Content Warning: PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mention of Past ual Abuse 

***

Shouts in the night. That was not the first time Bora woke up like that. The first few seconds of waking were always the most confusing. Where was she? What was happening? Was it morning already? Then she would get a grasp of her surroundings and the whimpers next to her would finish getting her out of her dream world.

Siyeon was having a nightmare again. She was curled up next to her partner, her eyes moving under her lids, drops of tears appearing at the corner of her eyelashes, muttering broken sentences.

“Don’t… please… I don’t want to…”

Bora’s heart sank every time she saw that scene and every time she caressed her lover’s hair, left kisses on her forehead and whispered for her to wake up.

The blond woman opened her eyes in a panic before realising where she was, the images of her dream still creeping at the front of her mind. Bora never liked that yellow glint that her eyes took when she woke up from those nightmares.

Siyeon didn’t say anything. was dry from speaking and shouting in her sleep and the tears left an unpleasing sticky feeling on her cheeks that she wanted to get rid of, but finding comfort and protection was more important. She huddled up against Bora, hiding her face in her neck, and her lover folded her arms around her to create a bubble of safety.

The solo wanted to ask what had happened, what she was dreaming about that left her in such a state. But the real question was, what was she remembering? And that was way scarier to ask. So instead she settled for the usual:

“I have you. Everything is fine now.”

She heard the little sniffles muffled against her skin and hugged her lover tighter. In those moments she wanted to cry too. She also wanted to shout, punch something, getting rid of all the anger she felt towards those who made the blond woman suffer. But none of those answers would be useful. The woman in her arms needed stability, acceptance and safety and so she shall provide those for her.

Usually, Siyeon would calm down and go back to sleep without saying anything other than “thank you” and “I love you” and Bora would hold her tight with the wish that all those memories would go away. But that night, the blond woman was taking longer to fall asleep.

“They never stopped. No matter how many times I pleaded, they never stopped.”

A knot formed in Bora’s chest. She could feel it blocking her breathing and crawling up to grab . She knew what the other was referring to. She knew Siyeon was sold to a gang by her parents when she was fifteen and she knew what gang members did to those girls, how they used them and abused them. She didn’t know what to say.

“Even in my dreams, they never go away.”

“I’ll make them go away. No matter how many times they come back, I will always make the nightmares go away.”

The answer had come instinctively in a hurried manner that made it sound like a childish vow.

“What if you get tired of it? What if it becomes too much and you leave?”

“I think the universe has put us against each other enough times already to know that I’m not leaving you now. I want to wake up next to you for as long as I can even if it’s the middle of the night and you’re having a nightmare again. That’s just how things are and I hope you’re ok with it.”

It was her protective instinct speaking. She had always had it, for as long as she could tell, but it never went as strong as it did with Siyeon. Maybe it was because she had known her first as a cold corporate with no apparent weaknesses that she got so triggered by the Wolf’s moments of vulnerability. Or maybe it was just that her love for her was deeper than anything she had felt for anyone before. Whatever the reason was, she just knew that she would never abandon her side.

Siyeon knew about that aspect of Bora’s personality and she was always amazed by it. She had always felt like her own strength was an act, like a defence mechanism that she had come up with. To survive in a world full of predators, she learned to look like one until the lie became reality. Bora, on the other hand, had always been strong and she wasn’t afraid to share that strength. She was the wall that sheltered her and the rock that supported her. When Siyeon was in Bora’s arms, she knew she had found her place which is why she knew she would never want to leave her side.

“More than ok.”

After that night, Siyeon started to share. Not everything, not all at once, but the things that weighed too much. Bora had accepted it all, silently, unwavering. She had opened her heart so that Siyeon could heal hers.