'I was born an Angel but there are no guarantees, not even for me"

 

‘You need to speak to him. Tell him how you feel.’ Junmyeon leaned in close to Kyungsoo, whispering harshly by his ear but the younger male was ignoring him, as per usual. He glanced over his shoulder at the others in the room, pleased to see they were still engaged in their daily exercises and didn't notice their intense discussion.

Kyungsoo heard Junmyeon, it was impossible not too but he wasn't in the best frame of mind this morning to deal with his nagging, so he gave all his attention to Jongin practicing with Sehun on the far side of the room instead. After last night’s skirmish with the Nightrunners, it was obvious Sehun needed more work on his defensive techniques and Jongin was drilling him on close combat with small blades.

Kyungsoo knew from the moment he entered the Harroden House that Sehun and Jongin shared a close bond and he'd been with them long enough now to have witnessed it many times. The openly affectionate relationship between the pair made it difficult for him to work out if Jongin liked Kyungsoo as just a friend or if was there was a chance of something more. He didn't want to rip something away from Sehun if Jongin couldn't commit to him wholeheartedly.

‘I don’t want to pressure him, Jun. You know Jongin has to come to me of his own free will and at the moment I don’t feel that happening.’ Kyungsoo finally turned to acknowledge the male beside him, flicking his glossy black hair off his forehead and with a heavy sigh he began sheathing his knives, one between his shoulder blades, one in the top of his boot and the other strapped against his thigh.

Kyungsoo’s uniform consisted of skin tight black leathers with a black whip wrapped diagonally across his chest, accessorised by the occasional glimpse of silver clasps and honed steel. He wasn’t a big or loud individual, but his presence made people stop and stare. Pale skin, plush pink full lips and wide eyes under heavy brows. Kyungsoo was a mixture of pretty innocence and hard edged killer, depending on the situation presented before him.

‘Let it go.’ Kyungsoo gave Junmyeon a, encouraging little nudge towards the door.

‘You’ve been here six months and you keep backing away from what you know must be done. We are running out of time. You need to tell him, Soo. Make him ready.’ Jun noticed the others looking in their direction, so he quickly shifted his position and huddled in close against Kyungsoo’s side.

‘No.’

Kyungsoo was glaring at Junmyeon, his body rigidly determined and the elder knew there was no point continuing their discussion. ‘Fine, but you can’t let this go on much longer. You need to speak to him. He needs to know.’

Junmyeon stormed off, leaving Kyungsoo to follow at a more sedate pace, neither giving the others another thought.

‘What do you think that was about?’ Jongin tilted his chin towards Kyungsoo’s departing figure.

‘Why are you asking me? You’re the one that’s close to Kyungsoo. I should be asking you what’s going on.’ Sehun picked up his water bottle and took a long drink before offering it to Jongin, who refused showing him the bottle in his hand.

‘I guess we’re kind of close.’

‘Kind of close! Hah, when you’re not with me, you’re with him. I’d say that’s pretty close.’ Sehun growled, quickly looking away before he exposed his true feelings. He didn’t want to be greedy with his friends’ time and attention, but he couldn’t help being a little jealous. It had been the two of them against the world for years, then Kyungsoo appeared on the scene and within days they were happily chatting like they’d known each other forever.

‘Jealous.’ Jongin smirked at Sehun, pleased to see him scowl.

‘Why would I be jealous of your ugly face? Kyungsoo is too good for you, anyway.’ Sehun bit back, annoyed to have his feeling exposed.

‘Yeah. I know you're right but I can’t help myself. Something about him draws me in.’ Jongin frowned as he thought about Kyungsoo, closing his warm brown eyes to hide his insecurity. He wanted Kyungsoo as more than just a friend but was afraid to say anything encase he got rejected. Kyungsoo was amazing and so far out of his league that he was ashamed of the distance between them.

 He pushed his fingers through his sweaty brown hair, sweeping it off his face before pulling his wet shirt away from his body. ‘I need a shower.’

‘Way to change the topic.’ Sehun grabbed his gear and followed. ‘If you want to try with Kyungsoo, you know I’ll be there to back you up.’

‘Yeah, I know.’

‘Does that mean you’ll bond with him?’

Jongin suddenly stopped and turned to see a worried Sehun biting his lower lip. ‘We promised to bond with each other after we both turned twenty and your birthday is next week. My liking Kyungsoo doesn’t change that.’

‘But the bond will draw us closer. You know how touchy newly bonded pairs get.’

‘We already share a lot of skinship, so I can’t see the bond making a lot of difference.’

‘But you know what I’m saying.’ Sehun looked intensely at Jongin, wanting him to hear what he was saying without actually having to say it.

‘You’re an attractive man, Sehun but you don’t have to worry because I don’t feel that way towards you.’

Sehun let out a long sigh, schooling his features before he lied. ‘Good, because I don’t feel that way about you either.’

‘I know bonding means we’ll initially spend more time together and our connection to each other will feel different but I don’t want things to be uncomfortable. Your my best friend, Sehun and I want no misunderstandings to come between us. I don’t think things will change too much, but if they do, you need to be honest with me and I’ll do the same with you. We can deal with any problems, together.’

‘I can do that.’ Sehun nodded. ‘If there’s a problem, I know we can sort things out. I want you to be happy and if that means letting Kyungsoo share your time and attention, then I’m willing to do that too.’

‘I know you are, that’s why you’re my best friend.’ Jongin smiled, clamping his hand on Sehun’s shoulder with an affectionate squeeze before heading towards the showers.

Sehun lagged back, his thoughts conflicted. He liked Jongin, he always had, but he knew the other didn’t see him in the same light. Jongin treated him like family, like a brother, but it was different with Kyungsoo. If they were in the same space, Jongin’s eyes would constantly drift to the small male until he'd gravitate towards him, content to remain by Kyungsoo's side until they had to go their separate ways. Kyungsoo had Jongin’s attention and didn’t know it.

Sehun sauntered towards the locker room still mulling over what they’d witnessed earlier because whatever it was, Junmyeon pouty face looked unhappy after the exchange while Kyungsoo was frowning with determination. The smaller male treated everyone the same, including Junmyeon, whom everyone else accorded greater respect as their leader. This behaviour was one of the many curiosities surrounding the enigma that was Kyungsoo.

'What am I going to do about you, Kyungsoo? Should I let Jongin go to you or fight for him.'  

Sehun sighed, pressing his fingers against his ribs wincing with discomfort. He'd love to blame the small male for his injury but it was his own fault for looking out for Jongin instead of keeping an eye on what was happening around himself. Maybe, he'll worry about Kyungsoo after their pair bonding because things would be different then. 

 

                                                                                 *******

 

Junmyeon gave his usual pep talk, preparing to send them out again for the third time in ten days because Nightrunners were causing more trouble downtown and around the settlements. Jongin and Sehun paired off together before being assigned and refused to change even after Junmyeon insisted Jongin patrol with Kyungsoo.

‘Let it be, Jun.’ Kyungsoo reached out, placing his hand on Junmyeon’s forearm, shaking his head sharply when the male looked searchingly at him.

‘Fine,’ he conceded with a sigh. ‘You two head downtown. Your presence should be enough to clear the area but be careful.’ He waved them away irritably, already turning to face Xiumin and Jongdae, missing the way Jongin's eyes lingered on Kyungsoo with concern while the handsome male ignored him.

‘Come on Jong, let’s go.’ Sehun pulled him away, stopping at the front door to face him. ‘If you wanted to partner Kyungsoo, you should have said something.’ Sehun complained, pursing his lips whilst dragging his hand roughly through his short dark locks. He didn’t need a petulant Jongin patrolling beside him, reminding him how selfish he was for being clingy.

‘Maybe he can come with us instead of going out with the other two. You know Jaesuk’s away, leaving him on his own.’ Jongin rubbed the back of his neck, the situation not resting well with him. ‘Something doesn’t feel right and you know how I get when things feel off.’

‘Geez, stop worrying. Kyungsoo is more than capable of taking care of himself and I don’t understand why you’re so concerned. He’ll be with Xiu and Dae, for petty sake. They’re both better trained than I am.’

‘I hear what you’re saying, okay, but I feel uncomfortable about this whole set up. My stomach feels twisted or something.’ He stared at Sehun, expecting him to have answers but he didn’t, so Jongin decided to let it go. What else could he do? ‘Look, I’m sorry. I know I’m not making any sense.’

‘No, you’re not. Everything feels normal to me, Jong. I think your feelings for Kyungsoo are getting in the way of you doing your job. So, get a grip of yourself and let’s go.’

‘Don’t give me that !,’ hissed Jongin aggressively, angered by the criticism. ‘My ability to do my job and my feelings for Kyungsoo are two different things, but I’m telling you something isn’t right and I’m never wrong when it hits me this way. Whatever it is, it makes me nervous.’ He shook himself to dislodge the apprehension building in his chest, glancing at Kyungsoo speaking with Jongdae.

‘Okay,’ soothed Sehun, raising both his hand in surrender. ‘Look, how about we go do our job then get back here to sort out whatever is going on.’ He studied Jongin face, pleased to see the other agreeing even though he was still scowling. Sehun opened the door and waved Jongin through, glancing over his shoulder, not surprised to see Kyungsoo watching them leave.

‘Kyungsoo, hey Soo.’ Xiumin nudged the male to get his attention.

‘Sorry, what?’ Kyungsoo turned to look at him, not flustered with him being in his personal space. He heard him saying his name but was focused on the interaction near the front door. Kyungsoo found Jongin’s words promising. He was finally displaying sensitivity to Kyungsoo’s looming change.

'Are you ready to leave?'  Xiumin adjusted his uniform, watching Jongdae turn away from Junmyeon and make his way over to them.

‘Hey Jun, wait!’ Kyungsoo yelled, stopping the elder from leaving the room and making Xiumin start. ‘Sorry Minnie. Why don’t you guys go ahead and I’ll catch up. I need to go somewhere later so I’ll take myself there.’

‘Sure, no problem.’ Xiumin laughed off his embarrassment at being startled. ‘We’ll wait for you on the corner near the dragon fountain.’

Kyungsoo nodded, and the pair waved to Jun as they headed across the room towards the front door. Meanwhile, Junmyeon was making his way back to Kyungsoo. The smaller made signs for Junmyeon to stop, crossing the room to meet him.

‘Is there a problem?’ Junmyeon's brow furrowed as his studied Kyungsoo.

‘Not really, I just wanted to tell you I’ll be visiting Lay again.’

‘Already? They’re getting closer.’

‘I know. I also think Jongin can feel the change.’

‘How?’

‘I don’t know but I overheard him talking to Sehun. He said something feelings wrong and it makes him nervous.’ Kyungsoo’s face was bright with hope. Lay’s wards were thinning again and his true essence was leeching. It wasn’t uncommon for individuals to be sensitive around him during these times.

‘He could be nervous because of the assignment.’

‘We both know that’s a lie. He never gets worried about facing Nightrunners, he thrives on it.’ Kyungsoo spoke with pride, a rare smile gracing his lips.

‘You really think he can feel something?’

‘Yes, I do, so I’m thinking of speaking to him about us when I get back. I’ll tell him everything and let him make the final decision. But if he’s unwilling, I won’t force him.’ Kyungsoo bit his bottom lip, still unsure how this situation would end, but knew he had to do it. Time was running out.

‘You know my thoughts about this. I would have told him at the very beginning, but now is better than never.’

Kyungsoo gave him a reassuring smile. ‘I’ll see you in a few days. Take care and look after the others.’ He was stepping away as he spoke, turning at his last words to head towards the door.

‘Don’t I always?’

‘Yes you do,’ answered Kyungsoo, giving him a backwards wave without turning around.

 

 

                                                                *********

 

 

A few days later, Kyungsoo walked back into the shared house to be greeted by loud voices singing happy birthday. He slipped into the dining room unnoticed and watched a beaming Jongin carry a cake lit with many candles across the room, placing it before an excited Sehun.

‘Make a wish! Make a wish!’ Cheered Xiumin and Jongdae in unison, the chant quickly taken up by the other members gathered around the table.

Sehun beamed at everyone, closing his eyes for a moment, then opening them to blow out his candles. Everyone cheered.

‘Here, open my gift first.’ Jaesuk rushed forward to hand Sehun a colourful box that fit comfortably into his outstretched hand.

‘That better not be a promise ring,’ warned Jongin, eyeing the box suspiciously, making everyone laugh because they knew Jaesuk was dating someone.

Kyungsoo turned away from the cheerful scene and headed towards his room, dropping off his bag before returning. He sat in a chair away from the crowded table, content to watch Sehun opening his gifts.

Junmyeon approached with two plates laden with chocolate cake. ‘Here, have some. I made it.’

Kyungsoo rose to meet him, taking the outstretched item with a welcoming smile, his eyes drifting back to the birthday boy and Jongin standing by his side with his hand resting on Sehun’s shoulder. When Jongin smiled at Kyungsoo, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling back.

‘How are you feeling?’ Junmyeon was studying the pallor of Kyungsoo's face, his eyes narrowing with concern. ‘I hope you didn’t rush back.’

The demonic surges and minor changes were happening more often now and lasting longer. Controlling them was becoming very draining for Kyungsoo and Lay. He needed a strong, pure bond to support and anchor him to this world. Kyungsoo needed Jongin’s bond before the darkness took him.

‘I might have rushed it a little because I wanted to speak to Jongin. Don’t worry so much, I’m good.’ Kyungsoo took a small mouthful of cake, then set the plate down. His eyes fixed on Jongin hovering closer than usual to Sehun, almost like an attentive boyfriend. ‘What’s up with those two?’

Junmyeon looked at the pair in question. ‘They’ve been a bit touchy today and I assumed it was because it’s Sehun’s birthday.’ Now that Kyungsoo pointed it out, there was a lot more skinship between the pair.

‘No, that’s not it. There’s something different, I can feel it.’ Kyungsoo closed his eyes and tried to focus on the pair, but there was too much interference from the others for his weakened senses to cope. ‘Has anything happened since I’ve been away?’

Junmyeon shook his head. ‘Everyone came back that day without a scratch and since then, they’ve been training or resting. Just the usual stuff.’

‘I mean between those two.’ Kyungsoo jerked his head towards Jongin and Sehun, who were standing aside from the others, whispering. Their proximity sent a trickle of fear ripping through his chest, making him snatch Junmyeon’s arm, his nails instantly turning black, elongated sharp point digging into tender flesh. Jongin and Sehun were bonded, Kyungsoo could feel it.

Junmyeon hurried to shield Kyungsoo from the others. ‘Soo, what’s wrong? What’s the matter?’ He whispered, shocked by Kyungsoo unexpected weight leaning against him, the younger males head falling on to his shoulder, shaky hands sliding across his chest to grip his shirt front.

Before Junmyeon could move or get an answer, he heard someone clearing their throat behind him.

‘Ah Hmmmh. Can we have everyone’s attention?’ Jongin pitched his voice to carry, his eyes fixed on Junmyeon and Kyungsoo at the back of the room, wrapped in their own intimate bubble. He waited for either of them to turn, but when there was no sign of movement, he continued. ‘Sehun and I have been best friends since we entered Harroden House many years ago and we made a promise to each other back then. We pledged to accept the other as a bonded pairing once we both turned twenty and I’m happy to say that as of this morning we have kept our promise to each other.’ Jongin threw his arm around Sehun, pulling him hard up against his side, only releasing him when the others rushed up to congratulate them.

Kyungsoo could feel the demonic change clawing its way through his barriers. ‘Get me out of here, now.’ The command sounded weak and pitiful. Kyungsoo’s limbs operating on autopilot, all his energy focused on keeping his other form at bay. ‘Hurry Jun, I can’t hold back the change much longer. I’m not strong enough. It’s too soon.’

Junmyeon half carried and dragged Kyungsoo out of the room, down the hall and part way up the stairs.

‘You can let me go now, Jun. I can manage the rest of the way on my own.’ The whites of Kyungsoo’s eyes were no longer visible. Black inky pools of darkness looked back at the elder while Kyungsoo hurried to shrug off his leather jacket, his shirt shredding like tissue as huge black wings unfurling, snapping open to display their full, horrifying magnificence. Beautiful black feathered wings topped with razor sharp hooked claws flexed, relieved to be free.

Kyungsoo blinked, his eyes back to normal, his face a fearful mask of angelic sorrow as he backed away, breaking Junmyeon’s heart.

‘I’m so sorry, Soo.’ Junmyeon grabbed at the railing to stop himself from falling to his knees, tears blurring his vision. He loved Kyungsoo. They were brothers in every way but blood. He would do anything for him, and now the very creature he’d sworn to protect him against was claiming him. Without Jongin, they would struggle to save him. Where would they find another suitable candidate within the time Kyungsoo had left?

‘Don’t cry for me, Jun. It wasn’t your fault. I should have listened to you and said something sooner and now it’s too late.’ Kyungsoo's honeyed voice sounded harsh and raspy, another sign of him descending. Bit by bit, they were losing him.

‘There will be others. We will find another bond pairing for you.’ Junmyeon reached for Kyungsoo but he stepped back out of reach.

‘I’m running out of time and you know it. Don’t get my hopes up again, Jun. I can’t, I just can’t.'

‘Yes, you can, dammit. Don’t you dare give up. As long as I’m fighting for you, I expect you to keep fighting.’ He took another step towards Kyungsoo and again the glorious dark angel retreated, wary of Junmyeon’s intentions.

‘It took us months to find someone like Jongin and he gave himself to another.’

‘But he is only one option. There will be others.’

‘Let me be, Jun. I’ve already fallen this low.’ He looked sadly at the claws adorning his wings. ‘They were once so beautiful and now look at them, tarnished and ugly. Being the Prince of Hell might not be as bad as we think.' He chuckled to himself, a sick sad sound echoing off silent walls. 'Let me go quietly, without a fuss.’

‘Never! Don't you ever say such a thing again. Do you hear me? You’re an angel, Kyungsoo. You were born an angel, you have lived as an angel, and you will not see out your last days in hell. I will not let you.’ Junmyeon argued against Kyungsoo’s defeatist attitude, determinedly wiping away his tears. ‘We’ll figure it out. Don’t you dare give up.’ He growled aggressively because begging would drag him down into despair.

Kyungsoo backed up further, the hope burning bright in Junmyeon’s eyes painfully tugging his heart strings, making him think there was still a chance of staying.

‘Promise me, Kyungsoo. Promise me you’ll fight to the end.’ Kyungsoo continued to back further down the hall, not answering. ‘Dammit, Kyungsoo, you owe me this much,’ he screamed at him, pulling on his own hair in frustration. ‘Please.’ He finally begged in defeat.

There was a long silence. ‘I promise.’ Junmyeon’s head snapped up, his eyes latching onto Kyungsoo long-suffering face. ‘Secure my door and no matter what you hear, do not enter.’ A single powerful swish of his wings and Kyungsoo disappeared. A door slamming closed echoed from deep within the house.

Junmyeon held onto the railing, lowering himself unsteadily on to the stairs, letting his tears fall. He needed to take a moment to mourn their loss before getting himself together to guard Kyungsoo door. He was pulling his phone out to call Lay when Jongin appeared on the landing below.

‘Is everything alright?’ Jongin saw the pair stagger from the room and he’d tried multiple times to follow but kept getting cornered by one well-wisher after another. It should have been a joyous moment, but he felt empty, like he’d lost something special, which was odd, when the pairing bond gave him a stronger connection to his best friend.  

Junmyeon wiped the tear stains from his face and lurched to his feet. ‘It will be.’ He smiled at Jongin, hoping to ease his concern. ‘Kyungsoo’s not feeling so good at the moment. You should go back and celebrate with the others. Pair bonding is exciting and something to be proud of. Go back to Sehun, Jongin. It’s his birthday and you are his bonded.’

‘Are you coming?’

He winced at the loud crashing sound from deep within the house behind him, regretting having lingered too long. ‘Go back, Jongin. There is nothing you can do here.’ Junmyeon turned and trudged back up the stairs, then down the long lonely hallways until he reached Kyungsoo's door, leaning his forehead against the wooden solidness.

‘Don’t give up, Soo. I’m right here. I’ll always be here.’ He turned and leaned his back against the door, sliding down until he was sitting on the floor, preparing himself for the torment of listening to Kyungsoo’s anguished screams and the sound of breaking furniture with quiet resolve.

He didn’t see Jongin watching him from the end of the hall. The despair on Junmyeon’s face tearing at his heart. He wanted to join the elder, offering him the comfort of his presence, but knew he'd be turned away. He stumbled away from the solemn scene, using the wall to guide his blurred path, pausing when he reached the top of the stairs to clutch his aching chest. He looked back the way he’d come, concerned by the sound of splintering wood echoing in the empty hallway.

‘What’s the matter, Soo? What's happening to you?’ Jongin voiced his questions out aloud, not expecting an answer.

It took a while for Jongin to snap out of his stupor, then remembering Junmyeon’s words, he hurried down the stairs to the dining room. The sound of laughter a stark contrast to what he’d just witnessed. Jongin fixed a smile on his face and stepped back into the room, pretending he’d never been away.