A story about two boys. One who sweeps his emotions under the rug and the other who’s too caught up in finding the most perfect relationship.

~For this story’s sake, let’s all pretend that BAD LOVE album was released back when SHINee used to live together.~

It was Monday. To be more precise, it was the day Kibum released his album, ‘BAD LOVE’. He was tired at the end of the hectic day but mostly he felt happy and content. Maybe a little too much because he hopped inside the empty elevator—which he usually dragged himself into—and pressed the floor number with a giggle. His album sales were better than the previous time and his music video was doing well with views. He felt loved and appreciated. Kibum hopped out of the elevator once it reached the floor of their dorm.

To his surprise he heard an annoyed Taemin shouting outside of their dorm. “Oh screw you, Jonghyun hyung! I can’t take this anymore!” He slammed the front door shut. “I’m gonna move into EXO’s dorm! Don’t waste your time trying to stop me!” Taemin then stormed towards the elevator ignoring Kibum’s worried stare.

“Taemin, wha—“ He tried to grab the younger’s arm but Taemin dodged him and walked away in anger.

Kibum sighed and hurried to the dorm. He opened the door only to turn deaf with loud music playing inside. Jinki was standing near the door, one hand massaging his forehead, the other hand holding the phone to his ear. He smiled missablely as he saw Kibum and continued to talk into the phone. “Jaesu Hyung, I know. I have turned it off like five times already! But he starts to sing even louder if I turn it off!” Kibum continued to watch the oldest member explain something—which he had no idea about—to their manager.

He took off his shoes and walked to the living room to see Jonghyun lying down on the couch and jamming to one of his newly released songs called ‘Saturday Night’. Kibum wondered why he was playing it so loudly. His ears couldn’t handle it already, he questioned how the other members survived this throughout the whole evening. 

Suddenly all music stopped. Kibum noticed that Jinki had turned off Jonghyun’s Bluetooth speaker, which made the shorter one look away in disappointment. 

“Jonghyun has been blasting your song since the minute it got released and the neighbours are complaining to Manager hyung.” Jinki sighed and sat down on the floor. He didn’t seem to have any energy left to fight the shorter male. “Taemin left the dorm, Minho got a headache and went to bed, I don’t even know if he fell asleep.”

Jonghyun just rolled his eyes and tried to grab his speaker again but Kibum was fast enough to take it into his hands before Jonghyun did. “Hyung, do you know what these are?” Kibum dangled a pair of earphones in front of him. “They are called earphones and they only destroy your ears, not everyone’s in the dorm.”

Jonghyun tsk-ed with an eye roll. “Kibum, you don’t understand. This song is too good to be listened to just by myself. The neighbours are blessed to have me.” 

“Childish much.” Kibum huffed out a laugh before standing up. His eyes moved to their leader on the floor. “What happens with Taemin now?”

“He couldn’t handle the four of us. Do you think Taemin will be able to live with twelve people?” Jinki shook his head with a smile. “Chill. He’ll be back by tomorrow.”

“I don’t think I can, you know.” Jonghyun suddenly said, making two pairs of curious eyes turn towards him.

“What?”

“I don’t think I can DANCE ON A SATURDAY NIGHT! This Saturday night.. ”Jonghyun continued to sing as loud as he could. Jinki couldn’t care less anymore. He just sighed and walked back to his room in disappointment.

But Kibum sat back on the couch next to Jonghyun, turned sideways and rested his head on his own palm, watching his bandmate sing his heart out. Jonghyun didn’t mind him staring. Even when their eyes met, he continued to sing beautifully and effortlessly.

When Kibum first met Jonghyun, he realised he had never felt so understood. It felt like he finally found his soulmate, like he could completely be himself without hiding one bit. Kibum wasn’t surprised when they became really close within  the next few days. They would spend hours talking and laughing at night, once they got back to their dorm after practice. On top of that, Jonghyun was handsome and so damn charming that Kibum fell in love with him over and over every single day. But he never felt hopeless because Kibum could sense it, Jonghyun liked him more than anyone else he usually spent time with. Well he spent most of his time with Kibum, anyway. But Kibum’s teenage heart couldn’t let those small flirtatious jokes and teasing slide away. Even if they were nothing but fanservice. 

Kibum first thought Jonghyun was just trying to make him jealous when he told Kibum about his crush on the actress, Shin Sekyung. He thought Jonghyun wanted to or to play hard to get. But the boy never shut up about her. Kibum wondered if Jonghyun would really take a joke this far. Because that “joke” only made his blood boil. 

“If you like her so much, just ing kiss her already!” 

Kibum snapped one day. He couldn’t take it anymore. They used to talk about themselves during their late night talks. What they would do when they grow up, what paths they’ll choose as adults, not about some random girl who never mattered to any of them. (Well, she mattered to Jonghyun, even if Kibum wasn’t ready to accept that fact.)

“You know, maybe I should!” Jonghyun sounded pleasantly surprised. “Thanks, Bummie. I know I can always trust you for dating advice.” He nudged the younger boy’s shoulder with a smile before standing up and walking away like a silly teenager in love. 

Kibum hated to admit what he was seeing. He didn’t mean a single word that was spat out of his mouth, he was just angry. He couldn’t even imagine Jonghyun kissing someone else but him. The boy couldn’t convince himself that his love was, in fact, hopeless, that Jonghyun never loved him back, that the person Kibum thought who understood him the most, never even guessed what he was actually feeling, that all these years of spending days and nights together, talking and laughing, had meant nothing to Jonghyun or that Kibum had fallen for Jonghyun’s fan service as much as every fan did.

Kibum cried to sleep every night, feeling like a stupid idiot for falling for someone who was so out of his reach, for liking someone who couldn’t even read his obvious body language. One morning, he woke up to terrible news. Jonghyun and Shin Sekyung were officially dating. He should be happy for his friend. But Kibum never saw Jonghyun as a friend in the first place. He felt betrayed. It should’ve been him and Jonghyun. They should’ve been able to go on dates so freely. They should have held hands and walked down the streets. They shoul—

“Hey, Kibum, are you okay?” Jinki looked concerned, he was holding on to Kibum’s shoulder.

The younger boy let out a breath, trying to calm himself down. They were doing a photoshoot for a magazine but Kibum couldn’t even force a smile. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t. “Yeah, sorry hyung, I... have a terrible headache today.” He mumbled out a lie.

Jinki patted his shoulder with a smile. “No need to be sorry. Just take it easy, okay?”

Kibum nodded and watched the leader walk away. 

“Kibum-ah, the solo shoots have begun. Do you wanna grab a coffee with me till it’s our turn?” 

He looked up to find Minho standing in front of him. Usually, Kibum would decline that offer as they weren’t exactly on good terms due to the old, famous argument. But today, he could really use a friend. Anything was better than spending another minute in the same room as Jonghyun. 

Sometimes he felt like Jinki and Minho might have connected the dots of what happened. They took care of him more than they usually did. It was nice to have someone there for you. But it made Kibum wonder if he was obvious enough for other members to understand—well Taemin didn’t. He never knew what was up. He didn't even know about Minho and Kibum’s fight. He was just a clueless kid—how could Jonghyun not see that he was madly in love with him? They spent most of their time together. They had the deepest conversations. How could Jonghyun not see him? Did he really not care enough to even get a hint?

Jonghyun kept singing Kibum’s newly released song. Moments like this made Kibum’s stomach feel funny. He hated it. Even years after Kibum broke his heart over his unrequited love, he still couldn’t get over him. They made up a few months after Jonghyun broke up with Shin Sekyung. But Kibum never expressed how he actually felt. They just eventually became as close as they always were. Kibum tried to move on as he didn’t want to hold on to the person who hurt him the most. So he made lots of new friends and dated a few of them but none of them made him feel so safe, so unjudged, so understood. None of them were Jonghyun .

It surprised Kibum how Jonghyun remembered the lyrics without a miss. It was mesmerising. Kibum almost wanted to pull out his phone and take a picture of the beautiful sight he was seeing. But instead he quietly watched him, with a smile spreading on his flushed face. 

The song came to an end and Jonghyun let out a long breath before shifting his position on the couch. “You really love that song, don’t you?” Kibum asked, moving a bit closer to the latter.

“Not as much as I love you.” Jonghyun said with a wink.

Kibum wished he could make jokes like that. But his heart would simply jump out of his body even if he thought of one. He rolled his eyes and pushed the boy away playfully. “Yeah right.” 

Jonghyun laughed. “So, how was your day?” He asked softly while mirroring Kibum’s pose and resting his head on his own palm.

Kibum stared at the latter and talked about his day. Jonghyun replied from time to time but mostly, he just watched the younger boy talk. They say old habits die hard. Well these two never moved on from their late night talks. Kibum still couldn’t find a person who understood him better than Jonghyun. Even if he didn’t understand the most important thing which kept Kibum up at night.

“We should go to bed, it’s g