We often regret the things we don't do...

The words we don't say...

We then wait for a miracle...

We wish upon a star...

But not everything is as easy as making a wish, is it?

24th December 2022


Christmas. 

It is supposed to bring happiness and joy into one's life. 

It is supposed to be a holiday of giving and receiving. 

It is that time of year when friends, family, and couples gather together and wish each other all the best.

Make plans for the next year. 

Dream of the future.

Enjoy the festive atmosphere... 

And for many it is... but for some... it was anything but that.

For some it brought sadness.

It brought back memories. 

It brought back things that are supposed to be locked away. 

It brought back the heartache.

The unspoken words.

The unexpressed feelings. 

The regret. 

But isn't it universally known that once we let go, we realize our mistakes?

One latter can surely agree.

I am searching for the one I can't see anymore,

I am listening to the one I can't hear anymore,

I can see the things I couldn't see,

I can hear the things I couldn't hear,

You've given me this power,

Ever since you left me right here...


Before I was selfish,

And I didn't care about you,

I didn't understand your heart,

I was a fool...

The music played in the back as the latter hummed along with it. The song described his state perfectly and it was as if the songwriter had read his journal. It was as if he was in his mind. It was as if he knew his deep and darkest fears and moments.

"Right now, I am trying to change who I am..." The latter sang those words, ending them with a heavy sigh as he looked out the window.

The smell of apples and cinnamon filled the room as the crackling noise in the fireplace, and the flickering lights from the illumination created a special kind of atmosphere for the latter and he just couldn't help but stare in amazement and sadness out the window as the first snow for this year started to fall. As he placed his hand on the window in some creepy way, his handprint made it look like someone else left it there and for a moment it was surely creepy. He caught himself laughing at his silly thought as he looked up at the clouds. The smile on his face slowly faded away as the gray clouds reflected exactly how he felt in his heart. 

The pain.

The sorrow. 

His heart clenched in his chest as he squeezed the necklace that was around his neck, closing his eyes for a moment as memories of a once-happy life resurfaced. 

***

"Oppa!" 

Hearing her sweet angelic voice, Sehun turned around with a smile on his face as he opened his arms for her. "Hey, beautiful!" 

She giggled, jumping into his arms and he twirled her around. "Oppa! I got you something for Christmas!" 

He put her down and tucked her hair between her ears before fixing her scarf. "And I got something for you, babe." 

They both out took their present and exchanged them. Smiling, he opened the black velvet box and looked at the content that was inside it. It was a silver necklace with a key pendant, and it surely had a symbolic meaning to it.

"You are the only one that has the key to my heart," She whispered, kissing his cheek. 

"And you are the only one that has a key to mine," He winked, pecking her lips. "Open your gift."

She nodded and quickly opened the box only to find a silver ring inside with a heart-shaped red diamond. 

"It's beautiful," She murmured. 

"My promise to you," He said. "That I will always stay by your side. Merry Christmas, love." 

Wrapping his arms around her, she snuggled into her arms and closed her eyes. "Merry Christmas, love." 

***

He blinked his eyes open and took a deep breath as he had a sudden feeling of suffocation as his mind got blurred by yet another memory. 

***

"Isn't it beautiful?" 

He nodded his head as he watched her reach out her palm and catch the snowflakes. He couldn't help but smile at her childish behavior, but it was adorable. Her gentle white skin and red cheeks made her look like a fragile porcelain doll, the only thing that was missing was the wings and she would surely look like a beautiful angel. As far as Sehun was concerned, he could stare at her for hours and never get tired of it. No matter what she wore, she looked beautiful.

"Babe?" She called out, calling him back out of his daze.

"Yes?" He asked softly. 

"Are you alright?" 

He nodded his head. "Just admiring your beauty." 

She smiled shyly. "Hush." 

"I speak the truth," He winked, pulling her into his arms. "Shall we make snow angels and take a picture?" 

"I thought you would never ask!" She chuckled. 

***
A tear escaped and ran down his cheek as another memory flashed in front of him. 

***

The crackling noise from the fireplace and the smell of apple and cinnamon tea filled the room as the two lovers snuggled under the blanket in front of the fireplace. Sehun massaged her stomach gently as she closed her eyes, enjoying the moment they were having together. 

"Feeling better, babe?" He whispered. "Are your cramps gone?"

"Mhm," She mumbled. "Thank you." 

"Anytime. Does my girl want something sweet? I have lava cake."

"With a glass of red wine?" She hummed. 

"Of course," He chuckled. 

***

Taking a deep breath, he turned away from the window, but as he faced the Christmas tree, another memory flashed in front of his eyes. 

***

The Christmas music echoed in the living room followed by Byul's hums as she decorated the Christmas tree. Sehun helped her as well, placing the bigger decorations around the fireplace. 

"Babe?" 

"Yes?" He smiled, looking at her as she called out. 

"Can you help me place this one on the top?" 

He nodded and walked over to her. "Where do you want it?" 

"Over there," She said, pointing her finger at the place. 

Sehun took the decoration from her and placed it on the tree. 

"Thank you!" She giggled and kissed his cheek. 

"Welcome," He winked, kissing her lips.

***

One person.

So many memories.

Memories that now felt as if someone kept stabbing him in the heart. 

***

"I don't know if I can do this..." She pouted. 

Sehun smiled softly and shook his head. "Do you trust me?"

"I do," She mumbled. 

"Would I allow you to fall or get hurt?" He asked, caressing her cheek. 

"No," She shook her head. 

Taking her hand, he smiled. "I won't let go of your hand, don't worry." 

She nodded and the two of them stepped on the ice. Holding her hand tightly she tried to find her balance. 

"Follow my lead," He said softly. "Slide your feet one after another." 

Doing what she was told, she slowly got the hang of it. "Like this?" 

"That's right, baby," He winked. "See? I told you you can do it!" 

She