a second dad?
Behind the FaçadeTaemin was a coward and fully aware of it. The following Monday he avoided his boss at all costs, always checking a room before entering it, making sure Choi was nowhere to be seen. It worked out for the time being and Taemin wondered if Mr. Choi even remembered what he said and did on Friday night.
Sadly, that wasn’t the case and his boss called him into his office on late Wednesday afternoon, shortly before Taemin would have clocked out.
Upon entering his office, Taemin felt the thickness of the air – not that it was stuffy, the room was in fact very well ventilated. Rather it was the events from last weekend that weighed heavily on the two of them.
Taemin was the first to speak up while his boss still seemed to be looking for the right words to start this off.
“Why have you called me to your office Sir? Is something the matter with the documents I had Jinhee bring over?”
It was as clear as the sky that Mr. Choi had not called him here because of work but he wouldn’t know how else to start the conversation.
“Mr. Lee. I wanted to apologize for my behaviour on Friday night.” The latter said, slowly but surely. It was clear that he was sincere and Taemin’s heart clenched a little painfully.
“I keep overstepping boundaries and I can’t help but wonder why you are tolerating my advances.” Mr. Choi continued without Taemin interrupting what he was saying. “I know you won’t appreciate me telling you my life story, but if you let me, I would like to at least explain my actions from Friday night.”
The following pause was silently asking for Taemin’s consent which the latter gave. “I am listening.”
“I am lonely and frustrated. My family is doing anything in their power to get me to marry someone – at this point they don’t care who it is as long as I impregnate the woman and produce an heir that can take over the company after me. I am 32 and they are only going to get more demanding from here.”
Taemin nodded – unable to relate to anything Minho said except for the loneliness and the frustration that he also felt every day – just that the reasons seemed to be very different.
“I have spent the past 15 years hiding my uality, trying to be a perfect son to my parents, putting off the moment of truth when I had to tell them that I didn’t have any desire to be with a woman. Honestly, I have come to believe myself, that I’ll never have to tell them. Realising that I’ll have to come out within the next few years frightens me. It frustrates me and I am so ing lonely. Can you believe that I have never actually dated a man in fear of my parents finding out? All I was granted was a few dirty one-night stands in the dark.”
Mr. Choi took a break, staring at the table – obviously deep in thoughts. Taemin guessed that this was one of the first times – if not even the very first time – that Mr. Choi openly spoke about this and though it was weird that he turned out to be the person his boss opened up to, he didn’t mind. Taemin didn’t want to interrupt. So, he sat through it, despite knowing it would make it harder to push the older away the more he would know about him.
“I crave to have someone in my life Mr. Lee. And for some odd reason the one I want to be with turned out to be you. You are everything I have looked for in a partner and I just can’t help but want to pursue you. All this is no excuse though because I am fully aware that you are not feeling the same way. You have always made yourself clear and it was me who pushed further. After last Friday night I realised how much of a nuisance I have been, and I wanted to apologize, not only for my behaviour on Friday, but also the months prior. I won’t approach you again. I am sorry Mr. Lee.”
“What was that about not telling me your whole life story?” Taemin tried to lighten the atmosphere around them, even if it was just a little. Yes, he hadn’t been comfortable with Mr. Choi’s advances but then again, the reason why he had been uncomfortable was another reason as the older male guessed.
“I’ll have to keep apologizing around you. Won’t I?” Mr. Choi sighed.
“Mr. Choi I do not dislike you. And I also didn’t mind you telling me the truth – no matter how detailed it was.” Taemin spoke and his boss watched him hesitantly, as if he wasn’t allowed to set his eyes on the assistant.
“You might not have misread that I was pushing you away but if you are honest, I’ll be too. The reason is slightly different than me simply not having feelings for you.” he continued, immediately adding: “Not that I do have feelings but uhm….”
He didn’t want this to come across the wrong way. “Chanho is getting bullied at school for not having a mother.”
Taemin said it out loud - to have it out in the open was scary. But he continued:
“Much like yours, my uality has never been out in the open. I cannot imagine what Chanho’s life will be like when his classmates are getting a hold of that information and I will not ruin my son’s life further even if it means missing out on my own happiness. I hope you understand why I cannot reciprocate your feelings.”
Taemin scratched his neck, glad to have finally come clear.
“You are a good father. You really are. And while I am in no position to, I just wished you would think about yourself a little more.” Choi Minho said, looking deep into the younger’s eyes making the latter shiver before he fled the situation.
«Daaad» Chanho called out for his father when Taemin was picking him up from day-care.
“Look what I made for you!” The boy was holding up a notebook covered in drawings of every form of Jellyfish you could think off.
“Woah!” Taemin exclaimed, smiling at his son brightly as he took the notebook from Chanho’s hands. “This looks spectacular. Did you draw all of these?”
“Of course! Miss Baek thinks it is really pretty! I hope you like it too. I worked on it for weeks.”
“I adore it. It is absolutely beautiful” Taemin ruffled his son’s hair. “Thank you so much! I’ll use it well.”
Chanho took a hold of his father’s hand while they were walking home.
It has been several weeks since Mr. Choi had called him to his office. Several weeks since Taemin had rejected his boss’s feelings without ever directly addressing how he felt himself.
The past weeks had been filled with insecurities, worries, desires and almost sleepless nights which he spent thinking about all the possible what-ifs. What if he let Choi Minho into their lives? Could he be the company he had been craving all his life? Could he fill the emptiness in his heart? Taemin wasn’t sure. He had never been in love with another person before, he couldn’t relate to what Mr. Choi apparently felt for him.
That at least was what he told himself.
The longer he thought about these what-ifs the more Taemin had to admit that he wanted to let Minho into his life, slowly but surely. He was suddenly painfully aware of the hours he spent alone on the couch while Chanho was already in his bed sleeping. Realizing that Chanho had only him, that Chanho was the only regular human interaction he had next to work.
Before Taemin could avoid it, an empty space had opened-up that he wished would be filled by a certain someone.
Was he falling further for the man that had returned to ignoring him? Maybe.
Was he ready to admit to his feelings? Not really.
Did he want Choi Minho to fill the empty space in his life? Very much so, and he knew he wasn’t being fair.
“Dinner’s ready!” Taemin called for Chanho who immediately ran out of his room, joining his father at the table.
For a few minutes they chatted about the day before – finally – Taemin took a deep breath.
“Chanho-ya?”
“Hmm?”
“What would you think if, instead of a mom, you would get a second father?” he said, his heart beating so hard he could feel the pulsing in his neck.
“I don’t know someone with two fathers! Hmmmm that would be cool, I think… If he is as cool as you, I think it is nice. I can show him my collections! OHH and I can take him to the aquarium. I want to show him everything! That is cool!! But I think then we need a bigger bed. I will get bigger in the next years! There is no space for one more dad.” Chanho’s voice filled Taemin’s ears and made him relax instantly. It was as if a heavy weight was taken off his shoulders.
Taemin wondered how he deserved such an awesome son. He must have saved the country in his previous life to be this blessed. Maybe this could work out? Maybe Chanho was strong enough to handle the judgement? Maybe Chanho would like to have Mr. Choi around.
“When is he coming?” Chanho pulled Taemin out of his thoughts.
“Who?”
“The second dad? I need to know so I can make him a notebook!”
The young father couldn’t help but laugh loudly, releasing all the tension that had crushed him for months if not even years - and for a second, h
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