I woke up from the sound of my alarm. My headache felt worse than last night when I was forcing myself to sleep.

Nahirapan akong matulog dahil naririnig ko ang paghikbi niya sa labas.

How could I sleep when I knew I caused Karina so much pain? And the fact that it turns out she's always known about my undying feelings for Lia kahit girlfriend ko na siya.

How long has she known?

I looked at her side of the bed.

It was empty.

Hindi rin ito magulo, so she probably stayed in the living room the whole night.

Why am I doing this to her?

And why the hell can’t I move on from Lia even though sinaktan niya ako nang malala before? Why am I letting myself cry almost every night dahil sa kanya?

It was Karina who picked me up to pieces.

But I couldn’t help it. Kahit gaano pa ako kamahal ni Karina, I couldn’t seem to get Lia out of my heart and out of my system.

Lia and I—were together for seven years. Then we broke up.

I thought I’d learn to love Karina. Akala ko makakalimutan ko yung relationship ko with Lia by staying with my current girlfriend.

But maybe I was wrong.

“Babe?” I shouted from the inside of our room.

It was the weekend so usually ay gising na siya to cook something for the both of us. Reward ko raw dahil mahirap ang work ko.

“Karina?”

My phone chimed.

Lia: Let’s meet later? Same coffee shop? :*

.

It was like she’s a kind of drug that I couldn’t get away with. Nahuhumaling ako sa pagkikita namin lately.

And I knew it was wrong because I have Karina.

I've missed Lia.

Or do I just miss the thought of Lia?

But God does it feel good being with her again. Parang ngayon ko lang ulit naramdaman yung ganitong happiness.

But I knew I had to stop.

Ayokong saktan si Karina. But…

Si Lia ‘to.

I just couldn’t seem to get myself to say no to her.

Me: I’ll see you :)

Karina didn’t seem to mind so wala naman sigurong masama. And it’s not like I’m cheating. They were just friendly dates.

Right?

I got up the bed.

Wala pa rin akong marinig na noise from the outside.

Could it be because she was still asleep?

Maybe I could cook us breakfast for a change. And para makapag-sorry sa nangyari kagabi. I was such a freaking .

I looked around the room; parang may naiba. Or was I hallucinating? It just felt different. Parang may mga nawala.

The first thing I noticed was the missing photo frames on our bed side table.

She was keen on putting those dahil she looks at the photos daw every time she misses me at kapag OT ako sa trabaho.

I did not think much into the missing photo frames. Baka nag-ayos lang siya ng room.

Then I opened the closet to get some clothes para mag shower.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw the empty space sa isang side where Karina’s clothes used to be stacked on.

Please don't let it be what I think it means..

No.

.

No…

“Karina?” I shouted, “Karina?!” I panicked immediately.

I opened the door and left our room. I was welcomed by our clean living area.

And just like that, everything that reminded me of her; gone.

The photos, the pillows that she loved, the kpop album collection she used to have...

All gone.

It’s like she never lived here.

For someone who never even returned Karina's honest love confessions, I had a lot of nerve to feel heartbroken right now.

I was stuck on my spot.

Hindi ako makagalaw.

Nasan siya?

Saan siya nagpunta?

She doesn’t have anyone. I know she doesn't.

Her parents died when she was a kid. Her older sister abandoned her back in high school. Hindi rin niya alam nasaan ang iba niyang relatives.

I was the only one she had.

And even so, she probably felt like she didn’t have me because of my detachment to her.

I saw a small note on top of the kitchen counter.

Natatakot akong tignan ito.

But I braved myself to walk towards it and flipped the paper, reading its content.

Winter,

By the time you’re seeing this, I’m probably gone. I’m sorry I had to leave this way. I would have woken you up and said my goodbyes, but we both know I’m a er for you.

I wouldn't be able to leave if you asked me to stay.

I’ve always known that your love for Lia never faded. And I felt selfish that I was keeping you from your happiness.

No more glimpse of you and her. You can have her fully without settling to be with me. I love you, but I'm letting you go.

Your happiness will always be mine.

Until we meet again.

Love,

Karina

I didn’t even notice the tears that kept on streaming down my face right now.

I kept rereading and rereading her letter and all I could think of was how miserable it has been for her having to stay with someone who couldn't return her love.

How miserable I made her feel for two years.

Ano bang iniiyak-iyak ko? Ginusto ko naman ito, diba? Isn’t this what I wanted?

Siya na yung umalis, hindi ko na kailangan mamroblema kung paano ako makikipaghiwalay sa kanya.

I can now pursue Lia again without the guilt that Karina brings.

But why does it feel like I lost a big chunk of myself?

—

“Win, God, I’ve missed this..” I’m kissing Lia fervently, leaving trails of mark along her collarbone down her navel, “Winter.. Yes..”

I should be happy hearing her enjoy this. I should be happy that we were finally back together and we could make love any time we want.

But why does it feel like I’m pretending?

Didn’t I want this?

Hindi ba't kaya nga umalis si Karina dahil alam niyang mahal ko pa si Lia?

It was her turn to kiss me all around my body. Pero bak