A rewrite of a certain piece I wrote before, now with different characters and possibly the same plot point.

 

 

 

PARALLEL LINES – A SEULRENE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

 

 

 

“Oh come on, wala din namang mangyayari sa pag-aaway nating to—”

 

 

 

“Then go.” Sagot ng babaeng nasa harapan niya, and the woman could not even dare to look at the tears upon her cheeks, falling so endlessly habang hindi rin niya mapigilan ang masasakit na mga salitang galing sa pinakamamahal niya—but she’s too angry to care.

 

 

 

Too angry to even think about nothing but herself, and so she only nods at that.

 

 

 

“Get ing lost.” Irene says, and Seulgi finds nothing in herself to even stay behind and care.

 

 

 

“Wag ka nang babalik, Seulgi.” Irene says, tossing away the car keys upon the ground, in front of the woman who only stared at it, knowing that it was the car she gave to the woman—the car that they had spent so many memories together, the keys tossed around like it was nothing.

 

 

 

“Kapag lumabas ka ng pintong iyan, wag na wag ka nang bumalik.”

 

 

 

And so Seulgi finds herself with one hand upon the steering wheel and another desperately trying to wipe the tears that settled upon her cheeks, temporarily blurring her vision habang maraming tumatakbo sa isip niya ngayon.

 

 

 

She feels as if she’s never enough.

 

 

 

That she’s never going to be enough.

 

 

 

Alam niya sa sarili niyang mahal na mahal niya si Irene, and that this is another fight that they would have to put behind them, but why does it feel different?

 

 

 

Why does it feel like she’s losing everything from her own grasp, fading upon her fingers like something that she would not be able to get back anymore?

 

 

 

She knows herself.

 

 

 

Alam na alam niyang ganito siya magalit, and she’s doing everything yet again—abandoning the love of her life even as she promised that she would never leave, that they would talk about these things, and it worked quite well, up until now.

 

 

 

Up until both of them had exploded into irrational anger, unable to calm each other like before.

 

 

 

Nagpalamon silang dalawa sa galit na hindi naman dapat; which is the reason kung bakit ang isa sa kanila ay naiwan sa tahanan nilang mag-isa, habang ang isa ay tuluyang lumalayo mula rito.

 

 

 

And Seulgi failed to notice another detail as the tears kept blurring her vision momentarily—

 

 

 

She failed to notice the car hurtling towards her, moving at a speed that would soon crash with her, and she would have no time to steer the car away.

 

 

 

“Irene—”

 

 

 

It seemed like a slow motion video that she could see firsthand as the shards flew all around her, the impact of the car hitting the bumper of her car sending her forward, the seatbelt pulling her back into her seat habang mabagal din ang paglabas ng airbag na nasa harapan niya.

 

 

 

But somehow the scene suddenly reversed in time as she watches how she is led into her possible death—it somehow replays and she could feel every inch of pain upon her body, even the car pinning itself upon her legs that made her cry out in pain—

 

 

 

Dahan dahan na lamang niyang ipinikit ang mga mata niya habang unti-unti niyang tinanggap na baka hanggang dito na lang siya, na baka ito nalang ang hangganan ng buhay na meron siya, and somehow it isn’t hard for her to accept that—

 

 

 

No.

 

 

 

She opened her eyes, remembering something in the back of her mind.

 

 

 

Irene. Irene. Irene.

 

 

 

She chanted it like a mantra, keeping herself awake while she couldn’t even move, couldn’t even lift up a finger while she’s staring upon the windshield unblocked by the airbag that her head leans upon, trying to relieve herself of the pain that’s already ravaging her every part of her battered body kahit na wala siyang iginagalaw.

 

 

 

Irene.

 

 

 

Stay awake.

 

 

 

For her.

 

 

 

Pero unti-unti na niyang nararamdaman ang antok—ang mga mata niyang unti-unti nang napipikit at dinadalaw na siya ng antok, and she could not even fight through it, the chant even helping to lull her into sleep and she knows she shouldn’t.

 

 

 

For she knows that if she sleeps, she might never wake up again.

 

 

 

“I…Please…” Seulgi begged, gritting her teeth as she pushed the airbag off of her face, wanting to get out of this car that she’s currently in kahit na alam niyang masasaktan siya ng sobra—

 

 

 

“Come… come on, Seulgi… Let’s get… get out of here!” she shouted uponthe top of her lungs, pulling her legs up even though she could simultaneously feel the pain in her legs but cannot move even an inch of it, at kita mo sa tapat ng kotse mo na patay on the spot yung bumunggo sa’yo—and you grit your teeth as you open the door, pushing it with all of the strength left in you.

 

 

 

With a last shout, she drops down upon the ground, the concrete not too kind against her already bruised back, and she feels the remaining air upon her lungs knocked out with the force hitting her back, and she sighs as she stares at the night sky, remembering something at the depths of her mind while she could not even fight through the slumber taunting her to finally fall asleep.

 

 

 

They were supposed to watch the night sky, she remembers.

 

 

 

It looks like she wouldn’t have the chance to do that, it seems.

 

 

 

“Sorry…” she utters, before everything turns into black.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

Seulgi shouts as she opens her eyes, at pumikit agad siya dahil nasilaw siya sa kakaibang liwanag na bumati sa kanya pagbukas ng mga mata niya—and she wonders where she is.

 

 

 

She knows na hindi ito yung hospital room dahil para siyang nasa kawalan—nasa kung saang mundo na sa tingin niya ay dito napupunta ang mga namatay na, and it feels…it feels lonely.

 

 

 

Ramdam na ramdam niya ang hangin na parang bumabalot sa kanya, as if she’s in a wide pasture with the grass tickling her hands and her feet—but all around her, it’s still white.

 

 

 

“Awake,” a voice says, and the whiteness suddenly changes into a grass filled meadow, the wind turning warm like an embrace that comforts her, the sore parts of her body from the accident—what accident?—suddenly vanishing into none, and she could certainly feel her legs now.

 

 

 

Iginalaw niya muna iyon bago siya tumayo at pinagmasdan ang malawak na kapatagan na kung nasaan siya, and slowly she wonders why she knows she feels alone for the first time in her life, but why does it feel as if this had been the thing that she had been craving for so long?

 

 

 

“A lot of mortals who end up in my realm either shout in anger or go really, really silent. Something tells me na hindi ka ganon.” The same voice utters upon the air, seemingly whispering it next to Seulgi’s ear as she turns all around, trying to find the source of the voice, but all around her was that peaceful green pasture.

 

 

 

“Don’t you want to go back?” the voice says again, and for once in her life, Seulgi doubts.

 

 

 

Doubt fills every inch of her system, and she feels as if she’s never sure anymore—hindi niya alam kung babalik pa ba siya doon sa mundong ibabaw (or kung saan man siya galing), when she feels like she could stay here for a long while, bask in its peacefulness that her life would never offer.

 

 

 

But this world doesn’t have the love of your life, Seulgi thought, it doesn’t have Irene.

 

 

 

“Can I…” Seulgi trailed off, unsure of whether she should voice out these desires of hers, but it came rushing out of before she could even realize it.

 

 

 

“Can I stay here for a little while longer?” Seulgi says, but she knows that her heart wishes for something else, for someone else.

 

 

 

And she can’t even hold back her tears as the very person she’s wishing for shows up in front of her so suddenly, and she expects to see the Irene that she loved, the Irene that had always been there for her, the Irene that she loves so much to the ends of the world—

 

 

 

But it was only Irene the stranger.

 

 

 

Those eyes were foreign to her—cold like the harshest of ice, piercing through her soul as Irene stares at her silently, lips closed shut as if holding back on what she has to say—the cold gaze somehow convinces Seulgi that this isn’t her Irene, but something else.

 

 

 

Possibly someone else.

 

 

 

“My name… the mortals had fondly called me the Guide over the years, but I only hold the key to their memories.” The figure says, and Seulgi finds it unsettling that it is Irene who is in front of her that is talking at the moment, and she can’t shake the fact that something had happened—that she’s nearing her death.

 

 

 

“This is the gray area between life and death, the place where mortals had ventured into death so earlier than the time painted for them to die. Do you understand why you are here, Seulgi Kang?” the Guide says, and Seulgi shakes her head, dahil nga sigurado na siya kanina na parang mamamatay na talaga siya, so why is she here?

 

 

 

Does it mean that it’s not her time yet?

 

 

 

Na hindi pa siya dapat mamatay?

 

 

 

“Dahil hindi mo pa oras.” Sagot nung Guide, at napatingin naman si Seulgi sa babaeng nasa harap niya ngayon na parang unti-unting nag-iiba ng anyo pero kita niyang nakatayo pa rin si Irene sa harapan niya ngayon, the Irene who does not look at her with the love in her eyes.

 

 

 

The Irene who does not know her.

 

 

 

“Dahil masyado pang maaga para mawala ka mula sa mundong ito, Seulgi.”

 

 

 

Pagkasabi nung Guide ng mga salitang iyon ay bigla na lamang nawala ang lakas sa mga hita ni Seulgi at unti-unting bumalik sa pagkaputi ang paligid, at nawala na ang tahimik na simoy ng hangin na bumabalot sa kanya na parang yakap kanina pa—napalitan ito ng katahimikan na unti unting pinapakaba at pinapabigat ang loob niya.

 

 

 

“Kung masyado pang maaga para sa akin… bakit naaksidente pa ako?” Seulgi says, gritting her teeth as she used all of her strength to look up towards the Guide but it had disappeared, and Irene was gone in front of her.

 

 

 

“Dahil kung hindi ka naaksidente, sa tingin mo ba, babalik ka pa kay Irene?” sagot nito, at tila ba nawala ang lahat ng mga tanong sa isipan ni Seulgi, na natulala na lamang sa kawalan.

 

 

 

“Do you really think that you would have gone back to her after you had left her, alone? Sa tingin mo ba, may babalikan ka pa doon?” it said, and it was just so little but Seulgi could hear Irene’s voice uttering those words, as if the Guide is reaching deep into her mind and using her own memories against her, and she couldn’t even fight it.

 

 

 

Not when she couldn’t even comprehend that she’s here.

 

 

 

“Yes… because she’s the one that I love, because she had been there always—”

 

 

 

“After the things you had done, after putting her through the wire… sinabi niya sa’yo, diba? Na kapag umalis ka, na kapag lumabas ka ng pintuan, wag ka nang babalik? Why do you expect that she’ll be able to receive you with open arms again when you come back?” they said, and Seulgi could not help but feel like her resolve, her will, her strength is slowly fading with every word uttered, with every word piercing through her heart like bullets, and the worst is, she knows it’s right.

 

 

 

Na ang pinaka kinakatakot niya ay dumating yung araw na sa lahat ng gagawin niya, sa lahat ng nangyari, Irene would no longer be there.

 

 

 

That she would come back alone.

 

 

 

That she would come back to an empty house, void of any trace of the woman who she had loved the most.

 

 

 

The woman who she had thought she wouldn’t lose.

 

 

 

How foolish of her to think that she would never lose her, just because they love each other.

 

 

 

“But that is not why you’re here. Kung ang gusto ko lang ay pagalitan ka at sabihan ka na never kang makakabalik sa kanya dahil sa mga ginawa mo, then I wouldn’t have involved the ever risky Fate with this matter, yes?” natatawang sabi ng Guide at nawala na uli ang paggamit niya ng boses ni Irene, and they never reappeared in front of her again.

 

 

 

As if they know that Seulgi is already tormented by her thoughts, by the thousands of thoughts plagueing her mind and her system; hindi makakatulong na masilayan niya pa si Irene ng kahit ilang segundo lamang.

 

 

 

“Everything happens for a reason. Kahit na sobrang nakakaputangina na ng nangyari, may rason pa rin kung bakit nangyari iyan.” Seulgi says under her breath, as it was something that kind Irene had always told her, and she hears the Guide hum in reply with that, as if agreeing with what she had said.

 

 

 

“So whenever you’re ready, take my hand.” The Guide says, Seulgi widening her eyes as all the white slowly dissolved into black, the white materializing into a figure that looked like a person—its hand reaching towards Seulgi, offering their hand for the woman to take.

 

 

 

“A-anong mangyayari?” nag-aalalang tanong ni Seulgi habang nakatitig lamang siya sa kamay na iyon, sa kamay na hindi niya malaman kung dadalhin ba siya sa kaligtasan o sa kapahamakan.

 

 

 

“Don’t you have some questions you need answering, Seulgi? Marami pa tayong oras—marami ka pang oras.” The Guide said, and Seulgi could only release a breath that she did not know she was holding, and half of her wants to take that hand while half of her doesn’t.

 

 

 

Pero sino nga ba siya para tumanggi?

 

 

 

Tao lang naman siya, na gusto din masagot ang mga tanungang nasa isip nito.

 

 

 

And so she slowly takes the hand, holding it tight, widening her eyes as it feels so unnatural—like it’s another person, like it’s another human being who had wanted to hold her hand, but at the same time it feels cold—like she was holding a corpse.

 

 

 

“Brace yourself,” sagot ni Guide, and somehow Seulgi could see a smile upon that faceless figure, as if this mysterious being is currently grinning at her—

 

 

 

“Marami kang makikita.”

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

Seulgi widens her eyes as she finds herself standing in the edge of her own living room, of the living room that the two of them had lived in for a very long time, but the difference is this isn’t any time recent.

 

 

 

Natatandaan niya ito—this was the time when she and Irene had recently moved into this apartment that they had soon lived into for two years until they had to move yet again, since this apartment had grown smaller for their dreams to fit in.

 

 

 

And there she sees herself—cuddled with the love of her life, looking a lot younger and happier than she is at the present—at kita niya ang walang katapusang pagmamahal sa mga mata nito, na tinitignan si Irene habang nagkukwento siya ng kung ano-anong nangyari sa araw niya.

 

 

 

Kita sa mga mata ng dating Seulgi ang pagmamahal na hindi na niiya mahanap ngayon—as if it had been lost through time.

 

 

 

Maybe, that’s what she’s trying to find, the way back to that moment.

 

 

 

To that former self, that former version of her that had so much love to give.

 

 

 

Hindi na din niya alam kung saan ba nagtapos—kung paano siya nawala, kung paano siya naligaw ng landas.

 

 

 

Hindi niya alam kung  paano siya napunta sa point na parang nagsawa na siya sa lahat; na parang wala na siyang pake sa mangyayari.

 

 

 

She hates how she could not even look at her past self and the memory that had been resting inside her mind for a very long time, a piece of her that she had unknowingly lost because she knows in herself that she had been very complacent.

 

 

 

Naniwala siyang kahit anong gawin niya, hindi siya iiwan ni Irene.

 

 

 

But as she stares upon the beautiful past that had never found its way into the present, alam niya sa sarili niyang never nang mangyayari ang ganon.

 

 

 

Because she knows that even the ever so kind and full of love that is Irene Bae still has her limits, at parang narirealize niya na wala na talaga siyang babalikan.

 

 

 

The danger of familiarity lurks around each and every corner of this memory, of this love that they both have, because she knows that half of her stays because Irene is her familiar.

 

 

 

Because Irene had been there since the start; and losing her would mean destroying all of the things that she had built with that person, destroying everything that she had come to know.

 

 

 

Pero paano kung hindi na kayo masaya?

 

 

 

“Humans are always full of these thoughts.” The Guide says after a long silence, letting Seulgi ponder upon her thoughts first before interrupting her, for Seulgi knows that they are not here just to stare at her former memories playing without fail and could not even be paused, and it’s as if they had gone back in time.

 

 

 

“Wondering what had eluded them in their strife, wondering if they could get back to the point that they had been truly happy…as if they weren’t the ones who are deciding the way things go.” The Guide said, and Seulgi only stares at the memory yet again, the words slowly sinking into her like a ship sinking upon the sea, ready to rest beneath the depths.

 

 

 

“Hindi ba kayo ang sumira sa mga pagkakataong ibinibigay sa inyo ng tadhana? Oo, mapaglaro siya, pero kayo ang nagdedesisyon kung susunduin niyo ang nakatakdang mangyari sa inyo.” The Guide added, and Seulgi feels like she should speak, like she should utter something to defend herself, because she knows that in some times she felt like she had no choice—

 

 

 

“You had a lot of choices, Kang Seulgi,” Seulgi raises her brows at that, once again seeing the Guide manifest physical form with Irene, the woman standing behind the couch where the two sweet lovebirds cuddled while letting a movie be their background noise.

 

 

 

“…but you chose the option that seemed the most beneficial to you at that moment. I do not believe na wala kang choice nung iwan mo siya na mag-isa in favor of spending time with your ex girlfriend dahil lamang wala siyang kasama sa bahay and she had a fight with her boyfriend.” The Guide said, and Seulgi widens her eyes as she hears those words, as she feels as if she had been opened and left for everyone to ogle at, her memories in public ing display.

 

 

 

“Hindi ako naniniwalang walang choice ang mga tao; they simply don’t like dealing with the cards that they had been dealt, or much less dealing with risks.” Irene said, a smile settling upon her lips, but it wasn’t a loving smile—it was cold, unnerving, and it had been materializing into Seulgi’s fears—that she never be the recipient of that.

 

 

 

“That’s the mistakes that I did, yes. Alam kong hindi dapat ako naging confident na hinding hindi mawawala si Irene sa akin. Na kahit anong gawin ko, nandyan siya, naghihintay na makauwi ako ng isang buo.” Natatawang sabi ni Seulgi habang unti-unti siyang nahihilo, the memory slowly fading into the ever familiar white, and Seulgi knows that it’s normal—

 

 

 

Not until she looks at Irene/the Guide’s expression, the cold exterior breaking into worry and as the memory faded, the Guide ran towards Seulgi, her hand laying out for the woman to take, and Seulgi widens her eyes as even Irene’s manifestation to the Guide slowly turn into that white nothingness—

 

 

 

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ng Guide na desperadong tumatakbo papunta sa kanya, and the whiteness stops from fading the whole scene, turning back into normal—as if Seulgi grasping upon the Guide’s hand is the only thing stopping from fading this memory that they’re watching.

 

 

 

“Your memories… they’re fading.” The Guide says, and their physical manifestation even fades ever so slightly, shifts back into that unsettling whiteness, and the scene even shows some signs of fading from the deep parts of the scene, but not from the main part—from her former self, still unaffected by the things that are happening.

 

 

 

“We may not have a lot of time as I thought, and I still have to put that choice over your hands.” The Guide said, letting go of Seulgi’s hand and snapping her finger once, the scene slowly changing into a different one—gentler this time, as if it isn’t getting erased.

 

 

 

“Choice? Anong choice?” tanong ni Seulgi habang tinitigan niya ang kamay niya at nanlakia ng mga mata niya nang makita niya ang sugat na nasa palad niya, the blood suspended in time, staying upon the edge of her palm, but oddly it doesn’t hurt—as if it’s just there, painted across her palm.

 

 

 

“Whether you want to go back to your life or just pass on, after the things that would be shown to you by your memories—”

 

 

 

Seulgi lets out a gasp as she hears those words, the options weighing upon her like a burden settling upon her, unable to be removed just yet—

 

 

 

“—things you had missed, or the things you had left behind.” The Guide says, sighing as the scene finally formed into life, and Seulgi remembers—

 

 

 

The first crack in the glass. Their glass, their mirror.

 

 

 

The crack that had made everything difficult, the crack that fractured her reflection whenever she looks at it—and it was the first crack in that mirror where she thinks they had began losing her way upon the darkness that appeared between them.

 

 

 

It was that one night where everything had been seemingly normal, when Seulgi thought that everything had been just as how she had left it—pristine, proper, silent.

 

 

 

But when she arrived back in their home, it was too silent—unsettling, and now that this memory had been dug from her chest of memories that she had locked a long time ago, finally she remembers.

 

 

 

Kung paanong nakakakaba ang titig sa kanya ni Irene nung gabing iyon.

 

 

 

Kung paanong alam niyang may nagawa siyang mali.

 

 

 

She remembers how everything had been intense—how Irene had always held back, but only a few words from Seulgi had changed everything, for Irene had soon snapped.

 

 

 

“Ano ba kasing problema?” Seulgi uttered, and she would never forget how Irene had stared upon her that day.

 

 

 

How Irene had stared at her like she had been the problem—

 

 

 

What if she was the problem, all along?

 

 

 

Seulgi grits her teeth as she watches the fight happen before her, and she feels the Guide clutch upon her as if she did not want to lose Seulgi’s memories again, as if she is afraid that she would get lost upon Seulgi’s fading memories—Seulgi could definitely feel the fear upon the Guide’s cold fingertips.

 

 

 

“Irene.” Seulgi uttered, as if she was in that car again, fighting for her consciousness, fighting for her own life so silently, muttering Irene’s name over and over again as if it could help her stay awake—and it hurts her as she watched her former self shout at the love of her life who had only demanded answers from her.

 

 

 

How scary it is, to love.

 

 

 

Because love, in its purest form, is glorious.

 

 

 

Beautiful.

 

 

 

Untainted.

 

 

 

Love, tainted by other emotions however, is like a storm released upon nature.

 

 

 

Beautiful, and yet it destroys everything in its path.

 

 

 

This was her memory of love tainted with anger, because she loved Irene too much to the point that she became angry because she thought that Irene did not trust her enough.

 

 

 

Ikaw lang.

 

 

 

Ikaw lang naman kasi, so why are you still doubting—

 

 

 

“Because you show through your actions that she isn’t the only one for you.” The Guide says, a chuckle escaping her lips as Seulgi still forgets once again that this mysterious figure beside her could read her mind, but the words strike at her heart once again—breaking all defenses in such effortless ways.

 

 

 

“A little assurance wouldn’t hurt, don’t you think? Yun ang napapansin ko sa mga tao sa mundo niyo—parating iba ang pinaparating ng mga salita niyo sa mga gawa niyo.” Dagdag nito, at napansin naman niyang nagtataka pa rin si Seulgi dahil sa pagtaas ng kilay nito.

 

 

 

“You say that she’s the only one that you love, and yet you hang out with others that she know you have history with. I don’t know if you’re just oblivious, or you’re muddling her mind on purpose.” The Guide says, and Seulgi remembers those words exactly—for it is what her own best friend had told her once, the words she did not quite agree to once, but now she knows that it might be right.

 

 

 

That she needs these words to be uttered, that she needs the dagger to be plunged upon her heart, if it is what it takes to get the message through.

 

 

 

If it is what it takes to find her way back.

 

 

 

“You’re slowly losing time, so I will get to the point.” The Guide says, and for once she shifts into the faceless figure from earlier, letting go of Seulgi’s hand and immediately the scene fades into white, too silent for her to take, and Seulgi could just stare into the whiteness that makes her sanity slowly slip—

 

 

 

“Irene is your beloved, right?” the Guide says, her voice barely a whisper, as if she’s so far away—that one second she could be gone.

 

 

 

“Then take the risk, Seulgi Kang, because…”

 

 

 

Seulgi grits her teeth as the wounds reappear over her skin, the shirt she’s wearing slowly getting tainted with red, and she could feel her legs slowly lose its strength and she could slowly lose control over her own body, as if the Guide is slowly undoing the spell cast upon her.

 

 

 

“…you only live once.”

 

 

 

Those words resonate within her, as if it had been some thing that she had wanted to hear for a very long time, because upon this moment she realizes that Irene is her person.

 

 

 

Her familiar—the rope that keeps her tied into the world.

 

 

 

Her love—the only thing she needs to feel, the only thing that makes her happy at the moment.

 

 

 

Her Irene—the one she loves the most.

 

 

 

Her Guide, smiling at her with those eyes filled with love.

 

 

 

“Now, do you wish to stay in your world, or venture into the heavens, as is intended upon death?”

 

 

 

Seulgi smiles, and opens to answer.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

“Nasa emergency operation siya.”

 

 

 

Hindi mapigilan ni Irene ang mapaupo sa sahig ng ospital kung nasaan siya ngayon at hindi na rin niya mapigilan ang mga luhang umagos mula sa mga mata niya, dahil alam niyang lumalaban ngayon ang pinakamamahal niya—and she knows that she’s blaming herself, again.

 

 

 

Paano kung hindi ko siya hinayaang umalis?

 

 

 

Paano kung pinigilan ko siyang lumayo, paano kung hindi ko pinairal itong pride kong wala namang naidulot na mabuti?

 

 

 

Seulgi. Seulgi. Seulgi.

 

 

 

Please.

 

 

 

Please, lumaban ka.

 

 

 

Like a storm the doors open upon the emergency room so suddenly, and Irene could feel a rush of air from outside—the air passing all over her, lingering like an embrace that drives warmth into her heart, and she knows.

 

 

 

It’s familiar.

 

 

 

Like her.

 

 

 

Seulgi.

 

 

 

Seulgi?

 

 

 

Are you still here?

 

 

Are you still with me?

 

 

 

Irene remembers a promise—reaching into the surface of her mind, wanting to gain attention, and she lets it linger, the memory playing into her thoughts in that moment.

 

 

 

How they both promised to leave.

 

 

 

“Irene, kapag hindi ka na masaya, pwede ka nang umalis, ha?” Seulgi says that day, after their big fight, after they had altogether backed down, destroyed the walls that they had built to counter each other—why does she remember this at this moment?

 

 

 

“I don’t want to be the one holding you back from reaching your true happiness, dahil gusto kong masaya ka.”

 

 

 

Irene remembers, how painful her heart broke that day, when Seulgi utters those words.

 

 

 

Her ever so selfless Seulgi.

 

 

 

“Even if I’m not there anymore, if it means you being truly happy… then it’s okay for me.”

 

 

 

No.

 

 

 

For once in her life, Irene begs.

 

 

 

Begs the heavens to not take her Seulgi away, to let her stay a little longer, because she wanted Seulgi to stay—wala na siyang pakielam, magpapakaselfish na siya, kahit isang beses lang.

 

 

 

Please.

 

 

 

Seulgi, please… come home to me.

 

 

 

 

And as the replay ends, Irene dreads the moment that the doctor in charge steps out of the operating rooms’ barrier, because she hopes that it isn’t bad news, that she would never have to hear the heart crushing words that would torment her for the rest of her life—

 

 

 

“She needs you.”

 

 

 

In all her life, Irene never thought she would have to see Seulgi like this—her Seulgi, lying down on one of those ICU beds with all those things strapped upon her, pero napansin niyang walang oxygen mask ang pinakamamahal niya.

 

 

 

Why?

 

 

 

“You’re… You’re here.” Seulgi utters, even though she could not move anything in her body—and Irene feels her heart breaking even more.

 

 

 

“Akala ko… akala ko hindi na kita makikita paggising ko… and I even begged her to be here…” Seulgi says, and Irene raises her brow as the things her love uttered raised a lot more questions in her mind, but she decided that it could be all answered later—

 

 

 

“I… I don’t have much time. Alam mo yan.”

 

 

 

The sentence weighs heavily into the air, Irene grasping upon Seulgi’s hands, waiting for her to say afterward that she’s joking, that she would stay, that she would soon be okay and they would get out of this place soon—

 

 

 

“Irene, mahal na mahal kita.”

 

 

 

Hindi kayang tumingin ni Irene sa babaeng pinakamamahal niya, one who cannot even hold her hand back tight, one who feels like she’s fleeting away ever so slowly that Irene could no longer do anything about it—

 

 

 

“Bakit parang hindi ka na babalik, Seulgi?” she asks, tears falling as she let them just go, staring straight into Seulgi’s eyes who stare at her back, a faint smile upon her lips.

 

 

 

“Do… do you remember our promise, Irene?”

 

 

 

The promise lies upon Irene’s heart like a burden—something she desperately wants gone at this moment, but she just nods in reply, unable to speak or say something, dahil natatakot siyang baka bigla nalang mawala ang pinakamamahal niya—because she feels like it.

 

 

 

“I feel like… I feel like you’ll never be happy with me, and I can’t let you be imprisoned in this love that would never let you feel that priceless emotion.” Seulgi says, and for once Irene feels like she’s teteering between the edge of the unknown and familiarity, and she never wants to be plunged into that place.

 

 

 

“No. Seulgi, please, hindi ko kayang mawala ka—”

 

 

 

“Irene… I know that I’m only going to be a chapter in your story, one that you would have to close.” Seulgi says, and Irene hurts because she says it like it was final, like it was the truth—when Irene knows that it isn’t, that she isn’t just a chapter, she’s the whole book—

 

 

 

“And I felt happy being included in your life, because I had loved you, even if hindi ko pinakita iyon.” Seulgi says, and Irene’s sure.

 

 

 

This is a goodbye.

 

 

 

Even if she doesn’t want it, even if she knows in herself that she doesn’t want to accept it, she knows that Seulgi’s going to leave.

 

 

 

Pero bakit?

 

 

 

“Seulgi, stay. Please. Masaya ako pag kasama kita, and I don’t want you to leave, so please—”

 

 

 

“Irene, can… can I finally rest?” Seulgi says, gritting her teeth as Irene finally noticed the urgent beeping of the machines with a faster tempo, signifying that there is something happening, that Seulgi’s slipping beyond her reach—

 

 

 

“I begged for the Guide to see you one last time, and I’m glad that I did… because you’re still as beautiful as ever, Irene... And I love you just the way you are.”

 

 

 

Hindi niya maintindihan kung ano ang sinasabi ni Seulgi dahil ang daming pumapasok sa isip niya, ang daming hindi niya maintindihan pero bakit parang sumusuko na si Seulgi, bakit parang hindi na siya lumalaban—

 

 

 

“Even if I disappear from you, nandito pa rin ako sa puso mo, Irene. I’ll forever be in your memory if you choose it to be, but I want you to be happy, please.” Seulgi begs, gritting her teeth as Irene could see na napipikit na siya, na parang nilalabanan na lang niya ang antok na pilit dumadalaw sa kanya—and Irene knew that she had to let go.

 

 

 

Because Death is snatching her beloved away from her, so uncontrollably, and she could not do anything anymore.

 

 

 

How can she be given a choice, when she could only watch the love of her life slowly slip away?

 

 

 

“Mahal na mahal kita, Seulgi.” Irene says, raising her lover’s hand to her cheek, doing everything she could do to keep her lover closer—as if it could do anything to save her lover from slipping away.

 

 

 

“Would it make you happy to rest?” Irene says, mustering a smile upon her face, and Seulgi nods weakly while the doctors rush into her aid, but Irene stops them from moving closer.

 

 

 

“Then rest, my love,” Irene says, even if it breaks her heart into two, even if their mirror is now shattered into pieces,

 

 

 

“Magpahinga ka na, nandito lang ako.”

 

 

 

*

 

“Why do you choose to go?”

 

 

 

The Guide utters that question as Seulgi is back into that white oblivion, staring at her hand that her dear Irene had grasped even when she had gone back, even when she had finally slipped into that cliff of the passed, and it’s as if the feeling of Irene’s grip upon her is permanently embedded upon her senses.

 

 

 

“Because like you said, my memories were fading. I know that I would wake up at that time with my memories lost, with any remnant of my love with Irene wiped clean and erased—and I do not want Irene to go through that burden.”

 

 

 

“How can I save a love that is already doomed from the very moment that I walked out of that door?”

 

 

 

“I don’t want Irene to be stuck taking care of such burden, because I know that I would never be able to walk again.” Seulgi says, sighing as she stared at her legs that seemed fine for she could stand up and even move her legs.

 

 

 

“Call me selfish, but I do not want to be stuck in that situation, and I know that Irene would never be happy seeing me like that,  and we would only both be suffering every day without fail.” Seulgi says, at tinignan niyang muli yung Guide na ngayon ay may physical na katawan na hindi niya makilala, an older woman who stares upon her without emotion.

 

 

“Me, with the unknowing guilt that I had lost everything with her even if I had not died at that moment, and her, having to live through the days where I do not love her, not even in the slightest. Hindi ko kakayaning maisip ang maranasan niya ang ganon.” Seulgi says, and she finds tears falling from her eyes, cascading, never ending; hindi niya mapigil.

 

 

 

“Gagawin ko ang lahat para mapasaya siya, para hindi siya makulong sa akin… dahil ipagpapalit ko ang lahat, kahit ang sarili kong buhay para lamang mapasaya siya.” Seulgi says, and she could feel herself slowly fading away from this white oblivion, from this place with the Guide that had shown her past, her memories.

 

 

 

“I hope you rest in peace, because I really thought that you would stay behind.” The Guide says, and Seulgi only smiles as she feels like her time in this place is done.

 

 

 

“Rest in peace, and may you also find the happiness you deserve.”

 

 

 

Parallel Lines; where Seulgi and Irene realize that happiness does not necessarily mean that it should be with the person that they love—

 

 

That Seulgi had finally decided to take the risk; that she finally figured out that everything is a choice.