Twenty-two-year-old Son Seungwan is nothing more than a coward. No different than when she was fifteen. She’s afraid of what’s to come if she looks far too long than what she’s usually attuned to. A sore loser of sorts and Joohyun’s there to hold her hand.

It doesn’t make Seungwan feel any better.

Sooyoung knows.

Sooyoung sees.

Seungwan won’t listen to Sooyoung.

“It’s unhealthy, Seungwan.” Sooyoung speaks quietly as she brushes Seungwan’s hair gently.

“…” Seungwan can’t bring herself to say anything. She knows it’s not good for her, but she doesn’t ever listen to Sooyoung or her brain.

She listens to her heart instead.

“I know.”

“Wannie!” Joohyun greets her first thing in the morning as soon as Seungwan walks onto campus with two coffee cups in hand. She unconsciously hands it to Joohyun and Joohyun beams. Seungwan likes it when Joohyun always waits for her to walk into school together.

It makes her feel a little less alone.

A little less, only.

“Have you finished the homework from the last lecture?” Joohyun asks with a hopeful glint in her eyes.

Seungwan sighs as she shakes her head and with a smile, she meets Joohyun’s eyes.

“You can copy from me in class.” Seungwan says and Joohyun squeals as she hugs Seungwan tightly.

“I love you! You’re the best!”

Seungwan doesn’t like thinking about how easy it is for Joohyun to say a casual I love you to her.

She’s never said it out loud before.

Joohyun copies diligently from Seungwan’s workbook and Seungwan meets Sooyoung’s eyes across the room. 

Sooyoung smiles.

It’s what Seungwan needs. 

Seungwan doesn’t like it when Sooyoung nags, but she knows Sooyoung means well.

And Seungwan watches Joohyun copy her notes with a crease between her brows.

Seungwan thinks it’s cute.

Seungwan speaks before thinking.

“You look cute.” Seungwan blinks and Joohyun looks up.

“I know. I’m always cute.” Joohyun winks and Seungwan’s cheeks flare.

Joohyun fails to notice her effect on the younger girl.

Seungwan sighs.

—

Joohyun drags Seungwan to a party, a suburb down from theirs and they take the train there. Seungwan has always accompanied Joohyun to parties. It was an unspoken rule of where Joohyun goes, Seungwan goes too. 

Seungwan’s okay with that because Joohyun can party, and Seungwan will watch from the sidelines to be ready to rescue her and get them both home to either one of their apartments.

They find a seat on the train and Joohyun curls into Seungwan.

Seungwan doesn’t necessarily like taking trains, but she takes them very often.

They’re loud, abrupt, unclean and full of strangers.

It reminds her of Joohyun in a way when she describes it like that, except for the unclean part. Joohyun always smells nice— like the first bloom of lavender. 

Joohyun’s never been one to settle and do things with precaution. She’s impulsive and quick, and very different from Seungwan.

It’s a make or break friendship between them, but Joohyun cherishes Seungwan as a friend so much and Seungwan wants it to last, even if she’s hoping for too much.

And maybe it’s okay sometimes because Joohyun’s here. 

Joohyun’s here, laying her head on Seungwan’s shoulder as she plays with the rings on Seungwan’s hands. Seungwan thinks it’s enough for her— she wants to believe it’s enough for her. After all, Joohyun has never been hers to begin with.

But Seungwan has always been Joohyun’s.

Seungwan sips on the drink cups that Joohyun passes to her, while Joohyun chugs each and every one of them without looking back.

It’s never a good night when Joohyun gets drunk, but she has Seungwan as a support beam, so she thinks she’s good to go for the night.

Joohyun cheers and pulls Seungwan to the dance floor, where she places her arms over Seungwan’s shoulders and sings loudly with her chest.

Seungwan can’t help, but grin at the sight. Seungwan believes that there’s never a bad angle, light or background for Joohyun. Joohyun always looks beautifully ethereal in every light. Seungwan’s eyes crinkle into crescents and Joohyun is hollering loudly.

Joohyun looks at Seungwan in the dim purple party light. Seungwan relishes in the night and when Joohyun looks at her with shining pupils, Seungwan wants to believe it’s not just in her head.

But it is, alright.

Before the night ends, Seungwan pries Joohyun off of some college guy before she supports Joohyun out to the party.

She doesn’t want to think.

She doesn’t want to feel that gaping hole in her chest.

She wants to not think too much, but it can’t be helped.

She holds tightly and hopes to god that she won’t drop Joohyun like she had the other times.

“You’re the best, Wannie!” Joohyun slurs into the night.

“Thank you, Joohyunnie.” Seungwan smiles softly and her heart plays a sad tune when she finds the trail of red marks down Joohyun’s neck.

“I love Son Seungwan!” Joohyun shouts and Seungwan smiles sadly.

“Come on, let’s get you home.” 

Joohyun falls asleep on Seungwan’s shoulder on the train ride home and all the sounds fade out from Seungwan vicinity— even Joohyun’s snoring has reduced to nothing.

There’s a buzz in her head when Joohyun breathes softly against Seungwan’s neck.

Seungwan manages to manoeuvre a drunk Joohyun onto her back and she hopes Joohyun won’t fall backwards in the clumsy piggyback Seungwan had Joohyun in.

She walks up the apartment building stairs with harsh stomps as she tries supporting the both of them. She’s suddenly incredibly glad that Joohyun only lives on the first floor of the apartment complex.

In the literal sense, Seungwan would’ve been a goner if Joohyun lived any higher.

In the feelings sense, Seungwan’s already a goner.

She punches in the number passcode to unlock Joohyun’s apartment.

210294

She doesn’t like thinking too much.

She cleans Joohyun up the best she can and changes Joohyun’s clothes into comfy pjs. Seungwan glances to the right of Joohyun’s room and finds a hoodie that she once wore a couple of weeks ago. Joohyun always steals Seungwan’s hoodies and takes them for herself.

Seungwan doesn’t think too much of it.

Seungwan thinks too much when Joohyun reaches her hand from the covers and whines for Seungwan to stay just as Seungwan prepares to go home.

It’s not a question, it’s a demand and Seungwan is a lovesick fool.

“Stay.” Seungwan should hesitate, but she doesn’t. She slips under the covers and Joohyun immediately curls into Seungwan.

And it’s nice like this.

Please stay like this.

“Can you sing to me please?” Joohyun speaks properly when she’s sober and Seungwan finds it better to function when Joohyun isn’t sober.

“Okay.”

Seungwan hums a song.

She can’t bring herself to say the lyrics aloud.

Joohyun snores quietly and even Seungwan finds it cute when Joohyun pouts when she’s sleeping.

She’s down bad and she knows so too.

Seungwan falls asleep with Joohyun clinging to her. It’s always been like this and Seungwan’s okay with it. Seungwan believes she should be okay with it.

And so, with Joohyun beside her, she sleeps and falls into the narrative she carries in her head.

Had nothing to prove, ‘til you came into my life– gave me something to lose.

Seungwan’s gone before eight in the morning and Joohyun sulks.

Seungwan walks home in the chilly breeze in the morning with her hands in her pockets as she stares up into the sky.

She stares at the birds.

She stares at the pets and pet owners.

She stares at flowers.

She stares at people.

She wonders how their love life is.

She wonders if she can be genuinely happy.

She hopes in time, she’ll smile and laugh without the weight of the world on her shoulders.

—

—

—

Seungwan stays in bed all day on Saturday and barely moves. She can’t remember if she had breakfast or lunch. She can’t remember the last time she drank water or even went to the bathroom.

She’s tired.

She doesn’t know why.

She’s sad.

She knows why.

Someone unlocks her door and her soul jumps out of her body as she clambers out of her bed. No one informed her they were coming. Could it be Sooyoung? But the last time Seungwan spoke with her was ten minutes ago, where Sooyoung had said she was with Seulgi.

Seungwan shuffles out to her living room in her apartment and blinks a couple of times when she finds Joohyun busying herself in her kitchen.

“…Joohyun?” Seungwan calls out meekly.

“Hey, pretty girl.” Joohyun says as she chops something up and from Seungwan’s view, she can see it might be strawberries.

“What are you doing here?” Seungwan asked as she took a seat at the counter table to watch Joohyun.

“Am I not allowed to drop in and visit my best friend?” Joohyun joked and Seungwan didn’t respond.

She wasn’t really planning on seeing anyone on the weekend, but it was Joohyun— and for Joohyun, she’s always made an exception for the older girl. 

“Okay jeez, Wannie. Just appreciate my presence, okay.” Joohyun waved the knife around and Seungwan smiled a bit.

“Thank you, for dropping in.” Seungwan says.

“You’re welcome.” Joohyun smiles and her cheeks swell.

Seungwan’s heart swells.

Joohyun makes a serving of tteokbokki enough for the two of them and Seungwan finds herself smiling for the first time on this day.

“Eat up.” Joohyun points as she sits down in front of Seungwan at the counter. 

It shouldn’t bother Seungwan as much, but it definitely is bothering her. She’s eaten out with Joohyun before and they usually sit in front of each other, but it’s usually loud chatter from strangers and Joohyun eating while telling Seungwan stories. Yet, in the quiet of Seungwan’s apartment, Joohyun made Seungwan tteokbokki and was just… there. 

Sitting without a word.

Seungwan feels weird.

Seungwan always feels weird.

“Can we have a sleepover?” Joohyun asks and Seungwan looks up from her plate.

“You don’t have to ask.” Seungwan chuckles and Joohyun rolls her eyes.

“I have manners, Wannie.” Joohyun stands up and heads into Seungwan’s room and goes straight to the drawer she knows is full of her clothes and pyjamas. 

She doesn’t take a set of her pjs, instead she opts for another one of Seungwans jumpers and Seungwan’s stomach feels funny.

“Ugh I’ve been dying to watch this movie.” Joohyun jumps onto the couch with full force and Seungwan almost falls over.

She's been falling for quite some time, though.

“We’ve watched it like a million times.” Seungwan frowns a little as she picks popcorn from the glass bowl in her lap and feeds it to Joohyun.
“Well, we’re going to watch it again because it’s our favourite movie.” Joohyun smiles widely.

Seungwan thinks she doesn’t have a favourite movie, but if Joohyun says it is, then it is hers.

“Also, you never watch it properly. You’re always distracted when we watch movies together.” Joohyun pouts and Seungwan doesn’t really know how to respond to that.

It’s true.

She’s always distracted when she watches something with Joohyun and if Joohyun were to quiz her afterwards, she’d stare blankly without a word.

Seungwan never focuses on movies because Joohyun is on her lap, playing with her hands and Seungwan just likes watching Joohyun. She likes watching Joohyun blink furiously, frown with glossy eyes, smile with joy and laugh with glee while watching movies.

Joohyun’s why she never engages in movies. 

Joohyun puts ‘The Notebook’ up onto Seungwan’s living room TV for the millionth time. Seungwan cannot list the amount of times they’ve watched this movie. It’s a good movie, don’t get her wrong, but she doesn’t really like romance movies, and Seungwan likes watching it just for the sake of Joohyun, but she doesn’t get why Joohyun watches it over and over, when they’ve watched it so many times.

It’s no longer a surprise to the plot. 

They know everything that occurs, so why does Joohyun go back to the movie all the time? It’s simple, Joohyun just likes spending time with Seungwan, but she also loves the movie just as much. She likes watching the movie over and over even if she practically knows the lines at this point. 

Joohyun reacts to the movie with the same expressions and gestures she had in the past and Seungwan smiles a bit.

Seungwan finds herself focusing properly on the movie because Joohyun complained about it. Seungwan briefly knows the gist of the movie, but if someone were to ask her the names of the characters, she’d probably just lie and think of names on the spot.

Seungwan doesn’t like the movie.

It’s not bad, it’s really good, but it’s fictional and Seungwan wishes it were real.

Seungwan would like to fall in love like how the main characters did, and meet all over again after years, and grow old together and still be in love.

A part of Seungwan wishes something like that would happen to Joohyun and her. It would’ve made Seungwan the happiest girl on the planet, but the world doesn’t favour a single person. So Seungwan can only love Joohyun from afar, and in her head, only. 

Seungwan finds herself crying after the movie and she doesn’t know why.

She doesn’t know how to feel.

She doesn’t know how to feel when Joohyun’s looking at her with complete pity as she brushes the tears from Seungwan’s face.

“It’s okay, I cried when I watched it too the first time.” Joohyun smiles softly and Seungwan cries even more.

This isn’t Seungwan’s first time seeing the movie.

They clean up and Seungwan waits on her bed for Joohyun to finish showering. Joohyun gets dressed and Seungwan finds the ceiling of her room quite fascinating.

“Brush, please.”

Joohyun sits on the floor between Seungwan’s legs and waits for Seungwan to brush her hair. Seungwan rubs an expensive hair oil she bought online between her fingers before running them through Joohyun’s damp hair.

Joohyun closes her eyes and relaxes at Seungwan’s touch.

Seungwan runs the bristles of the hairbrush through Joohyun’s hair gently and Joohyun lets out hums of satisfaction from time to time. Joohyun’s wet hair tickles on her knees as she brushes out Joohyun’s long hair. 

Seungwan treasures these times.

These times when it’s quiet, peaceful and where Seungwan really doesn’t have anything to worry about at the moment as she just simply brushes Joohyun’s hair.

Joohyun also treasures these times.

She never lets anyone touch her hair because she doesn’t really know where their hands go,  but with Seungwan, she never minds Seungwan.

In these moments of quiet as Seungwan brushes her hair, Joohyun relaxes and falls into the gap between Seungwan’s legs with a satisfied hum.

“Come on, let’s get into bed.” Seungwan nudges the girl to move with her knee. Joohyun grunts cutely before she gets up by using Seungwan’s knees as support.

They face each other in bed and Seungwan watches as Joohyun darts her eyes across her face.

“What are you doing?” Seungwan asks quietly.

“Counting.” 

“...counting what?” Seungwan gulps at how close their faces are.

“Your eyelashes.” 

Seungwan giggles like a schoolgirl.

“There’s no way you can count all my eyelashes, Joohyunnie.” Seungwan's eyes crinkle with her smile.

“Yes I can, watch me,” Joohyun’s brow creases in concentration.

Seungwan stays quiet and watches Joohyun’s eye dart back and forth— until the older woman comes to a stop with a small smile.

“How many do I have?” Seungwan asks with a small smirk.

“Just enough for your pretty eyes.” Joohyun boops Seungwan’s nose and the younger woman blinks with a blush hidden by the night glow.

“Now, sleep.” Joohyun rolls over on top of Seungwan and positions herself behind the girl to spoon her.

“Okay.”

Joohyun sings a song and Seungwan wants to fight her sleep away to hear the end of the song, but of course, sleep betrays her and Seungwan misses the bridge and ending of the song.

“Good night, Wannie.”

—

“Can you take this seriously?!” Joohyun whines as she falls onto her bed with a cry.

“I am!” Seungwan laughs and Joohyun clings to her desperately.

“Why don’t you just not go if you’re panicking like this.” Seungwan says as she watches Joohyun get up from her bed for the third time.

“I’m not panicking because I don’t wanna go on this date, I’m panicking because he’s hot!” Joohyun groans and Seungwan smiles her best.

“Okay.” Seungwan gets up and ignores the churning in her stomach.

“Here, wear this… this.. and this.” Seungwan picks out an outfit that she knows Joohyun would rock.

“Ugh, you’re a lifesaver, Seungwan. Please be my personal stylist forever or just my best friend forever.” Joohyun sighs in relief and hugs Seungwan briefly before changing into the outfit.

“Okay.”

Her leg shakes up and down as she sits on the edge of Joohyun’s bed as she watches the older girl bounce around in the room as she puts on jewellery, takes off jewellery, puts her hair up, puts her hair down and then throws a tantrum.

“Here.” Seungwan places her hand out and Joohyun drops the hair tie in Seungwan’s palm. They stand in front of Joohyun’s mirror and the older girl watches as Seungwan gathers her hair and splits it in half as she ties the top in a low half up-half down style.

“Thank you~” Joohyun smiles and turns around to kiss Seungwan’s cheek.

“I think I’ll be home late, so stay here or go home!” Joohyun shouts and in a blink of an eye, she’s out the door and Seungwan smiles sadly with her eyes downcast.

She falls back onto Joohyun’s bed and the smell of freshly bloomed lavender wafts in Seungwan’s face.

Maybe if I had told her earlier in those years, it would’ve hurt less.

Seungwan goes drinking at a pub.

She shouldn’t be here, but she finds herself sitting at the stool with a sad bottle of beer in front of her. She only ordered a beer bottle because she's a lightweight and although she wants to not remember today, she still wants to be able to function.

She pays and wanders off into the night. 

She walks around the streetlights and lets out sad laughs. 

At night time, Seungwan believes it’s the time she’s most carefree compared to the day time.

Maybe she should have worn something warmer, but the cold breeze does kind of feel nice when strolling without a conscience. 

Seungwan doesn’t absolutely think for the rest of the night and only mentally sobers up when she finds herself in front of Joohyun’s door with a hand already on the keypad. Seungwan retracts her hand as if she’d been burned and runs her hands down her face.

What am I really doing?

Seungwan wants to turn away and go back down the stairs to return to her apartment, but she hears a crash from inside the apartment and Seungwan punches in the numbers quickly.

“Joohyun-”

Seungwan relaxes when she just finds that Joohyun had swatted the small plant off her desk.

“Seungwan!” Joohyun is definitely ten times more drunk than Seungwan. Seungwan blinks and Joohyun has her arms slung over Seungwan’s shoulders as she sways and holds Seungwan tightly. Seungwan turns to her left and sees that somehow a drunk Joohyun has managed to turn on her record player and a slow song that Seungwan can’t recognise begins to fill the apartment.

“Did the date go well?” Seungwan asks as Joohyun places her head comfortably on Seungwan’s shoulder. 

Seungwan feels a head shake from Joohyun.

“His loss.” Seungwan says as she olds Joohyun.

It’s quite a slow dance and it might seem like they’re barely moving.

Seungwan wishes that her life could feel as gentle, quiet, wispy and slow as this dance is. She wishes that her journey of falling in love with Joohyun would’ve taken a longer route.

She fell too quickly and she’s gone deep.

Seungwan’s not sure if she can return.

Seungwan cries and Joohyun’s too drunk to feel the wet tears on her shoulder. Seungwan just sways and lets her tears fall as slow as the dance. 

Joohyun likes holding Seungwan tightly. It’s the safest place, Joohyun thinks.

Seungwan thinks that this is a dangerous place.

She really doesn’t know what to do anymore.

She sees Joohyun’s bright eyes and her heart hurts.

She sees Sooyoung’s sad smile and her heart burns.

Everything hurts when it comes to Joohyun, but Seungwan feigns ignorance and continues to stay.

It’s not good for her.

Seungwan knows it isn’t.

Twenty-two-year-old Seungwan is a coward— no different from fifteen year old Seungwan.

Fifteen year old Seungwan, who follows the new girl into a dark part of the forest with only a flashlight in hand.

“Come with me.” eighteen year old Bae Joohyun tells fifteen year old Seungwan and Seungwan obeys because she thinks Joohyun is pretty because she’s older and automatically knows everything better.

Joohyun holds Seungwan’s hand gently and runs through the trees, past their class’ camping site and Seungwan is incredibly nervous because what if this is how two teenagers end up on the news because they’re dead and reckless.

Seungwan relaxes when the dark seems incredibly bright because of the shining moon on the lake Joohyun had brought her to.

Seungwan doesn’t know this girl at all. She knows her name and knows that she was the new senior transfer, but Bae Joohyun ‘the new girl’ has never had a conversation with Seungwan longer than three seconds because Seungwan was a junior– after skipping some grades, and she wasn’t as pretty or thin as Joohyun because usually only the pretty people flocked together.

But, here’s Seungwan, wordlessly following a girl she barely knows right into the forest to a really pretty lake.

“W-what are you doing?” Seungwan asks as Joohyun takes her thin shirt and shorts off, leaving her almost bare in her under garments.

“What does it look like? Come on!” Joohyun calls out and Seungwan can’t turn back either because one, it’s dark, two, she doesn’t like being alone and three, she doesn’t want to leave Joohyun alone either. So, Seungwan strips her shirt and pants too and slowly walks into the lake.

It’s extremely cold, like deadly cold and Seungwan’s only waist deep when her teeth start chattering.

“Cold?” Joohyun swims close to Seungwan and pulls her classmate close to her until Joohyun has her arms around Seungwan’s waist.

Seungwan feels very seen at this moment. She feels incredibly bare, in the literal sense and in the figurative sense.

Joohyun’s eyes are almost gone with the way she’s smiling so bright and her cheeks are kissed pink. Seungwan feels an odd rhythm in her chest and she doesn't know why.

One thing she does know is that the moonlight and Bae Joohyun definitely go well together.

She’s dazzling and only Seungwan gets to see this.

“Are you okay? We can go back to shore if you want?” Joohyun says and Seungwan feels oddly happy in the arms of a stranger.

“No. I’m okay.”

Joohyun swims out and Seungwan tries her best to follow the girl. Joohyun’s smile is cute and her laugh is loud and vaguely contrasts with her cute smile.

Seungwan’s cheeks start to hurt after smiling for so long.

She’s kind of really happy and she’s quite thankful for Joohyun, who chose her to lead her out to this lake.

Joohyun’s a surprisingly good swimmer, when Seungwan begins to squint into the night to locate Joohyun.

Joohyun drifts far and far from Seungwan and Seungwan begins to feel tired from swimming.

The cold is catching up to her and she swims back to shore with her nose running.

She emerges from the water and already finds Joohyun putting her clothes back on. Seungwan follows suit and it’s quiet, but it’s not uncomfortable.

It’s not uncomfortable when Joohyun slings her arm over Seungwan’s shoulder as they walk back to their campsite and return back to their respective cabins. 

But it’s uncomfortable when Seungwan feels that odd thumping in her chest when Joohyun smiles and waves her goodbye when they depart from each other to return to their cabins. 

Later when Seungwan falls asleep in the unsturdy bunk beds in the cabins, she hears one of the other girls in the cabin snoring and she closes eyes in hopes of falling asleep.

Seungwan does fall asleep, but her mind is full of Bae Joohyun at the lake, looking at her with bright eyes, grinning widely and holding her close to her in the cold water.

Joohyun, Joohyun, Joohyun, Joohyun, Joohyun, Joohyun.

Seungwan finds herself floating in her dream with her feet off the ground in a daze of Joohyun.

Seungwan’s no longer fifteen and life used to seem so far ahead, but Seungwan has to face it and she’s stuck. Seungwan cries more than she smiles when she thinks of Joohyun. It’s different from when they were kids.

Joohyun sobers up and showers as she prepares herself for bed. She doesn’t know why Seungwan won’t tell her why there are tear streaks on her face. Seungwan stays quiet and tucks Joohyun into bed.

“Can you...stay?” Joohyun asks this time. She doesn’t demand it from Seungwan. She’s not sure Seungwan wants to stay.

She’s right when Seungwan shakes her head with a small smile.

“I’ll see you around, Joohyunnie.” She smiles sadly as she moves to exit Joohyun’s room.

“I love you.” Joohyun calls back.

Seungwan doesn’t turn back to smile at Joohyun.

“...I love you too.”

Seungwan’s feet touch the ground.

And she takes off the first place she can think of, which wasn’t her own apartment. Her own apartment has more of Joohyun than herself and she doesn’t really want to be home. She doesn’t really know what home is.

Seungwan doesn't really know anything.

Joohyun has always known everything.

Seungwan’s only known Joohyun. 

—

Seungwan hesitates when she’s in front of Sooyoung’s apartment door. 

She doesn’t want to make Sooyoung sad. She’s seen Sooyoung sad and it’s always because of Seungwan. 

She has a girlfriend and should be happy.

She doesn’t need her friend to come cry and she definitely doesn’t need to feel sad.

Seungwan turns away and walks down the stairs and then Sooyoung’s door opens.

“Wan-ah?” Sooyoung calls out sweetly and Seungwan breaks. 

Seungwan runs back and falls into Sooyoung’s arms.

“Hey, what’s wrong? What happened?” Sooyoung pulls her in and later they’re on Sooyoung’s living room floor as Sooyoung cradles Seungwan in her arms.

Seungwan shakes her head.

Nothing happened, but she feels so ty.

She finally decides for herself.

Seungwan looks up with tear stained cheeks and her sight is unfocused because of the tears pooling in her eyes. 

“... I want to get better, Sooyoung.”

Sooyoung cries too when Seungwan looks up at her with such desperation and broken eyes.

“Okay.”

Sooyoung helps Seungwan take it step by step. Seungwan sleeps over at Sooyoung’s a lot and Seungwan finds herself between Seulgi and Sooyoung on Sooyoung’s bed a lot, but the couple don’t mind hugging a third body.

Seulgi cooks a lot and Seungwan tells her that she should be a chef often. Seulgi smiles and ruffles Seungwan’s hair and tells her to eat.

Sooyoung likes playing with make-up and Seungwan is usually the subject when Seulgi’s at work.

Seungwan hasn’t seen Joohyun for days.

It feels odd.

Weird.

Like the withdrawal symptoms after detaching yourself from drugs.

Except Seungwan’s drug was Joohyun and the addiction had gotten bad.

Seungwan turns off her phone and doesn’t look at it for weeks.

Seungwan smiles with her eyes crinkled away and Sooyoung’s heart swells. Seulgi cooks a new recipe and sends the place ablaze in fire and panic. Seungwan’s sweeping and Sooyoung is scolding Seulgi in a very sweet tone, although very threatening.  

The bell of Sooyoung’s apartment chimes and Sooyoung heads to open the door.

“Joohyun!” Even Sooyoung is surprised to see the girl. Seungwan’s in the kitchen crouched on the kitchen tiles with a dustpan and brush in her hand. She can hear everything very well from her spot.

“Hey, Sooyoung, uh listen, I was wondering if Seungwan was here? She hasn’t been replying to me and I just wanna check in with her.” Joohyun rambles when she’s nervous. Seungwan had discovered that when she was sixteen.

“Uh.. she’s really sick and hasn’t been able to do a lot of...things.” Sooyoung speaks and Seungwan feels bad.

She feels really bad.

She never wanted to put Sooyoung in such a position.

“Oh? What happened? Should I get meds for her?” Joohyun’s worried.

“Uh, no. It’s okay, unnie.” Sooyoung smiles and it doesn’t reach her eyes.

“...Can I see her for a second?” Joohyun asks.

“You can’t.” Sooyoung tells Joohyun.

“Will she see me?” Joohyun sounds sad and Seungwan doesn’t like it. Seungwan doesn’t want Joohyun to be sad. She should only be.

“She can’t.” Sooyoung smiles sadly.

“She can’t or she won’t?” Joohyun asks with her voice wavering.

Seungwan’s eyes well in tears and she doesn’t move.

Sooyoung only reaches a hand out and rubs Joohyun’s shoulder, comfortingly. 

“Oh.”

Joohyun’s realisation dawns on her.

“Did I… did I do something wrong? Did I hurt her?” Joohyun asks and Seungwan’s sob strangles in .

“No, no… she just needs time, unnie. Is that okay?” Sooyoung spoke.

“Okay... Can you just tell her that I love her?” Joohyun says and Seulgi steps out of the bathroom to find a defeated Seungwan on the kitchen tiled floor with red eyes.

“I will. Bye, unnie.” 

Seungwan hears the door close and she sobs into Seulgi’s arms.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay, Wan-ah.” Seulgi her hair and lets Seungwan cry her heart out in her arms.

“You’ll get better, Wan. Don’t worry too much.” Sooyoung tells her as she kisses Seungwan’s head.

“...Okay.”