Prologue

No one really prepared her for what life would bring. A simple glimpse of the light was enough to make her feel scared of what the world was going to bring her. Was it her anxiety taking the best of her again or was it just something that she refused to get used to?

Up to the present, it still bothered Chaeyoung that her anxiety and depression hasn’t left her. Each day was a struggle, feeling the same thing over and over again, day after day. It started when was still in her elementary years. Back when she still didn’t know who she really was, thinking that when she grows up, she’ll be on the right track to a normal and fulfilling life.

Back when she didn’t get bullied.

Chaeyoung’s feelings stirred up inside her when all the kids around her were talking about typical topics, like classroom crushes, who was the cutest boy in their grade or who had cutest, pinkest lunch box amongst the other girls.

Though, she didn’t feel the same way and she disliked the things the girls in her grade enjoyed. Chaeyoung found herself wanting to talk more with the boys, look at bugs and join them when they rough house during breaks. It was when she asked her mom to cut her hair really short that started her problems. As she came to school after, she’s never felt so free and excited, feeling more comfortable in her own skin. But some of her female classmates would come up to her and question her with prejudice about why she isn’t like the other girls. Chaeyoung would just shrug and flatly tell them that she prefers it this way.

Then things just became worse and worse for her each day. Her classmates started bullying her relentlessly. Categorizing her with the weird people of their grade. It was as if her classmates were studying the stereotypical way of bullying someone at school, they did it. They did it to anyone they didn’t like. It came to a point that she would flinch at anyone who would go near her, scared that they might throw something at her again.

The teacher would silently call her over after class and sit her down. Asking her in the kindest way if Chaeyoung wanted the teachers to tell her parents about this, hoping to put an end to the unnecessary bullying. But Chaeyoung immediately refused; quietly thanking the teacher and saying she can handle it.

As expected, she couldn’t handle it and then started hated going to school. Though, she tried her best to compensate her agony by drowning herself into studying and her drawings, so she has something to be distracted by and deafen any rumours of her being “different”. She didn’t believe that being different was wrong. She knew back then that she was just unconventional, but of course, as a child you wouldn’t know the exact words to it, and it felt very true to her.

But the pressure eventually got to her. There were days she would wake up and stay in bed for a while because she would tell herself that she didn’t want to go to school anymore.

Her mother, as always, noticed the change in her behaviour. But Chaeyoung had no intention of informing her mother that she, an elementary student, is being bullied for not wanting to be girly. She didn’t know if her mother was open to that. Granted that majority of the time her parents were busy taking care of her younger brother, she still wasn’t sure if letting her parents know about her problems in school would be a good idea.

One problem at a time, she would say to herself.

Things started to turn around when Chaeyoung finally entered high school.

Chaeyoung had to start from scratch when her family had to move to Incheon, so she had to enrol into a new sc