When I was younger I was a mother‘s boy. Everything that I did I did for my mom, so of course anything she asked me to do I gladly did it. And she was the same anything I asked her to do she would do it for me. Once when I was seven, I asked my mom if she could take a break from her filming and go on a vacation with me and dad. She gladly excepted, and two days before my birthday we packed as much as we could into a car and decided that we were going to travel to our vacation home on the beach. While we were driving another driver, drunk and distracted, decided to run a red light and our car was hit. When they hit the car it flipped over the edge of the road and down a hill. My father who was driving in the front was killed when the car hit a tree before it could roll down all the way. My mother died on the way to the hospital. I was the only survivor.

 

For the first few months I had amnesia, and I simply couldn’t remember these things, I couldn’t remember anybody either. So during this time my family decided what they would do with me, which was to send me into an orphanage. My grandparents on my father side were not willing to take me in and my mothers parents were deceased. Any siblings that either my mom or dad had had children of their own and had no time to worry about a child who had just lost their parents as well as their memory. And now that I think back on it, now that I’m older, I still don’t understand why they did it.

 

When I finally did regain my memory I was in the orphanage, and by the time I had already turned eight. While in the orphanage I was ridiculed and made fun of for not only having memory loss but for being left there in the middle of the night, full of scars. I quickly realized what was happening and I hid my past self. The head of the orphanage was neither mean nor caring. In fact he didn’t care at all about me, letting the other children bully me despite being told that it was occurring . The nuns who were in charge of taking care of all of us treated me as if I was invisible as well. So I became invisible. Instead of taking friends, picking up toys and playing around I decided that utilizing my brain was the best thing that I could do. If there was no one, I would make myself.

 

By the time I was 9, I was the top of all of the classes in the school we went to. Even though there was now another reason for me to get bullied by the other guys, I didn’t care. At the end of the day it was me who was going to get out of this situation first-before any of them. 

 

A new nun came to the orphanage recently and unlike the other older nuns she treated me with kindness. Her smile was very pleasing and it reminded me very much of my mom so even though I didn’t want to interact with anybody from the orphanage I ended up really liking her as a teacher. In fact it probably was a crush. One day as I was reading in the library, just in a corner of the room that nobody really went to, I heard her voice as she was talking to another teacher. One of the older women whose children often came with her to the orphanage.

“ It’s really wonderful, that child has been growing so much, even without a stable place to live.”

“I heard that he was brought here covered in scars, something about his parents dying in a car crash.” 

“Oh my.”

“He told me recently he was having nightmares about them... But if I were him I would have killed myself before I even got sent here… his poor parents…” I froze in place. I waited until they left and then crawled out of my reading space to run to the bathroom. I started to throw up my breakfast and my tears which, I thought I was good at holding in, it started to flow. This was reality, every time someone would come into my life that made everything seem tolerable they would break my bubble, they would destroy any hope I had built up. It was best to cut myself off from others before I could leave. The only reliable person was myself.

 

"It's kinda creepy how quiet that monster is- and what with those high grades? That punk." A group of boys laughed in the hallways as if I couldn’t hear them.

"It's not nice to talk about people behind their back you know." A mischievous looking boy came to the group of bully's and scolded them. He obviously wasn't from here, his clothes looked nice and expensive.

He saw me hiding on the sides and ran over to me, smiling cheerfully. 

 

"I'm Rune~ " I nodded and went away as fast as I could, however the boy followed me to the main hall. I noticed the head talking to some parents, Feeling slightly upset I turned to get to my room. But before I could, Rune stopped me.

"Mommy! Daddy! I made a new friend!" He pointed to me so I reluctantly bowed before leaving the main hallway . He quickly followed after me and everyday I would be interrupted by him after that. He happily explained that he was adopting a baby sister and while his mom and were talking that he would be my friend. 

"I never said I wished to be your friend though."

"Awwww, I wanna be your friend! Please? Please~~” a flashback of everyone calling me a monster. I frowned but if I didn’t accept his plea the director would probably get  upset…

“If you want…” After I said that Rune followed me everywhere when he was here. He would sometimes come to the orphanage to play when his parents were here- and like that a year passed. I was now 10. I sat reading in the library, the same corner of the room no one really visited, when I heard a nun and the head master talking.

 

“That family, their papers have been finalized.”

“Does  that mean Rune will no longer come to visit?" I closed my book and frowned.

"Typically he'd have no reason to... I don't even know what he sees in such a creepy child..." I hugged the book closer to my chest and let them leave before coming out of the room. I was used to it, I often hide in corners to stay away from their world but in doing so I would get more involved. The cheating nun, the lying pastor, the mean headmistress and her evil children. No one at this orphanage mattered much to me. I walked quietly and quickly to my bedroom…So why was I crying so pitifully after hearing that Rune would likely never return?

 

The next day, with my eyes still red I saw Rune. He also had red eyes, and when he saw me he ran to me and cried his eyes out loudly. Saying that he had to leave and that he would try to visit me again.

"You don't need to." The director pulled my arm hard.

"Yut!" The head Nun bowed in apology to Rune who took my hand and just hugged me. Somehow I fought the urge to hug him back.

 

Even though  we promised to meet at least once more, it was the last time I'd see him unfortunately. Months later I was adopted by my father's sister. She quickly signed the papers for me and promised me a new home. As soon as she saw me she kindly knelt down and cried while hugging me. Apologizing for coming late. She was so pretty, and she looked so much like my dad I ended up crying too. As her guards packed up what little things I had in the orphanage, as the days went by I looked back on the terrible times I had spent in the orphanage. The kitchen staff that wouldn’t give me snacks. The infirmary where I was called a curse, and ugly because of my scars. The director office where I found out he was cheating on his wife with his secretary. I hope it all went up in flames.

 

On the eve of my 11th birthday I was officially adopted. Because my aunt was able to adopt me smoothly, part of my inheritance was released to her, however she promised to give it all back to me once I was 16, after all there was no need for her to use it when she had a husband who could buy her everything she wanted (her words not mine). Around the time I moved into the house she already had two children around my age. We ignored each other as much as we could and at first I didnt really like her- the daughter, because she treated my aunt coldly. But as I got to learn and grow up in the house I understood why.

 

It only took about a month before I caught on to what was going to occur within the household. At first they were very nice to me, it took me on a lot of trips with the family and made me feel very included but as time went by they stopped the charades. They didn’t mistreat me, but they didn’t go out of their way like before to make me comfortable. Especially the kids, more importantly the boy, who felt the need to hate every bone in my body. 

 

The only reason, I assume, that my aunt decided to even adopt me was because of my father who treated her so well. The maids also noticed that I wasn't well liked by her and treated me as such. They'd give me food and attention when their Masters were around but if I asked for something on my own or for myself they would take longer to do it or sometimes even pretend to ignore me. Being used to the cold teachers at the orphanage I was used to it. Now that I was older,  there was no use crying even if I felt like it.

 

My aunt told me that the house that I had lived with my parents and previously was sold off and a lot of the items that I had previously owned had been sold off as well. However she had managed to get my fathers watch collection prior to the adoption. She handed it off to me to keep. Other then the watches I had nothing of my own, my aunt, chose to give me my cousins old clothes, simply because I was smaller and it would be a waste to buy me new ones all the time. The only other clothes I had beside those hand me down clothes from the orphanage, which would be made fun of by my cousin and my cousins friends. But it was okay. 

 

It was only until I was 18, after that I would leave this house and buy all the things I wanted- but for now it wasn't wise for me to foolishly spend it or to 'relax' myself and lose my spot as a top student in the class. The clothes were just another source of the harassment her son chose to give me. He found me pitiful and laughed at me for being an orphan. No one in class would help me either- they were all weary of our family. I didn't need friends though. I guess that being left out by everyone for years left me with little to no want for social interaction.

 

Even without their help, I quickly rose to the very top of all my classes.  One time at dinner, we gave our grades to my aunt and uncle. Since I had come to this house I always bested  my cousins grades and I was complimented while the twins were scolded. I could see my cousins face turning red with anger and embarrassment and I expected a few slaps, or maybe even a punch right before bed. However my cousin simply walked out of the room, when dinner was finished I went into my own room only to find a watch missing from my fathers collection. I immediately knew that it was my cousin who had taken it and I almost ran into his room. There he was, laying down on his bed as if nothing had happened. 

“Where is it?”

“Where is what.”

“My fathers watch, where is it?!” 

“Maybe try the trash.” I ran outside ignoring my aunt when she asked where I was  going and in the cold I wen through the trash in panic. I only stopped when I saw my cousin laughing at me from the window and taking pictures of me going through the trash.

“ Hey orphan, do you look pretty used to digging in the trash for things- Is that what you did for money before we adopted you?.” He recorded the whole thing, laughing loudly almost to the point of tears. My aunt who had by then thrown on a coat, came outside and stopped me from digging into the trash further. I didn’t care what they were saying, I was just concerned about the fact that I had yet to find my fathers watch.

“What you doing?!” 

“Mom, hi told him that I was going to borrow his father‘s watch before my party tomorrow but I told him I couldn’t find it and was afraid that my maid had thrown it away so he went through the trash looking for it… thankfully I found it just now.” He held up the watch, a eating grin plastered on his face as my anger threatened to explode.

“Here.” He showed it to me like he was happy to find it. I let the trash mess I made outside and ran to my cousins room down the hall. Like nothing happened he was on his bed playing games and I don't really recall what happened but my other cousin, Siri told me take I started beating him up like a wild animal. And that three maids had to take me off him. I just remember not being able to breath after everything,like I was trapped. Finally after a while my aunt was able to calm me down. For a whole week after, I kept having the same dream-like I was trapped in a dark car , fire all around me as my parents banged on my door, screaming my name. I couldnt eat properly, I couldn't sleep well, I couldnt even see well. So my aunt made arrangements for me to see a therapist during the time school was out and to transfer my schools so I would 'Avoid any more complications with my cousin.' 

 

And because of this incident my cousin stopped harassing me as much call mom he only made rude remarks when I could hear them but never to my face. I guess me almost killing him scared him. In order to curve my “anger issues” my aunt agreed to let me see the therapist every weekend. My best form of therapy however was being in a completely different school, and my studies. Unlike the people around me, books had a way of comforting me.

 

Years passed like this and soon I was going into my fifth year at school. The school itself was not too far from the house and this way I’d get my peace of mind- and her son could remain on top. So a win-win for everyone I guess. I had moved to the school around my fourth year so I didn’t have any friends, not that I wanted to know anybody in the school anyway. But It was during the last year that I got to know Worth. He was a quiet kid who never looked at anyone yet managed to attract everyone with his Bright eyes and cold demeanor. Top of our class, and no matter how hard I tried, he never stopped being number one. He did not look for anyone, he didn’t seem to trust or even want to be friends anyone, but somehow everyone was enamored by him. Sometimes he would come to school with cut on his lip or plasters on some part of his body So everyone believed that his family was bad news. A lot of people bought that his father was mafia and that was why he kept to himself.

 

There were a lot of rumors about him, even I knew about them. That he was the top fighter in his last school, that he got in trouble at his last school for fighting kids, that his parents were gang leaders. Some girls thought that he was “trying to get out of his parents lifestyle“ by studying hard and that’s why he was able to get the top grades in class. Personally I didn’t believe any of this foolishness, because he was a little bit cool and mysterious people just made up rumors about him that suited their own needs. Of course I knew from experience that humans were selfish creatures. He never really bothered me except for always being first, and we didn’t talk but I knew he wasn’t as spectacular as the rumors made out to be. In fact to me he just looked like he was similar to me, unfamiliar with other people and to himself. My therapist encouraged me to befriend him after I had talked to her about him several times. After an award ceremony at school I was frustrated at Worth's lack of joy towards being first and towards my step-cousin who had taking this opportunity to mock me, Itook my anger out on him. I pushed him away as he was standing by my desk and he fell onto the floor. I was surprised, since I hadn't pushed him that hard... Or atleast I thought... He fell on the ground and ended up getting cut on his wrist from a loose tile on the floor. I saw the blood and freaked out-blood always scared me and I hurriedly took his hand and we went to the infirmary. 

 

"It's okay you don't have to bandage my-"

"What are you talking about?! Of course I have to!" I didn't realize that I had started crying while he sat there silently for a while. Then he decided to pat my head with his other hand.

"I'm sorry…" 

“Why are you apologizing to me? Im the one who pushed you and made you get cut.”

“I didn’t expect you to… You have a nice voice… you know usually you don’t talk to others.”

"... So do you, I thought you didn't care about anyone." I sniffed trying to keep calm at the site of the blood. He smiled for the first time and I surprisingly stopped crying. I laughed a bit, lightening to mood.

"Really. I guess we're the same after all" He sighed, ruffling my hair and causing me to pout. He forgave me easily and I felt weirdly close to him.

 

After that our relationship grew closer. After graduation he asked me, to celebrate us making  it into the same Uni, if I wanted to spend a few days with him at his house while his father went to their vacation home.

"I've never… invited someone to my house."

"Someone?"

"A friend...?" I smiled as he ruffled my hair, a slight smile wanting to be let out.

The day I was going my aunt asked me if I wanted to join my cousin and his friends later for a sleepover. I declined, packing a few things to sleep over by Worth's house.

 

"I can't believe you of all people managed to make someone like you. Remarkable, really." I rolled my eyes as he stood in the doorway of my room, sneering at me as I packed my bag.

"Look at this, a bag full of old clothes worn by me, dont you feel ashamed?" I stopped packing and sighed. As usual just ignoring him, he always went on a tirade when he was upset or annoyed. And his Target was me of course.  I looked up and he flinched. He typically avoided me since the whole fiasco where I punched him but ever so often he'd peck at me like this before running off. I got up from where I was and walked past him, down to the kitchen. I grabbed some snacks to go with, packed them up as well and waited for Worth to pick me up.

 

I saw a car pull up into our driveway and got up too fast, causing a glass near me to break. My aunt came to the room and scolded me when the maid introduced Worth’s presence to us. My cut her finger just then, trying to pick up the glass. A maid ran to her and picked her up. When she turned around her eyes met Worth’s and it’s like Worths usually blank expression got icy. Like immense anger. When he turned around to leave the house I quickly followed him.

“I’ll be out for a few days. “ I bowed and ran after him. When I got to the car his fingers were gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white. 

“If… if you’re okay. Please tell me.”

“I will but… let’s go to my house…”

 

I got nervous on the way to his house, it was uncomfortable sitting in silence as his car sped down the streets, closer to his house. When we got to the house he took my bags and we went straight in the house. The first person we met were two older people. An extremely attractive man who had a few grey hairs that complemented his mature aura and a woman with a cute smile and light makeup.

“Hello father.”

“Hello son, hello to my sons friend as well.”  I was about to greet the lady as well when he grabbed my hand to go to his room.

“Stop right there.”

“Uh… Worth?” His hand was slightly shaking, he was obvious old in in his anger.

“I’m sorry Worths father, he ate something bad from a street stall and he isn’t feeling too well, hello ma’am- I apologize.” I grabbed Worths hand and walked into a room I thought was his. He make a sound and pulled away from me.

“…Worth?” He took my hand, pushed it against the door and pinned me to the door.

“How is that woman is your aunt?” I felt a little bit unsure of how I should respond.

“My… My father younger sister…”

“But I’ve never met you?”

“Me? Why would you meet me?” He laughed and let my hand go, laying on the bed instead. I rubbed my red wrist go and sat by him on the bed.

 

“It’s funny really, this is the first time I manage to like someone and they turn out to be my cousin.” I couldn’t see his eyes but I could hear that he was close to crying. I layer next to him ad just held his hand while we sat there. I honestly didn’t how to process what had just happened. I was Worth’s cousin… But more importantly, my aunt had a child outside of her marriage… and I never knew…

 

Idk when I fell asleep but I woke up alone on the bed. I went out of the room and looked for Worth. I heard his father yelling at him from downstairs and they a huge crash, like something had fell down the stairs.

 

“Worth!” I ran to Worth who was sprawled out downstairs, holding him arm and groaning. His father stood there watching as the maids helped him up and we went to the hospital.

“How did this happen?” The doctor let me sit in the room while he examined Worth’s arm. It was broken unfortunately.

“…Worth… I cant help you unless you ask. Tell me the truth here…”

“I saw-“ Worth grabbed my arm with his other hand. Tightly.

“The truth is that I fell down the staircase in my house because I couldn’t see them… I had too many blankets…”

I kept quiet as the doctor wrapped his arm, even when the nurse gave him pain medicine. It wasn’t until we got home that I yelled at him.

 

”Why didn’t you tell them?!” 

“It’s not like this hasn’t happened before, I’ll be fine-“ he stopped when he saw me crying.

“All the time you came to school hurt… Was because of your dads abuse?” He winced and hugged me close.

“It’s okay… I’m okay…” I cried even more. I was bullied in school, I was even hit by the adults sometimes but I couldn’t imagine being hit by my own father. Much less like this… 

 

"What... Worth..." It honestly hurt me so much to know that instead of being angry, instead of being hurt or scared like he was supposed to be it seemed like he was only embarrassed that I had found out about what was going on.

“ I'm going to follow you everywhere this week so you dont do this again!" He gave in and nodded.

 

The one day after finally convincing Worth that we needed to go out and eat some thing other than the food that was in the house. Now that the food in the house wasn’t great, but only because I want him to get out of the house. His fathers looks of disapproval as well as the girlfriend were starting to get on my nerves so I could only imagine how stifling and upsetting it felt to Worth. While we were in the restaurant Worth said that he needed to use the bathroom, I may have gotten a little bit too focused on my job of protecting him because I immediately stood up to follow him which garnered some attention.

 “I am going to the bathroom, I’m not running away so you don’t have to follow me.“ I felt my cheeks get hot. “…Sorry…“

 

On the last day of my stay I felt really hesitant to leave, it actually kind of worried me how Worth would feel being alone with his father once again, especially after he had broken his arm, and he never apologized either.

 

“I’ll be fine, I promise.“ 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, but if you’re able to please send me a video message at least once a day. You could even meet my cousins.“ 

“I’m gonna have to decline that last offer… but I am willing to FaceTime you every day. Only if it will mean that you will go to your vacation house and have fun.”

 

He almost pushed me out of the car and I waved goodbye to him happily. 

“I see your finally back home loser.“ 

“I see that you still have no sense of humor oh dear cousin of mine.” I rolled my eyes and went inside. My aunt was there talking to her husband and as soon as she saw me she looked anxious. I went into my room to unpack my dirty clothes and to pack new clothes for the vacation home. She came in the room and sat on the bed.

“I didn’t know you and my first son went to school together.”

“ If you did, you probably wouldn't have let us be friends...” I looked at her and she looked very guilty.

“My first marriage didn’t work out for me… my ex husband took our son when I left… I didn’t realize that they live within the same area.”

“… Does your current husband know this?“ 

“Well, I explained it to him recently, but I really wanted to talk to you before I talk to the kids…” I stopped packing. 

“Even though this is certainly surprising, you’re my father sister and I would never do or say something to ruin our family ties. If you don’t want me to speak about this I won’t…” she smiled but I continued.

“ But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop being friends with Worth, most likely you’re going to be seeing him every so often and I would really like it if you two would get along.” Because at the end of the day, even if I didn’t like her that much she was still my aunt and more importantly Worth was my cousin.

 

She nodded and walked out. We vacation quite nicely for the first week and about the second week into our trip my cousins started getting rowdy. To celebrate their journey into university they would party nonstop, to the point where my guy cousin got beat up because he was trying to hit on a random girl. I on the other hand opted to stay inside with my aunt and uncle, there really was nobody there for me to get along with for any reason. My older cousin had gone off to a different vacation with her friends so there was no one there to keep me occupied outside of video chatting with Worth. Speaking of worth I really began to notice that he wasn’t as talkative on the video chats anymore, I mean he’s not really talkative in general but it felt like he was really quiet whenever we were talking on video. He kind a looked sad, and whatever I would express wanting to go to him he would reassure me that everything was fine and that there was no need for me to come.

 

One day he introduced me to his fiancé, she was a cute girl who had a very Beautiful smile. But if I was to be honest and she didn’t really seem like Worths type. Also when ever she would appear on the screen with Worth he didn’t really seem to be happy about it. I asked him why we never met and it was because she had just come back from Europe. He shared with me when we were alone that the engagement was his fathers idea not his own.

 

After that day I didn’t get any video messages from Worth. In fact I didn’t see him until a few days after returning home. When I went to his house he wasn’t there, his maids informed me after his father kicked me out, that he was in the hospital again. I rushed over to the clinic he went to and there he was. A familiar face standing besides his bed. I didn’t really bother with him and rushed straight over to worth and hugged him.

 

“Let’s live together for University. I won’t accept a no” He combed his fingers through my hair and nodded.

 

Now that I look back, I really should have just said something.