sabi nila, kapag desperado ka na, kahit yung mga bagay na hindi ka naman naniniwala eh kakagatin mo na. its either you badly want something to happen or sadyang kailangan mo lang talaga ng excuse para magawa yung certain action na yun.

 

minsan kasi, kaya mo naman eh, iexecute mo na lang naman yung plano, nakailang dry run ka na nga ata sa isip mo ng pwedeng mangyari, nalista mo na ata lahat ng possible outcome from worst to not so worst.

 

kailangan mo lang ng konting tulak para mahulog at tanggapin na ang mga bagay kagaya ng pag mamahal ay parang pag talon sa bangin na walang parachute o kahit anong sasalo sayo.

 

it's either you hit the bottom, get bruises and swore that you'll never fall again or you'll continue to fall.

 

siguro naisip mo "hindi ba't mas worst yung patuloy ka lang na nahuhulog?" 

 

tama ka naman, nakakagago nga naman yon. hindi ka sigurado kung pag kalipas ng isang segundo eh nasa dulo ka na o aabutin pa ng taon ang patuloy na pag kahulog mo.

 

but what i meant was the fall that you're not alone anymore.

 

-

 

azaria;

 

i'm waiting for ezy, pinauna na nya kasi akong maligo when we got back here sa cabin. i told her bago sya maligo na i'll go around kasi hindi ko masyadong na appreciate to kanina.

 

the cabin we got eh nasa second floor, actually hindi ko alam anong itatawag kasi the cabins are built like the rice terraces so bale nasa pangalawa kame sa pinakababa.

 

nakaharap lahat sa may ilog and there's some benches outside every one, sabi kanina ni ezy meron daw duyan sa pinaka baba where the river is.

 

siguro dun kame tatamabay later, she's been telling me that spot since nakabalik kame from the atv activity.

 

kanina, nahuli ko syang nag sspace out nung nanonood kame ng sunset. i don't know if matatawa ako o maiinis kasi ang ganda ganda nung view tapos she's in a unknown galaxy nanaman. she's cute though, parang palagi naman syang cute sa paningin ko.

 

solrom's spawns calling...

 

i saw my phone lit up, i checked the time, 7:45 PM na pala. felicity might be up right now, i think its 5am na sa cali ngayon.

 

fel: goodmorning!

kier: morning fel

morning bunso, may pasok ka ba? :

fel: wala po, that's why tumawag ako

fel: i'm guessing that mame's still asleep so kayo na lang ginulo ko

kier: ayan si aza, wala yan sa bahay

fel: really? where ka ate?

 

i flip the camera para ipakita yung view and other cabins.

 

remember the atv thing na sinend ko before? :

nandito ako now! :

fel: ang daya! can we go there pag uwi ko next year?

kier: of course bunso.

fel: kasama mo sila mame?

 

naka harap na ulit sakin yung camera, i shook my head, kilala na naman nila si ezy, though i don't think they remember her face.

 

i'm with ezra :

kier: nandyan pala sya satin?

yup, bumista before mag start ang class :

fel: who's ezra again?

kier: that friend from batangas ng ate mo

fel: oh, nasan po sya?

nasa loob pa ata, kakatapos lang kasi namin mag atv :

super putik! :

 

hindi ko na namalayan yung oras as felicity starts to tell what she did yesterday, and how she misses us. sya ang pinaka independent saming tatlo, at the age of 16 she decied to stay with tita tanya.

 

kapmante naman sila mame kasi in good hands si fel kay tita.

 

-

ezrain;

 

naabutan kong may kavideo call si aza, i'm guessing na that's her sisters, medyo familiar na naman ako sa boses ni kiera, si felicity naman, hindi ko pa masyadong alam ang boses nya.

 

i settled sa bench across her, hindi parin nya ako napapansin, okay lang naman. ang alam ko kasi bihira lang din silang mag abot ng mga kapatid nya.

 

nasa ibang bansa si felicity at nasa manila naman si kiera. ang amusing nga na hindi ko pa nasasaktuhan si kiera kahit ilang beses na akong pabalik balik dito.

 

"go na, call mame later, fel. and you kiera, umuwi ka muna bago mag start ang pasukan, miss ka na nila." i heard aza, sya kasi ang panganay sa kanilang tatlo.

 

though wala pa atang 1 year ang agwat nila ni kiera, naikwento sakin nila tita na they adopted aza and kiera when they were 10 and felicity when she was 7. 

 

"alam naman nila, hindi naman namin tinago or kinahiya, actually kiera still in contact with her biological father. felicity's in a good term with her biological sister." kwento ni tita talia sakin.

 

we somehow end up looking at their daughter's photo album kasi and that's when they started to tell me the story of how the had their daughters.

 

sa totoo lang, hindi ko naman din napansin na they're not related by blood. aza resesmbles tita talia, kiera got tita caine's eyes and si felicity naman eh halo nilang dalawa.

 

"how about aza's parents po?" i asked habang tinitignan yung toddler aza sa photo album.

 

"aza's parents got into an accident and her relatives end up leaving her sa ampunan. that's when we get to see her for the first time, i got really closed with that kid agad." i could see in tita caine's eyes yung saya nya recalling it.

 

"i lost my parents and my little brother when i was 12, and life after that treated me like a . i know how it felt to have no one growing up, and no one deserves to go through that." tita caine said, ngayon ko lang to nalaman, i don't know why pero it feel great na kamapante silang ishare sakin to.

 

"so me and talia talked about it, then ayun gumising na lang kameng dalawa isang araw that there's kids running around this house."

 

i watched how they both look at each other adoringly, and i never inggit sa relasyon ng iba bukod ngayon.

 

"tapos after some year, we got intorduced to  felicity and at that moment i forgave the world for being cruel."

 

"saang planeta ka nanaman nakarating?" hindi ko man lang napansin na may katabi na pala ako. aza's looking at me and halata sa mukha nyang natatawa sya.

 

"pagod ba?" she asked before sya umipod, the gap between us disappearing. "medyo, gusto mo dun na tayo sa may duyan?" tumango naman sya.

 

we silently walked down sa may harap ng ilog where the swings is, hindi naman awkward, napagod din siguro sya sa buong araw.

 

i sat sa isang swing, habang si aza dumeretsyo sya sa mga harang and le