bye Hyukkie hyung, get better soon, okay? It was nice meeting you, Donghae hyung. We should grab a cup of coffee sometime once Hyukkie hyung is better.” Jaemin waves at Hyukjae first, then at Donghae before exiting the room and closing the door behind him. 

With the bright cotton candy-haired male gone, Donghae reluctantly approaches Hyukjae’s bedside. He gently places the back of his hand on Hyukjae’s temple, like his mother does, to see if the fever has subsided. When Hyukjae feels cool to the touch, Donghae asks his best friend how he’s doing.

“A lot better, thanks to everyone.”

“Sorry for not being here for you sooner. I just—”

“Hey now, no harm done. You’re here now, aren’t you? Also, all I had was the flu. You don’t have to sound so solemn.” Hyukjae chuckles and then playfully pushes Donghae’s shoulder before drumming his palms on the latter’s bicep. It’s good to see that Hyukjae regained his strength, even at the expense of Donghae’s pain. “Now, c’mon! Get the kimchi jjigae you brought. I’m starving!”

“You’ll have to wait a few more minutes, your highness. I still have to fry the donkkaseu.” Donghae is relieved his brain is quick to remind him to turn off the flame on the kimchi jjigae before allowing himself to be whisked away by Jaemin, or else all his effort and purpose for going there would be all for naught. 

“Waahhh, music to my ears, you even got me donkkaseu,” Hyukjae makes a show of wiping away the faux tear from his eye and makes sniffing noises as if he really is crying. Donghae rolls his eyes at his best friend, obviously not amused with his best friend’s antics. “If you weren’t feeling unwell, I would have left you to do it alone.”

Donghae doesn’t wait for whatever nonsense his best friend would spew out in return. If he stayed longer, the stew would be cold, and it wouldn’t be as tasty. So he returns when two of the four donkkaseu from the pack he bought are a perfect golden brown. Donghae brings the food tray to Hyukjae’s bedroom, where the latter is already waiting for him. His best friend was already on his phone, probably catching up on all his missed messages and reminders.

“Ah, there he is!” Hyukjae dropped his phone to his side to clap dramatically for Donghae, who was bringing his comfort food, “I’m so starved, I could actually feel my stomach protesting”

“Don’t exaggerate, you’re still alive, aren’t you? And don’t expect too much from this either,” Donghae gently sets the tray on Hyukjae’s lap, the latter already reaching for the metal chopsticks and spoon on the side, “this is a meal kit. So if it doesn’t taste good, don’t blame me.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s from a meal kit, my best friend prepared food for me! That’s already a win on my book,” Hyukjae just shrugs and begins to dig in. He first tries the kimchi jjigae. The first spoonful was still too hot that it made his best friend hiss. Donghae’s going to be a good best friend today and not tease Hyukjae for being impatient. He can go do that some other day.

“It feels so good to be able to taste again,” Hyukjae bemoans then not a second later, his best friend inhales another spoonful and is back to letting out satisfied noises. There’s only a third of the first donkkaseu left, and the bowl of rice and the kimchi jjigae is already halfway gone. 

It’s good to know Hyukjae’s usual appetite is back. Seeing his best friend devour food like he was just breathing in a lungful of air, brings a strange sense of comfort to Donghae. Might be because he’s used to seeing his best friend eat meals like it was his last. Must also be because he’s missed seeing Hyukjae’s cheeks turning round from the amount of food he’s stuffed in them.

“So, what have you been up to? Holed up for three days, you must have been itching to move and get out of the apartment.” Donghae moves the empty bowls and cutlery back to the tray and then sets that on the floor. Hyukjae finished everything Donghae brought him. The bowls looked like it was clean from how spotless they looked. The only trace Hyukjae left were the crumbs from the donkkaseu. He can wash those later with the pot and frying pan he used earlier. Right now, he needs to catch up with his best friend.

“It wasn’t as bad as you make it sound.” Hyukjae rolls his eyes at him before continuing, “It’s cause I rarely get sick that’s why you’re all overreacting.” 

“Exactly, you rarely come down with anything. Why’d you get sick this time?”

“You’re really bad at this;” like a petulant child, his best friend starts thrashing his legs which causes his blanket to bunch up and gather at the end of the bed, “I’m still technically sick so you’re supposed to be doting on me!”

“If that were true then how is it that you had no trouble inhaling your food, huh?”

“Whatever. I didn’t really have much energy the past three days so I just stayed in bed and checked my emails for any new coursework or projects. Wookie came over twice and made sure I was eating well and drinking my medicine on time. Jaemin, the one you just met, brought me hot chocolate and pastries. Now before you nag me, I didn’t finish everything in one seating. I just had the hot chocolate, the pastries are all in the fridge. I’ll eat them tomorrow.”

“You shouldn’t even be eating any sweets yet,” Donghae tsks at his best friend and shakes his head in mock disappointment, “Did you at least drink water after?”

“Of course I did. Also because Jaeminie bought a bottle of water with the hot chocolate. He even watched me drink half of the bottle before he left me to put the pastries in the fridge. Such a sweet kid.” hearing the fond tone in Hyukjae’s voice makes Donghae guilty for not showing up earlier. Those two days that he spent being indecisive and asking his friends for advice could have been used in bringing his best friend his favorite comfort foods and accompanying him while he was on bed rest. Instead, he let his overthinking cripple him into inaction. But still, Donghae’s thankful that he wasn’t much too late and came to visit Hyukjae today.

“What brought this on anyway? Out of all the years we’ve been best friends, this is the first time you’ve done something like this.” 

“I…” what did bring this on? 

Donghae wracks his brain for his train of thoughts prior to deciding that he’d like to take care of his best friend. He thinks back on the moment before he went to Heechul for advice yet none comes to mind. 

It doesn’t seem plausible that he woke up that day and decided he wants to take care of Hyukjae all of a sudden. That must be why his friends were taken aback when he asked: how do you take care of someone?

“I, well… you’ve always looked out for me,” Donghae starts. His voice is soft and a little unsure, shy even, “I wanna be someone you can depend on too.” Donghae only said what came out at the top of his head but now that he was hearing it out loud, maybe this was the answer he was looking for. It’s no wonder his friends’ answers were like that.

“What makes you think you aren’t?”

“I don’t know.” Donghae shrugs and tries to act nonchalant when in reality his heart is beating so loud against his chest that he’s afraid Hyukjae might hear. Why was he even getting nervous in the first place? “Maybe because nothing I’ve done compares to what you’ve been doing for me since we were kids. You’ve always been there for me, whether I was sick or just needed someone to listen forever. What have I done that could be at par with that?”

“What makes you say that? Don’t you remember that one time when it was snowing badly outside and I didn’t bring my scarf and gloves with me? You gave me yours without a second thought because you knew my hands and neck got cold easily and went home shivering from the cold that your mother scolded you for being reckless!”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t count!” Donghae exclaims in retaliation, “It wasn’t a big deal; I was only out in the cold for a short while since the walk home took about ten to fifteen minutes max.”

Hyukjae has an exasperated look on his face, but nevertheless, he does not back down from the challenge Donghae unconsciously gives him. So he watches his best friend sit a little straighter and fully turn his body towards Donghae so he could look him in the eyes. “Or that time when I needed to submit a project and my pocket wifi decided to die right when I was almost done with it. I called to cry about it but instead, you told me to calm down and accompanied me to the PC bang so that I could finish and submit my project before the deadline. You even insisted on paying for everything, even the food we ate.”

He remembers how quickly he got to his feet when he answered Hyukjae’s call only to hear his best friend’s panicked and desperate voice on the phone. Donghae didn’t need to think twice and sprung into action. Being the one who was levelheaded at the time, he calmly asked Hyukjae to take slow deep breaths before gently instructing his best friend to meet him at the PC bang near their favorite cafe. Donghae did not hang the phone up until he was sure that Hyukjae was calm enough to go out on his own.

He made sure to arrive before Hyukjae so that he could reserve two spots at the corner of the shop since it was more spacious and provided them with a little more privacy. Upon arriving, Donghae welcomes Hyukjae with a bowl of steaming ramyeon with egg and a melted cheese slice on top and a tall glass of chocolate milkshake, stating to the latter that he needed the energy to continue his project.

While Hyukjae worked on his project, Donghae kept his computer open for when his best friend needed an extra pair of hands to help search for an article or study to use as a reference. The pair worked in perfect tandem for two hours and successfully finished the project an hour and thirty minutes before the deadline. Donghae remembers how the relieved expression on Hyukjae's face made him feel content and warm inside. So much so that he wordlessly rises from his seat and pays for the fee for both computers plus everything they ate over the two hours they spent at the PC bang.

Donghae earned multiple smacks from his embarrassed best friend when he found out that Donghae already paid for everything.

“If that isn’t enough, how about something recent? When my pet dog, Haru, died and I couldn’t go home because I had three midterm exams the next day. What did you propose we did instead.”

“...I went out and bought a big bouquet of flowers and I lit a few candles so we could hold a small wake for Haru.”

“Do you see it now? You have always been there for me, Hae, as much as I have for you. You just do it in a different way.”

“I… I don’t know what to say.”

The first time Donghae felt his heart break was when he watched his best friend receive the news of his childhood pet passing. Hyukjae was calm throughout the phone call with his mother, however, the defeated and helpless look on his face showed that he was fighting hard to hold it all together. 

Wordlessly, he sits beside his best friend and pulls him in his arms once Hyukjae says goodbye to his mother. The latter breaks down the moment his face touches the soft fabric of Donghae’s favorite sweater. As Hyukjae shakes in his hold, Donghae feels warm tears stream down his face while he rubs slow and soothing circles on Hyukjae’s back. 

The suggestion just came to him, like a light bulb moment of sorts; even Donghae was surprised once the words had already come out of his mouth. It sounds ridiculous from a stranger’s point of view but Haru wasn’t just any pet; he was Hyukjae’s first best friend. 

Donghae only recalls happy times with the fluffy samoyed. Must be from how often he’d spend at Hyukjae’s house but Haru would always tackle him as he was entering the front door. Then once he had Donghae’s attention, Haru would drop to the floor so he could show his belly, sending a clear message that he wanted belly rubs. If he could have had one more day with Haru, Donghae would gladly spend the whole day on the floor with the fluffy samoyed and give him the best of belly rubs.

The sting in his heart upon hearing the news could not compare to the hurt Hyukjae felt. More so now that on top of the pain of losing a cherished pet, he’s juggling it with the stress and pressure of midterm exams. 

Looking back to what Donghae initially thought was a futile attempt at helping his best friend, his face now reddens knowing how much the gesture meant to his best friend. Donghae feels more and more embarrassed especially now that his friends’ disbelieved faces flash through his mind. He now understands why Kyuhyun and Heechul answered that way; it was an unnecessary question when Donghae has been doing it unconsciously for years now.

“Aish, and here I was worrying why my best friend hasn’t visited me once! Do you know how worried I was thinking I did something that made you upset?! Even your text messages were clipped and distant.” Hyukjae says the last part was much quieter but it was loaded with so much pent-up emotion that though it was almost like a whisper, it felt as powerful as a gut punch.e

Earlier when Hykjae said that he didn’t mind, it was a polite answer. Now that Donghae has given him a hint of why he was absent, it’s like a Hyukjae saw an opportunity to give him a piece of his mind and shake him from his uncertainty.

This was starting to get beyond embarrassing. Donghae didn’t mean for his “research” to cause his best friend to worry and think that he was upset when in reality Donghae hasn’t stopped worrying about Hyukjae. Maybe he should stop thinking so much and just do the things that felt right. “I’m sorry about that, I wasn’t upset with you at all. I was actually going around asking our friends for advice.”

“Advice? What for?”

“Not important, it’s stupid.” Donghae definitively shakes his head for good measure, even if he knows that his best friend isn’t going to let it go without a fight. ”Anyway, I’m sorry again for worrying you. How ‘bout as compensation I buy you a tall cup of iced choco from you favorite cafe?”

Hyukjae looks at him suspiciously for five long seconds before taking the bait and accepting the free drink. Donghae breathes a huge sigh of relief at that but he doesn’t physically show it. His best friend is already wary of him, he doesn’t need to give Hyukjae further reason to prod and get an answer out of him.

He doesn’t even understand why he was acting all squirmish around his best friend. It’s not like he was hiding anything (except his frantic journey asking his friends for advice on how to take care of someone). Plus this was his best friend, someone he has confidently confided with since he was five; why is he choosing to omit to tell his best friend since childhood his struggles?

Nevertheless, Donghae was successful at steering the conversation away because the two best friends spent the whole day and the early hours of the night catching up as if they had been separated for a year. Donghae doesn’t leave Hyukjae's side, not until he had fulfilled his promise of a free tall iced choco and a box of the latter’s favorite pastries from the same cafe delivered to his best friend’s apartment (as if his best friend hadn’t already had his fill of chocolate drink and pastries from earlier that day). 

When Donghae leaves, his heart is full, and his cheeks warm and pleasantly aching from a day filled with laughs and contentment from a job well done. They hadn’t seen each other for three days yet they were able to catch up in the few hours that they spent today.

Was this what it feels like when they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder? Because it’s only been three days but the few hours they spent together felt as refreshing as an oasis after tirelessly walking through a rough desert road. It’s like his energy has been renewed and everything is calm and peaceful again. Heck, even the sight of Hyukjae eating was enough to make his heart content. 

Why was he even feeling this way?

Donghae pauses to ponder on this thought, unfortunately, no solid answer comes to mind. So instead, he resumes his nightly routine and takes a quick bath before changing into his comfortable jammies. He settles into his bed and reaches for his phone to scroll through his social media accounts for a few minutes only to see a message notification from none other than Lee Hyukjae himself.

Hyukkie 😎💕

Thanks for everything today, Hae 🥰

It was so nice to see you again after so long lol

I missed you so much

See you at campus tom? I’m finally strong enough to attend classes 🙌

And just like that, the questions he has yet to find the answer to get set aside as giddiness fills his whole being after receiving the news of his best friend finally returning to class. Donghae also fails to notice that Hyukjae’s I missed you so much has been on reply since he read the text and is causing his heart to beat louder and louder with every recall.