Joohyun just wants to know Seungwan.

Joohyun’s eighteen, new to life, fresh to school and seemingly bored. Her parents moved to a smaller town with her and she transferred for senior year. She hasn’t got a clue of what’s going on in her life and being at a new school means that all the attention is going to be on you as the new kid. Joohyun doesn’t mind the attention at all, since it’s mostly positive and people are all trying to be on her good side, except the girl who sits at a table in front of her in the library.

Joohyun thinks Son Seungwan is a tough egg to crack. 

Ever since Joohyun transferred to this school, she basically became friends with almost everyone and people liked greeting her in the halls, but she doesn’t get it from Seungwan. She doesn’t know what she has done to offend Seungwan, so she makes it her mission for the rest of the year to become Seungwan’s friend, even if she’s a junior.

First, it starts off as Joohyun saying good morning to Seungwan everyday in the halls. Seungwan blushes and is shy. People are somewhat jealous that Joohyun puts her attention on Seungwan. Joohyun sometimes passes a silly note with a doodle of a smiley face or of a penguin and Seungwan smiles a bit in the library. It makes Joohyun smile too.

That’s about it for Joohyun and the girl who sits a row in front of her in the library.

Their conversations are no longer than three seconds and sometimes it frustrates Joohyun. She just really wanted to be friends with Seungwan.

And then it’s nearing the end of senior year and soon she’ll graduate and Seungwan will still have a year to finish, which frustrates the older girl since she just really badly wants to make friends with Seungwan.

At the end of the school year, the school organises a camping trip for those who have a good record of attendance. It’s only actually a day at a resort deep in a forest, where they’ll share cabins with other girls and the boys will be situated on the other side from the girls. Joohyun’s excited since she heard there will be a giant swing and she wants to try it even though she has a bad height fear, but no one really knows that.

Joohyun sees Seungwan getting off of the second bus and she waves from where she is. Seungwan smiles small and waves back. It’s enough for Joohyun to be smiling for the rest of the day.

Joohyun notices that Seungwan really only hangs around two people and they might be related from what she's heard, but if Seulgi and Sooyoung are off somewhere else, Seungwan’s just alone. Sitting on a log by herself as she stares off somewhere Joohyun can't pinpoint.

It’s the second night of their camp day and also the night before they go back home. Joohyun’s kind of bored. She remembers the lake they passed on the way to here, but even she can only vaguely retrace the way there. She doesn’t want to go by herself obviously, and maybe she can bribe Sooyoung or Seulgi to come with her, but they’re somewhere else and Joohyun doesn’t really know where they are.

It’s kind of dark and the only light is the campfire in the centre of the campground.

Joohyun walks back to the campsite and finds Seungwan.

Pretty girl, Son Seungwan, who is not her friend, is sitting on a log next to the campfire with a flashlight as she doodles with a stick in the ground.

Joohyun restarts her plan of becoming friends with Seungwan and approaches the girl.

“Seungwan.” Joohyun calls out and Seungwan snaps her head up.

“Joohyun?” Seungwan questions why Joohyun is calling her name, when they should probably be getting ready to go to bed.

“Come with me.”

Joohyun even finds it strange that Seungwan doesn’t say anything and just obliges to follow wherever Joohyun was taking her. 

Maybe Seungwan wanted to be my friend too…

Joohyun’s kind of excited to go to the lake and at this point she’s kind of dragging Seungwan along and Seungwan just has this really soft smile on her face, which makes Joohyun grin ten times wider.

Joohyun has no sense of direction and has actually no idea of where the lake is, but they actually make their way to the lake and suddenly the dark atmosphere is illuminanted by the moon. Joohyun thinks that this place is incredibly pretty with the bright moon shining and reflecting against the lake.

Joohyun doesn’t waste any time to undress as she pulls her shorts down and shirt over her head.

“W-what are you doing?” Joohyun finds it cute when Seungwan just stands there with her arms crossed over her chest.

“What does it look like? Come on!” Joohyun calls out and Joohyun waits for the younger girl to undress too. Seungwan does this strange walk into the lake and Joohyun bursts into laughter.

The water’s cold, but with the way Joohyun is so excited, she feels really warm.

Seungwan barely makes it to Joohyun when her teeth start chattering and Joohyun’s smile lights up in adoration.

“Cold?” Joohyun swims close to Seungwan and pulls her classmate close to her until Joohyun has her arms around Seungwan’s waist.

Joohyun is a touchy person and hopes Seungwan doesn’t mind her touching her, but it seems like Seungwan doesn’t when she just slides into Joohyun’s arms with a smile.

Joohyun’s eyes are almost gone with the way she’s smiling so bright and her cheeks are kissed pink. Joohyun can’t tell if her cheeks are aflame from how cold it is or because of how happy she is.

One thing she can tell is that Seungwan and her will be close friends soon.

“Are you okay? We can go back to shore if you want?” Joohyun asks the shivering girl and Seungwan just grins until her eyes crinkle. 

“No. I’m okay.” Seungwan says and Joohyun begins to slowly lead them out into the lake.

Joohyun holds Seungwan’s hand as they float out and Joohyun keeps laughing with open as she watches Seungwan’s cheeks glow pink in the night.

Joohyun thinks Seungwan looks really pretty right in that moment under the moonlight.

Joohyun sort of loses Seungwan after swimming for a while and figures that Seungwan might have gone back to shore, so she swims back, but Seungwan’s nowhere to be found. Her clothes and flashlight are still on the ground where they were left before, so she figures Seungwan might still be swimming.

Joohyun gets dressed and soon after, Seungwan emerges from the water shivering still.

Joohyun smiles wide and Seungwan flushes from embarrassment.

“I think we’re going to be good friends, Seungwannie.” Joohyun slings an arm over Seungwan’s shoulder as they walk back to their campsite together. Seungwan leads the way with the flashlight and Joohyun can’t keep her eyes off Seungwan.

This was what she wanted from the beginning.

Just to become friends with Seungwan.

Joohyun drops Seungwan off at her cabin quietly.

“Good night, Seungwannie.” Joohyun smiles softly.

“Good night, Joohyun.” Seungwan tells her before turning away into her cabin. The door closes and Joohyun makes her way back to her dorm.

She jumps in the air and pumps her fists before she enters her own cabin.

Joohyun finds herself grinning stupidly when she falls asleep that night.

Joohyun was definitely right when she predicted that she and Seungwan would end up as good friends because all Joohyun did in the break between finishing high school and starting college, she spent all her time with Seungwan. They went to eat together, had sleepovers, went to arcades and just chatted all day in person or on the phone.

Joohyun learns that Seungwan hates the sunshine, but complains about being pale, so Joohyun always remembers to walk on the outside so Seungwan can have a bit more shade.

Joohyun learns that Seungwan has terrible aegyo, and detests doing it, but she enjoys Joohyun’s, so sometimes Joohyun will force it out of Seungwan, and it’s one of Joohyun’s favourite things to do.

Joohyun learns that Seungwan is equally clingy as her and it makes cuddling so much easier between them because Seungwan is so warm, and Joohyun loves the warmth.

Most friendships in high school broke off and many classmates didn’t see each other for a while, but Seungwan and Joohyun stayed best friends and lived close to each other. They even ended up attending the same university as Seungwan followed after Joohyun, but majored in different things, so they only saw each other on campus occasionally, but saw each other almost everyday when they came over to each other’s apartments.

Two people from their school who also stayed together were Seulgi and Sooyoung. They got together at the end of senior year and have stayed strong ever since, and also live together in an apartment close to Seungwan’s.

Joohyun admires their love.

They’re literally the cutest couple ever, they’re a healthy pair and were best friends before everything.

Joohyun hopes she’ll find her forever person, but for now she has Seungwan and Seungwan is all she wants right now.

—

Joohyun’s twenty-five-years-old when she notices Seungwan acting differently around her. She doesn’t want to question it at all because it might jeopardise the friendship they’ve already built, so Joohyun tries her best to cheer Seungwan up and keep her company, but still, Seungwan’s kind and soft eyes continue to decline into red rims and sad pupils.

Joohyun doesn’t really know what to do.

This was the first time in their friendship where something wrong was up. 

Seungwan thinks Joohyun won’t see how tired and sad she is, but Joohyun sees and Joohyun’s heart hurts. She never wants Seungwan to be sad. All she ever looked forward to was Seungwan’s pretty smile— and the real one, not the one she fronts.

Joohyun spends as much time with Seungwan as she can with showering Seungwan in cuddles and hugs in hopes to make her feel better. She plays their favourite movies, makes Seungwan’s favourite dishes and spends as much time with her as she can.

She tells Seungwan that she loves her and Joohyun hopes the younger girl will hear her and will walk Joohyun through what was going on inside her head.

Joohyun just wants a glimpse through Seungwan’s mind, even just for a second.

Joohyun never gets her answers when Seungwan suddenly disappears from her. Joohyun never got a chance to ask why her best friend was crying her heart out the night Seungwan cut her off. Joohyun thinks she’s been cut off and she doesn’t really know what she did.

Had she offended Seungwan?

Had she been too clingy?

Did Seungwan… get tired of her?

Joohyun hugs herself to sleep and pretends Seungwan is sleeping beside her, humming a song that Joohyun can only perceive as a sad tune.

Joohyun knows she did something wrong by the way Seungwan has to talk through Sooyoung. Joohyun knows the other place Seungwan might go to would be Sooyoung’s, since Joohyun had gone to Seungwan’s apartment a couple of times and the younger girl wasn’t there.

Sooyoung looks at her with sad eyes and the light bulb goes off in Joohyun’s head. 

“Oh.”

There’s nothing more she can say.

She’s hurt Seungwan.

She never meant to.

Joohyun doesn’t go home.
She goes to Seungwan’s apartment and punches in the passcode.

290391

Joohyun looks around the place. She sees all the scattered places where memories of them have been shared. She sees the kitchen table, where Joohyun had seared a rectangle into one time when she took out a hot tray of cookies and mistakenly rested them on the table. Joohyun sees the couch, where many movie nights were spent. She sees the bathtub from the opening of the bathroom door and Joohyun remembers when Seungwan tried to dye Joohyun’s hair purple because she thought it was a good idea, but it only ended up dying Seungwan’s hand and shower curtain instead of Joohyun’s hair.

Joohyun curls up on Seungwan’s bed and hugs Seungwan’s blanket close to her.

It still smells like Seungwan.

Lavender, vanilla and a whole lot of pain Joohyun has caused.

Joohyun’s tears fall silently in the dark of Seungwan’s apartment.

—

Joohyun doesn’t understand what she did to Seungwan, but she understands that the younger girl may want time from her.

She only slept at Seungwan’s apartment for the first three days and later she didn't because she doesn’t want Seungwan to come back any time to see Joohyun in such a state of despair.

Joohyun worries too much about Seungwan and it’s eating her up now. She really, really has no clue what happened before that day Joohyun came home drunk and Seungwan was crying. 

She wants to know. 

She wants to fix whatever came between her and Seungwan.

Joohyun for the first time in the seven years they’ve been friends, Joohyun finds herself missing Seungwan badly. Joohyun has never gotten a chance to properly miss Seungwan, since they go everywhere together and basically live at each other’s apartments.

Joohyun doesn’t call or text Seungwan’s number anymore. She figures she won’t get a reply even if she tries harder, so she tries Sooyoung instead. Sooyoung and Seulgi have always been Joohyun’s good friends and both hold nothing against Joohyun.

“...” Joohyun’s side stays silent because she didn’t plan what to say to Sooyoung.

“How are you holding up, unnie?” Sooyoung speaks first when Joohyun stays silent.

“...”

Joohyun can almost see Sooyoung’s empathetic expression from the other side of the call.

“... she’s doing okay, Joohyun. Don’t worry.” Sooyoung says and Joohyun blinks hard as her tears fall.

“Please take care of yourself.” Sooyoung says.

“I love you, unnie.” Sooyoung ends the call and Joohyun just feels so defeated.

She’s so tired, yet she hasn’t moved or done anything proper in the last few weeks.

Seulgi drops in a few days later with containers of food. Joohyun’s thankful for her other friends, but she doesn’t really feel like getting up and eating alone. She used to always eat with Seungwan.

She wonders what Seungwan is doing.

She misses Seungwan.

So much, I miss you.

When Joohyun goes drinking, she usually ends up at a club with people she’s met once or twice and she usually has Seungwan by her side, but tonight, it’s only the glow of streetlights, the moon at 10 o’clock at night and it's her alone at a small pub instead.

Joohyun’s never felt so alone.

She’s never been alone before.

She wonders how she made Seungwan feel.

Joohyun forgets what she orders when she sits on a stool at the pub and just sips on the drink that’s in front of her. She has no idea what it is, but it tastes like chocolate.

It is chocolate.

“Excuse me? Sorry, I thought I ordered a dry martini?” Joohyun questioned once she realised she was just sipping on a chocolate milkshake.

“Chocolate milkshakes always cheers me up.” The bartender shrugs before moving down the table to wipe a spill.

Joohyun stirs the straw and realises that yeah, chocolate milkshakes do kind of cheer her up too.

She finds the name tag of the bartender later on.

Taeyeon.

“Can I get another one?”


Joohyun’s the last one for the night and Taeyeon finally has a break. Taeyeon sits with Joohyun and watches the girl drink the milkshake sadly.

“Wanna talk about it?” Taeyeon asks and Joohyun looks up with a slight nod.

“...Okay, so bear with me.” Joohyun lets out a big sigh and Taeyeon sits and intends to listen.

“I have this best friend, we became close in high school right and we’ve been close up until now- well, I think we’ve been close”, Joohyun starts. “We kind of do everything together and she’s like my favourite person.” 

Joohyun’s kind of hysterical at this point.

“Also, I hope I’m her favourite person too, but we haven’t been speaking to each other for a month and I don’t know what to do anymore!” Joohyun wails and Taeyeon can only reach a hand over and pat Joohyun’s shoulder.

“What caused this, though?” Taeyeon asks.

“I don’t know… she just.. she just stopped talking to me completely. I don’t even know what I did.” Joohyun runs her hand across her forehead.

Taeyeon smiles sadly.
She knows exactly what this situation is— she had been in it herself only a couple of months ago.

“I had a friend who did something like that too.” Taeyeon speaks and Joohyun looks up.

“They cut you off too?” Joohyun asks and Taeyeon shakes her head.
 

Joohyun waits for Taeyeon to continue.

“There was this girl, her name’s Tiffany.” Joohyun nods as her ears are wide open and only listening to the bartender.

“She's spunky, loud, brave, spontaneous, attractive, impulsive, beautiful and always speaks her mind. She’s everything my friend isn’t.” Taeyeon says.

“My friend is shy, timid at times and probably has no navigation in life without Tiffany.” Taeyeon says.

“Where’s the story going?” Joohyun asks and Taeyeon shushes her.

“Be patient, sweetie.”

“But get this, my friend is completely enamoured with Tiffany. She’s wholeheartedly in love with Tiffany and will go to the ends of the earth for her, but they’re only just best friends.” 

Joohyun doesn’t get what this has to do with her situation.

“And sometimes, her feelings for Tiffany are too intense at times that she needs a break. She needs a break from Tiffany, the world and from herself.” Taeyeon tries to put it simply for the girl who looks like she might pass out at any given moment.

“... So are they still friends?” Joohyun asks.
“No.” 

Joohyun frowns.

“Actually, that sounds really pessimistic- look, what I’m trying to say is you both need time to figure things out yourself.” Taeyeon sighs as she pushes Joohyun out of the bar.

“The milkshakes, I haven’t-”
“They’re on the house.” Taeyeon pats her back as Joohyun is out of the door.

“How do I figure the ‘things’ out?” Joohyun turns back to ask.

“Go back to the start and go from there.” Taeyeon tells her before she closes the door to lock up for the night.

Joohyun blinks.

What the hell does that even mean?
 

Joohyun walks home with absolutely no thoughts in her head. Initially, she wanted to get drunk at a pub, but instead she got to meet a cute tiny bartender, who served her two milkshakes and got played by random information that vaguely sounded like Taeyeon’s own story.

But it didn’t help her at all? Taeyeon said they weren't friends anymore, which made Joohyun feel very discouraged. 

What was she meant to do?
 

Joohyun lays back on her bed as she supports her head by putting her arms behind her head. She takes a deep breath in and closes her eyes as she begins to think with her record player playing a song in the living room.

Go back to the start.

Whatever the hell that meant.

Does it mean when they first met?

But when they first met there wasn't even a strong memory. It was only in senior year, where Joohyun had wanted to familiarise herself with the school, and she spent time in the library, and there was Seungwan who dropped her pen until it rolled to Joohyun’s feet. Seungwan was flustered and Joohyun only smiled before picking it up and smiling her best before returning it. Seungwan smiled back at her too before mumbling a quiet ‘thank you’.

Maybe the start meant that night at camp?

And so, Joohyun takes a walk down memory lane.

Joohyun thinks about Seungwan that night and how she acted with Joohyun. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable, but it was just two kids getting close to each other. Nothing happened then, but then Joohyun sees it in her head.

She sees the way Seungwan blushes when they go back to their cabins.

That couldn’t mean much, could it?

Joohyun remembers Seungwan’s sixteenth birthday. Seungwan hadn’t asked for anything but for a sleepover with her best friends and her wish was granted. Joohyun hadn’t properly decided on what to buy Seungwan and so, on the day before the sleepover, she went to the shopping centre alone with a wad of cash in her pocket and strolled around.

She passed by a card stand and picked out a cute card that was eight dollars. She picked out a helium balloon that was blue and said happy sixth birthday. It was the only blue balloon and blue was Seungwan’s favourite colour, so she figured she’d write the number one next to the six later.

Joohyun found a squirrel plushie and almost squealed because of how cute it was. It reminded her of Seungwan so much and found herself giggling to herself in the shopping centre. She didn’t care if people were looking at her strangely.

Joohyun wandered around longer until she found a jewellery store. Jewellery was always a good go to, so she stepped into the store.

“May I be of assistance, today?” The lady spoke.

“Uh, I need something for a birthday girl.” Joohyun said and the woman nodded and moved over to a more femminine side of jewellery and it consisted of a lot of bedazzled rings, dainty necklaces and pretty bracelets.

“How old is she turning?” The lady seems interested. She must like her job, Joohyun thinks.

“Sixteen.” Joohyun says.

“Who is the birthday girl to you?” The lady asks.

“Hm..” Joohyun thinks.

“... my favourite person in the entire world.” Joohyun lights up at the thought of Seungwan.

“I have something in mind…”
 

Joohyun goes home with an eight dollar card, a blue sixth birthday balloon, a cute squirrel plushie and a silver necklace with a red heart at the charm. Joohyun thinks it’s a really pretty necklace and can’t wait to see Seungwan wear it.

Joohyun gets to Seungwan’s house earlier than Seulgi and Sooyoung. She’s really pumped and didn’t even think about wrapping the squirrel up, but at least the necklace was in a box with a bow. 

Joohyun waits in front of the door with a huge smile as she presses the doorbell.

The door opens and she hopes it’s Seungwan and not her parents because she’s very prepared to launch herself at the person who opens the door.

The door opens and Joohyun jumps onto the person on the other side. Luckily, Seungwan had gotten used to this part of their friendships and held Joohyun steady.

“Happy birthday!” Joohyun knocks the breath out of Seungwan’s lungs.

“Thank you, Joohyun. Hi Joohyun.” Seungwan giggles and while hugging Joohyun, her eyes travel up to the balloon that was floating above their heads. She smiled and laughed when she saw the big number one drawn in sharpie next to the number six.

“Sixteen kisses for a sixteen year old Seungwannie!” Joohyun bombards Seungwan with aggressive kisses on her face and Seungwan just hopes Joohyun’s lips don’t slip elsewhere.

Twenty-five-year-old Joohyun sees it. She sees the really red flush creeping on Seungwan’s cheek each kiss.

Joohyun thinks too much.

“Hey, did you know I’m three years older than you?” Joohyun randomly says. “And you don’t call me unnie?” 

“O-oh, I thought you preferred me calling you without honorifics.” Seungwan blinks surprised.

“I’m just teasing, only you can call me without unnie, okay Seungwannie?” Joohyun smiles.

“One more thing, how are we one grade apart and not two? And aren’t you still too little to be a senior already?” Joohyun asks.

“Oh- yeah I, uh, skipped a grade.” Seungwan grins sheepishly.

“I’ve always known you were a smart cookie.” Joohyun ruffles Seungwan’s bangs. 

Seungwan’s face slips into a huge grin and Joohyun can almost draw Seungwan’s smile from memory at this point of their friendship.

Seungwan pulls Joohyun into her room, where she set up the mattress on the floor for Sooyoung and Seulgi.

“How’s three people going to fit on the floor mattress?” Joohyun asks and Seungwan chuckles.

“You’re sleeping with me, silly.” Seungwan says and Joohyun suddenly feels dumb for not considering sleeping next to her best friend.

Then Joohyun sees the panic and blush in sixteen year old Seungwan.

“U-unless you don't want to! I can set up the guest room or-”

“You’re cute, Seungwannie.” Joohyun shuts her up with a cheek kiss. Seungwan shakes her head out of her daze and places the squirrel plushie and Joohyun’s bag on her bed.

This was the key moment where Joohyun began stealing Seungwan’s jumpers and hoodies.

Joohyun wordlessly takes a pale blue hoodie from Seungwan’s wardrobe and slips it on and Seungwan finds the wall really fascinating.

Twenty-five-year-old Joohyun chuckles at this. 

Joohyun had never really questioned why Seungwan always looked away when she undressed in front of her. It was normal for best friends, but not for Seungwan and Joohyun begins to doubt if they’ve ever been close like she had believed.

Seungwan doesn’t ever reprimand Joohyun for stealing her hoodies and jumpers because Joohyun wears them without pants and Seungwan can’t really find any words to say.

“Do you want to get your gift now?” Joohyun asks as she bounces on Seungwan’s bed.

“You don’t want to wait until Sooyoung and Seulgi get here?” Seungwan questions and Joohyun shakes her head enthusiastically.

“You’re sure excited.” Seungwan laughs when Joohyun bounces up from the bed to fish something out from her bed.

Joohyun hids the necklace behind her back and opens it.

“Close your eyes.” 

Seungwan does as told and then Seungwan feels something cold dangle around her neck.

She gasps when she opens her eyes.

Seungwan thinks it’s the most beautiful necklace she’s seen.

Seungwan thinks this is the second best gift she’s ever gotten (after meeting Joohyun).

Seungwan turns around and jumps onto Joohyun. Joohyun is even surprised to see Seungwan so happy and happy enough to jump on her. Joohyun supports Seungwan off the floor and Seungwan hugs Joohyun tightly.

Joohyun doesn’t think the necklace is much, but seeing Seungwan so happy, she’s happy too.

“Thank you… Joohyunnie.”

That was the first time Seungwan had ever called Joohyun by a nickname.

Twenty-five-year-old Bae Joohyun sees Seungwan’s hesitation in the nickname and thinks Seungwan must have thought about nicknames for her, since she always made nicknames for Seungwan, but her favourite one was Seungwannie.

A couple of months later, prom came up and a lot of boys were on Seungwan’s tail after she hit puberty and gew out of her chubbiness and long hair. Seungwan rejected most of them and complained to Joohyun– who wasn’t so pleased. Seungwan almost wanted to skip out because the one person she actually wanted to go to prom with was her best friend because she went as Joohyun’s date when Joohyun was a senior, but now she’s in college, so she can’t ask Joohyun who’s probably busy studying for exams. However, Joohyun had already planned to return to her old school to surprise Seungwan after asking permission from her old teachers, who allowed it. 

Joohyun stays at her apartment to design her Seungwan promposal plan. She buys Seungwan’s favourite chocolate and a bouquet of pale blue carnations that she’s sure were dyed blue, but they’re still pretty and she knows Seungwan will like them. She buys a big piece of coloured cardboard and draws up a big poster with a squirrel and bunny. 

She writes in big letters ‘I came back from college just for u, plz don’t reject me and go to prom with me?’ 

Joohyun thinks she’s clever when she writes this and she writes it like this so Seungwan has no choice but to go to prom with her.

Joohyun gets the help of juniors she used to know on the cheerleading squad and they’re more than happy to contribute.

Joohyun doesn’t arrive at school at the same time as Seungwan, but she arrives twenty minutes earlier to prepare for the promposal when Seungwan arrives.

The cheerleaders stand in front of the school entrance and Joohyun conceals herself behind them as he holds onto the poster, flowers and chocolates. 

Seungwan walks up to the school grounds and finds a crowd of people outside of the school. At first she’s confused, but then she remembers it is poem season, so people will be having cheesy promposals.

Seungwan shudders as she gets closer to the crowd.

When Seungwan was younger she had dreamed of having a big promposal too, but whatever. Good luck to the person who was being asked out today.

Seungwan jolts a bit when the cheerleaders begin singing Olivia by one direction, but Olivia is replaced with Seungwannie.

Seungwan’s almost frightened and has no idea who would do this, but then she knows that only one person calls her Seungwannie.

She wants it to be Joohyun, but she’s in college right now, so Seungwan can’t get her hopes up.

Joohyun’s already smiling before she even appears from the gap the cheerleaders create and Seungwan finds herself incredibly happy as Joohyun steps out with a big poster.

“What are you doing here?!” Seungwan gasps and Joohyun smiles.

“Prom with me?” Joohyun grins and Seungwan’s smile is at its full power when she dives in Joohyun and hugs her tightly.

“Yes!”

Seungwan wears a nearly or light pink coloured dress to prom and Joohyun keeps playing with the ruffles in the limo. Joohyun wears a blue sparkly dress and the part close to the armpit is itching her, but no pain no gain.

Joohyun clings to Seungwan’s arm the whole night and doesn’t let go of Seungwan even when she wants a snack and drink from the snack table.

Prom is kind of boring, but it’s exactly what Joohyun had pictured.

Prom is exactly what Seungwan dreamed of as a kid.

The loud booming music turns down and fades into a slow song that sets the mood in the hall.

Joohyun smirks and outstretches her hand.

“Would you care to dance, m’lady?” Joohyun bows a little and Seungwan blushes as she laughs.

“Yes, Joohyunnie. I would love to dance with you.” Seungwan takes Joohyun’s hand.

They find themselves wrapped up in each other as Seungwan’s arms are around Joohyun’s waist and Joohyun’s arms are on Seungwan’s shoulders. It’s kind of relaxing if you take out the part of the loud boys and suspicious smelling hall.

Joohyun feels kind of content like this. Quiet music, dancing with Seungwan and just everything with Seungwan.

“Can we stay like this forever?” Joohyun asks Seungwan or no one in particular.

“What? In the school hall, slow dancing forever?” Seungwan humours and Joohyun rolls her eyes.

“No, silly. Like me and you, together forever.” Joohyun says and Seungwan’s cheeks flare red.

“Okay. We’ll be together forever.”

Adult Joohyun finds Seungwan’s blushing an adorable habit.

After Seungwan’s graduation, most of the graduating class went out for drinks and of course, Seungwan attended. Joohyun tagged along the way for Seungwan because she wasn’t keen on hanging out with fresh graduates who are only just learning how to drink.

This is where Joohyun discovers Seungwan is a terrible drunk and is an incredible lightweight. She had a bottle and a half and was dead already. Seungwan is a cute drunk and a touchy one, but Joohyun doesn’t mind, especially if Seungwan keeps telling Joohyun that she’s really pretty.

Joohyun piggybacks Seungwan home and Seungwan keeps slurring and shouting words in the air. This is seriously one of Joohyun’s favourite Seungwan moments.

“Hey, Joohyunnieee.” Seungwan calls out and Joohyun can feel Seungwan’s warm breath on her neck.

“Yes, Seungwannie?” Joohyun chuckles.

“Did you know that… you’re really pretty?” Seungwan hiccups in the middle and Joohyun laughs.

“Don’t laugh! You are!” Seungwan hits Joohyun’s head with a limp arm.

“I know that I’m pretty, but I think you're more beautiful.” Joohyun tells Seungwan and the drunk one giggles loudy and Joohyun thinks it’s a lovely melody to the ears. 

“Stop, you’re making me blush!” Drunk Seungwan is a giggly Seungwan.

They walk in silence and it’s mostly Joohyun answering Seungwan’s many random questions.

“..Joohyun?” Seungwan’s almost asleep, Joohyun can tell because Seungwan’s voice has quieted down.

“Hm?” Joohyun answers.

“Can I tell you a top, top, top secret?” Seungwan asks and Joohyun chuckles.

“Okay.”

“... someone I know likes you a loooot.” Seungwan whispers and Joohyun giggles.

“Okay and who is it?” Joohyun plays along.

“Son Seungwan.”

Twenty-five-year-old Bae Joohyun finally understands the weight of Seungwan’s drunk confession.

Joohyun figures out that she meant more to Seungwan than her. Joohyun realises she may have played a big role in Seungwan’s life and Joohyun never knew the power she had over Seungwan.

Joohyun realises that in her seven years of being best friends with Seungwan that she has royally ed up.

Joohyun believes she’s a terrible friend for not realising sooner. 

She had hurt Seungwan and didn’t have a single clue.

She was a bad person.

Joohyun goes to the same pub and a little glimmer of hope shines through as she thinks about the cute little bartender from the day before, but Taeyeon isn’t working to set some sense into Joohyun’s head, instead it’s a man who obviously just provides Joohyun’s orders.

Joohyun ends up with too many drinks and she’s not really sure if she can walk home in this state. She’d usually call Seungwan, but Seungwan’s not hers anymore, then Joohyun finds herself crying at the bar by herself.

She feels sick to the stomach and not because of the alcohol, but because of her churning in her gut. Her heart hurts, her head hurts and the memories of Seungwan in her mind hurt. She ruined them. She broke Seungwan and she doesn’t think they’ll ever be able to be friends.

Seungwan had fallen in love with her and Joohyun valued their close friendship too much to notice it.

Joohyun finds herself with her phone and presses a contact that starts with ‘S’. She’s drunk and can’t think straight at all.

“Unnie, hey! What’s up?” Seulgi chirps through the phone and Joohyun’s still crying. She’s sure Seulgi can tell that she’s crying.

“...”

“Unnie? Hello? Are you there?” Seulgi calls out.

“... I’m drunk.” Joohyun finally speaks, although it’s more of a strangled whisper.

“Tell me where you are, I’ll come get you.” Seulgi gets up with her car keys and startles Seungwan and Sooyoung, who were laying on the couch as the three of them were watching a movie together.

“I’mmmm nOt telling you~ unless Seungwan comesss!” Joohyun explodes into the phone.

Joohyun has no idea who she called or what she said, but later she finds herself sitting outside of the pub, sitting on the sidewalk as she hangs her head low with her hands tangled in her hair.

What am I doing?

“...Joohyunnie?” 

Oh, great. I’m hallucinating now.

Joohyun looks up and finds a really pretty girl.

“Heyyyy… you look like a pretty girl I know!” Drunk Joohyun barely knows how to stand up, but she still has the pent up energy to reach up and fall into Seungwan’s arms.

“Do you want to know her name?” Joohyun whispers in Seungwan’s ear.

“Okay.” Seungwan’s features soften at the girl hugging her.

“Son Seungwannnnnn! Did you know that I love her! She’s my best friend too!” 

Joohyun feels like she’s floating, but it’s really Seungwan lifting her to put her in Seulgi’s car.

Joohyun lays in the lap of Seungwan in the backseat of Seulgi’s car and not-sober Joohyun likes staring at the pretty girl above her.

“Are you god?” Joohyun asks.

“No. I’m Seungwan.” Seungwan puts Joohyun’s hair behind her ears.

“Okay.”

“...”

“Am I a good friend?” Joohyun feels like crying again because the girl looking down at her looks and sounds so much like her Seungwan.

“Yes, Joohyunnie. You’re the bestest friend.” Seungwan smiles sadly.

“Why don’t I feel like the bestest friend?” Joohyun’s tears roll down her face and wets Seungwan’s pants.

“Because Seungwan’s not a good friend.” Seungwan finds her eyes welling in tears.

“Why would you say that? I think my Seungwan is the greatest thing in the entire world.” Seungwan cries.

“She’s pretty, nice, cuddly, cute, a squirrel, beautiful and really pretty~” Joohyun makes a big gesture with her arms and Seungwan still finds it in her heart to giggle.

“But she doesn’t love me anymore.” Joohyun frowns big and soon she’s crying again.

“Seungwan does love you.” Seungwan Joohyun’s hair.

“No she doesn’t! She left me… I’m alone.” Joohyun turns away and doesn’t want to look at the pretty girl anymore.

Seulgi watches from the rearview mirror sadly.

Seulgi thinks that this is what the two of them need.

It’s been weeks.

“..she said we’d be together forever.” Joohyun murmurs as her eyelids begin to feel heavy.

“Seungwan will come back. Don’t worry.” Seungwan tells Joohyun.

“..... promise?” Joohyun asks quietly.

“I promise.”

Joohyun wakes up in her bed with the biggest headache in her entire life. What did she even do yesterday? She was now dressed in her pjs and her face looked clean, although the swollen eyebags tell her that she might have been crying last night again.

Joohyuns steps out from her bed carefully and finds a sticky-note on her fridge door. She stalks towards it and squints the sleep away as she reads what’s said.

‘U were drunk yday n called me so i picked u up. Ur welcome unnie <3’ Joohyun reads in Seulgi’s handwriting. Joohyun smiles and lets out a deep breath.

Is that why she feels like right now? She was dead drunk yesterday? Joohyun sits down to eat some cereal and begins to quietly think about last night. She slowly remembers the night as she recalls wandering out into the night to a bar and getting incredibly hammered. She vaguely remembers calling Seulgi and then now she’s just home.

She sends a thank you text to Seulgi.

Today was the last day of uni for Autumn break and Joohyun just had to get to campus to hand in a few assignments and things she had left.

Joohyun gets ready as she ties her hair back and wears a big hoodie over her. She doesn’t realise what she puts on, but when the perfume of vanilla wafts into her nose, she hugs the clothing piece around her as if it was Seungwan’s arms hugging her.

Joohyun heads to a cafe instead and finds Taeyeon in front of her at the queue. She taps Taeyeon’s shoulder and she assumes the girl will recognise her and she does.

“Oh! You!” Taeyeon smiles and Joohyun grins.

“It’s Joohyun. You didn’t get my name last time.” Joohyun greets her.

They both order their drinks and wait beside the counter to chat for a bit before they get their drinks.

“Taeyeon, I finally figured out what you meant when you said go back to the past.” Joohyun speaks.

“Did you? And how was it?” Taeyeon seems curious.

“Hmm.. well, I discovered many things and I understand her side now too.” Joohyun nods as she plays with the sleeve of her hoodie.

“That’s good. It took a while for Tiffany to understand me too.”

Ah, there it is.

Joohyun smiles knowingly.

Joohyun sees that Taeyeon is looking elsewhere, she follows the girl's line of sight and finds her staring at a girl with long, perfectly curled, jet-black hair.

“Tiffany?” Joohyun questions and Taeyeon nods with a smile.

“Best friends again?” Joohyun asks and Taeyeon shakes her head.

“Eh?”
“Girlfriends.” Taeyeon corrects and that sets it into perspective for Joohyun.

Joohyun chuckles.

“Lucky, you.” Joohyun nudges the girl and Taeyeon grins.

“I hope all goes well for you, Joohyun.” Taeyeon smiles firmly and Joohyun's kind of grateful to come past someone like her in her life.

“Thanks.”

Joohyun gets her coffee and departs from Taeyeon with a goodbye wave and then she heads to campus.

Joohyun passes by a few classrooms until she finds a pair of eyes from the other side of the school. 

Seungwan, Seungwan, Seungwan, Seungwan, Seungwan, Seungwan.

Joohyun doesn't expect anything from the other girl. 

She doesn't think she’ll make a move either, but then Seungwan smiles softly.

It’s the smile Seungwan had given Joohyun on her first day of school in the library when she was eighteen. Seungwan smiles softly and waves and Joohyun finds herself smiling too.

The smile Seungwan gives her somehow reassures her and tells her that maybe they'll be okay with time. 

They part ways on campus.