Flashlights from the cameras fill the whole corner of the street, where the red carpet event of the MAMA annual music awards 2021 takes place.

The sound of fans calling out their idol's name mixed with the vibrant music in the background together create an atmosphere that is hard to stand still.

Inside the stage, the rows of guest seats gradually filled up. The ceremony will start in 1 hour 30 minutes. But the seats of honor at the front are still empty.

"This way Ms Hwang!"

Weaved through the crowd of people who couldn't stop squealing over Hwang Yeji. She held the other's soft hand.

"We shouldn't-"

Realizing that Chaeryeong's shyness was about to pull her hand away, she squeezed her grip even more, not wanting to let the younger go, and leading her out of this stuffy entrance.

"Yeji!!"

Chaeryeong glanced in the direction of the call, Yeji raised her hand to wave at them, and signaled she would come back later. Probably her best friends

"Ms, be careful"

The bodyguard warned the two girls as they prepared to walk down the stairs leading to the backstage where there would be a surprise interview that Yeji had been informed about in advance.

With her, these interviews were nothing, but to the younger girl by her side, it would be a little tough.

"Hey hey, it's will be okie, relax. If you don't know the answer. Just look at me. You can do it." Yeji quickly steals a kiss on the hand that she has been holding while whispering to Chaeryeong.

She knows exactly what Chaeryeong is worried about. It's definitely not because of the upcoming interview, that Yeji's just as worried as Chaeryeong is, but she has to put on a straight face for the younger.

More than anyone else, Yeji saw how Chaeryeong was having trouble with the company when the rumors circulating them started to spread. Indeed, the initial plan was aimed for the "Best Friend" image, but somehow Yeji lost her way.

She's gone so far that by the time she realizes it, it's too late to change. The public has partly realized and her feelings have gradually become clear.

What bothers Yeji is still everyone's reaction. She must ensure the stable future development career of both herself and Chaeryeong. On the other hand, one must find a way to maintain this "difference" relationship in the safe zone.

Yeji doesn't have the courage to come out, to face the media, fans, other K-pop artists, and most importantly, her strict family.

No matter how famous, how successful, rich she is, she is still just a woman like any other woman in this world. Still enjoy baking, walking in the park, and being loved by the woman she chooses to be her soul mate, her partner for life.

But now that wish is just a fleeting dream.

Yeji wants to know who really loves her, is willing to stand up for her, still supports her once they see her kissing another woman. Can they still?

They're things she had never dared to share with anyone. Although sometimes she wanted to tell Chaeryeong all the thoughts in her head, just hoping she would understand. But just by looking at the carefree pretty smile of her, Yeji flinches again. Is that how angels smile. And she decided to keep it to herself.

 

Deep in her thought, Yeji didn't know that there's a pair of eyes watching her all this time, even though that person was still scared but she never let go of her hand for a second.

More than a year of knowing each other, in public, they are friends. But few people don't know that they, themselves, don't even know and label this relationship that they have.

Chaeryeong had always wondered about the distance between her and Yeji. She doesn't understand why she doesn't want to be friends with Yeji.

Until that night Yeji revealed her feeling and avoided her for a while. The emptiness made Chaeryeong realize something ironically: she didn't want to be friends with Yeji because she wanted to be more than that.

She wanted to see how much effort Yeji had put in bringing them closer. She also likes how Yeji often hides her emotions behind her arrogant, confident attitude when around her. But then pretend to accidentally touch her hand. She's annoyingly cute.

Chaeryeong laughed at herself realizing everything but being stubborn to admit it. That she had always purposely carried the bag in her left hand. To leave the space for Yeji on her right when they're side by side.

Through social media, she received a ton of support from fans shipping them. She often smiles when reading the comments, memes hints that they leave on the posts.

But that's on the surface of the industry. In the fashion world, it is seen as one of the taboos to talk about. Obviously, there're many talented designers in the LGBT community but in reality, people only care about their reputation and what they create rather than respecting their gender orientation.

So in these times, what Chaeryeong can and should do is act professionally in front of the public.

"Hello, lady" the man in a black suit who suddenly appeared in the room interrupted the endless train of thoughts of the two girls.

"Are you ready?"

Yeji and Chaeryeong share a glanced and nod. The interview has begun.

.

[Time skip]

.

Inside the waiting room with the name "HWANG YEJI" on the door.

The makeup and hairstylist team has finished their work and is doing a final touch.

"It's so perfect. Fabulous, fabulous"

"Ok, thanks guys, you can leave now." Yeji signaled everyone to go out.
.
.
They arrived in a different car, Yeji got back from volunteering so she sent a car to pick Chaeryeong up. Till now those two haven't had a proper talk to each other except for "Hi, how are you"

The way Yeji cleverly kicked everyone out made Chaeryeong feel that she wanted some private time with her.

"Are you really comfortable coming here?" she looked at Chaeryeong

"I wasn't sure you'd come" Yeji interlaced her fingers together, shrugging her bare shoulders cleverly flaunted by a seductive dress.

Chaeryeong remained silent with her arms crossed.

"Why?"

"After what happened" Yeji replied

"What happened?" Chaeryeong raised an eyebrow. She obviously forced Yeji into a dead end just to see how she reacts.

"Chaery ah, you know." Yeji looked down at Chaeryeong's red lips and blushed

Chaeryeong chuckles at her reaction which made Yeji smiles too. The smile soon faded when she gives a clear look at what Chaeryeong was wearing.

"Who let you dress like this? Is it Bangchan oppa?" Yeji narrowed her eyes playfully.

"No, but isn't it you who have someone designed it for me?" Chaeryeong eyes widen.

"Yes, but I DIDN'T ask them to make it show all off in such sensitive areas. Do you know how many men are out there? And you're the only supermodel here. All eyes will be on you. No, you go change it. Otherwise, we will leave won't attend it."

Yeji looks displeased about the revealing dress Chaeryeong is wearing.

"This dress is normal compared to other dresses. Well unnie, now, you're the one staring at me with those eyes" Chaeryeong smirked.

"N- no, I'm not" Yeji raised her voice slightly and tried to look away but still attempted to take a glance at Chaeryeong

"Or do you want me just a bra and pantie? Like the one you pointed at the store last time?" Chaeryeong bit her lips, smiling.

"OH HELL NO" Yeji pouting took some opportunities to look at Chaeryeong a few times. 

"You're the center of tonight, no one will care of what am wearing or my makeup" Chaeryeong took a step close their distance.

"I- I don't know, I just don't like people staring at you when you're out there."

"Oh come on"

[Knock Knock]

"Ms Hwang, Ms Lee, the show is about to begin" the bodyguard informed.

"Unnie ah, there's no more time for me to change. We have to go now"

Chaeryeong tries to convince Yeji and there seems to be no other option. She had to give in.

"Alright. But when we're out there, you can't talk to anyone but the people I introduce. Promise?"

"Aye aye ma'am"

"Good, let's go"

"Wait, your lip gloss"

Yeji was about to turn her head to the mirror, but her whole face was cupped by Chaeryeong. She looked deeply into Yeji's eyes and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

"That will do the job" she smiled slyly.

Yeji was surprised at Chaeryeong's sudden attack, that her cheeks were flushed.

The younger saw how effective it is and grinned.

"Let's go" their hand effortlessly find each other again.

--

 

She hates this place.

Chaeryeong managed her discomfort discreetly through the midway of the show. The younger girl is very upset about the girl next to her. What are you trying to pull Hwang?

It was Yeji who broke the promise between them... but wait Yeji slyly applied the rule to Chaeryeong but never mention she would apply it to herself. The realized hit and it is too late when the girl next to her is happily hugging, wrapping her arms around the other two girl friend's shoulders.

Chaeryeong had a little time to get to know and chat with Ryujin. Shin Ryujin, another solo artist. This talented girl is cuter and hilarious than her serious resting face. She's only 2 months older than Chaeryeong. Maybe that is why they get along pretty well.

The other is Choi Jisoo, or Lia her stage name. A famous actress, and aka 7 years Yeji's best friend. She didn't interact much with Chaeryeong tho.

For some reason, Chaeryeong felt unease every time she looked at Yeji and Lia together. But she hid it under her calm façade. But Ryujin noticed it. To the point when Ryujin saw Yeji excited kissing the other girl's cheek when her name was nominated and turned to look at Chaeryeong immediately, in response, Chaeryeong can only smile at Ryujin.

After Yeji received her award, she and Lia went down backstage together, leaving her and Ryujin more time to talk. During that conversation, more than 3 times Chaeryeong noticed the hint of meaning in Ryujin's words. She knows but it's not convenient to ask, so she just laughs it off.

The two of them came back after a while, and Chaeryeong noticed Yeji's neck appeared with different lipstick colors. She frowned but still kept her cool and ignored those details. Chaeryeong felt left out when she was the only one who kept their promise the whole time.

And Yeji doesn't.

You know what, it. No rules, no limit.
.
.

So halfway through the end of the award ceremony, Chaeryeong just enjoy herself.

She hugged Ryujin as Yeji performed on stage, through the bridge of the song, she swears she saw Yeji's gaze fixed on her. But she doesn't care anymore.

She was happy, talking and laughing with everyone around her. She answered all the questions that were asked by men. They keep coming up at her. Of course, she politely rejects the flirtations from them. And the is when a certain gentleman directly invited her to his private after-party. Yeji auto parted herself from the girl she had been holding, walked up to separate Chaeryeong from those men who hungrily preyed on her. Before she could turn down the invitation, Chaeryeong already got pulled away into the waiting room.

Ryujin tried to run after but was held back by a group of reporters. Chaeryeong smiled to reassure her before disappearing behind the door.

--

"What do you think you're doing? Didn't I tell you? And look what you did?"

"..." Chaeryeong bit her inside cheeks and looked at Yeji walking back and forth in front of her.

"You seem to enjoy being surrounded by men, aren't you? That's right, you're a supermodel. , money, drug, what else do you want, if possible, I can provide it for you?" Yeji said with an arrogant tone.

[SLAP!]

Yeji was stunned. Chaeryeong just slapped her.

"So am I right? Am I triggering your nerve?" Yeji says before she could stop herself

Chaeryeong clenched her fists tightly, she didn't want to lose her temper again. Tears started to form in her eyes.

"I didn't expect you to say those words. Hwang Yeji. Damn you and that PR stunt, I don't need that anymore. You dragged me here and left me to have fun with your friends, and I was forbidden to interact with anyone else. Do you even understand how I feel? A redundancy. Maybe tonight was a mistake after all" Chaeryeong finally snapped which make Yeji flinched

[Knock knock]

"Are you two okay? I heard shouting" Ryujin asked

"..." Realizing how loud their voice is, both take a pause.

"And we also have a small party at Lia's house." Ryujin continued

"I will be there" Yeji said out loud for the person outside the door to hear.

"Can I come in?"

Yeji reluctantly agreed.

As Ryujin walks in, Chaeryeong's face meets the ceiling to prevent tears from smudging her mascara.

"Chaeryeong, Are you okay? You making me worry."

"Never better. I going home" she brushes past them on her way out.

Ryujin noticed the serious atmosphere so she didn't dare to say anything and ran after Chaeryeong.

Leaving an angrily Yeji behind, she knocked the chair to the floor. She leaned to the table trying to think about where she was wrong.

 

--

Parking lot 10:40 pm

 

"Chaeryeong, stop!"

Startled at the call, she turned around to realize that the person struggling to chase her long strides was Ryujin

"What are you doing here?"

Ryujin is still trying to catch her breath chasing after the model

"I want... you to come to... the party with me..." Ryujin offered, still out of breath. Chaeryeong found it adorable.

"Sorry Ryujin I'm tired. You go and have a good time there"

"No, just come for a while and we can leave. I have to fly early tomorrow so I won't stay longer than half an hour. Come with me as my plus one, as my friend. Besides, like you, I also don't get along well with Lia either. So you have nothing to worry about"

"You don't like Lia?" Chaeryeong frowned in confusion. This girl kept talking without getting straight to the point.

"Even if you didn't say it, you do feel something between them, right? Yeji used to head over heels over Lia with her whole heart. Before meeting you, Yeji even insisted Lia to moving in with her but luckily you met Yeji right after that. God bless her. I don't like the way she clings to men and then falls back into women's comforting arms. We are not a trash can you know"

Chaeryeong chuckled at Ryujin's witty humor. They're on the same page, finding nothing in common with the rest. So she agreed to go with Ryujin to the "half-hour" party or just to take pictures there.
.
.
.
Lia's mansion was huge, they just partying at one side of the mansion, so they didn't have a chance to meet the host. Well, that is what they want right?

While Ryujin partying on the dance floor, Chaeryeong's eyes wander around the area searching for someone, her. Replaying their last conservation. Did I slap her too hard? 

"No, she earned it." Ryujin popped out of nowhere. How the hell did she-

"Have fun Chaer, here come dance with me"

And then they rock the whole dance floor for half-hour. Ryujin did stay true to her word.

--

Winter, London 5:00 am

 

"Wake up~"

Chaeryeong grabbed her pillow and pressed it to her head to block the excited noise coming from her best friend jumping on her bed.

"Wake up unnie! Bright and shineeee"

"Noo, let me sleep in a little more"

She rolled over and wrapped herself in the blanket. December is here. Waking up at 5 AM is no different than dipping yourself into the Thames in winter.

"Gurl, we only have 4 hours to hit the gym before the show starts. Remember!!"

"Okay, okay I wake up now"

 

[Time Skip]

Backstage 9:30 AM

 

"What's up? Who is that?"

"I think they're our sponsor?"

"Wow that guy is so handsome"

"I heard he owns some of the most luxurious jewelry brands in Asia"

"Really?"
.
.
.

"What are the girls gossip about?" Chaeryeong asked Yuna while she was getting her makeup, and the other girl was eating cookie chips.

"About the sponsors of this show. He's from Yongin maybe you know him?"

"Hmm, really?" Chaeryeong just asked, not caring who this rich guy is.

"Attention, attention! This show will end the Fashion Week of this year, so I hope everyone will do it with enthusiasm and professionalism. Understand?" the manager staff announced

"Nae" The gorgeous model answered in sync with wide smiles on their well-makeup faces.

"It's showtime lady" 

 

--

"Hey, what's going on?"

Yuna searched for her best friend everywhere after the two's performance. She finally found her huddled in a corner of the waiting room.

"Huh nothing" Chaeryeong looked up startled and forced herself to smile wryly.

"I'm not born yesterday you know. Tell me."

"I said nothing" She got up and left. Yuna shrugged it off since Chaeryeong didn't want to talk about it.

How could she tell Yuna everything when Chaeryeong herself wasn't fully aware of exactly what was going on.

God damn it. How did she not pay attention to the guest list until she walked on the runways and was surprised at Taehyun was sitting in the front row and he was the main sponsor of the show.

As a model of the show, Chaeryeong must attend the after-party of the Fashion Show like any other model. And here comes the second danger: Hwang Yeji as a guest performer.

At first, she and Yeji are only "co-workers". Until that messing night, what she knows is that she was the one who put an end to that contract. Wait, this is only two of them know right? Or maybe Ryujin too. But for the media, Chaeryeong and Yeji are still BFF. Arg for crying out loud.

Now that everyone has arrived at the party venue, she is still sitting here looking for excuses.

Why do I have to be afraid? No Chaeryeong is not afraid but she felt bad towards Taehyun for ghosting him the whole time. And Yeji, she doesn't want to face her again.

*creak*

The sound of the outside door opening. Chaeryeong tilted her head and strained her eyes to see who was still here.

Not Yuna because she left 4 minutes ago.

"Heejin, is that you?"

*clack clack clack*

The steady sound of heels echoes closer and closer

Oh no

That beat- that scent

"Is anyone here?"

The person appears from the shadow. Chaeryeong recognized that person immediately. She was a bit surprised but her anger did not subside, so she quickly created a distant attitude.

"What do you want?"

"I want to talk with you" Unlike previous times at Chaeryeong's house, Yeji was quick to get straight to the point.

Chaeryeong immediately reached for her bag and walked out of there.

"Wait, Chaery!" Yeji panicked and chased after her.

--

Yeji easily catches up with Chaeryeong's pace because she's much taller than Chaeryeong, unlike Ryujin.

"Talk to me" Yeji held out Chaeryeong's wrist

"I have nothing to say to you" She tried to break her hand free from the latter

"But I do, Chaery"

"Don't you Chaery me. That plan is gone. You and I don't need to act anymore"

"But I never did"

Chaeryeong stared at Yeji as she closed the gap and closer to the older's face. This sudden action caused Yeji to take a step back.

"I don't believe whatever you say anymore. Is this what you want right?"

Just right after finished her sentence.

Chaeryeong pulled Yeji's collar, pressed her lips against hers, devouring her plump, wet lips. Those lips she had always missed, the softness, the warmth, the sweetness, and everything else. Tongue twirling tried to lurk inside. Yeji wasn't let her do so, but Chaeryeong still didn't give up. She bit hard and made Yeji's bottom lip bleed.

"Arh-"

The taller girl let out a low growl in response. Taking advantage when her lips parted, Chaeryeong slid her tongue in. Finding and wrapping the stranger in a special dance just for lovers. Yeji utter a light moan as her tongue played with hers.

Eventually, the kiss ended when Chaeryeong break it off. She squinted at Yeji with cold eyes.

"Your flirtatious behavior would never change, won't you. From now on, don't come looking for me anymore" Chaeryeong said and walked away. Leaving a person with teary eyes.

Yeji closed her eyes tightly feeling the pain. Chaeryeong hates her and Yeji knows that her anger comes from her love for her. She knew she was wrong when she said hurtful things to Chaeryeong, as well as lost control of her concern for Lia and left the young girl alone in the middle of a sea full of strangers.

Compared to before, Yeji has never felt such a painful, hopeless, lonely like this. Especially when that love was returned, but she, herself heartlessly tore it apart.

Yeji rejected her friend's invitation to the Seoul Drama Award to book tickets here.
And when she returned, she brought her broken heart back from London.

The deeper the Love, the deeper the Hate.

 

-----

Sorry if it is wordy