FOUR - All Of My Moments Want You

No Longer

It has been three weeks since Taeyong reconnected with Yuta and Yuta has been true to his words that he will be always present for Taeyong whenever even though he doesn’t ask for him and he doesn’t mind; he could deny it to himself all he wants but he also knows that the truth was he wanted that–he wanted that Yuta was around again. His heart was mending and was beginning to be happy again and Yuta was the cause.


Taeyong was snapped from his thoughts by a tap on the shoulder by Jisung, who was standing by his chair.


“Sunbae…” he says and Taeyong looks up at him. Park Jisung was a new office staff and he was still training, he was assigned to Taeyong.


“Oh, yes?”


“Sunbae…” he leans down to show him the printed version of the reports Taeyong was asking from him; he gives a quick run over and circles those that need correction in red and gives it back to Jisung.


“You don’t have to always print it, Jisung.” he says with a smile, “You can just email it to me so we can do the corrections quicker that way.”


Jisung bows and goes back to his table, making Taeyong turn back to continue his work that he kind of left hanging because of his Yuta thoughts and as if Yuta doesn’t want him to concentrate, he receives a message from him.


“Are you free tonight?”


Oh. It was Friday night and he promised Ten and the others that he’ll be going out with them for drinks.


“Oh, I actually promised Ten I’d go with them for dinner and drinks.” he replies then quickly follows it with a “If you want, you can come.”


The reply was quick, “Will they be okay with me coming, though?”


He wasn’t expecting Yuta to want to come with them. He never wanted to go out with Taeyong and his friends before because Yuta’s circle of friends were different from his and he was getting famous, then, he didn’t want to be seen with people other than his friends and teammates.


Taeyong slides with his chair to Ten and pokes his arm, “Ya, is it okay for Yuta to join us tonight?” He was nervous as he asked and he wasn’t even sure why. Ten chuckles and nods, “Of course. Jeno would probably enjoy it, he’s a fan of the team and a little bit of Mr. Nakamoto.”


“He is? Why didn’t he say anything the last time we talked about it?”


Ten shrugs, “You know how Jeno can be shy. He probably thought he’d be ruining your moment or something.” he chuckles, “I know because he told me on our way back to the office.”


Taeyong smiles and pokes Ten on the arm again, “I’ll just tell Yuta to prepare for Hendery, though.”


Ten laughs and nods, “You better. Hendery might be too much for him.”


Taeyong returns to his table, replying, “They’re cool with it. You’ll be making a fan happy, too. Will send you the details later. Are you sure you’re okay to come, though?”


Yuta replies after a while, “Of course. I’d love to meet your friends. :)”


Taeyong smiles happily, not replying as he continues working, heart happy and excited for tonight.


Yuta arrives a little after 8pm and is filled with apologies when he takes his seat beside Taeyong. “It’s okay.” Taeyong assures him and gestures to his friends, “Guys, Yuta, you probably know him. Yuta, everyone.”


Yuta stands and reaches to shake everyone’s hand while Taeyong introduces them one by one.


“Thanks for letting me join you.” Yuta says as he returns to his seat.


“Oh, it’s actually our pleasure. It’s not everyday you get to invite a celebrity to your office dinner.” Ten says with a big grin


Yuta smiles thankfully at him and he was actually shy. Even though he and Taeyong were together for years, he has never hung out with Taeyong’s college friends aside from the friends they have in common and the friends they both had from high school.


“Is there anything you want to eat or drink?” Taeyong asks him as he gestures to the food they already have. Yuta shakes his head, “This is fine, Tyong. Thank you.” Taeyong places some cooked meat on Yuta’s plate and they begin to eat, joining the conversation and Yuta finds it easy to talk to Taeyong’s friends.


Hendery was the loudest and the funniest, next was Ten. Jisung was obviously new because he was just laughing and nodding to his seniors. Jaemin was one of the funny ones and had the loudest laugh although not as loud as the two older. Jeno, he found out was his fan, was quiet but he joined the conversation and the more he drank, the more he had the courage to ask Yuta questions regarding his work and world and he didn’t mind. It was an occasional excuse to not join Taeyong and the others because he sometimes gets lost in their conversations.


They end a little after midnight, drunk and happy and tired. It was Taeyong’s responsibility to make sure all of them got home safe because he was the eldest and their senior. Hendery and Ten lived in the same building so they rode one taxi, they were the most drunk, and Taeyong gave the driver the address and paid for their trip. He waves at them and does the same to the other three, thankful that they weren’t as drunk. Jeno was very happy to have met Yuta and was lucky to be invited to one of his games. After promising to send his ticket soon, he rides his taxi and waves at him and Taeyong.


Taeyong lets out a sigh of relief as he’s now sure they’d be all going home safe, he faces Yuta. “Sober?”


“I guess.” Yuta grins and nods, “But you, you look a little drunk. Want to grab some coffee before going home?”


Despite feeling sleepy and tired and honestly, drunk, he nods. Coffee would be good.


“Alright, is there okay?” Yuta points to the coffee shop near the barbecue place they were at and nods, walking with him there.


Taeyong sits as Yuta orders their coffees and is glad to be sitting somewhere quiet. He smiles at Yuta when he sits in front of him.


“Thank you, Tyong. For introducing me to your friends.” Yuta says, resting his elbow on the table, placing his chin on his palm. “They’re fun.”


Taeyong nods, smiling, “They are. And thank you for coming. You never used to want to hang out with my friends.”


Yuta nods, guilty. “I know, I realized and I’m sorry. I promise you I’d change all that. We’ll do things we’ve never done before, if you want. I’ll do things you wanted me to do but never did.”


“You know I don’t like forcing you, Yuta…” Taeyong says softly, he meant it.


“I know, but those things make you happy. Although I promise I won’t force myself or you to do things we’re both uncomfortable with, okay?”


“Fair enough. We promised to be more honest with each other, right?”


Yuta nods, standing when their orders are ready.


“Oh, right!” Yuta looks at Taeyong, confused. “What were you planning for tonight, anyways? You know, when you asked me if I was free tonight?”


“Ah- that. Well, I wanted to ask you to watch a movie then dinner. Or dinner before the movie.” Yuta grins at him. Taeyong was suddenly lost in thought of him and Yuta going out to the movies. They’ve only done that once when they were in high school and were not able to do it again. Watching a movie is public but intimate and he would like to try that with Yuta, again.


“Oh, that would’ve been great. There’s a new marvel movie out now, right?”


“Yeah. Maybe tomorrow night, if you’re free?”


Taeyong nods, he would very much like that and besides, he was free.


“Are you not busy, though?” he asks, Yuta shakes his head.


“Just in the morning until mid-afternoon.”


“I see…” Taeyong just says and quietly sips on his cold drink, feeling sleepy despite it.


“Do you want to go home now, Tyong?”


Taeyong nods, he can’t deny. He was tired and sleepy. Their week was pretty heavy.


“Shall we? I’ll drive you to your place now.” They take their unfinished drinks as they walk to Yuta’s car, Taeyong swaying a little and Yuta was somewhat holding him close; careful not  to invade his personal space.


Taeyong was drifting off in his seat as Yuta drove carefully since he couldn’t trust himself to drive faster as he drank even though he was sure he wasn’t drunk.


“Thank you, Yuta…” Taeyong mumbles through his sleepiness.


“Hm? For what?” Yuta asks, keeping his eyes on the road.


“For joining us earlier. That meant so much to me, you know.”


Yuta just smiles, happy to have made Taeyong happy. He enjoyed himself, too. Taeyong’s office friends were fun and they were a breath of fresh air from the usual people he hung out with.


“If your friends are okay with it, I’ll always be happy to be invited.”


Taeyong just nods, happy, then finally drifts off to sleep with his head leaning on the window.


They arrive at Taeyong’s building after a while and he didn’t even notice as he was sleeping in the car with Yuta teasing him when he woke up.


“It’s okay, your snoring was adorable.” he grins and Taeyong playfully hits his arm.


“I do not snore.” he denies but he knows he does, Doyoung used to complain but he does know he only snores when he’s tired. And he’s very tired. Yuta laughs at him.


“Fine, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear anything.”


“Good.” Taeyong says as he unbuckles his seatbelt. “You should go home now, Yuta. It’s very late and you live quite far.” He honestly wants to invite Yuta to rest but he was afraid that they might not be able to control themselves if they’re alone again after their kiss that morning Doyoung slept over.


Yuta just nods, reaching over to touch Taeyong’s cheek. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow night, okay?”


Taeyong nods, “Or we can just meet somewhere if that’ll be more convenient for you.”


“Nonsense, I’d love to pick you up.” Yuta says with a chuckle.


“Alright.” Taeyong was getting very sleepy and he was supposed to be going out but his body seemed reluctant, he was getting clingy and he hated it. Well, maybe he liked it a bit. “Are you sure you’re sober, though? I mean, you drove us safely here. Will it be okay to drive back?”


“If I say no, will you be letting me stay over?”


Taeyong laughs, “No, I was actually about to suggest a nearby hotel for you.” he teases, Yuta smiles.


“Okay, send me a message when you get home, hm? I might not be able to reply but I would like to see you get home safely.” Taeyong leans to give Yuta a peck on the cheek, making both of them blush at the action. “U-uhm… t-take care!” He gets out of the car before Yuta can even react and runs towards his apartment building. He’s drunk, he nods to himself.


The next morning, Taeyong woke up feeling sluggish but forced himself to get up because the urge to pee was strong. He gets up to pee and freshen up before jumping back into bed, grabbing his phone out of habit and checking for messages. He immediately opens the one from Yuta.


“Got home safely. See you tonight, Tyong!” The message said with a picture of Yuta doing a finger heart with his bed in the background. Taeyong chuckles at how silly Yuta is, he took a picture even before he was able to freshen up. He starts to type “Good morning…” but deletes it right away, then types it again. He could say good morning, right?


“Good morning, Yuta. I’m glad you got home safe. Take care during practice and make sure you eat!” he sends but he feels his cheeks heating up. Why does he feel like a boyfriend, already? They weren’t even back to that stage, yet. But then again, there’s no harm in caring, right? He groans as he convinces himself, turning over to bury his face in his pillows.


He feels so giddy with just the thought of Yuta but his early morning brain (it was already 10am) was making it hard for him to stay giddy. He was having thoughts of feeling pathetic again for being happy with having Yuta back, then the feeling of anxiety with thinking Yuta might become embarrassed again to be seen with him. What if Yuta was okay now because they have nothing official? What if they’re officially together and he goes back to how he was before?


But it was also unfair for Yuta, for him to be having such thoughts. He was actually making efforts to be better, maybe it’s just his brain? He hopes that was just the case, he really does want to get back with Yuta. Even though they were apart for two years, he never liked anyone else. He can’t even imagine himself being with someone else. It was always Yuta. It would be a lie if he says he didn’t fantasize going back with him. Again, that was pathetic. Yuta broke him and he was hoping he would also be the one to put his pieces back together, although thinking about it now–maybe it was alright to hope for that? Maybe Yuta was really the one destined to heal the one he broke?


Taeyong shakes all the thoughts away from his head and decides to call Doyoung, he needs someone to talk to and eat with. He was getting hungry.


“Dodo, are you busy?” he says as soon as Doyoung answers.


“Just finished.” He can hear the grin in Doyoung’s voice and he lets out an annoyed “ugh-”, making Doyoung laugh. “What’s up?”




“Hm, sure! The usual?”




“Let’s meet in 15 minutes.”


“See you!”


Taeyong hangs up and gets ready to meet Doyoung, not really sure he wanted to tell Doyoung what he was feeling. He just wanted to talk to his best friend.


“So… What’s up?” Doyoung asks as soon as he gets a sip of his iced americano, he sighs happily. “So good.”


“I’m meeting Yuta tonight.” Taeyong says, not really sure where to start.


Doyoung nods, “I know.”


Taeyong raises a brow, “How…?”


“Yuta told me last night. He sent me a message a little after two, he said he just drove you home and he asked you out to a movie and dinner.” He laughs, amused. “He was really serious about getting through me, huh?”


“He didn’t tell me…” Taeyong pouts, “What did you say, though?”


Doyoung grins cheekily, making Taeyong curious. “What?”


“I told him to take you home early and no until after the 50th date.”


Taeyong’s jaw slacked that he had to cover his mouth, shaking his head. “Dodo!”


“What??? Did I say something wrong?”


“No, but you shouldn’t say those things.”


“Hey, if I don’t tell him things like that, I’m sure the two of you would be a mess of tangled limbs on one of your beds and I don’t like you both confusing your feelings just because of that intimacy.” Doyoung shrugs, smiling softly. “I just want to make sure he won’t be hurting you again, Yong. Although I’m not really meddling with your life; all you want just… don’t let that confuse you with your feelings, okay? Being intimate really does affect things, so be careful and go slow.”


Taeyong sighs, he hates it when Doyoung gets serious and makes sense.


“Thank you.” He says, although grumbling a bit. He needed Doyoung to keep him sane.


“I’m not your best friend for nothing, you know.”


“I know. I love you.”


“I know you do.” Doyoung winks and begins to eat his food, Taeyong doing the same.


“I’ll pick you up at 8.”


It was already 7pm when Taeyong decided to get ready, it won’t take him long anyways. He wears a printed salmon pink cardigan over white plain t-shirt and blue jeans. He didn’t wanna be over or under dressed or look like he prepared so much for this. It was just a movie with an ex who’s coming back. He blushes at the thought. He was honestly excited, but he wanted to act like he wasn’t.


Yuta arrives at Taeyong’s place at 7:50pm looking handsome, as always, in his plain slightly oversized shirt tucked in blue jeans with black and white sneakers, with a bouquet of red roses. Even this simple, Taeyong was head over heels over Yuta.


“Hi!” Yuta says as Taeyong opens the door and hands him the bouquet.


“Oh!” Taeyong giggles as he takes the flowers, “Thank you. Hi. Come in, I’m just finding my shoes.” he steps aside to let Yuta in as he was honestly still looking for his sneakers that will go with his outfit.


Yuta steps inside and sits on the couch while he waits for Taeyong, smiling at how adorable he looked looking for his shoes then something white under the coffee table catches his attention and he peeks at it, laughing; this makes Taeyong look at him.




Yuta pulls the shoes from under the table and shows Taeyong, “Is this what you’re looking for, Tyong?”


Taeyong gasps and nods, taking the shoes from Yuta. “Oh my god, thank you! How is it under…oh!” he remembers the last time he got drunk from an office night out and wore the shoes, he must’ve kicked it under the table and forgot it there.


“Do I get a reward for finding it?” Yuta asks, looking amused at how Taeyong was lifting an eyebrow.


“And what reward would you like, Mr. Nakamoto?” he asks.


Yuta grins and points to his lips, Taeyong shaking his head. “Uh, uh no. I’ll just buy you dinner later.” he laughs as Yuta pouts but nods.


“You look great, by the way.” he says out of the blue, making Taeyong blush.


“You’re so random, but thank you. You look great, as well.”


“Of course, I want to look good for you.”


Taeyong was having the urge to knock Yuta down and hide him under the couch–he was saying cheesy things and he couldn’t help but blush and he doesn’t like that Yuta still had that effect on him. Lies. He thinks to himself.


Walking back to his room, Taeyong grabs his bag (to keep his phone, wallet and keys in) and leads Yuta out his unit; leaving the bouquet on the coffee table so he won’t forget to put it in a vase when he gets home.


“Oh, I heard you told Doyoung.” Taeyong begins as he buckles his seat belt, smiling teasingly at Yuta as he starts to drive. “You really were serious about Doyoung, huh?”


Yuta laughs, nodding. “I told you I’ll be better this time around. We’re both friends with Doyoung and we both know how tough he is to crack and how protective he is of you.”


That was true. Taeyong and Doyoung were childhood friends that went to the same school their whole lives and even though Taeyong was a little older than Doyoung; he was very protective of him. He would fight off Taeyong’s bullies for him and he would make sure nobody hurts Taeyong. Taeyong loved Doyoung a lot and he would do anything for him, even though Doyoung never really asks anything in return. He was the bestest friend anyone could ever have. Except for Yuta, though. They became friends in middle school and Doyoung was fond of him but when he and Taeyong “broke up”, Doyoung swore Yuta and Yuta knew that even if Doyoung was nicest friend he’s ever had, he got on his bad side and he wasn’t really sure how to get out of it.


“That is true…” Taeyong agrees, chuckling. “It should be Doyoung you take out to the movies and have dinner with, not me. Well, before me.”


“Should I?” Yuta asks, grinning at Taeyong. “I’ll probably see you in five years again after Doyoung forgives me and gives me the “go” to pursue you again.”


“Hmmm, I’m guessing six years but hey, we can hope for five.” They both laugh, thinking how silly they were but deep inside they knew Doyoung was too important for them to ignore.


Their evening went by quicker than the both of them wanted as they had dinner just after their movie even though they were a bit full from their large popcorn. The movie was almost three hours and since it was already late, they decided to just get some fast food.


“We should’ve had our dinner early before the movie.” Yuta says, taking a bite out of his burger.


“Yes, we should’ve.” Taeyong agrees, “It was your idea, though.”


“Yeah, I’m sorry. I had a shoot until 4pm, I should’ve picked you up at 6.”


“Oh, it’s alright. I knew you were busy. You needed to rest so it’s fine. I was sleeping until 6, anyway.” he laughs. He was feeling so tired that after meeting Doyoung for brunch, he decided to take a nap that lasted for almost 6 hours.


“You must’ve been so tired.” Yuta says


Taeyong nods, “We were busy this week, barely had time to sleep properly. And I kind of drank a lot last night so, you know. Although I went out earlier and had a quick meal with Doyoung, I fell asleep right after I went home.”


Yuta smiles, remembering those times that Taeyong would easily fall asleep wherever or whenever. He would sleep in bus rides and sometimes in class. He likes sleeping a lot and he never minded that.


“Did you sleep well, though?”


“Hm, I did. Slept like a baby, I guess, if that’s how babies sleep.”


Yuta reaches over to wipe the ketchup from the corner of Taeyong’s lips. “Eats like a baby, too.” he instinctively on his thumb and it makes Taeyong blush.


“Ya, you could’ve just wiped that with a napkin.” he points at Yuta’s thumb, he grins.


“Why use a napkin when we can save the environment by using our natural resources?”


Taeyong rolls his eyes at him and nudges him with his elbow. “It’s getting late, let’s finish our food. My guardian might look for me, it’s almost past my curfew.”


“Don’t worry, I will keep your guardian updated.”


They arrive at Taeyong’s place at midnight and both of them are having mixed feelings about parting again.


“So, uhm, see you soon?” Taeyong asks, Yuta nodding.


“I might not be able to meet you in the coming days since we have a game next weekend, although I promise I’ll try.”


“Don’t worry about it, Yuta. I understand. Besides, I’m going to be busy as well. We have phones, so, you know.”




They both turn silent, again, reluctant to part. Taeyong fidgets with his fingers, as if something was preventing him from stepping out of Yuta’s car.


“Uhm…” he began, he was nervous and he didn’t intend to say anything but, since Yuta was waiting…




“Would you, uhm, would you like to have some coffee or maybe tea before heading home?”


Yuta needed to go out early the next morning but at the same time he didn’t want to turn down Taeyong’s offer. He wanted to spend more time with him and he was glad Taeyong was offering.


“Oh, sure! I would love that.” he turned off the engine, obviously he was a little eager. “Let’s go?”


Taeyong nods and goes out and leads Yuta into the building and into his unit.


“What would you like?” Taeyong asks as he walks to the kitchen, Yuta was still removing his shoes and leaving them by the door.


“I’ll have coffee, black. Thank you.”


Taeyong goes to prepare their drinks and he comes back with two cups, one black and one sweet, and a plate of chocolate chip cookies.


“Thank you.” Yuta says as he takes a sip of his coffee.


Taeyong just nods and it was suddenly silent, awkward as they sip on their coffees, staring at nothing. Then when their eyes meet, Taeyong looks away quickly. Yuta places his cup on the table and leans a little closer to Taeyong although careful not to make him feel like he was invading his space.


“Can I kiss you, Tyong?” he suddenly asks. He knows they talked about not kissing yet but he couldn’t help asking because Taeyong was just so beautiful and he missed him and their night was just so perfect, he couldn’t end it without a kiss.


Taeyong doesn’t answer as he leans close to close the gap and presses a soft kiss on Yuta’s lips, making both of them giggle. “That was cute.” Yuta points out and Taeyong nods, “That’s all I can give for now.”


Yuta leans back and just stares at him, amused, “You’re really beautiful, Tyong.” Taeyong reaches over to playfully cover Yuta’s face, “Stop staring at me like that, Yuta. You’re making me shy.”


“But I was being honest.”




Yuta presses his lips on Taeyong's palm and he immediately retracts it, groaning. “Stop being so cheesy, Nakamoto Yuta.” he just chuckles and rests on the couch and adjusts himself so he could still look at Taeyong.


Taeyong just stares at him and suddenly blurts out, “Stay the night?”. He almost wanted to pour his hot coffee on top of his head and then bury himself under the apartment building so as to not be found. Why did he suddenly say that? 


“Huh?” Yuta was suddenly confused although he really wanted to take on that offer.


“I just, well, you look tired. You can stay if you want then go after you’ve had some rest. You know, you live far so yeah…” he says everything so fast that even he didn’t understand himself but Yuta was smiling, nodding even.


“If you’d let me, I would love to stay the night. I’d do anything just to be able to spend more time with you, Tyong.”


“Okay…” he says, not really sure what else to say. Him and his clumsy mouth. “Stay here while I prepare comfortable clothes for you to sleep in, hm?” He didn’t wait for Yuta to say anything as he was already walking to his room and went to prepare Yuta’s sleepwear. He was glad that his room was clean enough to have guests over, although he wouldn’t really consider Yuta to be a guest. Maybe a permanent housemate? He shakes the thought away, too early.


He walks out of the bedroom to see Yuta just leaning on the couch with his eyes closed, he hands him a towel. “Here, so you can freshen up before you sleep.”


Yuta opens his eyes and takes the towel, looking confusedly at Taeyong, “You sound like you wouldn’t be sleeping, Tyong.”


“Do I?” he laughs nervously, he wasn’t even sure if he was going to sleep with Yuta on the same bed. “Go ahead, I’ll just clean up here.”


Despite himself, Yuta was yawning as he stood and went to where Taeyong was pointing. Taeyong quickly cleans up and washes their dishes, just in time for Yuta to finish getting dressed when he enters the bedroom. “You can go to sleep, first. I’ll just take a quick bath.” Yuta nods and goes to bed, busying himself with his phone as Taeyong goes to the bathroom.


It takes 10 minutes for Taeyong to come out, fully clothed, but when he does, Yuta is still awake. “Oh, why are you still awake?” he asks


“I was waiting for you?”


“Huh? Why?”


Yuta pats the space beside him and Taeyong instinctively shakes his head, “I’m sorry I made you wait. I was actually planning on staying on the couch so I wouldn’t disturb you. Go to sleep, you need to rest.”


Sitting up, Yuta pats the space beside him again. “Sleep with me, please? I promise I won’t touch you like that. I just want to cuddle you.”


Taeyong didn’t need to be told twice because even if his head was saying (screaming) no, his heart and body was craving for cuddles with Yuta. “Alright…” he whispers, placing his towel in the towel rack and slips inside the covers with Yuta. Yuta pulls him close and lays down with him, burying his face in Taeyong's hair.


“I missed this…” Yuta whispers.


“Me too…” Taeyong admits, he couldn’t deny it.


“Good night, Tyong.”


Taeyong places a hand over Yuta, smiling against his chest. “Good night, Yuta.”

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