5 years later, on September 25, 2027, 3 hours before the wedding starts  

 

Sooyoung carefully steps on the brakes as she shortly parked her car next to the sidewalk in front of Chaeyoung's apartment. She takes her charger from her purse to-- of course, charge her phone since she'll be expecting calls in the next few hours. 

 

Yerim came out of the building in a light blue dress, similar to what Sooyoung is wearing. They will be attending their friends' wedding and Yerim wanted a ride. Only Sooyoung was free to give her one.

 

"Hey, did you bring alcohol?" Yerim greeted her while taking the backseat. Sooyoung furrowed her eyebrows as she glanced at her friend through the rear mirror. 

 

"What? Yerim, we're going to a wedding, we can't get drunk 'til reception." Sooyoung jokes, still taking the pocket bottle of ethyl alcohol from her purse.

 

"Huh? I'm talking about alcohol! For sanitation!" Yerim hits her shoulder playfully. As Sooyoung gave her the alcohol, she saw Jisoo and Chaeyoung walking out of the apartment with two paper bags in their hands. 

 

"Hi, Jisoo! Hey, Chae!" Sooyoung greets them this time. As the three of them occupied Sooyoung's car, she began driving. They have an hour ride to the ceremony venue, and a few more backlogs, they better be quick before rush hour strikes. 

 

"Hey Sooyoung, where's your girlfriend?" Jisoo asked, Chaeyoung was on her phone when Sooyoung glanced at the mirror again for a moment. 

 

Sooyoung shrugged then looked at her phone for a second. "I don't know, she texted me this morning that she'll go to Joohyun's to prepare. I think she's stopping by home before the wedding starts."

 

"Okay." Yerim butts in. "So we'll just meet at Seungwan's then?" 

 

Sooyoung only hummed. The truth is that she's very excited about this day. It's the first wedding within their circle. The last time she felt this way about an event with friends was the acquaintance party, the freshies night. The drive, the lights on the streets as Sooyoung was on her way there. The only difference is who she is going there with. 

 

   Freshies night, 1st-year college, before the semestral break  

 

Some college students knew well how parties go. It's the event full of surround sound music and dancing and singing along the crowd, a setting that drives the force of socializing with more than hundreds of people experiencing the same entrance of youth, beginning of responsibilities with the hint of knowing one can still stress down all the priorities by enjoying even just one night, one night only for themselves.

 

Seulgi had fair experiences with parties. Their high school had a lot; Halloween parties, acquaintance parties-- just not as fancy as this one; Christmas parties; etc. This time though, their supposed introduction party or the freshies night was held late because of some university business the head failed to finish in the early months of that semester. All of Seulgi's experience in parties was with Joohyun. That's the one thing these parties have in common.

 

"It's your fault I couldn't sleep after the test earlier! You keep poking me." Joohyun glared at her shortly before pulling her closer again as they swayed to the sweet instrumental background music from the speakers played by the event host.

 

Here Joohyun is, ranting about what happened earlier that day. Well, earlier that day was their midterms examination. Just like Joohyun said, Seulgi kept poking the girl during their test hours.

 

"Well, you didn't answer your questionnaire right.." Seulgi remembered something more. "Oh wait, no. You did not even try finishing the exams."

 

"Have your past teachers not taught you to never look at your seatmate's table?" Joohyun rolled her eyes on Seulgi. The duo continued to dance to the tune, they were staying in place, holding each other while talking about what happened earlier during exams.

 

Seulgi laughed at Joohyun's remark and the irony of it being their topic when Seulgi never looked at a classmate's paper ever, except today when she saw Joohyun's empty answer sheet.

 

"They did, but you're not just my seatmate." Seulgi reasoned out. Joohyun scoffed at her and wrapped an arm around Seulgi's slightly taller shoulders when the song stopped and that's their cue to stop dancing. 

 

"What? What am I to you, huh?" Joohyun asks again. The pair walked towards the spot where their classmates were at. They should be seeing Sooyoung by now. Her last text to Seulgi was thirty minutes ago. 

 

They were only wearing casual clothes. Not really as fancy as those dress-up codes for proms and any other parties, but still, this is another level of the party. It is a college party after all. A college party where Seulgi has Joohyun's arm over her. Seulgi only s her arm around Joohyun's waist once she's done thinking about what Joohyun is to her.

 

"You're my roommate and friend who's also my classmate now and I'm gonna look after you all the time. You can't get out of it." She basically explained with a safe answer explanation. Joohyun pushed her playfully.

 

"Aish. Be thankful you're cute today." Joohyun tells her before giving her a jokingly-lustful look she does whenever Seulgi dresses up well for something. It's a joke between them. Seulgi learned not to take everything Joohyun said seriously because of these jokes.

 

Seulgi isn't that much of an extrovert, nor an introvert. She is something in between, Joohyun is the same as her. Joohyun's loud when she's with her friends, and that's just the same for Seulgi. The best and cutest fact about this personality of Joohyun is that when she's with her friends,  then her eyes and ears are only for her friends.

 

So, Seulgi loved being Joohyun's friend.

 

Oh, right.

 

Seulgi had a plan. She only remembered it when they arrived at the spot assigned for their block.

 

"Joohyun, I wanna ask you something."

 

She wanted to know Joohyun's perspective about dating. Now, she's asking. It's making her a little.. nervous.

 

"Hm?" Joohyun took her hand and pulled her along to the nearest table. Seulgi followed and waited until they were properly seated.

 

Seulgi saw Joohyun's eyes moving around the gymnasium and as that pair of brown orbs lay on her, she looked down at the table cloth. "What would you feel.. if.. uh.. someone tells you they like you?"

 

Joohyun did not expect Seulgi's question. Seulgi knew by the pause Joohyun made after she finished asking. "I.. I would be flattered? But uh.. I don't know, I like it better if I'm the first one to catch feelings first."

 

"Why?" Seulgi asked, casually resting her palms on top of the table.

 

She's just curious about Joohyun's uncommon answer. That's just not how other people would do or would want to happen. Many would think that courting a person is the most effective way of starting a relationship. For Seulgi, in Joohyun's case is that Joohyun would be the one to be courted. So if Joohyun thinks like this.. then whoever courts her won't last long then.

 

"So I'll know I won't doubt my part in the love story." Joohyun answered.. and then once again, Seulgi got even more confused.

 

"Really? That's how things go?" Seulgi chuckled, interrogating Joohyun more. Her earlier nervosity was gone because like always, Joohyun is still the most comfortable person she can talk to.

 

"Ya! It's scary if you fall out of love, you know. I gotta be careful. I don't wanna hurt people. It's scary." And then.. it started to make sense to Seulgi.

 

Joohyun is really one of a kind.

 

"Don't worry, I'll be by your side when you get scared." Seulgi assures her, finally looking back at the girl now, realizing Joohyun's eyes are still on hers.

 

Again, perks of being Joohyun's friend.

 

"Um.. I wanna tell you something too." Joohyun says, a little louder now that the DJs started playing some loud hiphop song.

 

"Yeah? What is it?" Seulgi asks softly, leaning closer to Joohyun so that they wouldn't need to yell at each other.

 

Joohyun's hand slowly moved on top of Seulgi's at the table. "I have these.. feelings-"

 

But Joohyun was cut off when Sooyoung came, crashing on their table. Sooyoung, with her newly cut bangs and long black straight hair, smiled at Seulgi and Joohyun. She must have worn some extensions. Seulgi let go of Joohyun's hand to check out Sooyoung's look. Pretty. She really prepared well.

 

"Hi Kang, Hi Bae!" Sooyoung giggled as she waved cutely.

 

"Hey, Sooyoung!" Joohyun waved the same way. Seulgi chuckled. Sooyoung was and has always been the excited type of friend.

 

"I saw the snack booth over there and my cousin's the bartender! We can check it out later and get some freeeeee snacks!" Sooyoung exclaimed, pointing at the food bar she was referring to. Seulgi looked at it but there were too many people in line.

 

"Niiice!" Joohyun got excited at the mention of snacks too.

 

"Wait a minute," Sooyoung looked at their empty table. "What were you two doing here not stuffing our table? I'll get us some drinks."

 

While Sooyoung excused herself to get the drinks as she said, Seulgi turned to face Joohyun again. Joohyun was going to tell her something.

 

"Joohyun, what were you saying again?" She asks her, although Joohyun looked unhinged when she brought it back again. 

 

"H-huh..? Ah.. Oh, nothing. I just feel excited about tonight." Joohyun replied, hands busy fiddling on the table cloth. Seulgi stared at her. 

 

"Really?"

 

"Yeah. my brother said this should be the most memorable party we'll ever have."

 

   Finals week of 3rd-year summer classes   

 

Seulgi had no other options, Joohyun won't respond to her texts or her calls. The girl did not even send her a message after she left. The only and last option left is to go visit Joohyun's house. She was expecting to see Joohyun's mother but it was the older brother, Minseok who came to open the gate and talk to her. He didn't let her in.

 

The most Seulgi had seen Joohyun's brother was back in high school when he was still overprotective of Joohyun that he brings food to them twice a week. Seulgi knew him from being Joohyun's best brother to being Joohyun's most hated brother-- sometimes when Joohyun rants about him. Seulgi understands it's just sibling bickering. She does have a lot of moments like those with her brother too.

 

"Hi Kang." Joohyun's brother reached out to shake her resting hand. Seulgi just shook it back for courtesy. Minseok can be very random sometimes.

 

"Sorry, just practicing handshakes. I'm gonna be going to job interviews in the next few weeks." Minseok explained. Seulgi nodded and mouthed an Ah. She looked over his shoulders to see if Joohyun was at the door or peeking through the windows but Minseok waved his hand in front of Seulgi's face to get her attention.

 

"Can I see Joohyun? Is she there?" Seulgi asks, eyes now gazing on the windows of the second floor.

 

Again, Minseok waved a hand on Seulgi's face to stop her from looking further. "Yep, in her room."

 

Seulgi sighed and gave up. "Can you tell her that-"

 

"Sorry Kang, she said she doesn't want visitors." Minseok kept calling her Kang. It's what he does to make Seulgi feel closer to him and she appreciates it. It's just that she really needs to talk to Joohyun now.

 

"But-"

 

Minseok cut her off again, shaking his head, blabbering ooops oops, op op. Then said, "Let her think, okay? Your new friend just broke up with her."

 

"But I'm not with Seungwan right now! Just please, tell her it's Seulgi. I just want to know how she's doing." Seulgi heaved a deep sigh again. Minseok shushed her. 

 

"She's fine, She eats three times a day. Just.. not as talkative as before."

 

Joohyun did not go to class for three days. It wasn't necessary anyway. their professors gave them the remaining days to work on their project.. which they already finished. It's a pity the class schedules seemed to have taken Joohyun's side this time. Seulgi wished they had something to do in class so Joohyun would attend. 

 

"Hey, how's it going?" Sooyoung nudged her. Seulgi lifted her head up from hiding her face in her arms on the table. 

 

She shakes her head. "Her brother said she's fine, but she won't talk to me." Seulgi tells her, Sooyoung hummed softly beside her and held her hand, whispering, "It's gonna be okay."

 

"Don't worry too much." Lisa pats her shoulder as she sits next to Seulgi, on Joohyun's seat. 

 

Seulgi has been pretty busy thinking about Joohyun but her friends have been busy too. Lisa hangs out a lot with Jennie these days, aside from when she goes back to the dorm with Sooyoung. Meanwhile, Sooyoung has been very close to Yerim's circle too. 

 

"She doesn't reply to any of us either," Lisa added. As their classmates continued to mind their own business, the three close friends sat there, talking.

 

"Well, that's a given. If she doesn't reply to Kang, she won't reply to anyone at all." Sooyoung tells Lisa. Seulgi agreed silently.

 

After a few seconds, Chaeyoung approached them. Their friends caught up on what happened. In the past weeks, things have progressed in the two circles with the number of interactions they had in class. That's the good news. Sooyoung and Lisa have gotten closer to the other girl. The bad news is that Seulgi misses Joohyun so much. Joohyun and Seungwan broke up. Seulgi and Seungwan somehow telepathically agreed not to talk to each other for a while. 

 

"How about Seungwan?" Seulgi glances at Seungwan at the back, sleeping on her desk.

 

"Don't worry about her. She's been playing games at home." Chaeyoung tells her as the girl took the sit across Seulgi's. 

 

"Finals are coming on Friday though." Lisa changed the topic, which might be on purpose to lighten up the mood. 

 

Sooyoung whined, "Ya, stop bringing that up! We'll study on Thursday."

 

Seungwan did not talk to Seulgi either after their confrontation. Seulgi lets her be, it would be awkward to force it anyway. All she wants right now is to know how Joohyun is doing. If only, if only Joohyun would send her just one message.. even just one. 

 

She did not want any of this to happen. She regrets trying to be a best friend when she talked to Seungwan. She never thought Seungwan would see it through her that easily.. when Joohyun never did. She hates this. She hates that Joohyun no longer wants to share her pain with. Seulgi's just confused.. why won't Joohyun talk to her?

 

On Finals day, Seulgi saw Joohyun. Seulgi wakes up early knowing Joohyun will be in their classroom when she gets there. She was so excited that she went to the room 20 minutes earlier than scheduled. To her disappointment, Joohyun was not there. Of course, it's still too early. She had high hopes to see her that she forgot Joohyun is always late if it weren't for her being the girl's roommate. She looked like the same pretty girl except that it's obvious she had been crying. 

 

Joohyun came into the classroom the same time their professor did. Seulgi had no chance to talk to her, evident on her face was how stressed she was in the past few days.

 

She managed to focus on the exam, hopefully, Joohyun did too. Back then, Joohyun used to answer their tests fast, within 15 minutes and she's done. Seulgi knows how Joohyun did not like to pressure herself more. After she fills out the answer sheet, she will sleep on her desk. It's funny and sad because this time, Joohyun did the same thing, finished the exam in 15 minutes, funny-- but not because she wanted to sleep.. but because she wanted to leave, sad.

 

Seulgi's still not done answering, she tends to take her time. She's aware that her time to see Joohyun was limited but Seulgi knows better, she can't finish this as fast as the others did. It is the final examination, she has to do her best. After a second or two after Joohyun passed her answer sheet and left the room,

 

Seungwan followed.

 

Seulgi was left out of focus, but she tried to finish the test in time.. and when she did, Joohyun and Seungwan were nowhere to be found.

 

She knew she missed her chance. Seulgi had no choice but to let it slide. If Seungwan followed Joohyun, then they must be talking now. Best--or worst thing scenario for Seulgi, the two must be getting back together now.

 

Seulgi decided to go back to their apartment instead of waiting for Joohyun to come back to their classroom when she knew well that the girl wouldn't.

 

Looking around their apartment.. it feels empty without Joohyun. When she stepped into their living room, Seulgi couldn't help but tear up when her gaze caught the string of fairy lights all over their walls and ceilings. She missed those nights Joohyun would giggle while they studied together. She missed those days Joohyun would be everywhere in the apartment and Seulgi felt complete. 

 

Seulgi got so used to seeing the love of her life every day that whenever she came back to the apartment from her hometown, she wouldn't feel nervous about seeing Joohyun again. Instead, she's even more excited. Joohyun feels like home to her. Joohyun felt like home to her. Joohyun is her home. She got used to it.

 

Now, what would Seulgi do if the person she considered as home left the safe space the two of them used to enjoy?

 

I just miss her so much.

 

Feeling sentimental and all as she sat on the couch, Seulgi heard two knocks from the door. She immediately wiped her tears and quickly ran to open the door. It could be Joohyun, please be Joohyun. 

 

It was not. 

 

"Wow, this place is so depressing," Jennie said as she entered even without Seulgi letting her in. Lisa followed right after. The two suddenly came here, must be to check on her.

 

"Sorry, we rushed here after realizing you're gone. We were worried," Lisa tells her, giving her a light hug before going in. Seulgi closed the door behind her.

 

Suddenly, Seulgi has company. Jennie was there where Seulgi was sitting. Lisa was checking out the fruits on their dining table.

 

"Joohyun didn't talk to you?" Jennie asked, Seulgi joined her on the couch. 

 

Seulgi nodded slightly. "I just know Seungwan followed her."

 

Jennie let out a meaningful hum. "They must be getting back together."

 

"Eh? Already?" Lisa came back to the living room with a tangerine in her hand. Jennie nodded.

 

"I guess, Seungwan really liked her, you know."

 

Seulgi just listened. She thought, maybe it's for the better. Maybe Joohyun realized she wants to get back together with Seungwan. Maybe.. even though Seulgi hasn't talked to Joohyun. It has a big possibility of happening. 

 

"Oh right, congrats on your 1st day as a couple," Seulgi said as she brought them snacks from the kitchen. Jennie chuckles as she pulls Lisa closer to her.

 

The couple occupied the seat so Seulgi had to sit down on the carpet while eating. "By the way, where's Sooyoung?"

 

"With Chaeyoung and Yerim." Lisa picks up a piece of nachos. "She said she's tired of you being all over Joohyun." Lisa picks up another one to feed Jennie.

 

"Oh." Seulgi chuckles softly at the thought of Sooyoung saying that. She looked away from Jennie and Lisa being lovey-dovey and checked her phone instead.

 

"Still no response, huh?" Jennie asked as she munched on the food in . Seulgi only nodded and hummed a little. 

 

"I can try to contact her, act like there's something she needs to pass to me. I'm the class rep." Jennie suggested as if it was meant to help Seulgi but she quickly said no.

 

"She hates liars, Jennie." Lisa backed up Seulgi. Jennie scoffs.

 

"We're not even friends. I don't care if she'll hate me." Jennie says.

 

Seulgi can't describe how or why.. but when Jennie mentioned the words friends and hate, she felt emotional. She closed her phone and her grip on it tightened. She lowered her head and looked down to hide the tears forming on her eyes.

 

"Seulgi.. Are you okay?" Lisa asks her, letting go of Jennie to join her on the carpet. 

 

Seulgi shakes her head repeatedly. It felt so bad to be away from Joohyun when she knew she had something to do with the reason why Joohyun left her. "No. No, I'm not. I.. I should have not kept these feelings. I should have moved on a long time ago-"

 

It hurts that she knows Joohyun might be crying for days because of how careless she was with Seungwan. It hurts to know that Joohyun and Seungwan might get back together and once that happens, Seulgi can guarantee Seungwan would be the real one for Joohyun. She just knows it.  

 

Lisa didn't say anything. But Jennie decided to speak up. "This isn't your fault, Seulgi."

 

"But Seungwan broke up with Joohyun because of me."  Seulgi said, wiping the tears flowing on her cheeks. Lisa helped her, the younger girl used her own handkerchief to clean off the wet spots on Seulgi's face.

 

It's the first time Seulgi is breaking down in front of her friends other than Sooyoung. Back then, she thought if she'll ever have a breakdown again.. it will be with Sooyoung. But now, Seulgi realized she still has Lisa, and also Jennie. 

 

Lisa shushed her from sobbing, Seulgi hates that she can't stop sobbing. It was so hard to act casual in their class when she's been bearing all the distress from this.. thing.. with Joohyun.

 

"That's Seungwan's problem. You did not break them up." Lisa insisted and pulled Seulgi to lean on her shoulder. 

 

"You know, if you think about it, you can confess to Joohyun now-" Before Jennie could even continue the already known messed-up-solution she was saying, Lisa hits her knee.

 

"What?!" Jennie pouted and pampered her knee. "I mean, Seungwan and Joohyun broke up, what if they just talked for closure and not to be together again? Also, it's pretty clear that you and Joohyun are not that kind of BFFs anymore because she's not talking to you. Go, confess to her."

 

Seulgi chuckled softly and gave Jennie a look. "Jennie.." 

 

"Fine." Jennie took the bowl of nachos and started eating instead.

 

Seulgi appreciates that these two are trying to help. There was silence after Jennie ate again. Lisa lightly pats Seulgi's shoulder. It felt like Lisa had something to say so Seulgi brought herself back to sitting properly and looked at the other girl. 

 

"I think- I'm with Jennie this time. Because Seulgi, how long can you dream of her and keep it all to yourself?"

 

God..

 

"How long can you reminisce the thoughts of her and not hold her?"

 

Sigh..

 

"How long can you love her without telling her? Because.. it doesn't make sense to me anymore. You've been doing this for years. How can you hurt yourself again and again just to continue spending every day with her?"

 

Seulgi was having a hard time gathering her courage to talk to Joohyun casually every day. She had a hard time not confessing when Joohyun looked so beautiful from the moment she woke up in front of Seulgi until nighttime when the roommates said goodnight to each other. But Seulgi had gathered her thoughts about this. 

 

"It.. doesn't feel that long when I'm with her.. and it doesn't hurt too much because I.. I let go of her, every day."

 

Jennie and Lisa continued to comfort her. After her response, the two asked her if she wanted to watch a movie or anything. They played and watched an episode of a cartoon series on TV. Somehow, Seulgi got through it in the next hour. She got a little distracted because Jennie was very funny and Lisa laughed a lot with them.

 

Seulgi initially turned down all the advice she received from her friends. Sooyoung never had specific instructions for her about what she'd do to Joohyun but Jennie and Lisa had. It's just that.. Seulgi is still confused, she's undecided whether to follow her friends' advice or her own principle of being the martyr in this love story. She lasted seven years, and it's been seven years of no romantic response from Joohyun. There's no way Joohyun would even like her that way because after all, she's just a friend in Joohyun's eyes, or that she knows of.

 

But it's too late-- too late to think about what she'd do with the possible outcomes of what Seungwan and Joohyun talked about when they were together hours ago. Later that evening, she received a text from Seungwan. 

 

Son Seungwan: I told Joohyun. 

 

She told her what? God.. Seulgi trembled, she can't blame Seungwan. It's her fault. Of course, Seungwan would have to be honest with Joohyun. How am I gonna face Joohyun now? Where would I get the guts to even talk to her now? After lying to her all those years we've lived together? 

 

Seulgi held on to her chest as it started heaving. She felt like she cried enough today but it's starting again, she's breaking down anytime soon. But before she could even think of anything else, her phone rang,

 

it was Joohyun. Of course, Joohyun would call her now. The girl has not responded to any of her calls or texts in the past few days because there was nothing to talk about. Now, there is. Seulgi needs to get this out, she has to explain. She knows she does. But when she answered the call, the first thing that she could say was,

 

"I miss you, Joohyun.. when are you coming home?" It was stupid. As if Joohyun would still want to come back to their apartment. 

 

Seulgi did not hear a response, it was like the other line was on mute. She checked her phone to see if the call is still ongoing and it is. Should I explain now?

 

"Joohyun, please talk to me. I-I want to explain about Seungwan,"

 

"I have so many things to tell you. I want you to know that I'm worried not just because I'm in love with you but because I'm also your friend.. We're bestfriends, right? Yes, I-I made a mistake. I should have moved on. I know, I'm such an idiot. It's my fault why she broke up with you. I'm really sorry.. I know that- that me telling you that I love you so much, not just as a friend, but as a person, as a partner, doesn't mean that I wanted you for myself only. I never meant to make you feel like I was possessive of you. I even had no plans on telling you how I felt. But now that you know.. it's useless now, isn't it?"

 

"I-I just want you to know that my feelings for you don't matter. If you don't want to be friends anymore.. then it's okay. I just.. want you to always take care of yourself. It's hard not to get worried about you."

 

Then the phone call ended.