March 2021:

“You should do new activities, Yujin…I sincerely don’t think that CLC will do much at this point, I’m sorry for the roughness but it’s the truth” my personal manager was saying looking deeply into my eyes

My heart was racing. I didn’t want to but I knew I had to

“But what if I manage to debut in this show, Oppa? I will have to…” I took some air before speaking “I will have to leave my members, right?”

“No! You will still be a CLC member, but you will be mostly promoting with the other group.” He said reassuring me that everything would be okay. “You should talk to your members. But remember that this is your chance, Yujin-ah, you totally feel the requisites of the show and you are talented. You should do it”

“The recording of the drama you are booked is starting late this month but after that, you don’t have anything booked. Please consider this”

I nodded, thanked and left the room. I couldn’t bear to imagine how my members would feel? Would they think I’m replacing them? Or that I’m giving up on us?

After Tingyan’s departure, we were a little shaken as a group, and knowing that the end of our contracts was just around the corner, we couldn't not think about the disbandment and our future as individuals, not as a group anymore.

My manager and individual team got an opportunity for me that it was hard for me to say no, an opportunity to be part of a survival show and re-debut. I still wanted to sing, I still wanted to dance and be on stage and I knew I still had a lot to show but the simple thought of being in another group without my members, the girls that had been with me for the past 6 years made me freeze. The producers of the show said that I can totally participate and my “sweet and young visual and self” as they called it, would for sure help with the fact that I may be much older than the girls even though I’m only 25.

To be honest, I really enjoyed the fact of re-debuting and being on stage again, but to be on another group? That didn’t make me actually happy. I had to talk to the girls and ask what they think. With 6 years of group and at least 10 of knowing each other and living in the trainee dorms, our relationship was based on dialogue, since we knew that the lack of it could cause a lot of hardships and as a group, we should flow.

I was walking in the company’s hallway, avoiding the fact that I had to go home and talk with the girls. Got to the corner, took my phone, and decided to call the person that always helped me in those situations.

“Hey, Hyukkie, can you talk??” I said really wishing he would say yes

“Jinaah! I am always free for you. Wanna come over? I’m at my Apartment”

“Perfect! I’m coming”

“I’ll be waiting for you"

I ended the call and went in the direction of Cube’s parking lot. Got into my car and started the engine, ready to drive to Minhyuk's house when something got my attention. The little piece of paper on my car's glove compartments. I took that paper and the other 5 little letters fall out.

There were my 4 members' Debut letters that they gave to me when CLC debuted in 2015, Binnie’s birthday letter to me, and TingYan's departure letter to me, that she gave to all our members with different messages. I started skimming the letters, but I notice something that all the letters had in common. The “I hope your dreams come true” and “Please, Be happy” phrases in all letters, as if they were written in the same time lapse which it wasn’t. And then it clicked. Even though I still had to talk to my members about going on a survival show and of the possibility of re-debuting with a new group, I knew that above all things that would still be happy for me, because we were family and they would want me to be happy.

I pulled my phone and dialed the same number and did before.

“Are you already here, babe?” Minhyuk said with his usual cheerful voice

I laughed with the nickname that he insisted on using even though we aren’t technically in a relationship.

“I need to do something first, Oppa! Can I go later tonight?”

“Do you think that I’m always available for you, Miss Choi Yujin? Because you thought right lol. You can come whenever you want. Oppa doesn’t have a schedule today, so I'll be here all day playing video games, okay?”

“Thanks, Oppa. I will call you when I’m going.”

I opened the Kakao Talk on CLCs group and messaged them saying that we needed a group meeting asap because we needed to talk.

Sorn: Me and Eunbin are on the caffé near the dorm. Wanna meet there?

Seungyeon: I'm just leaving 1Million, I can go too.

Seunghee: I'm with Yeeun shopping. We are going

Yujin: Thanks, loves. I’m going to the old dorm too. Ting, can I facetime you during the meeting? Are u there?

~ 3 minutes later ~

Tingyan: I'm here! Of course, you can facetime me! I'll be waiting

Yujin rushed on driving to CLC's dorm, that they still had access but the only ones that still lived there were Seunghee and Eunbin.

After a quick 6 minute drive from the Company to the dorm,  I arrived and ran upstairs putting my door code right away.

When I arrived at the dorm, Eunbin and Sorn were already there placing coffees, cakes, and snacks on the center ground table that we had.

“Look who is here! We missed you, Yujinnie” Sorn started saying while running to hug me.

“I missed you two too” Eunbin was already in the hug too. I missed living with them and seeing them every day so much.

“So why did you call us here?” Eunbin said looking at me with those incisive look she has

“When the others arrive I’ll say what is the rea-“ My words got cut by the sound of the door opening and the laugh coming from the 3 girls getting into the dorm. Nobody could mistake those laughs, moreover us, that lived with them for so long. For sure, Seungyeon, Seunghee, and Yeeun.

“Hello, babies. Look who I and Yeeun found on the street. Our famous dancer, Jang Seungyeon.” Seunghee said while

We all laughed and went to a group hug.

Gosh, how much I missed them. This hug just gave me so much energy. Those girls plus Tingyan were my second family, and the simple thought of having to separate hurts so bad.

After the hug and some quick catch-up, we were already sitting in the living room to start the “family meeting” and to eat.

“I’m gonna call Elkie now, ok?” They noded already paying attention to me and I pull up my Ipad to call TingYan and adjust the device on the table for us all to see.

Bzzt ~~~~~ Bzzt ~~~~~ Bzzt ~~~~~~~Bzzt~~~~~

“Hey, Unnie. Hi, aegisss” Ting picked up already greeting us, and with her usual soft smile.

“ELKIEEEEEEEEEEE! We miss you so muchhhh. Please come visit when the pandemic is gone” Yeeun said already pouting and doing her natural aegyo to Ting

“I promise I will. I miss my sisters so much too” She said pausing her sentence to look at us. I knew still hurts her but she needed to do it. She continued “So, what's going on, Jinnie Unnie? What's the matter that needed an emergency talk?”

I took a deep breath and looked at all of them that were right in front of me. To be true I was crazily scared of their reaction. In my head, It was like I was about to betray them.  But I still had to tell them. I couldn’t lose this opportunity and I had something inside of me kinda telling me that they would support me no matter what. I’m expecting a little rage but either way, I should do it.

“So, the reason I called you all here for this is that I got a job opportunity and I need you guys' opinion,” I said attentively looking to the 6 of them, that had their big and curious eyes directed to me

“AAAAAAA UNNIE, I thought it was something bad, that’s actually really good. Gosh, I was already nervous” Eunbin said shouting excitedly

“Unnie, I was super nervous too. I thought you were leaving the group or something like this” TingYan’s voice was heard in the room

“Yeah, but that’s where it lays the theoretical problem, the job is-“

“ITS NOTHING ILLEGAL RIGHT, MISS CHOI YUJIN? IF I CATCH YOU DOING SOMETHING BAD I SWEAR TO GOD THAT I WILL-“ The girls were starting to get scared so I immediately cut Seunghee Unnie’s words because she was entering Mom Seunghee mode and after she gets there no one can take her out.

“NOOOO, UNNIE. It isn’t Illegal or anything like that. The offer that I received was for me to participate in an MNET show in August.”

“Aaaaa, Jinnie unnie, this is good! Remember how Yeeunnie Unnie got in God Girl last year and how good that was for us? I know that the company doesn’t have many plans for us as a group anymore but maybe that can change their minds?” Eunbinnie said looking happily at me and the members.

“It’s actually a survival show.” After my statement their faces toughened up, they were looking at me with questioning faces.

“What do you mean, Unnie?” Tingy said through the facetime call. She wasn’t much different from my other members. I knew they got it. They just couldn’t believe it.

“So basically, Mnet is having a show called Girls Planet 999 airing in August or September I still don’t know, and the producer gave a call to the company to ask if I wanted to participate. I actually saw about the auditions through SNS and found it interesting but didn’t give much attention to it until Manager Oppa called me and told me about the offer. So, it’s just like Produce and if I manage to debut I’ll promote with them but still be a CLC member if I can’t at least I would’ve brought attention to our group. What do you guys think?”

After I’ve explained all the situation to them, the silence reigned the space. I could only see heads looking down and thinking hard about what I’d just said, even Elkie, that was on Facetime, was like that, and I got anxious for their response. I wouldn’t be surprised if they got pissed or didn’t agree to me attending the show. Actually, I kinda wanted them to say no. I was super scared. Imagine what people would say. A 7 year Idol attending a survival show? Wouldn’t that be weird? My confidence was in the ground and my guilt feeling of betraying my members was .

“You should go, Jinnie Unnie. You are still young, and your image fits the concept of a survival show. You’re talented and I believe you should do what your heart tells you to.” Tingyan broke the silence. And looked at me sincerely through the camera. I and Elkie were roommates back when we lived together, so she knew a lot of my worries and probably imagined I had a lack of confidence right now and was afraid of not only going to the show but betraying them or not giving my all to the group.

“I think you should go too, Yujin-ah. If it’s meant to be, you will debut, if not, you still be a CLC member no matter what.” Seunghee Unnie reassured me with her always calming tone. “We all know our reality as a group here. We know that the company doesn’t have more projects for us. You still have a lot to show. We are your family and will support you” Seunghee Unnie got off of her seat and came to hug me. I haven’t noticed till now that I had falling tears coming out of my eyes already.

“That’s it, Yujinnie. We will always support you and each other. Let's see what the future holds, huh? You will only know if you try. Go for it. You are still a Crystal” Sorn said. I noticed that her big smile wasn’t there anymore but only a gentle smile. They weren’t happy with the situation, I could tell, but they were still backing me up.

“What do you guys think?” I asked my remaining members, Yeeun, Seungyeon, and Eunbin.

“I’m not gonna lie, Unnie, I’m kinda pissed. Not because you are going but because I know you are debuting because you are talented and work so so hard for something you want but because you’ll be with a different group, different members. I’m jealous that they are gonna steal my Unnie.” She pouted and I wanted to cry. Yeeun doesn’t normally express herself easily, so for her to be saying all those things, she was meaning it. “But still, you have to go. Unnie has to show them and show cube what they are missing. I’m gonna get over it. Please go” She held my hand and smiled at me

“You should go, Gwiyomi Unnie.” We all laughed at the nickname that I got back when I was a trainee “I really hope that you get the recognition you deserve” Eunbin said smiling at me

I looked past me and remembered that Seungyeon was the only one that hasn’t said anything yet. I actually get it. She is my partner in crime, my best friend, and my dance duo. She got into the company a little after me and we have been friends ever since. I knew this would hurt her, but I knew she would be happy for me.

“Seungyeon-ah?” She raised her head and looked at me. Eyes full of tears and at the moment we started crying. I ran and hugged her. The girls gathered too and we went to our classic group hug.  Sorn even brought the Ipad with TingYan to the hug, which made us all laugh and cry at the same time. After we parted the hug, Seungyeon looked at me and started saying

“Jinah, It’s for sure going to hurt. Since we are together since the beginning and we are parting ways but I want you to put yourself first at least once. If you have the opportunity, take it. I’m not saying that I’m happy with the whole situation of you debuting on another group because you’re my Jinnie, not theirs.” That sentence made me smile. They were being protective of me and our history and I loved that. Yes, I’m and will always be their Jinnie. “But, I’m happy over the fact that you’ll still be able to perform and show your talent to the world. You were made to the stage, and I can’t see a better way for you to keep there than going to the show.” Seungyeon is the leader so I knew that for her to be talking like that, is because she really agrees and is giving her sincere and reality-based thought about the matter.

“Thank you, girls. I will accept the offer then. I want to say to you all one more time that I’m not abandoning you. And I’m not betraying you. I’m and will always be your member, and will never stop supporting you. We are family.” They all looked at me and smiled, we started eating and talking again like we are used to. I felt at home.

“So, can we talk about Monkey tripping over her shoelaces right in front of Kino? Can we talk about that?” Sorn said already laughing and crying at the same time whilst Seungyeon hid her face on her hand palms.

And that’s how we kept for the rest of the afternoon and beginning of the evening when we decided to call it a day. Ting ended her call with a promise to visit us as soon as the pandemic situation gets better and we would travel with her back to Hong Kong after her time in Korea. A good plan for family travel.

After saying goodbye to my members and confirming a meet-up in the dorms still in that week to watch some new Netflix series that I didn’t put much attention on the name, I got into the elevator already typing a message to Minhyuk Oppa that I was on my way. After our little situation in the practice room and our talk, we kept seeing each other, but only as friends. We acted like boyfriend and girlfriend, we both knew that. I slept at his house and he on mine almost every night, we cuddled and just kept talking about stupid stuff such as why a chicken can’t fly like an Eagle since both are birds or about serious stuff that we liked, like geopolitics or psychology, because we are super random. E would visit our parents together but when they asked if we are back together, we would just say “NOO, we are just friends.” But we weren’t just that. He was of great help in my life in all terms and all this proximity just made me remember why I used to be so lovesick for him.

“Hyukkie, I’m on my way. U wake?”

Got in my car and decided to pass by our favorite barbecue place to grab some food for us.

~~~~ 4 min later ~~~~

“Just woke up, babe. Maybe I was thinking about you :D Come fassst, Oppa misses you”

While waiting for my order to get ready, I started typing while slightly smiling. Thank God I had my mask on, otherwise people – that were already starting to recognize me – might think other things.

“You’re such a charmer, Lee Minhyuk-ssi. I’ll bring food. Do we have wine or beer?”

“WOW, drink talking, okay :0 have both”

~~~~10 minutes later~~~~~

“Perfect. See you soon”

Got back in my car already with food in hands and drove to Minhyuk’s apartment.

Arriving at the condo, I entered the parking lot since I had a free pass to enter his place and parked my car. Turn off the engine and started gathering my stuff to leave the car when I just saw a familiar face and decided to look better.

Then I saw Minhyuk and Apink Chorong leaving the elevator and saying goodbyes while they had a quick hug. I’m not gonna lie, I was jealous. I know that me and MInhyuk Oppa don’t have anything but still, I got so angry with him all of a sudden that when I was almost turning the car engine back on I noticed that he was running in my direction. He got in the car smiling and tried to kiss me but I dodged. I was so jealous that I couldn’t even explain but it was friendly jealousy. It had to be.

“What’s up, JiJinnie? Do I smell bad? But I just took a shower…” Minhyuk frowned trying to understand me not letting him kiss me, since a peck on the lips is our normal greeting.

“It’s nothing, Minhyuk. What are you doing down here by the way?”

“I asked the doorman to call me when you arrive because I wanted to make a surprise for you, but you saw me before, maybe because of Chorongie’s loud laugh lol” He said smiling at me and probably not noticing I was uncomfortable with the conversation and a little pissed.

“I wanted to give you this.” He opened a little black velvet box with a delicate necklace with a circle diamond pearl. Not showy. Just my style. “I know about the MNET show, and I know that you’re jealous right now because of Chorong, I just met her at the elevator, you know that you are the only one that I look at and that she is like a sister to me, no need to be jealous. And about the show, I wanted to give you something for you to remember that I’m always with you, supporting every one of your choices.”

I couldn’t believe him. Once again. How can someone know another one so well? How did he notice that I was jealous of Chorong Unnie? And how the hell did he manage to discover about the show if I, discovered today?

“Wait…how?” I asked looking at him who was still holding the velvet box and completely side- the car’s seat, facing me.

“First, We dated for quite some time, Jijinnie, I know when you’re jealous and I figured you saw me arriving here with Chorong and started having confidence issues.” That’s the Minhyuk that I know, he just says everything to your face. And , he was right. “About the Survival show, I heard your manager talking to the phone when he passed by me in the company’s hallway this morning, he was saying that ‘he would talk to yujin about the survival show to see if she is interested’. I imagined that it was a mnet one, called a friend that works there and asked if they were going to produce a survival show yet this year, and he confirmed me. I connected the dots and figured. When you called me, I imagined that that was what you were going to tell me, am I right?” I nodded with my mouth open. This stalker boy, I don’t know why I still get surprised.

“You know you could’ve just asked me, right?” I said still with my mouth opened in shock

“But I would lose all the fun,” He said with a smile and laughed.

He asked me with a head sign if he could put the necklace on me. I nodded and turned for him to put the jewelry on me.

“It’s really beautiful, Hyukkie. Thank you” I smiled at him and looked at the beautiful piece in my neck right now. The diamond pendant had a little letter M drawn inside of it. It could go almost unnoticed. Someone could only notice that if they catch the pendant in their hands and see it. And the necklace itself had another little letter M drawn right beside the necklace’s clasp. It was really beautiful and meaningful. It really meant a lot to me.

“Look I have one too” He broke the silence and pulled a necklace out of his shirt. It was just like mine and looked beautiful on him. I came close to his necklace and on the place of an M, it had a Y, on the same places mine little M’s were written. I immediately looked at him and jumped in his arms to hug him, he laughed and embraced me tightly. I had my face on his neck entrance and could sense his usual smell. He had the most amazing smell in the whole world. That Dior perfume that already was fixed into him always made me crazy.

“Thanks, Oppa. And sorry for not kissing you when you came, I was a little pissed.” I said without raising my head, just enjoying the hug and that man’s perfect smell.

“You can do it now you know…” He said and let go of the hug. Touched my lips with his fingers while I was fixed on how amazing and fierce his eyes looked on the car’s atmosphere and low light. He came closer to me, already putting his hands on both my cheeks, playing a little with my ears since he has such big hands and my face is so small that he can easily reach my ears, and closed our distance placing a soft kiss on my lips. I asked for entrance with my tongue and he gave it, in a place of seconds our tongues were already playing with each other and his hands were now my waist while I had mine placed on his nape. The kiss was gentle and not rushed. We enjoyed every moment and he ended bitting and pulling my lower lip and giving me a peck. Still with closed eyes, he placed his forehead on mine and laughed a little.

“I don’t think I will ever get used to kissing you, Jinah.”

I smiled and added “Same, Hyukkie, same” We both laughed and he let me go of his embrace. The fact is that I knew I was falling for him all over again and after he lets me go, I kinda feel unsecured. In his arms, I felt at home. And for a couple that wasn’t in a relationship, this could become a bad thing.

“Do I smell food? C’mon, let’s go upstairs, babe” He left the car and rushed to open the door on my side for me. He took the food and my purse, and after I locked the car, he took my hand and interlocked our fingers. We walked to the elevator and let go of our hands because people might come in.

Minhyuk Pov:

“Do you wanna keep watching the tv show that we were watching last week? I was planning to but waited for you for us to watch together.” I said while putting the food at the kitchen counter and sitting on the couch.

“Yes. I’m just gonna take a shower before” I nodded and she was going to the bathroom when she suddenly stopped and looked at me. “Oppa?” She said

“Hum?”

“Thanks. For always being by my side.” I smiled at her and she kept going her way.

30 minutes later we were already sitting on the little center table, “watching” Law & Order for the nth time while chatting.

“Okay, but you didn’t tell me why you decided to come late and not after you called,” I said while why gave her a ‘Ssam’.

“I had to talk to the girls about the whole survival show situation first”

“How they reacted?”

“Ah, Oppa, they reacted fine but I know that they weren’t feeling 100% happy about it and I’m not either.” She paused a little and looked to her hands that were placed on her lap, and then continued “They said I had to go and that it was a timely opportunity but I just feel weird doing this like I am a seven-year-old Idol, is not easy for me to throw all of that away and go to a survival show. To be a ‘trainee’ again. Like, I can end my idol career but something on me tells me I have more to show, so I’ll do this, but that doesn’t mean I am super happy about it.”

I let her breathe for a while and when she raised her head to look at me, I held her hand.

“I know it won’t be easy for you, but as they said, it’s a huge opportunity.” She was looking down, clearly seeming a little stressed. So I grabbed her hand and kept talking. “You are one of the most humble and good people I know. You’re going to be great in the show. And let’s be honest? We know that you won’t probably have much more opportunities to show your ‘idol talents’ with your group, so why lose this if you want to keep working with that? You can even call the girls to participate too!”

She sighed, looked at me, and smiled, seeming a little more relaxed

“You are right. I will try to enjoy this moment and make good memories. It’s probably my last chance as an idol after all. And about the girls, I suggested but they don’t want to. They said they didn’t fit the image of the show and neither have the energy to go. I tried to prove them wrong but they just don’t want it. So it’s fine.”

“Well…Then it’s going to be a solo ride till you debut. Keep humble and hard working. You’re gonna make it. I believe in you”

She pouted her lips while smiling and gave me a peck on the lips.

“I’m probably gonna be in dorms for the survival show and won’t have my phone. I’m gonna miss you, my members, and Ilhoonie. You are literally the people that I talk to every day.”

“I’ll do my best to try to see you before the show ends, even if I have to bribe one of my friends on mnet with meat to let me see you.”

“but that’s unfair with the other girls, Oppa. I’m sure we are gonna have days off. We are gonna pass through this.”

“I’m sure we will. I love you, JiJinnie”

“I love you too, Hyukkie” She smiled “I was here thinking, do you remember that time that we had broken up in 2017 and you  messaged your ex to see how she was doing but turns out it were her boyfriend who saw the text?” She always dies herself from laughing remembering that story and this time it wasn’t different. By the end of her sentence, she was already clapping and laughing her heart out.

“Why do you always remember this story OH MY GOOOD. I said it I simply wanted to talk to her” I said laughing a little too

“Uhum, I’ll pretend I believe you if this makes you sleep at night”

“You’re the worst, Miss Choi Yujin”

We laughed and I held her hands and we kept chatting and eating.

And that was our relationship, we always say we love each other and we know it’s romantically speaking but just can’t manage to express out loud how bad we want to be together. We act like a couple, she spends more time in my home than on her own and I sleep more on her bed than on mine but we still can’t get over the “friends with benefits” level. I want to get to the next step. I want to be with her. To have a family with her. It will only depend on our careers and her decision, and I hope to talk to her about it after her survival show.

I hope our relationship doesn’t get troubled by the time that we are going to grow apart from each other during her period on the show. But right now, I will only focus on her enjoying her second chance and making the most of it. The serious talks are coming later.

 

 

 

 

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Guys, I'm really sorry for disappearing for a whole month. I had a lot going on with college and everything but I promise to update soon and have regular updates. Probably short chapters but more regular ones.

Hope you guys are liking the story and just wait because drama is coming.

Please don't forget to give me feedback on how I should improve to deliver better stories for you guys.

Byebye