I'm existing on the edge. 

The tempting tipping point where smoking cigarettes just isn't enough and getting high in the late afternoons will never suffice. I cry with the sky routinely as it pours down its heavy torrents of tears.The sudden jerking movement of the subway train fails to shift the thoughts out of my head.They stay there, lingering for my mind to take a quick glance in the other direction. 

I want that car to crash into my side, shattering my ribcage and puncturing my lungs. 

I want to jump in front of that rushing train, the wheels trampling over my mangled body. 

I have an unbridled desire to paint ugly, abstract pictures on my bony forearms with a kitchen knife. 

Cigarette ash forms my heavy eyelashes and my brittle fingernails. My porcelain colored hair taunts me, reminding me of angelic purity that I cannot ever acquire. Getting high is a hobby, it's a habit. I the amphetamine off of my cracked lips, the ghostly powder dissolving and disappearing on my tongue. My head is buzzing with nicotine, and my veins pump tranquilizing benzodiazepine throughout my muscles.

He was a mindless fairytale. He gracefully danced his way into my path without fear of the unknown, and I was appalled. 

If I am a fire burning by my own power, he was the gasoline that ignited my bones and consumed my skin. Everything he embodied was like some beautiful -induced hallucination. He was like a mosquito leaving trails of poisoned kisses on my chlorinated and sunburned skin. I reached out to him with methylphenidate stained fingers, and he flashed his smile made out of silver moonlight.

For exactly twenty-four hours his razor-like jawline and strong arms dug into my charcoal soul, breaking through walls I had built and nipping at my frozen heart. He was breathless and amorous, my name sounded perfectly melodic when it dripped from his lips. 

He was gone as quickly as he came, leaving me to eat myself away with corrosive oxycodones. 

I inject false happiness into my veins, the red highways forcing the drug further into my body, trying to get deeper than he had ever gotten. But he's relentless, violent, and constant, biting at my neck and holding me down with an inhuman force. My craving for him is insatiable, driving me to the point of insanity. I'm toppling over into feelings I was never allowed to feel, and touching surfaces forbidden. His breath was sinfully poisonous to me, my insides writhing and twisting with deadly anticipation. His addictive stare and swirling black irises impale me, my bloodstream being corrupted by everything he was. I prefer holding my body in frigid temperatures because I don't deserve the calming effect of warmth.

But he was heat. Limitless, scorching, torrid heat.

It rained, the void-like clouds and snarling thunder tossing water onto my clothes. I never carried an umbrella, the possibility of deathly pneumonia flirted with me, and I couldn't help but comply. 

I stood alone under the protection of a small coffee shop's light cream awning, the rain dripping from the fabric in large droplets. My stare was lifeless, my hands trembling. Many vehicles passed in front of me, and I convinced myself that none of them would take me where I truly needed to be. 

Paradise. 

The word melted into my tongue like a promise of love, but it had rolled off roughly against my teeth, leaving me with only my imagination. I blinked, the lack of sleep apparent through the dark circles under my eyes and the shade of pink that stained the corners. The place I called home was a dingy apartment, the walls molding and falling apart. 

I didn't want to go back, not to that place. 

It chained me down, its curious fingers slithering up into my clothes and branding me of a terrible present. But my hand left my side in a practiced fashion, my habit of calling a taxi to go home was not easily broken. My heart lurched as I caught a glimpse of the migraine-inducing yellow as it raced toward the curb, pulling over to allow me access. 

Does the driver know he's letting a monster on? 

I opened the door swiftly, the rain covering my body from head to toe, and I affected the leather seats with my drenched state. As I parted my lips to request a destination for the taxi driver, the door opposite me cracked open, a man climbing inside with clothes just as dripping as mine. 

I paused, unable to do anything but stare. 

The man clicked his seatbelt and met my eyes. The way he looked at me was a heavy mixture of blushing affection and an overwhelming sense of knowledge, like he already knew everything about me. My bloodstream had finally begun swimming in healthy youth rather than hazy numbness. The drug's hallucinogenic properties was wearing off, but I wondered if they truly were losing their power because he was dream-like. The stranger's lips were moving, their rosy tint causing me to cascade into a trance, watching how they slid and puffed out even further than I had expected. How would they feel pressed against my stitched and mismatched skin? 

"Do you mind if we just share the cab?" I made out, his voice soft and delicately ranged. 

His voice was the type you'd want to fall asleep to, to have his tones casting a drowsy spell upon all your limbs. 

"I don't mind." I answered, my own voice ending up sounding strangled and suffocated. 

The man smiled widely, his gums being exposed. The pigments matched his pink hair perfectly, the color feverish and equally relaxing to the eye. We refrained from speaking, but I felt his presence caressing my own, his bright aura colliding with my blackened one, coaxing it to taste a bit of color. His night sky eyes and his sandy complexion pinned me into place, finding every secret I could ever disclose and taking it into his taut arms. I watched helplessly as the neon signs of the city lights painted his face a complimenting blue and purple, the colors illuminating his prominent features something reminiscent of my self inflicted bruises. I covered my marred forearms with my sleeves as far as they would go, the intrusion suddenly uncomfortable. The stranger seemed to gleam with an otherworldly shine, the cosmos breathing their precious starlight onto him as he would flash a glittering smile. 

I was not worthy of him. To even think about him was a disgrace. I was a vagrant formed by cigarette smoke and broken mirrors, addictions and stimulants. 

But this man built of pure humidity and burning love grabbed my broken wrists with his firm grasp, and swung me into him with a hot gaze and a smile I could never get tired of being the cause of. He was what gave words their meaning, and he chased away numerous cold shivers into oblivion with his touch. 

Seduction. 

He was seducing me with his electrifying gaze, his eyebrows cutting into my heart, giving it aching wounds of defenseless love. 

Desire. 

His lips would part, and his bloodless fingers would brush ticklishly against them, and how I wanted to be those cadaverous appendages. 

An itching attraction. 

My bones were terrible liars, and they divulged every forbidden thought I had in my head. To him, I seemed like an open book, eager and waiting for him to skim through me with those penetrating eyes and turn the pages of my skin with his soft fingers. He continued to look out the window, but his mouth was on me, greeting surfaces untouched and unseen. Pleasure shook through me, the sensations pulling me upward into endless ecstasy that I knew could never bring me. 

"Excuse me, what's your name?" He inquired with his smooth, silvery voice, leaning forward to stare into the wasteland I called vision. 

I gulped down my resilient feelings, and managed to choke out "Donghae". He turned his face, his jagged jawline snagging in my lungs as he chuckled, the vibrations sending violent shockwaves down my fragile spine. 

"Donghae...Donghae." He tasted my name on his tongue, I thought the syllables would have a bitter, unsavory flavor, but he repeated it like it was the most delectable, luscious thing he'd ever put in his mouth. 

I blinked, my eyelashes incredibly heavy. 

"I'm Hyukjae." He added, giving yet another dazzling smile, and I could tell he was still thinking about my name, the wheels turning in his mind to try to remember what I was called. Truthfully, I was going mad with desire to hear him form the sound of my name on his lips, his teeth and tongue working together to turn something I dreaded into a symphonic tune. 

He tore his eyes away from me, but his hands were pressed into my sides, burning embers into my sickly hip bones. My ribcage fractured due to my heart beating fast and hard, and he pulled me close, his lethally dangerous lips pressing against mine, unpracticed and desperate. I groaned breathily into the deadly kiss, his fingers flirting with my wet skin, marking my body as his. My cheeks flushed up into a pastel pink and I realized they hadn't blossomed into that color in ages. He deepened the kiss, tilting his head to an unexpected angle and transferring his addictive venom into my mouth, and I was acceptant. His scent and unbearably strong taste entered my bloodstream, the oxycodones and benzodiazepines seeming terribly inferior compared to the drug he embodied. 

Soon the handsome stranger parted from me, leaving me cold with only velvety to remember him by. I fluttered my eyes open once again, and his pink hair was styled without imperfections, his lips soft and plump, showing absolutely no signs of abuse. He looked devilish and heavenly, and my hands started shaking once I noticed he was eyeing me through the clouded reflection of the window. 

He wouldn't leave me alone. 

The vehicle came to a screeching halt, and the taxi driver silently turned his head around to ask for payment. I reached for my wallet, but I jolted back into my seat once the stranger touched my hand with his inflamed one, the surface charring my skin with the pattern of his fingerprints. 

"Let me. I took your taxi anyway, right?" He laughed, silver bells ringing in my ears as he handed a wad of cash to the driver, who looked lightly surprised. 

"Don't worry about it." 

My white blonde hair fell into my eyes in an embarrassed fashion, and he continued to stare with his vividly attractive irises. 

"Thank you." I generously offered back, my lips trembling from sudden want and need for affection. 

I can't. 

I lifted my waterlogged organs out of the cab, sighing apathetically. Just as I turned to enter my apartment, I caught a fortunate glimpse of Hyukjae sweetly waving goodbye through the blurred, dirty window. I cursed myself for waving back, because no, I don't deserve someone like him, someone who smelled of stimulating cinnamon and tasted like vanilla. 

I entered my apartment and threw my keys on the unclean carpet. I slumped against the wall, wanting Hyukjae to push me against it with his veiny arms instead. He stole the sour aftertaste of nicotine from my tongue and easily replaced it with the sweet undertones of milk chocolate. I grabbed two fistfuls of hair and muttered loudly to myself, my angered words getting lost in between loving whisperings of Hyukjae's name. 

Stumbling, I tripped over to my sunken couch, the leather ripped and frayed from prolonged exposure to my body. I sat, taking off my soaked jacket and tossing it to a forgotten corner. I crushed white pills with my credit card, scoffing plainly as I threw the useless plastic into a corner as well. My mouth watered as I stared at the snowy powder, its supposed innocence calling me to obey, it breathed its charming words upon me, and my hand reached out to melt a bit of it on my tongue. It was bland, nothing of how Hyukjae's lips tasted. 

Soon, I snorted every inch of the crushed powder, my nose taking in air as the drug was forced into my complicated and destroyed system. I the remaining whiteness off of my rough, chapped lips, the tangy flavor sending me into an instant buzz. I let my mouth hang open as I relaxed against the safety of the couch, my throat closing with an incredible force, as if a fist was gripping it with white knuckles. I rasped out small noises, the black spots at the corners of my vision breaking apart and releasing glimmering, bright dots of colors. 

Purple and soft pink conversed, eventually becoming so accustomed to one another that they collided to blend into an impossible light blue. The diverse tints gossiped and made love to each other, forming brand new colors that my mind was unable to identify. Soon, a blushing pink stuck up into nicely styled lines, and a peach melded with chocolates and obsidian to form a familiar face. 

"Hyukjae?" I verbalized, my voice just as unsteady as my hands. 

He put on an adorable expression of surprise, and leaned close to me, his breath tickling my neck. 

"Aren't you happy to see me?" He asked, his words dripping with flirtation. 

I gasped as he latched his gorgeous lips onto the sensitive skin on my neck, kissing me too soft and teasing for my liking. I refrained from answering his question, I couldn't have anyway, his hands were slithering places they shouldn't have been, and I was almost asking for it with my mouth open and body exposed. Hyukjae bit down on my earlobe and I cried out in satisfied pain, placing my hands on his broad shoulders as an encouragement. 

"You're worthless." 

"W-what?" I murmured, my eyes finally cracking open into small slits as I watched the stranger pull back, and then strike like a viper as he pressed a heavy kiss onto my drug infused lips. 

"You don't deserve me...and you know it." Hyukjae spoke through kisses, suddenly gripping my thigh hard until I was seeing stars. The colors surrounding Hyukjae's form seemed to crash into each other in a rapid rhythm, instead of dots of pigments, they were galaxies and constellations. His body felt so ferociously strong, weaved together by pure steel, and I couldn't push him off. He swiftly began kissing the underside of my neck, marking my Adam's apple his preferred color. 

"You could've stopped months ago. You know that." He mused, pulling my blonde hair back, and I was feeling my feet getting numb. 

"What are you...what are you talking about?" I groaned, delirium wrapping my limbs together tightly. 

He recoiled back, staring at me with his crimson, now indigo irises. 

"You're so stupid. You just can't quit the drugs, can you? You're trapped, underneath their will, unable to escape..." With every poisonous syllable, he pinned me down onto the dirty couch, laying on top of me with all the weight in his terrible limbs. 

I squirmed, wanting freedom; release. 

"You're slipping further down and down...no one can save you, Donghae..." The way he said my name was nearly pleasurable to me, so I shivered out of reflex, and fought his grip, trying to break free of this hallucinogenic nightmare. 

"You're unwanted, a mistake, unlovable..." He lashed out with his wicked tongue, sending me into convulsions and panicked groans, the colors dancing around Hyukjae's head consuming him until he was nothing and my vision was black. 

My lungs were anchored down by the searing pain of my raw and aching throat, my eyes stinging. I had passed out, the only remnants of my night before being a wooden table dusted with white, and a sick, acidic feeling in my stomach. My brain wobbled around in my head, gifting me with awful migraines as it tried to drunkenly shift into where it was supposed to be. I stood, pins and needles pinching and biting at my bare feet, and I put on my coat once again. 

I was determined. 

Why was this stranger occupying every area in my mind? Why was his existence exhilarating and mine still wanting and longing? I stuffed my feet into my shoes, breathing in remarkably fresh city air as I slammed the door to my apartment, ridding myself of that place. 

I waited. God, did I wait. 

Some people on the street carelessly threw coins at me, thinking I was homeless and in need of money. They only gave their spare change because they thought that they were obligated to, and not because they were actually sympathetic. 

But Hyukjae...

He was the very definition of sympathetic, no, he was empathetic. His very soul blended with mine like the colors I saw in my hallucinations, and he was a perfect mixture of gentle and brutally ardent. I sat decorated with silver and gold coins under the cream awning, the coffee shop's bitter aroma drafting through the air and gracing my nostrils. I hadn't eaten, but I didn't feel the need to. 

The sun lowered behind the towering buildings, the sunset liquefying itself into my veins, warming me more than any other drug. There he was, across the street with his celestially crafted limbs and smiling eyes. I grinned out of appalling reflex, and fidgeted with the holed fabric of my jacket nervously. 

Do I look okay? I wondered to myself like a schoolgirl, glancing across the street to see him trying to hail a taxi. I stood and began sprinting across the street, dodging many vehicles that nearly came in contact with my body in order to reach him. I panted, breathlessly staring at the stranger with need blazing in my eyes. 

Hyukjae's mouth was open, his white teeth barely peeking out from his inviting lips in a bewildered expression. 

"Hyukjae...I..." Words had escaped me, left me to make an effort to articulate a proper sentence all by myself, but I was a desolate frontier. 

"Hey...I'm gonna buy you a coffee, okay?" Hyukjae's voice grazed my skin and gave it tantalizing goosebumps, all I could do to reply was nod eagerly. 

The light cream awning welcomed me once again as he pulled open the door for me, guiding me into the coffee shop with fleetingly velvet touches. He motioned for me to sit down, pulling out a chair and I took it thankfully, realizing I'd never been treated with this amount of respect. He returned just as rapidly as he vanished, with cups of steaming coffee in hand and a smile playing on his lips. 

"Thank you." I replied as he took his seat, suddenly holding me in place with his fantastically unnerving gaze like I was a dead butterfly pinned to a cork-board for a science project. 

"I have to say, I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in fate." Hyukjae's eyes followed my every move, surveilling my actions attentively. 

"What are you saying?" 

"I'm saying that we were meant to meet each other again. I don't know why, but this needed to happen." Hyukjae's voice slipped through my body like the coffee I was drinking, smoothly and scorchingly. 

I could not answer, his features were catching me off guard once again. 

He was transcendent while I was translucent. He was infinite, and I was fated to a grim end. 

His gaze was lit up like an emblazoned furnace, the fire in his eyes heating up my watery ones, boiling them until my tears had evaporated into the steamy air. 

"I remember your name. Now, why would I remember your name? I just shared a taxi with you." Hyukjae interrogated, gripping his paper coffee cup in his pale fingers that were slowly peaking into a pink color. 

Get it through your head, Donghae. The voice in my head was saying, he's nothing but lines. Straight lines, neutral colors and geometric shapes. 

I put a much needed muzzle over the voice in my head and realized no, he was so much more than that. I wanted to speak, tell him everything about myself. There was an itching sensation in my stomach, a creature scratching at my fleshy insides to be released. 

"I've been thinking about you a lot..." I whispered, his head tilting in interest. 

"I have too." 

My bloodshot eyes widened. 

"Why?" 

"You seem to be in a tough place. There are signs all over your body." 

He his lips with his shiny pink tongue, and I shivered, my muscle memory taking me back to daydreams of having that mouth on me, consuming me. 

"I'm fine." 

"I know you're not." 

I hung my head, his prying hands massaging my chest, caressing and enticing the syllables to spill from my open mouth. 

"I might be crazy but...I feel a certain way whenever I look at you...I don't know what it means." Hyukjae honestly confessed, leaning in closer to me and I could feel his faint breaths brush against my skin. 

"You're not crazy..." 

"Why not?" He asked. 

"Because...I feel a certain way about you too." I averted my eyes as best as I could, my throat becoming strangled. 

"Hey..." The stranger lifted my chin until I was looking at the stars suspended in his eyes. I gulped down a numerous amount of butterflies, and blinked. 

"Then coincidence is indeed counterfeit. This is definitely fate." His attractive voice lured me to him like a fluttering moth to a bright light, my heart beating rapidly. 

"Let me buy you another cup of coffee, and in exchange, you tell me about yourself. Is that a deal, Donghae?" Hyukjae's fingers left me, and I nodded hesitantly. 

Hyukjae was pure, untamable fire, and I was shifty, unpredictable water. The darkness that swallowed my forgotten organs and thick blood was nothing compared to his sunshine, his sweet oranges and gleaming sunflowers. But somehow, my demons, no matter how contradictory, was complimentary to his angels. 

Fate. 

Destiny. 

Serendipity.