Her POV

“God damn it, Kyungsoo!” she yelled at the wide-eyed man in front of her, probably shocked with her outburst. She herself was quite shock as well but she wasn’t caring anything as of the moment at all. All she knows is she’s frustrated, hurt and tired…

She never thought that she would feel this kind of things at the same time. She was usually a very composed and calm person but right now, the feelings that she’s been bottling up for the past few months is currently smashing her, crushing every patience she had left earlier before talking to the very person that’s being the cause of it.

Am I overreacting? She thought as she’s contemplating all the happenings that caused her to act that way and the only answer that she came up with was a big f*ng NO!

She doesn’t know when she exactly felt it. She doesn’t know when it started and she honestly don’t have any idea what’s being the reason above all of it. All she knew right now is that… it hurts. It hurts that the only person that made her happy is also the one causing all those feelings leaving her impaled and confused.

She once again glanced to the only man she loves. Seeing how shocked and rooted he is from where he’s standing was enough for her to almost lost her cool and reach for him and comfort him, well… almost. She stayed where she’s standing which is approximately just 2 meters away from the love of her life. Looking at him straight in the eyes not even trying to hide the emotions she’s been feeling. Frustration, disappointment, tiredness, pain, a little bit of anger but the only thing that will not be gone is the love. Love. The only thing that’s keeping her hopeful and grounded.

Finally, after having a long time of staring, Kyungsoo seems to finally come to his senses and slowly and cautiously came forward lifting his arms on the process and gently cupped her face in between his quite trembling hands. Little did she know, stray tears started to fall from her eyes that she wasn’t aware of until it was wiped away by his thumb with the utmost gentleness he could muster. Seemingly afraid to inflict more discomfort and pain to which she’s currently feeling.

He looked so lost from all the scenario that’s been unfolding since they met on that place. The place that has become the witness of their love. The place where it all started, grow and develop… and probably will end.

The thought of it caused a bolt of pain struck to her core making her release a very unnoticeable whimper.

Will it end? Here? Now?

Her shoulders started to shake and her whimpers started to become sobs. A pained sobs which made the lost boy to panic.

“J-jagiya… jebal (please)… Please, calm down. Tell me what’s wrong?” he asked carefully and hopefully.

She let out a few more sobs and held him tighter. Holding to the hem of his sweater for dear life. “I-I don’t know…” she whispered in between her small sobs “Everything… everything is just… wrong…” she weakly finished.

His hold on her tightens, perhaps sensing what’s about to happen and with a heavy sigh, she continued.

“Kyungsoo… I’m getting tired. How long should I still hold on to you? Because honestly, I don’t know anymore…”

She felt him stiffened. She was waiting for him to pull back from their hug and ask for more explanations. She waited but all she felt was his tightening hug, heavy breathing and slight tremble with occasional sniffing.

Is he crying?

She tried to get out from the hug but it only made him hold her even more.

“K-Kyungsoo…” she called once again when he wasn’t speaking for a few moments.

“Mianhe… Whatever it is that I caused you to be like this, I really, really am sorry… Just please… please, bear with me. Bear with me a bit more. I’m begging you.”

 The words he said pained her more.

Was he really unaware of what’s happening between us? Is he that clueless?

That being said, she pushed him and stepped back a few inches away, enough for her to face him.

“You really don’t have any idea?”

She can see the panic in his slightly puffy eyes. He fidgeted and turn his head down when he finally said “I’m sorry… but I really don’t know.”

He looked at her and this time she can see the different emotions swirling in his beautiful doe-eyes. Determination? Stubbornness? Defeat? She wasn’t sure.

“Can you tell me so I am aware?” he asked with a strong sense of determination.

“It’s you. The problem is you.” she bravely answered and instantly regretted it once she saw the hurt etched across his face. She looked away, not wanting to look on his pain filled eyes any longer.

“Wh-what did I do wrong? Please, tell me and I will fix it.” He begged, reaching out for her clenched hands.

 “J-just don’t be like this.”

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked, accusingly.

“I- “

“That’s exactly the problem… you don’t know…” she cut him off knowing the exact thing he will say.

“But Kyungsoo…” she paused when she saw him slightly flinched. Maybe for the reason of calling him by his first name without any endearment or honorifics like she usually does.

“Aren’t you being too cruel not being aware of your doings? We’re in a relationship but these past few months it seems like we’re not. I am not a clingy person that’s why I wasn’t making it a big deal before but enough is enough. Waiting for you to open up is just too much for me now. I feel… no, I know… I know that you’re hiding something. And I feel like you don’t trust me enough to tell me about it!”

“It’s not that, Jagiya. I-it’s just that…” he trailed off not knowing what to say. And again, she waited for him to continue but he remains quiet making her more frustrated.

“It’s just what? Is it too hard for you to tell me? Is it-” she was stopped by a sudden idea, an idea that she knows that will break her completely but still decided to acknowledge it.

“Is there s-someone else, Kyungsoo?” she weakly asked. Dreading to hear the answer from the other one that seemed to be taken aback with the sudden question.

After regaining his composure from the shock, he furiously shook his head and stepped closer gripping one of her still clenched hands and wrapped it to his much bigger ones.

“No! How could you think of that!” he said slightly annoyed and hurt from her direct accusation.

She let out the air that she didn’t know she was holding seeing the honesty in his eyes. “T-then, why?”

“Why are you being so secretive? Why you seemed so distant for the past few months? You’ve changed a lot. You used to tell me everything, but now, I’m not sure anymore. Every after school, I can’t reach you. We don’t bond like the way we used to do. We don’t talk like what we used to. You always seem troubled and exhausted. Am I being a burden to you? Am I tiring you? I don’t want to be like this but damn it!

I am trying my very best to understand you. To be patient with you but it is tiring too, you know. Contemplating what’s wrong and what’s happening. It’s driving me crazy. And it frustrates the hell out of me because I don’t want you to feel like I am caging you by asking about the things that’s troubling me. And I think I’m really crazy because I also missed your possessiveness! Where was it now, Kyungsoo, huh? Don’t you care for me anymore? Don’t you love me anymore? Have you fallen out of love? Because that’s what I am feeling right now.” she ranted. Crying her heart out and not caring if she looked like a total mess in front of the very source of her misery.

“I’m sorry. Please let me explain everything.” He started, hugging her gently once again.

“I love you and it never changed. I will always love you so never think of those things ever again.” He let go from the hug only for him to hold her shoulders and made her face him. He gently put one of his hands on her cheek and carefully caressed it.

“I admit that I’ve been very distant and there are things that I am not telling you, but none of the things you’re thinking were the reasons. It’s just that, I’m afraid that once I tell you, you will be scared to be with me.”

She stared at him, confused. He was looking like he rather not say anything at that moment, but she reached out to his hands that are cupping her face and gave him an encouraging look. “Are you doubting my feelings for you to think that?”

“No. More like, I don’t want you to worry.” he heaved a deep sigh and closed his eyes hard before opening it again and look straight into her, hesitations no longer present.

“I am training to become an idol.” he blurted out after a long time of contemplating.

She opened to say something but closed it again after a while when she realized she can’t find the words she should say.

Should I scold him for not telling me earlier? Should I punish him for making me feel worried and bad the past months? Should I be angry for keeping this big opportunity of him reaching his dreams from me? Why is he so hesitant and scared about me knowing it?

But above all those thoughts swirling in her mind, the only thing that managed to overpower all of it was…

“Why would I be scared to be with you?”

“Because I saw a lot of my co-trainees lost their love ones along the process of our trainings. Their other half cannot take the pressure of being involved with idol trainees. Once, there’s this situation involving my closest co-trainee, it was a month after we started training, I accidentally saw him and his girlfriend in an argument regarding him being a trainee. They look so hurt, defeated and tired. I know how Chanyeol love his girlfriend so much but that moment, he let her go just to stop her from being hurt. I witnessed how devastated they look and at that very moment, I felt it. I got scared. I got scared of the thought of inflicting the same feeling and look on you. I was afraid to think that we might end up to that same situation. I got scared that I also need to do what Chanyeol did just to spare you from the pain. That thought alone prevented me from having the courage to tell you about it. But I never thought that as I hide it from you, I still made you feel the things I never wanted you to feel.” he dropped his gaze down, feeling remorseful and ashamed.

She didn’t know why, but after all the explanations, she felt relieved. Relieved that none of the things she thought were the reasons of being in this situation. Then suddenly, the pain, worries and doubt all disappears once she lifted his head to look at her once again and saw the regret and fear in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Jagiya…” he said in his most sincere and apologetic voice. “I just… I just love you too much that I don’t know what to- “

He stopped his rambling when she suddenly smiled gently at him for the very first time since they met that day. The usual fond smile she always gives him.

“Our relationship is different from Chanyeol’s and his girlfriend. He’s different from you and I’m different from her, so how can you think of something like that? Every relationship is different, that only means the result of the same situation could have a different outcome as well. Don’t you know I love you too much to give up easily?”

He bit his lower lip and avoided her eyes and put down their connected hands and started fiddling with her fingers. And God, it took every ounce of her self-control not to reach out to his squishy cheeks and pinch it senseless because of how adorable and cute he looks at that very moment plus the fact that he’s sporting a very noticeable pout on his plump lips which she bet he’s not aware at all because he hates pouting. The only pout he can tolerate was hers (his word not hers, though).

“I don’t plan to hide this from you at all, though. I was just looking for the right time because you know I cannot hide anything from you.”

She raised a brow at that and made sure to let him hear the sarcasm. “Oh, you do?”

And that was the time he looked at her again. He looked offended and the pout appeared full blown now and mouth opening and closing. He looked like a child being accused of doing something he didn’t do. Witnessing this, she wasn’t able to stop the giggle that erupted form her.

And boy, if only she has her phone at that very moment, she would record the blush that suddenly invaded his cheeks and ears just to use it for her own satisfaction and entertainment. Because this is Do Kyungsoo she’s talking about. The ever so calm and composed boyfriend of her is blushing and flustered!

“Jagiya!” he whined making her giggles turn into laughter.

“S-sorry! You’re just too cute right now.”

“How many times do I need to tell you that I am not cute!” he frowned

“Oh, you just don’t want to admit it, Hon, but you really are cute in every sense of that word!”

He sighed. “Ok, just because it’s you, I will accept it. Happy?” he smiled that usual heart-shaped smile he always gives whenever he’s fond of something.

She nodded furiously hugging him on the process.

“Be thankful that you’re too cute not to forgive you, hmm!” she giggled

He playfully gasped “I thought you forgive me because you love me?”

“Oh, that too. Happy?”

He chuckled and tightened his hold on her engulfing her to a very comfortable bear hug once again. “Very.”

After a while of savoring their moment of reconciliation, she said

“We will figure out everything along the way, Hon. Everything will be fine, though if it won’t…” she trailed off for a short while thinking of negative things that may happen but immediately brushed off the sour idea and continued “at least we tried and didn’t gave up easily, right?”

Kyungsoo buried his face in the crook of her neck and inhaled gently.

“I will try my hardest for us not to end up like that, though. We love each other and I hope that would be enough for us to stay together. And I couldn’t be more thankful to you for always being understanding and strong. Saranghaeyo, Jagiya… Neomu, neomu saranghae.

“Ara, nado, Kyungsoo Oppa.”