The green of the season was sweet to her nose. The winds were warm and brought good tidings for the year. The last harvest was bountiful so there was still plenty of food left in the storage containers to last another celebration. Perfect timing as the royal family had just added another addition to their already abundant tree. 

She kept the castle as clean as she could while avoiding the frantic planners and assistants. Cleaning, dusting, mopping, and sewing at a rate that she wasn’t used to in order to keep up with the demand of the impending celebration. Yes, she had the others helping her in their shared duties, but the family always had to pick on her. Some viewed it as a blessing since it meant that she would be chosen as the head once she was old enough, but to her it was a curse. She lived in the closets or in any nook she could find in the castle. The town was already overcrowded and she barely had enough funds to feed herself, let alone afford even a room in the inn. 

“Yeo, one of the officers had a bit too much to drink and went on a rampage down the azure hall, can you clean that up?” One of the royal ladies yanked her arm to get her attention. 

There was only one option.

She nodded her head.

“Good,” The lady smirked as she pushed the offending arm that she grabbed away, “Oh, and tell your cohorts to help you, you know how big that hall is.”

She could only hear the blood pulsing in her ears. Her flow was interrupted and her rage was swelling. And yet there was nothing she could do or would. Unlike the fools that lived here, she had nothing.

The mess was easy to clean up with the help of her fellows. Each of them worked quietly as they remained in the background of the chaos of planning a marvellous celebration of life. It’s been weeks already and yet it seems like no progress has been made. But what does she know? She’s just a cleaning servant. A humble errand runner. 

She sighed and resumed her duties. She was a nobody. Time had no purpose for her and thus created an endless loop of mockery. Everyday she saw the smiles and heard the laughter of those that were able to enjoy life without worry. Able to enjoy life without servitude. Able to enjoy a life of freedom. And as the grains of sands ticked down her mind unrivalled. The repetition of madness was becoming too much to bear. 

The celebration came and went without a mark in her memory. After all, why would it? She continued her duties as diligently as possible to avoid the ire of the family. Due to the stress of planning and enjoying life freely the family became cruel. Any mistake resulted in immediate punishment that either resulted in lost hands or lives. Not even the oldest of servants that served generations were safe from the irrational whims of gluttony. 

“Yeo,” The king himself addressed her in a drunken slur, “You know….you know you’re our favourite, right?” 

“Shush, darling,” The queen struggled to keep the man contained.

The royal couple found her in the hall as she was doing her rounds for the night. They were the last ones to head to their room and it was obvious as to why based on their faces alone. became taunt as she braced herself for whatever logical fallacies they had come up with in order to pursue a whim.

“Nonsense! She deserves to know!” The drunken king became irate, “Our daughters, sons, and cousins tell of your talents and sing nothing but praises for you.”

She couldn’t help but try to make herself small. She heard the family talk about her and everyone else. And they were not the praises the king thought they were.

“Darling, Yeo needs to help clean up, why don’t we talk about this tomorrow?” The queen pushed him towards the door to their room.

“Hah! And risk another servant not being rewarded? I know what happens when I don’t do it,” The king stood tall and wobbled, “My children fail me just as much as I’ve failed them.”

“My king!” The queen nearly screeched. Her voice went so high that it was barely audible.

“I said it! We’re the great Han family and yet our people are crowded and dying while we le the fat tit of sin!” The drunk king peeled himself off his wife and stumbled towards her.

She was frozen stiff. Fearful that if she moved that would set off the already irate king and disgruntled queen. Like always, she had to accept her fate. 

The king continued forward. Ignoring his wife’s attempts at pulling him back. She became such a nuisance that he let out a growl as he pushed her away as far as he could. Not caring for the consequences of such an action.

“Yeo……”

She could smell the alcohol in his breath.

“I cannot give you the name of Han for that is beyond me…….” The king looked sombre. As if stating such a simple fact tore at his heart, “But there is one thing I can control.”

He fixed his posture again and turned into the powerful king that peasantry feared, and royalty envied. Despite being of such a lowly class, she couldn’t help but be resentful. 

“When the sun rises again, --”

“Don’t you dare! We already know who is going to be the head!” The queen regained her voice.

“When the sun rises, you will be the head of the servants and attend to only the queen and I.”

His voice was booming as the meaning of his words sank into her bones. She always wanted more and now this was her chance. She could grab it if she wanted to.

She shook herself out of her shock and bowed to the king in acceptance. Her fate was knowingly sealed in that moment.

Months later another life was brought into the family. This time the youngest had conceived. But it was a conception that brought dishonour and disgust to the family. The youngest had been caught with a commoner. Of what trade he belonged to she never found out, but what she did find out was that the lad was condemned to death immediately.  

The family went into a frenzy. Their image to the surrounding courts and royalty was tarnished and any political pull that they had started to shatter. Fewer and fewer merchants and traders came as soon as the news broke as they didn’t want to be involved with a family that accepts such mingling. A rotten apple they said.

Despite the push from her family and from seeing the town slowly starting to die, the youngest carried out her term. She isolated herself with only her trusted servant and maid to keep her company. Once the cries of a baby were heard throughout the halls, it was the sound of judgement.

She stood by the king’s side as he paced around and contemplated his choices. She stood in the background as he talked to his viziers. She heard every option brought forth and her disgust grew. These people had everything and yet they were discussing life as if it was nothing but another trend to be exploited.

The sun had since set when the king ceased his pacing. He settled into his chair and, for once, he looked small. He raised a hand, and she came out of the shadows.

“Yeo…….It’s times like these that I wished you were my child instead of the ones that I have now,” The king sighed as she patted his face with a cloth. The moment she stopped he looked into her eyes with deep regret. 

“I’m sorry, Yeo,” The king took her hand as he begged, “I’m sorry but I must ask you to do something….”

She could only nod once the command was given and he began to weep. 

“I’m sorry…….I’m sorry…..I’m sorry….”

The king kept muttering to himself as she left his chambers.

As she walked through the corridors towards her target, she basked in the shadows. The shadows were home even under the watchful eye of the full moon. Each step she took she strengthened her resolve. The guards and servants knew to ignore her. Wherever she went, she did it in the name of the king and of the Han family. 

She didn’t even have to open the door. The ever-loyal servant and maid let her in as they escaped for the night. Her steps, forever faint, carried her over to the hastily made crib. The child held within the wooden ribs was sleeping peacefully. She stared at the baby for a few moments longer before she let go of her mind and committed the horrendous act as asked of her by the King. 

The next morning the daughter yelled and screamed in rage and sorrow. She called out to those that she thought loyal to her and received nothing. She destroyed her chambers as if her child was hidden within the nooks small enough for ants. After she destroyed that, she herself. She clawed at her face as she ran herself into the walls in a frenzy. 

It took a squad of guards to contain her. 

The king looked remorseful as the queen remained neutral. The siblings could only sneer in disdain as it was their sister that caused the issue. The cousins shook their heads at the foolishness of the youngest. 

She thought it was over but there was more to be done even months later.

“I know the king asked you to do one thing,” The queen’s voice was regal without a hint of guilt, “But there is still something else, Yeo.”

Like always, she nodded. 

“Our daughter has yet to recover from such a tragic loss. Despite it resulting in a boom in our treasury,” The queen let out a small giggle, “As such, it’s time to wrap up what you’ve started.”

The queen stood in front of her with a fire in her eyes. An all-consuming fire that was relentless as it was endless. A fire that would cease at nothing to accomplish its goals of creation and destruction.

“The other courts and families think of our daughter as a great stain in our line,” The queen continued,” A blight that could ruin everything if left to remain. You know what we do with stains, don’t you, Yeo?”

Again, she nodded. 

And, like she used to, she went straight to work. The night welcomed her as she walked the hallways. Guards and servants left her alone as they knew what she’s truly for. Her true purpose. For she wasn't the head of the servants. She was the head of the snake.

The cellars below were cold and murky. Sounds of dripping water echoed around her as squeaks of rats and mice faded away due to her intrusion. She matched her step to the natural sounds around her to remain hidden from the only other soul down here. 

Again, she let go of her mind and committed to the horrendous act as asked of her by the queen. 

The news was immediate yet faded just like the snow under the spring sun. Any mark left behind was found and erased. Scrubbed or burned away like it was a nuisance.

Upon death, prosperity returned to the lands. Crops bountiful and the river flowed endlessly. The rains blessed the lands as the weather remained consistent. Trade had been plentiful, and the political scene has resulted in more power to the Han family. 

But the sands of time continued and with each grain her anger grew. 

Harvest came around again and, like always, another celebration. The castle became bustling again but thankfully her duties required her to be by the king and queen’s side. She remained in the shadows, waiting to be beckoned. But, for once in her short life, she listened to her heart. 

“Yeo,” The king’s voice was light. The heaviness in his heart and mind never left, “Why don’t you take the night off? You’ve done so much and never had a moment to yourself.”
The king didn’t even allow her to nod before he dismissed her. The answer given to her. 

An answer that became the last piece.

She waited until all the family went back to their chambers. The guards and servants were staggering about either by exhaustion or by intoxication. The perfect recipe. 

She went to each of them and whispered sweet, empty promises that made them leave the premises. The castle became a void of reflection. Eventually the halls became red as the tapestry became alit. The flames grew slowly as she went to each of the doors that held the sleeping bodies inside. At each door, she recalled who was inside. Remember how they treated her and everyone one else. Taking a small breath, she held the torch at the door for a moment and waited for the fire to start eating the wood. As soon as the crackling of wood reached her ears, she moved on to the next door. 

She moved methodically. Her steps only ceasing at the doors that held life. The screams didn’t begin until she reached the royal chambers. Soon after the crashing of glass could be heard. These fools really believe that jumping would save them, but it shall not. In their desperation, many forgot that the moat below was home to hungry creatures. Their screams were replaced with gurgling sounds before that was cut short. The family that did see the consequences of jumping continued to scream as they desperately sought salvation. 

Salvation found them in the form of the purifying energy of heat and carnage.

She heard the rushing footsteps coming towards the door so she barricaded it. Hearing the king and queen scream and shout brought relief to her heart. A relief that extended throughout her body and escaped.

For the first time, she laughed.

She laughed as the flames roared around her as she took her last steps through the castle. Various paintings, plants, tapestries, and chandeliers fell in a rhythm only recognized as chaos and she continued to laugh. 

A laughter that echoed in her head even when a beam of wood crumbled from the fire and pierced her through her chest.

Red was the last thing she saw.

And it was also the first thing she saw.

Unlike the other tormented souls around her, she remained quiet. There was no use to beg now. She knew how to reap and sow unlike those that struggle against the flesh confined of whatever this hill was. She heard of hell before and how it was described by the various monks and merchants that had an audience with the royal courts. How the gods created a unified place of suffering in the realm of demons. A human compost pile. She heard of eternal damnation being the fate of sinners but was she really a sinner? Did she not have a reason for what she did? And if she's been deemed a sinner, then what about that family? They should all be in this forever growing and evolving mound of flesh that reaches towards the light in the sky surrounded by blood and pus. 

The only thing she did to maintain some sort of sanity, a thread that was slowly being spun out with each scream and moan around her, was repeat her name. Yeo, it was the only connection she had left. The only reminder of what she once stood for. The only time she stood for something.

However, damnation and time have an agreement. Both are endless and require each other to give an offering. Damnation requires memories and time requires souls. A beautiful contract where both parties are in agreement. The mound of flesh she's fused into done by damnation gave time her soul whereas time gave damnation her memories. Eventually she had none left to give. 

Or so she thought. 

She heard another yell. And another. Yells not of pleas but of disgruntlement. The delicate peace had been disturbed and interrupted by a force unfamiliar to them. 

The skin in her head had long since fused with the other limbs and ligaments that pocketed the flesh hill so she couldn't move her head. Not even her eyes, that still remained open, couldn't decipher anything due to the angle. Eventually a body went over her head and all she could tell was that it was a loose lob of flesh with small numbs that stuck out where limbs would have been. 

She followed the body and saw that it fell into the pool below. Something stirred within once she saw the pool the body in. She knew what was going to happen. And she despised it. 

Even in damnation, where everything should be equal, there were still the lucky ones that managed to find freedom. Freedom in either a ghostly state or a frenzied beast of destruction, it didn't matter. What mattered was that she was still stuck in a prison of her own doing and she had to watch others reap the benefits.

Eons passed as she stared at the pool. Wondering when and what the body will come back out as. An answer she never got as a figure started to wade into view. 

It's been so long since she had last seen a humanoid shape that it took a moment to register what she was seeing. The figure stopped the moment a body floated to the surface. The figure jumped and attempted to move around the body, unsure if it was going to become a spectral or erupt and take on the form of a beast. 

But neither came.

Instead the body jerked around, limbs flailing everywhere, and its head came crashing towards the figure's ankle. It came so suddenly that the figure barely had time to react. The body continued to move as the figure just stood out of reach, observing the specimen with glee. 

After seconds or years, the figure picked up the body after it exhausted its energy. With a sharp turn on the heel, the figure began to march back to which they came. Only after they looked up and smiled at her with a row full of fangs.

Rage was the only thing she could feel. There was another option to damnation. An option that only a few privileged got. An option she wanted to take. 

She struggled against her confines. With each pull, yank, tear, and rip she continued as she stared into the pool below. More and more bodies fell over the eons and she was barely able to wiggle what was left of an arm. Nonetheless, she persisted.

She reaped what she sowed eventually and as she tumbled downwards she felt alive again. But, did she want that? Or did she want to be alive on her own terms. To be alive and make her own choices. To be alive and actually live instead of being another small cog in the machinations of the gods and demons.

As the dark blood slowly enveloped the meager remnants of her body, she repeated a mantra to herself. A reminder of who she is.

"I am a nobody."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Handong woke with a deep breath. Remaining still she took a moment to extend her senses. Seeing what could have disturbed her peaceful but brief slumber. But, that was an answer that would give itself away.

"Dongie.....Can we talk?" Gahyeon's voice was faint. She couldn't even look at the demon despite laying next to her. Even after that night, they still managed to share the same bed. Sharing the same bed but facing the opposite direction of each other. 

"Mmm," Handong looked at the fox with a solemn face as she turned around. She was expecting this at some point. But she couldn't help but want to live in bliss for a little bit longer, "About what?"

"About.....that night...."

Those few words stabbed Handong's heart in a million places. 

".....Gahyeon....."

"Why didn't you want me looking at you?" The fox finally turned towards the demon. Glittering eyes of passion met the eyes of woe. 

"Ah, my little fox..." Handong's voice, once so steady and put Gahyeon's mind at ease, instead put her on edge. 

"Please, I need to know."

A beat of silence.

Vermillion met amber.

"You know what my mission entails......You know what lengths I have to go to...."

Without it being said, Gahyeon's heart cracked and burned. 

"To exploit weaknesses I need to gain trust..." Handong continued. Whether to rationalise it for herself or for Gahyeon, it was impossible to tell. She just wanted this pain to go away. She finally found her happiness and it was being strained against their will. Or was it?

"Is that what you're doing to me then?" Gahyeon said without missing a beat. Stating her worst fear no matter how irrational it was.

"No! I would never do that to you," Handong was quick to respond and ease the fox's worries, "You know I love you."

"But it hurts!!" 

The admittance was deafening.

"Gahyeon..." The demon wanted to do nothing but hold the fox close. 

"I know, rationally, why you're doing the things that you do but.....But it hurts, Dongie....."

She just wanted that night to go away. She didn't want to remember what she did. And yet it was that night that was causing the one she loved to suffer. 

".....Gahyeon.....I....."

"Please.....Just tell me," The defeat of the fox was obvious.

"I.......I had to sleep with them.....I had to play into their desires...." Handong admitted with a hitch in her voice, "Their more.....sadistic and darker desires...."

Gahyeon didn't know whether to rage or to cry. Logically she knows, just as she has before, that things have to be done in order to complete a mission. But emotionally? Emotionally she was a wreck. She just wanted Handong to herself and for Handong to be happy.

Silence blanketed them in a coldness neither felt before. 

"How far...." Gahyeon's voice also hitched. She held out for months but now it was all boiling over. She just wanted this to end, "How far is this going to go??"

Handong's hand instinctively started to reach towards Gahyeon. But she caught herself before contact was made. It made her even colder as she laid her hand down.

"Until all the pieces are in place," Handong's cryptic answer was the truth. That was all that Minji told her in the debrief.

"Pieces...." Gahyeon's voice was faint. Her eyes locked onto Handong's hand that was so close yet so far away for hers. It took every ounce of willpower to stop herself from grabbing the demon's hand and holding it. The coldness started to reach into her bones, "Just how many pieces are there?" 

Handong's eyes never left Gahyeon's face. Absorbing the view and memorising each feature, Handong couldn't help but let out a sigh. 

"You know how lofty our goal is....."

Such a damning answer.

The fox let out a growl as she looked back up at the demon.

"So that's it? Until our goal is complete you must suffer?" Gahyeon's voice was on the edge of rage. Holding it together just by the thin threads of awareness she has of her surroundings. It's the dead of night after all and they all had a long day and week ahead of them.

"Not necessarily complete," Handong pointed out the technicality to calm the fox somewhat. Even though she knows it's a moot point.

"Then where does that leave us?" Gahyeon's rage softened. But the fire still engulfed her heart. The fire of heartbreak.

Handong chewed her lip in contemplation. She doesn't know where to begin their relationship. As much as she wanted whatever they had now, well, what they had before this little hiccup, she knew that it wouldn't be able to last. Gahyeon deserved to be happy and in a relationship where she can freely give and receive love. Where she can freely bask in the glory and warmth of a loving embrace, kiss, and touch without risk of compromising a vital mission. The young fox deserved better. 

"How much longer can you last?" Handong elected to drill down. The core will reveal the answer. Even if it'll hurt both of them.

"I---What do you mean?" Gahyeon's voice hinted at confusion but was also guarded. A familiar question asked once again.

"My mission won't end until all the pieces are in place," Handong stared at the fox as she repeated herself. Vermillion eyes bore into the fox's exposed soul, "Sacrifice the few to save the many, Gahyeon."

Gahyeon froze at those words. She first heard those words from Minji. Then later from Bora and Siyeon. Then Handong picked it up. And lately, so has Yoohyeon.

Words that might as well be their mantra.

Words that saved them.

Words that damned them.

"Is your happiness worth sacrificing?" Gahyeon countered with a cracked voice.  

"I can ask the same about yours," Handong's gaze was unmoving. 

The more Gahyeon looked back at the demon the more she felt herself drowning in a pool of vermillion.

"What does that--" Gahyeon could barely begin before the demon striked.

"Everything. Is my happiness really the problem, or is it yours?" Handong raised a brow, "We've both admitted how much we hate this, but I've made my peace."

"Did you?? Then why did you not want me looking at you?!"

"I knew what you wanted, but after what I've done that night, I couldn't do it!"

"Why didn't you tell me that then?!" Gahyeon felt tears beginning to form. However, these weren't tears of sadness. These were tears of anger.

"Because if I looked you in the eye I would've folded," Handong's admittance was deafening. 

"Dongie...."

"I wouldn't be able to continue my act if I looked at you then," Handong's voice was low and her eyes looked beyond Gahyeon. As if she was looking through her instead of at her. 

"But..."

"You're my greatest weakness, Gahyeon. And as much as it hurts me, I would rather have you happy with--"

"Don't you dare," The fox cut in. She knew the next cursed words. The words she hoped to never hear. 

"Gahyeon...."

"Don't you dare be self-sacrificing!! Your happiness is a part of mine!"

"It shouldn't be!" 

"I gave you my everything, Handong. I will always wait for you."

"Then don't."

The silence was heavy as Handong's words echoed around them.

".....I...." Gahyeon couldn't even utter another syllable. She was holding tears in for so long that now that there's a reason for them they won't fall. 

"I love you, Gahyeon, and I want you happy," Handong's smile was sombre, "But at this point, it's better for you to move on."

Gahyeon couldn't look at the demon.

"I don't know how far my mission will take me, or how long it will take for the pieces to fall into place," Handong continued, "You deserve happiness just as much as I do. But happiness happens at different points for everyone."

"How can I be happy when I know you're not....." Gahyeon whispered.

"Gahyeon..."

"How can I be happy when you're next to me and I can't even read you!" 

Handong's brow furrowed. She was being obvious, wasn't she?

"One second you're telling me that you love me then the next you're telling me to basically move on," Gahyeon's voice was surprisingly calm despite the swirling emotions wrecking havoc inside her small body, "How can I even start to think about moving on when you just admitted that you love me and we're about to spend who knows how long in a hover tank? How can you talk about moving on when you just admitted that I'm your greatest weakness? You're saying these things and yet my question remains unanswered. Where does that leave us?"

Ah, it was happening again. The demon's mind always saw and understood things beyond mortal understanding. Or was it vice versa? It was hard to tell. But that wasn't it either. It was just that the mind's eye of the demon already saw the outcome of it all. That dreaded end. 

Amber eyes met vermillion as the fox moved closer to the demon. The closest they've been since that fateful night. 

"Where does that leave us?" The fox repeated herself. Her eyes dry and void of conflict.

Handong looked back and saw what made her fall for the fox in the first place. That defiance. That fire. That will. That tenacity. That soul that burned so brightly and with such a heat that she couldn't help but be drawn in. Ever since she has met the members, and by extension just Gahyeon herself, she's been the warmest she had ever been.  

"Guess that leaves us at an impasse then," Handong's voice was cool and nonchalant. As if the emotions from earlier vanished into the cold air above them.  

Gahyeon frowned. 

Handong continued.

"We don't know what or who the pieces are and with this contract situation who knows if that would delay anything. If it does delay the pieces then by how much and for how long? A relationship shouldn't be based on false hopes and hidden displays of affection, Gahyeon." 

A loud slam interrupted their thoughts. 

The slam came from Yoohyeon and Bora's room.

A few moments of silence passed in between them as they listened for anything else. A sign that there was something wrong or if there was an emergency. Luckily, to their knowledge, it was neither. 

"I don't accept it," The fox continued to fight.

"Gahyeon, it's not--" Handong's voice was tired.

"What's the point of the impasse if we're going to act the opposite," Gahyeon pointed out an obvious fault.

Handong arched her brow. 

"The thing I hate the most...." Gahyeon gave her answer in a simple statement. 

A statement that Handong had completely forgotten. She only saw the big picture that she lost the finer details. She was so used to Gahyeon controlling her Listic tendencies with such finesse that she forgot that there was a fail safe. A fail safe built into the DNA of every Animalistic in existence in order to control them. An exploit that many resented while a few others enjoyed. There are just some beings that would use anything as an excuse to be ty. 

"You know I can't go to the clubs to find satisfaction for my needs," A reason so simple yet complex in context. The fox couldn't even bring herself to say it. 

Handong gave a deep sigh. She forgot the obvious. 

Gahyeon was right. The impasse is just a word as empty as the promises of salvation based on declaration alone.

"Well, at least we got our feelings out?" Handong couldn't help but chuckle. 

"It's only going to get worse," Gahyeon's voice was so sure that Handong almost believed it.

"Then the compromise is what we were before," Handong cupped Gahyeon's cheek. A sensation that the fox melted into, "We'll just continue to walk the thin line between preservation and destruction."

Gahyeon let out a content hum as she was lost under Handong's simple touch. She wanted so much more but this was satisfying enough. At least for now. 

"As long as it means we can cuddle again and you give me all the kisses and hugs and attention," Gahyeon pouted when Handong retracted her hand.

"I knew you were down bad but I didn't think you were down this bad."

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

"I thought you wanted something else right now but I can do cuddles," Handong scooped the younger fox in her arms with glee.

Gahyeon tried to fight it but she quickly gave in. It's been so long since she was in Handong's arms that she immediately melted with a purr of satisfaction. Despite the implication of their words from earlier, it was alright to push that aside for a few more days, right?

"Gahyeon?"

The fox grunted into Handong's neck. Her head fitted perfectly into the crook of the demon's neck. Their talk resulted in nothing but borrowed time. Time that Gahyeon will cherish.  

"I love you."

Such simple words from a demon.

"I love you too."

Such damning words from an Animalistic.