If Nino were here, the first thing he might say is, "Remember that time you bought us tickets to a method acting workshop because 'it could be fun!' but you actually checked us into a methadone clinic instead?"

If Nino were here, he could follow that up with, "Or that other time you tried to install a personal solar panel for my apartment so I can save on my electricity bill and -out the whole apartment block instead?"

If Nino were here, he would probably end with, "And that's why all I want to do is stay in with you, eat something from EATたり (the Italian delivery place I like) for dinner, and play the recently-released Fire Storm Rider Warriors 5 that Jun had bought for me because he understands I don't need all this extra nonsense to feel celebrated on my birthday."

But Nino isn't here—because this is a surprise.

They've been dating for years now; but Aiba has never had the opportunity to plan Nino's birthday before. Something always came up: his family makes vacation plans for him, his company sends him on a work trip to Russia, he gets food poisoning from unobservantly eating expired food in his fridge after 36 hours of gaming… This is Aiba's first chance to handle the festivities himself, and festive it shall be!

He took the day off work to sneak into his boyfriend's apartment, laden with several shopping bags of decorations and ingredients, and to set up the most bangin' house party anyone turning [REDACTED] could ever want. He knows Nino, and he has incorporated all of the essential elements for Nino's happiness in the following ways:

1. Nino doesn't want to go out → The party's in his own apartment!
2. Nino doesn't have to cook his own dinner → Aiba will make it for him!
3. Nino wants to play video games → What good is a party without some Mario Kart or JackBox or Super Smash Bros?!
4. Nino wants to be with Aiba → Aiba will be there, of course!

It's a foolproof plan, and he still believes that even when he causes a grease fire while trying to mass-produce hamburger steaks for dinner. (It is not his fault Nino barely uses his kitchen and therefore has never cleaned the grease buildup on his stove!)

He is able to put the fire out with minimal personal damage, but the same cannot be said for the backsplash and cabinets of Nino's kitchen, not to mention the plural pounds of meat and other ingredients that were claimed by the flames.

Aiba checks the time on the stove and curses. Nino will be leaving the office within the hour, which means he only has a little more than half an hour to clean this mess up and finish food prep before guests start arriving. It's an impossible feat for one man alone.

Time to phone a friend.

"Yes, Aiba, I will be coming to Nino's birthday party this evening," the voice on the other end says rotely in lieu of a formal greeting. This is admittedly not the first time Aiba has called Sho this week, anxious as he was to finally introduce his friend and boyfriend to each other.

"Heh, yeah, about that… Any chance you could come by earlier? Like, now, for example?"

"Now? I'm still at work!"

"But I need you!"

"The fact that you're not being forthcoming with the assistance you require indicates to me that this is not only a major investment of my time but additionally your fault."

"It is not my fault Nino barely uses his kitchen and therefore has never cleaned the grease buildup on his stove!" Aiba defends before considering that he should have saved the details for after he secured Sho's commitment to his cause.

"You caused a grease fire in Nino's kitchen? On his birthday? Good grief, Aiba."

"Sho, please. I'll really owe you one."

"I want to go hiking with you," Sho responds immediately.

"Uh, again? We just went hiking a few weekends ago. I have the acute lyme diagnosis to prove it."

"I told you you weren't wearing enough bug spray. Besides, you also invited along one of your coworkers who spent half of the trip third-wheeling me to hit on you and the other half of the trip hitting on me."

"Because you're a catch!"

"Aiba, why is it so hard to get any quality time alone with you? I'll be honest, ever since you and Nino started dating I've been feeling really deprioritised in your life. I never said anything before, but…"

Aiba looks at the clock again and curses under his breath. He does not have time for Sho's my-best-friend-has-been-in-a-long-term-committed-relationship-but-I'm-still-single-so-life- lament right now. "Okay yes Sho I will go hiking with you if you get here within the next ten minutes! And bring wallpaper!"

He hangs up before Sho could get in another word edgewise, confident the other man won't let him down, then hunt-and-pecks through his phone to get to his messaging app. He would never advocate for animal violence in any situation including the hypothetical, but two birds, one stone, and all that.

---

ninomiii i know it's your birthdyab(happy birthday!) but can you do me a favour? i have a prwscription ready at the pharm by my apt, but it looks like i'll be caught up at the clonic a lil late and i wont be able to get thre before it closes :( :( :( can you pick it up for me pleaseeee

Nino exits the messaging app with a sigh. He had the worst day at work today—there was a data error in the report to the division chief that he really should have caught long before before it landed on her desk, then his section chief totally ripped him a new one in front of the rest of the staff afterwards, and the normal annoyances of office work just piled on top of that one until he was prime to pluck his own fingernails off if he had to debug even one more line of code—and now all he wants to do is get home to Aiba, eat something from EATたり (the Italian delivery place he likes) for dinner, and play the recently-released Fire Storm Rider Warriors 5 that Jun had bought for him before passing out on the nearest flat surface. It's a Friday, after all. He could wake up on Sunday with no repercussions.

Still, he trudges over to the station for the subway line that would take him to Aiba's neighbourhood, in the diametrically opposite direction from his own, with Aiba's silly little typos cheering him on in his head.

While the train car jostles him amongst the throngs of salarymen, he smirks to himself as he daydreams about what a good weekend he'll have as soon as he gets the hell home.

"Ninomi! You got my prescription!" Aiba would cheer when he sees Nino enter through the door with the telltale paper bag in hand. (In his head, they're already in his apartment, but he supposes he'll have to arrange with Aiba later to clarify.)

"Of course I did. If—" At this point, Nino realises he doesn't know what the prescription is actually for. No matter.—"If your disease kills you, it's not gonna be on me," he'd snark even while Aiba wraps him up in a giant hug that he'll resolutely resist acknowledging for the sake of principle.

He'll make sure Aiba schedules his pill alarms ("You forget your keys eight out of seven days in the week. Don't be stupid and schedule some alarms," is how he'll probably phrase it so it doesn't sound like he cares too much),

then he'll teach Aiba how to play the recently-released Fire Storm Rider Warriors 5 because he's definitely already forgotten since the last version came out ("No! I thought the bottom screen was me!" Aiba would complain because he wouldn't pay enough attention while Nino was teaching him),

and dinner will arrive by the time Nino completely wipes the floor with him ("Wanna bet I can fit more broccoli crowns in my mouth than you can?" "You're on!" Who says which line is honestly interchangeable).

He can't wait.

When he emerges from the subway twenty minutes later, he maps-apps his way to the pharmacy and double-takes at the obnoxious sign on the window that indicates it operates 24/7.

Nino breathes in despite the spike of frustration. Leave it to Aiba to forget such a detail.

He breathes out. He's already here; he might as well get it. He'll just beat Aiba even harder at the recently-released Fire Storm Rider Warriors 5 to make up for it.

A bell chimes when he enters the drugstore, and Nino is hit with a mental image of Aiba coming in to pick up bandaids or protein bars (or condoms). He'd wave happily at the clerk by the door, who of course recognises him on sight, and ask how their family is doing. The two of them would probably get sidetracked for several minutes before the clerk has to remind Aiba he's here on an errand.

(Suffice it to say, Nino's own pharmacy has no such chime.)

He tells the clerk he's here to pick up a prescription for Aiba Masaki—"Ah, you know Aiba-kun! How is he doing?"—and after providing the requisite personally identifiable information that proves he isn't some rando stealing medicine from people, he waits by the counter for the prescription to be filled.

He could probably sneak in a round of Pazudora, but he decides to open up SNS instead. He's sure his family has already started flooding his timeline with well-meaning-yet-overly-saccharine posts, and he needs to get a head start on acknowledging every single one of them.

Right at the top where his friends' stories are, he notices Aiba has a new one up. (The most recent one before that was from last night, a video of a seal wearing a traffic cone like a hat.) Nino isn't the kind of boyfriend who needs to know about every little thought his partner posts on social media, but the green circle that surrounds Aiba's profile picture catches his attention. That circle means the post is for "close friends only," and Nino isn't aware Aiba even knew how to set that up.

He clicks to open it, and his blood freezes.

"Do you think Nino will notice? 😅" appears on top of a video. There is a man turned away from the camera, cutting what appears to be wrapping paper, and the video pans to reveal severe burn damage in what appears to be Nino's kitchen. The video ends, and the next story is a cartoon drawing of a dog seated in a chair in the middle of a burning room saying, "This is fine."

---

"Get it? Get it? Because it's definitely not fine, plus there actually was a fire." If you can't poke fun at your own life's misfortunes, then what can you poke fun at?

"Aiba, get off your damn phone and help me with this! We can't continue cooking until we get this wall covered up."

Aiba pockets his phone, still chuckling to himself, and helps Sho smooth out the air bubbles as they apply the wallpaper over the damaged backsplash in Nino's kitchen. Sho picked a cream colour that doesn't match Nino's apartment walls at all, so he insisted on covering the entire span of wall between the kitchen counter and the cabinets above "for discretion's sake" instead of Aiba's plan of only covering the scorch marks. It sets them back a bit, but they'd still finish faster together than Aiba would covering the spots by himself. There's some damage on the cupboards above the stove as well, but some well-placed streamers hide them from sight.

"Actually, I'm thinking it's okay if we're still cooking by the time people arrive. Maybe not the most hospitable thing, but then I can tell people, 'Hey, at least it's freshly made!'"

"It's your party, Aiba," Sho says in that acquiescing way people do when they definitely disagree with you but recognise you're an adult who can make your own bad decisions.

"No, it's Nino's party. Didn't you see the balloons? Who else would appreciate Pazudora-themed balloons?"

The balloons in question are simply pink squares and red, blue, and green circles arranged in a sort of grid against one of the walls in Nino's living room with some other ones scattered around for aesthetic effect, but okay.

Sho grunts instead of responding as he diligently makes sure the wallpaper aligns at the corner of the kitchen. Aiba decidedly doesn't pay that same level of attention to his own section of the wall. He's planning to pay for it all to be redone later anyway; ensuring the party goes off without a hitch is the bigger priority.

Speaking of, Aiba abandons what he was doing (the wall looks fine) and turns his attention to estimating how much food he lost in the fire. After a moment, he thinks he could get away with replacing the rice with bread and peddling the meal as an American take on a Japanese version of an American classic.

Sho speaks up a few minutes later. "I wonder if you should still get Nino his own meal from EATたり, that Italian delivery place he likes. People don't mention stuff like that to their significant others without expecting some sort of follow through, you know. Not everyone can be me, who will appreciate any food put in front of him, especially if it were made by you."

Aiba contemplates this as he glances over to Sho, who is already looking intently at him. He must really think Aiba should get that Italian meal.

Aiba nods decisively. "Alright, you've convinced me." He pushes off the stovetop and leans back to rest his elbows on the island counter behind him in one smooth movement, courtesy of Nino's narrow kitchen. He pulls out his phone and holds it low as he opens the delivery app he only has downloaded for the days he needs to feed his boyfriend remotely. "Do you want anything while I'm ordering?"

Sho turns to grab the tape and streamers for Aiba's loosely-defined damage obfuscation plan and mutters something that sounds like, "For you to get a hint."

"What was that?"

Sho startles, and the materials fall out of his hands in his surprise. "Just something to drink!" he clarifies as he bends down.

Aiba chuckles at his friend's expense, attention still mostly on his phone, which is how he would later explain how he missed the sound of the door opening.

---

Nino enters his apartment trying to keep his rage in check. The quiet chuckles of a distracted Aiba are coming from the kitchen, his living room is bedecked in visually-noisy balloons and streamers, and the acrid smell of burnt carbon is in the air.

He slams the door closed behind him, stubbornly holding out the paper pharmacy bag in an obvious manner. He's furious, but if Aiba just reacts one specific way, he knows he can be okay again—okay enough to handle whatever the is going on here, at least.

From the entryway, he sees Aiba shoot up from his lounging position against the kitchen island, fearful surprise etched into every line on his face. "Ninomi! What are you doing here!?"

Those aren't the right words.

Then, a man pops his head up from underneath the counter, incriminatingly close to Aiba's waist, and Nino loses it.

"I should be asking you that!" He aggressively kicks off his shoes, stomping further into the apartment to survey all the changes that have been made since he left the place empty this morning. He doesn't even know where to start. "What the did you do to my apartment?!"

Aiba opens his mouth to defend himself, but the stranger quickly scrambles up and shoves an elbow into Aiba's torso. "Just tell him, Aiba."

Well, Nino figures out where to start. "And who the hell are you supposed to be?"

The man bows, a full 90-degrees. "This is the first time we're meeting. My name is Sakurai Sho; I'm Aiba-kun's friend."

"I've mentioned him before, Nino! Sho-chan!"

Sakurai rises and gives a quick tilt of his head in another show of deference. "It's nice to meet you, Nino."

"It's 'Ninomiya' to you." He may now be able to cross off his list all the conclusions he had unfairly drawn about what his boyfriend may or may have been doing with another man in Nino's own apartment, but it provides little comfort.

"Aw, please don't be like that. Sho-chan is here to help."

"Help what? Turn my home into a redecorated pile of ash?"

"I was trying to set up for your birthday party. It was going to be a surprise." Aiba pouts. "How did you get here so quickly anyway? The subway ride from my neighbourhood should have taken you forty minutes, at least."

Nino takes a threatening step forward with every word. "I. took. a taxi."

Sho may never have met Nino before, but he is a smart man who pays attention to the things he's told. If Nino is really as penny-pinching as Aiba has claimed, the reminder he had to unnecessarily spend money is no doubt adding to his ire; and Sho's self-preservation kicks in.

"So, uh, I'm gonna go now."

He hurries to the front door, struggling to put his shoes on with one hand as his other is preoccupied with frantically messaging all the people Aiba invited that the party has been cancelled. It's the only comfort he can give his clueless friend before he's torn asunder by Nino's hands.

"I told you I didn't want a party!" Nino explodes as soon as Sakurai shuts the door.

Nino's eyes bore into Aiba's with the fiery wrath of a thousand kamehamehas. A normal person would begin prostrating himself by now, but Aiba isn't normal, is he? "That's not true! You said a bunch of words, but 'I don't want a party' wasn't any of them!"

"You know, this lawful evil, breaking-the-intention-while-exactly-following-the-rules energy you've got going on is a lot cuter when I'm in on the joke and it's not directed at me."

"This wasn't a joke! I was going to make you feel celebrated." Nino can imagine the sparkle emojis implied in Aiba's tone, and they do nothing to soothe his aggravation. "I got all of your favourite things, and—"

"—And you also burned down my kitchen."

"I'm gonna pay to fix it!"

"It's not about the kitchen!"

"I know that, but if you're gonna bring it up…" Aiba says with a duh sort of voice.

Nino is so pissed off, he just wants to make Aiba feel as ty as he feels right now. He looks Aiba in the eyes and says with every pent up frustration, irritation, and vexation of the day: "Aiba, you ruined my birthday!"

Tears well up in Aiba's eyes. Good.

"Nino, don't say that. We can still fix this—"

"—We?! This," Nino gestures incredulously to his entire apartment, "was not a 'we' endeavour. This was you purposefully ignoring the things I tell you, getting one of your ridiculous Aiba-ideas in your head, and charging forward without any regard for the people your plans affect!"

Aiba's face is scrunched up in a way Nino has never seen before, and he hates how it looks. "It w-w-wasn't—" hiccup "—wasn't going to be like that, I-I-I swear! I—" sniffle "—just w-wanted you to have a nice, a nice birthday, I promise…"

Anything else he tries to say gets caught in his throat; Aiba is full on bawling now. He hates how it looks, he hates how Aiba sounds, he hates that he's the one who did that, and he hates that something in him is not letting him take it back.

He needs Aiba out of his sight. "Get out of my apartment."

Aiba doesn't hesitate. He keeps his head down and beelines for the door. The sight of his curved back makes Nino squeeze his hands into fists. The paper pharmacy bag crinkles lightly in his hand.

It crinkles even louder. "And here are your ing meds!"

Aiba's lethargic turn at his shout suddenly animates as he scrambles to catch the flying paper bag, barely managing before it hits the ground. He looks up to Nino, wondering if he should say thank you, but the coaster that closes in on him makes the decision for him.

The projectile makes impact with the hastily shut door, and Nino drags his hands down his face in frustration. Standing in the middle of his apartment surrounded by the vestiges of Aiba's misdeeds, he gives a brief thought to tearing it all down if it weren't for the extreme exhaustion that weighs down his limbs in the next instance.

Instead, he uses the last of his energy to unwrap and boot up the recently-released Fire Storm Rider Warriors 5. He tells himself he's trying to salvage his birthday, but if that were the case, he'd begin feeling better by now.

---

Aiba stands in front of the door for a long time before taking the stairs down to the lobby of Nino's apartment building. He's too sad to take the elevator.

His tears continue tracking down his face, letting his prescription bag dangle from one hand and paying no attention to the world around him. One foot after another propels him forward aimlessly, ostensibly walking but certainly without any destination in mind. Someone out for a run even rudely bumps into him, but he registers nothing but the fact that the day which was supposed to be about celebration and joy ended up being filled with anything but.

He's so preoccupied with his own emotions that the two police officers who had been shouting after him had to forcibly stop him to get his attention.

"Oh." He sniffles. "Good evening, officers. Can I help you?"

"We reckon you can. You from around here, son?" the one on the right asks.

The reminder of why he's even here threatens more tears to spill over, but he gamely tries to keep himself together in front of the law. "No, I was just here for the day."

The two beat officers glance at each other, but Aiba's attention is still back within Nino's apartment.

"What do you got in the bag?" the left one asks.

Aiba doesn't even think to hesitate. "Pills."

"Alright, we're going to have to ask you to come with us."

This finally forces Aiba into the present moment. "What?" The bag is snatched out of his hand, and he's manoeuvred into handcuffs. "Why are you arresting me? I didn't do anything!"

They walk him over to their police car and settle him into the backseat. "A line cook in a local restaurant seems to have accidentally set fire to the kitchen, but he ran out instead of helping the other cooks deal with the flames. The whole kitchen almost burned down. Based on his behaviour, his coworkers suspected he was high on something. Witnesses reported him running through this neighbourhood in his escape."

Aiba gawks. "You think that's me? I'm nowhere near high!"

"You were unresponsive when we were first trying to speak with you, your eyes are red, you're carrying pills, and you smell like smoke."

They make a very compelling argument. Like, if Aiba were watching a drama, he'd totally believe he did it—but he didn't. "Those aren't meth pills. They're ducksy… doxy… They're for lyme disease!"

They arrive at the police station and divest Aiba of anything on his person before ushering him into a holding cell and removing his handcuffs. "We'll let the lab tell us that."

Aiba slumps onto the dingy bench in the musty room that smells faintly of urine and tobacco. Great. As if it weren't bad enough that he ruined Nino's birthday and kitchen (in order of importance), he got himself arrested for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He knows the lab will tell the police officers exactly what he told them, but who knows how long that'll take? The smart scientist people probably closed early because it's a Friday, and they were probably going out anyway to celebrate the boss' recent engagement to the compliance officer who's assigned to audit their facility. They've probably been tiptoeing around their feelings for each other for years, and everyone is probably so, so happy for them. Aiba is probably happy for them too, but it doesn't make his situation any better. Who knows if they even work weekends?! Aiba could be here until Monday!

He sits up with a jolt. The clinic. Oh no, what if there were an emergency this weekend and nobody could reach him? What if it was Tenko-chan, who never feels comfortable at the vet unless Aiba were the one administering the treatment? What if the poor dog needed something scary like a cast or an MRI and Aiba weren't there for him? His tears return with a vengeance, and he wipes his face on a non-snot-stained section of his shirtsleeve.

"Aiba Masaki?" a station guard asks a while later even though Aiba is the only one in holding. Aiba verbally confirms anyway. "You get one phone call."

Aiba groans. Nino would never pick up his call—not even because he's still mad at him, but because Nino doesn't bother picking up for numbers that aren't already saved on his phone. (For the record, he was like this even before Aiba bought into that pet caretaker magazine scam.)

He follows the guard out of the cell anyway. It's worth a shot, he supposes.

"Hello, this is Ninomiya Kazunari. I cannot make it to the phone, so please leave your name and business after the beep."

Aiba isn't surprised to hear the voicemail greeting, but he cannot deny it would save him a lot of time if he didn't have to. He leaves a message at the tone with all of the relevant facts and resigns himself to spending the whole weekend in the cell.

---

Nino groans when he hears the doorbell ring. It's probably another person who didn't get the memo that the party had been cancelled.

Stupid Aiba and his stupid party.

He pauses the recently-released Fire Storm Rider Warriors 5 and opens the door to see a teenager wearing the uniform of EATたり, the Italian delivery place he likes. "Sorry for the wait." She bows. "Our restaurant experienced a fire and an unforeseen loss of personnel as a result, but we promise it will never happen again. You should see a partial refund via the app where you ordered the food within one business day as an apology for any inconvenience we may have caused." She bows again in supplication.

"Oh my god, one of your workers died in a fire? Please accept my condolences!" Nino, unlike most people he's interacted with today, seems to be the only one with his priorities straight.

"No, the loss occurred concurrently to the fire," the food carrier clarifies unhelpfully. "Do not worry, valued customer. Your food is here now." She holds out the food with both hands.

"I didn't order any food, though."

Her brows furrow, and she scrolls through her phone. "Are you Ninomiya Kazunari-san?" she reads.

"Yes."

"Then this food is for you." She holds the food out again, and Nino takes it despite his confusion. She bows her head one last time before leaving down the hallway.

A peek at the receipt shows the app it was ordered on, and Nino realises what happened. Sure enough, he rifles through the containers to find all of his and Aiba's favourites (plus some canned coffee? though neither he nor Aiba really care for it) and sighs with acceptance. For a peace offering, this is a pretty good one.

He thinks back to his earlier idea of how this evening would go. The only thing missing from this dinner is the sweet sweet victory of beating his boyfriend at a game he doesn't play, and Nino has calmed down enough to recognise that the only person he can blame for that part is himself. Sure, Aiba set a fire in his kitchen and planned a party he didn't really want, but Nino took his frustrations from the day out on him and drove him out of the apartment.

He opens up the messaging app on his phone but only manages to make it that far. He should thank Aiba and maybe even invite him back, and he wants to, but he doesn't know what or how much to say. Gah, this is what he gets for making a lifestyle out of refusing to apologise. When he actually needs the skill, it's so rusty it feels like his brain has tetanus.

Willing to be distracted, he sees he has a voicemail from a number he doesn't recognise and presses play.

"Hey, Ninomi."

Holy , that's Aiba.

"Sorry to be calling you from a number you wouldn't recognise. I sorta got arrested, so that's why. I'm pretty sure they'll have no choice but to let me out because there's no way I set the fire at that restaurant; but in the meantime can you call my job? I know I'm asking you for a lot of favours today, but this one isn't a diversion; I promise! I'm worried that Tenko-chan will need a cast, and the clinic needs to know why I can't be there for her. Okay, that's it. Thanks, I'm sorry, and happy birthday again."

Nino can only blink in astonishment at the astonishingly unhelpful string of words he just listened to. Aiba got arrested? Is the fire somehow related to the one at EATたり, the Italian delivery place he likes? And why couldn't someone else handle Tenko-chan's potential cast? Aiba didn't even tell him which precinct he's holed up in, for crying out loud!

He saves the progress on his game (priorities, you understand), grabs everything he needs, and rushes out of the apartment. While he speeds down the stairs, he makes a phone call.

---

Aiba is distracted from his game of how-many-faces-can-he-make-out-of-the-shapes-on-the-wall (so far, thirteen) by a ruckus coming from the reception of the precinct. There is a familiar quality to it that tickles his ear, but he's too far away to place it.

A few minutes later, the door to holdings opens as a guard enters. The commotion becomes clear for those few seconds before being muffled again, and Aiba is just sure that if he heard more of it, he'd know exactly what it is.

The guard enters his cell to handcuff him and him out. "Aiba-san, you're needed out front."

"What's the matter, officer?"

The guard grimaces. "We're hoping you could tell us."

As he gets closer and closer to the gate, the familiar feeling niggles and niggles at his brain—the split second before the door opens, he hears it: Nino's specific timbre shouting over meaningless background noise a.k.a. the soundtrack to most of Aiba's weeknights.

Aiba rushes out the door without the guard's encouragement. "Nino!"

"Aiba!"

There is a whole counter separating him from his boyfriend but that doesn't stop him from rushing over as close as he can. His arms reach out for a hug that can't connect due to the handcuffs, but Nino meets him halfway to pinch onto the cuffs of his shirt anyway. "Nino! What are you doing here?"

"I came to prove your innocence." He gestures to a teenage girl—who looks equal parts put-out, weirded-out, and bored out of her mind—with the universal open palm for 'duh'.

"… Hello," Aiba greets politely despite his confusion. "Thanks for working hard today."

The teenager neglects to bow or offer a handshake in turn, her arms too busy being crossed over her chest. "Don't thank me; thank the hustle."

"Um." Aiba cuts a glance over to Nino, who jostles her shoulder a bit. "Quit trying to be clever and tell the officers whether you've seen this man before in your life."

She rolls her eyes. "Of course not."

"And why does this matter?" one of the officers finally speaks up.

"Because she works at EATたり!"

Aiba gasps. "The Italian delivery place you like?"

The girl's arms fall to rest akimbo on her hips in impatience, revealing her uniform shirt as if to confirm the fact. Nino points at her chest triumphantly, prompting her to re-cross her arms in offended embarrassment.

"See? And she was working there today, the same day at the same place as the fire for which you were wrongfully convicted!" Nino turns to the officers. "Did any of you even bother to check with the staff at the restaurant whether the person you apprehended actually worked at said restaurant?"

The gathered officers pull at their collars, whistle, and look anywhere but at Nino. He scoffs. "Typical. Well, now you have irrefutable proof that this man could not be the arsonist you're looking for, and I demand you let him go!"

"Hold on a moment," an officer gruffly interrupts. "This isn't aligned to protocol at all! None of this is on the record and therefore cannot count as admissible evidence. If you insist on remaining here and causing such a ruckus, we'll hold you for obstruction of justice!"

"Oh hell no," the EATたりemployee exclaims. "No one said I could get arrested! I'm out of here."

Nino blocks her path before she even finishes turning on her heel. "No way. If they need some sort of witness testimony, they got one right here."

"You're not paying me enough to spend the night in jail," she refutes as she tries to side-step him.

"You're paying her?" Aiba asks with tears b in his eyes and inexplicable affection in his voice.

The employee fakes-left and successfully darts around Nino's wiry frame when his reflexes proved to be solely stored in his fingers, to be activated during gaming hours and during gaming hours alone. She hurries out the door just as someone in a lab coat arrives at the station with a manila envelope in hand.

"Ohno-san?" Aiba says confusedly.

"Aiba-chan?" the newcomer queries.

"Aiba-chan?!" Nino repeats incredulously.

"Ohno-san." Aiba's voice turns serious, absolutely unaffected by his confinement predicament. "How is Tenko-chan? She didn't break a bone today, did she?"

"No, was she supposed to?" Ohno-san asks very seriously.

Aiba visibly slumps with relief. "Thank goodness. I was worried she would need me this weekend and that I couldn't tend to her because I'm stuck here."

Ohno-san finally notices Aiba's silver accessories. "You got arrested, Aiba-chan?"

Happy to bring the conversation back onto relevant grounds, Nino speaks up. "Those brothers-in-blue over there think he was responsible for setting a fire at a neighbourhood restaurant today."

Ohno-san considers this. "Did he?"

Cue twin shouts of "No!"

"Well, we're here to find out," the gruff officer from before counters. "Who are you, and what are you doing here?"

Ohno-san remembers himself and bows quickly. "Of course. My name is Ohno Satoshi; I work at the Bait and Tackle Labs. I called earlier to let you know I was coming with the diagnostic results you requested. You're lucky: we shouldn't have processed the request until Monday, but two of the scientists got engaged today, and they decided to celebrate by going back into the office and doing more lab work."

Ah, so two of the staff scientists got engaged, not the boss and the compliance officer! That's still nice. "I'm so happy for them," Aiba comments warmly. Nino shoots him a can-you-focus!? look.

"The pills you confiscated weren't methamphetamines. They're doxycycline, an oral antibiotic commonly prescribed to treat early stage lyme disease," Ohno explains as he hands over the manila file.

Aiba gasps. Those were his pills. "I told you!" he exclaims as he whirls on the officers who arrested him earlier. "I wasn't high, and I definitely didn't set that fire!"

"They thought you were tweaked out on meth!?" Nino's voice promises murder, which is a problem since they're currently standing in a police box surrounded by multiple witnesses.

"I would be happy to stay and repeat these findings on the record if it means Aiba-chan is free to go," Ohno-san offers.

The gruff officer looks undaunted. "The beat officers who apprehended you noted you smell like smoke, and even a few hours in holding haven't cleared that up. Since you have so many excuses, excuse that."

Aiba is so desperate he could cry. There's no way saying that he set a different fire somewhere else is going to help his case, and there's no way to prove it anyway.

"Simple: Aiba set off a different fire somewhere else, and I can prove it," Nino declares.

Aiba watches in disbelief as Nino pulls open his SNS and lets the police (and Ohno-san) watch the story that he was sure he set so that Nino's account specifically could not watch said story.

"Between this, Ohno-san's report, and the EATたり employee from earlier, surely there is enough circumstantial evidence to prove Aiba didn't do it. Even if we followed your silly little processes, you'd get the same information. Let him go now, and I won't sue your asses for gross negligence and racial profiling."

"We're all Japanese here."

"Aiba is a special classifcation, and I'm sure the courts would recognise it too."

The gruff police officer looks unconvinced, and Nino is about to do something drastic when a radio receiver crackles.

"Beat 43 to Base. Beat 43 to Base."

The guard who led Aiba out front is closest to the receiver on the desk and scrambles to answer it. "Base to Beat 43. Received loud and clear. Over."

"Do you still have that sobby guy in holding?"

The guard briefly glances at Aiba, who cannot decide if 'sobby' deserved to be his foremost discerning characteristic considering the circumstances they found him in. "Confirmed. Why?"

"Let him go. The real perp came back to the restaurant while we were conducting interviews. We're bringing him in now."

The entire precinct is quiet.

"Beat 43 to Base. Beat 43 to Base! Do you copy?"

The gruff officer stalks over and takes the microphone from the guard. "We copy. Good work today." The voice bears a distinct tone of defeat, one Nino recognises from his many years of gaming and generally being right.

Aiba rushes to clap his palms over Nino's mouth before he could snark something that would keep them at the precinct for longer than necessary, the handcuffs forcing his elbows into awkward angles to maintain Nino's silence. "So am I free to go?" he asks as winsomely as possible.

The gruff officer says nothing, only making a motion with his hand that prompts one of the officers to rush out of his seat. Aiba eagerly offers his wrists to be uncuffed.

"I'm glad this worked out, Aiba-chan. It would have been a hassle to find a new vet for Tenko-chan if you were imprisoned for arson and illicit drug use."

Aiba rushes Ohno-san in a grateful hug. "I hope the next time we see each other is for a routine check-up!"

Ohno-san takes his leave, and Aiba turns to Nino—relieved, impatient, actually here Nino. He's wrapping his boyfriend up with all of his affection before he could even think about it. It's only been a few hours, but he misses him.

Nino isn't hugging him back, but he isn't shrugging him off either, which is how Aiba knows Nino is just playing it cool because they're in public.

"I wanna go home," Nino complains into the air above his shoulder.

Aiba releases him, but Nino pinches the hem of his shirt between his thumb and forefinger before he gets too far. The curve of Nino's eyebrows looks angry, but his eyes are wide and entirely focused on him.

"Let's go home then."

---

As happy as Aiba is that he doesn't have to spend the weekend in a dank police cell, the quiet moments in Nino's company after departing from the station remind him that the two of them didn't last leave each other on the best of terms.

Just because Nino walks by his side the whole way back to Nino's apartment doesn't mean anything.

Just because Nino holds his shirt sleeve while they climb up to his floor doesn't mean anything.

Just because Nino invites him in doesn't mean anything.

"You can't leave until you help me finish all this food you left behind," but Aiba doesn't hear that.

The tv is still displaying the save screen for the recently-released Fire Storm Rider Warriors 5. The decorations are still up, the salvaged portions of the meal he made are still arranged on party platters, and the food he ordered from EATたり remains unopened and only slightly cooled on the counter.

"You didn't take anything down."

Nino sniffs nonchalantly. "Why would I? You were trying to 'celebrate me'."

That means everything. "Oh, Nino!" Aiba pulls Nino into his arms, and he finally reciprocates the hug. "I'm so sorry for ruining your birthday!"

Nino slumps in his boyfriend's hold. "If anyone should be apologising here, it's me. I had a bad day at work, and I was taking it out on you. I didn't even really mean that; I just… I just wanted to hurt you," he confesses uncomfortably. Aiba only squeezes harder in response, a forgiveness easily granted even if not fairly earned.

Nino lets himself bathe in Aiba's warmth for a moment longer before deciding to pivot the mood. "I'm also the one who didn't pick up when his boyfriend was trying to tell me he was in jail." He pulls out of Aiba's hold, managing to somehow look both admonishing and sheepish.

"I didn't hold that against you even for a second."

"Why didn't you call Sakurai? He would have gotten you out of there like"—Nino snaps—"that."

Aiba his head, considering for the first time all night that Sho-chan is a civil attorney, then shrugs. "It didn't even cross my mind. If I only have one phone call, it's gonna be you, Nino."

It's such a forgone conclusion to Aiba that it doesn't even occur to him what a major confession that is, and Nino can tell. The pleased warmth that starts in his chest and spreads to his cheeks is embarrassing, and he won't let it stay for long. Things like this are best reserved for replaying later, at night, when he's (perhaps?) alone and putting off sleep, anyway. For now, he's going to tease Aiba. "You know Sakurai is, like, in love with you, right?"

"Whatttt? Sho-chan? He's my best friend," Aiba defends as he moves to the counter and starts serving himself. Several hours unjustly in the slammer will do wonders to a man's appetite.

Nino follows suit, his plate decidedly less full than Aiba's. "Yeah, a best friend who's in love with you."

"He isn't in love with me," Aiba explains like an underpaid teacher. "Two men who like men are allowed to be friends without one of them falling for the other."

"So you're telling me you've never thought about it? Even once?"

Aiba takes the question seriously, munching on a suspiciously constructed hamburger featuring congealed pasta as one of the buns while he thinks. He swallows audibly, then, "Maybe in a dream?"

The weird streak of jealousy that has haunted Nino all day finally lowers its ugly head, and the tension in his shoulders loosens in turn. Aiba is overly friendly and has terrible timing, but he is not unfaithful. Lesson learned: Nino shouldn't let his stress lead him to such unfair conclusions.

In penance, he wiggles himself under Aiba's arm, forcing the other to stop eating his gnarly burger.

"Why are you being like a cat?"

"I'm showing affection."

"Oh, is this what that looks like? I couldn't tell." Aiba squeezes Nino to his side before the other could attempt to detach himself in indignation. "I like it though," he says while Nino squirms.

"Shut up and finish your burger monstrosity."

Aiba demonstrably pushes the plate away from him. "Hm, I'm not hungry anymore."

Nino raises his eyebrows at him, and Aiba simply drags them to the couch to cuddle him in earnest. "You said I can't leave until I finish all the food, so I have to make it last."

Nino doesn't like what Aiba can do to his heart. He leaves his limbs limp in retaliation as Aiba attempts to set them up comfortably on the couch. A firm and insistent poking at his hips reminds him of something else that's been bothering him today.

"Give me your phone."

"Huh?" Aiba asks even as he wiggles to retrieve his phone from his pocket. When he settles back against Nino, the poking is gone.

Nino types in Aiba's passcode and pulls up Aiba's SNS account. Aiba isn't that concerned Nino knows his code; his birthday is kind of an auspicious date. A few quick taps later, and he shows the phone back to Aiba. "You idiot. I'm on your close friends list."

"What?! But Sho-chan said that's how I make it so that people who I don't want looking at my stories can't look at my stories!"

"Yeah, but you have to go in there and edit the list once you turn the setting on!"

Aiba makes a despairing noise. "I didn't know that! I thought the algorithm could, I don't know, just tell." He wiggles his fingers a bit, demonstrating just how much he knew about how algorithms work.

Nino taps a bit more on the screen. "There, now I'm not. You're free to use the close friends feature for future duplicitous means."

When he hands the phone back to Aiba, Aiba tosses it onto the coffee table. "Well, that's a useless list now. What do I have to tell people that I don't want to also tell you?"

"Does that mean no more surprise parties? What a loss," Nino deadpans.

"Yeah," Aiba sighs, truly feeling said loss. "I'll just be like the other boring boyfriends and get you something on your Nozama wishlist next time instead."

Nino thinks about the two-player puzzle platform game Ingress that's supposed to release later this year and can't help but get excited, but he can't look forward to it in good conscience when he knows that something that low-effort isn't Aiba's style at all.

"I still don't want a party, but I think I could have survived if you threw one."

Aiba's legs twitch, the way a dog's would reflexively when it dreams about chasing rabbits. "Really? We still have time! The people at the party place said the balloons would stay inflated for five to eight days!"

Nino's upright in a flash, staring at the balloons with thinly veiled horror instead. "Yeah, no. I'm not navigating around balloons in my apartment for five to eight days."

Independently of each other, they both wonder how to make the best use of the decorations without simply throwing them out, then they turn to look at each other at the same time.

"Wanna call Jun and pop a balloon into the receiver every time he tries to say something?"

The other has his phone in hand in no time, Jun's speed dial at the ready. "You read my mind."