I'm not a sob story. 

I've learned that comparison is bad, but it's hard not to when pretending feels so much worse. So I look at the other kids who are in and out of this wretched place, and a part of me is relieved that I've never been wanted before. It hurts less to be forced into one good-bye. These kids, I've seen them excitedly pack their bags, however little they are, I've seen them look at me like they feel bad for me because I'm not the one going home with a pretty family...but I've also seen some of those same kids return just a couple months later. 

I've seen children come in holding photos of their families...seen the looks in their eyes. 

So, no, I really don't have it that bad. 

That was as far as the journaling got. Kim Hayun had been told that it would help clear her mind, but seeing her repetitive thoughts on paper just made her feel null. She felt stupid for taking the suggestion to begin with, but it wasn't everyday that The Busan Youths Orphanage was visited by a therapist, claiming to want to help troubled children for only a small fee. She didn't know why the owner put her on the list for the therapist to speak with, afterall, she didn't think of herself as especially troublesome. But, she was one of the oldest at the place, so maybe they just want to feel like they did something to help her mentally before they sent her out alone. 

Truth be told, she would have been long gone by now if the beds were a little less comfortable. 

Hayun groaned, getting up from her bed and leaving the pen and paper there. Her bed was one of five in this room, BYO wasn't all that big, two rooms for girls and two rooms for boys, so there were usually around twenty kids running in and out of the place. The little kids didn't tend to stay very long, it was once they started getting closer to double digits that less people wanted to meet them. Hayun had been taken into foster care before, but it never lasted long. Some of her peers spread rumors that she was bad luck, that nothing good came from being around Kim Hayun. They said they could see the death in her eyes. Like her memories played on some tv screen--she never believed that. In her opinion, those rumors wouldn't have started if it wasn't for the small scar that ran from the bottom of her ear to halfway down her jawline. It let people know that she was used.

She was in the middle of fixing her hair when the door opened. School was over, and the uniform her roommate wore was a reminder to Hayun that she'd missed another day. "Are you going somewhere?" Yoori asked, tossing her raggedy backpack onto her bed, across from Hayun's. 

"Yeah." She replied, finally satisfied with her ponytail. She picked up her bag from the ground by the nightstand, "If Mrs. Lee asks where I am, tell her I have a job interview." 

The door opened again and Yoori's twin sister Joori walked in. They were both twelve years old, and incredible nosy, "And where is it that you're actually off to?" She wiggled her eyebrows, as if not being holed up here was scandalize. 

"Just, around." Hayun said with a wave of her hand, "I'll be back later." 

"Namjoon's waiting for you downstairs." Yoori said just before the doors closed behind Hayun. 

Namjoon was the most consistent part of her life. She's been in the system for ten years, and he's been in it for eleven. He wasn't here because of some tragic accident, he was here because of gambling parents who couldn't afford to look after him anymore. When Hayun first arrived, she would cry at night, and Namjoon would tell her how it gets better. They were inseparable; the kind of best friends that only came around once in a blue moon.

"Where were you today?" He asks as she reaches the bottom of the staircase. Hayun put a finger to before grabbing him by the arm and dragging him out of the front door. When they were finally outside, she replied. 

"Keep your voice down next time, Mrs. Lee doesn't know I skipped." Hayun said as she ped her black jacket. "I told you Zico asked me to meet up today." 

Namjoon's whole demeanor changed, "And I told you that going downtown alone is stupid." He had a habit of switching into this big brother role, sometimes she found it nice; other times she wanted to yell at him for poking his nose in her business. Hayun has met people who assume that she can do whatever she wants since she's an orphan, most people with common sense realize that that's far from the truth. People are being paid to keep an eye on her, to make sure she's growing into a responsible and law abiding citizen (unlike some of the parents of the children at BYO)  so really, she spent most of her youth trapped in that big house with somebody always there, watching her every move. Now that she was older, she resented being looked after. 

The bus was already pulling up, so she quickened her steps. "I have to stay on his good side." Is all she said, checking the time as they entered the bus. It was already half past four in the afternoon, and they still had a forty minute bus ride to get through. "We're going to be late." She told Namjoon as they took a seat.

He didn't answer. 

"It was broad daylight, Joon. I had to go help organize the setlist, they