the world's most boring human

all we need of hell

seungwan remains stuck to joohyun's side for the next few days, following her everywhere she goes unless her charge chases her away — the bathroom is one of those places. for the most part, joohyun adjusts pretty quickly to having a loud, babbling demon companion. she figures out that the only way to get seungwan to shut up is to make one or two wishes a day, and the devil keeps herself occupied by thinking of the most ridiculous ways to fulfill her wishes.

 

joohyun had the misfortune of breaking a mug one morning, and seungwan begged for her to wish for a replacement. not thinking much of it, she agreed, after all, what absurd method could the devil possibly come up with to grant a wish like this? she's sourly mistaken when a pottery wheel materializes in the living room. seungwan begins crafting her a new mug with the best clay in hell, or so she proudly proclaims before making what is potentially the worst looking ceramic mug in the entire universe. heck, she even brings in her blazing dog to use him as a kiln so she could fire up her masterpiece. at the end of the day, seungwan presents her with a janky little mug with a jagged rim, it's small and can barely hold any liquid without leaking. 

 

it's a ty mug, but she appreciates the sentiment. and on the bright side, it kept her occupied for the whole day so she had no chance to mess with joohyun.

 

lucifer's handcrafted mug sits on a shelf in joohyun's room while she orders a new one online. when her I ❤️ GOD mug arrived, seungwan refused to speak to her for an hour, but then decided that complaining and whining for the rest of the day would be more effective.

 

despite her lightheartedness with joohyun, seungwan remains on edge because of the recent encounter with the angels. she masks her concern so as to not worry the mortal, if joohyun can barely handle her demonic crap, then what of a potential celestial dispute?

 

the last thing seungwan wants is a fight, she's left that part of her behind a long time ago. sure, she did unleash the bubonic plague but she's changed. nowadays, she's a lot tamer, with no notable massacres in the past half a millennia or so. 

 

this situation with the seraphim makes her iffy — she knows too little to feel safe, and nothing about their presence makes sense. they aren't joohyun's guardian angels, if they were, there's no way this pact would've gone through in the first place. the seraphim rarely take on charges and joohyun is no exception. 

 

they are just... friends. and seungwan has a very hard time understanding why two angels would want to befriend a mortal like her. to watch her? watching her in their angel forms would make it a lot easier; 24-hour surveillance without having to pay attention to their human needs. maybe that's a little intense for someone like joohyun. she's normal and plain in all ways imaginable, and even with the devil by her side, what could she do? wish for the whole world to bore themselves to death?

 

maybe she'll get yerim to investigate, if anyone can smooth talk those celestials into divulging the truth, it'll be her.

 

joohyun gets annoyed by her constant presence by the second week when seungwan is starting to act more like a clingy girlfriend instead of the king of demons. she draws the line after constantly being scared by seungwan in the middle of the night — stupid demon and her stupid floating magic. it's not ideal to wake up to a demon staring at you, especially one with glowing red eyes. for the sake of her sanity, she bans seungwan from her room while she sleeps. naturally, seungwan tries to argue but joohyun would not hear any of it.

 

the devil, disliking the thought of leaving her charge vulnerable for seven hours straight, decides to put up unholy wards in her bedroom. it'll prevent angels from getting close, and any demon would know better than to mess with lucifer. 

 

but to be even safer, seungwan takes a trip back to hell to put in a custom order with daedalus.

 


 

"what's this?"

 

it's a saturday morning, joohyun's voice is still raspy with sleep when seungwan presents her with a gift. hugging her knees close to her chest, the mortal sits on a stool in the kitchen while munching on a piece of toast. she looks at the devil with a slight raise of her brow, the way she's being nice prickles her sense of caution.

 

"a ring."

 

"i can tell that it's a ring," joohyun mutters with a full mouth, "what's it for?"

 

seungwan motions vaguely with her hands, "protection..."

 

a loud bark of laughter escapes joohyun's throat, "the devil wants to protect me?"

 

the corner of her lips tugs up in amusement as she dusts the crumbs off her fingers. picking it up, joohyun pulls the ring towards her to get a closer look. it radiates a gentle warmth, something less intense compared to seungwan's business card. the ring is void black with runes engraved onto it, and the blue markings seem to pulse with energy — magic?

 

"rules of the pact, i can't let you die." seungwan clears , "it's imbued with my magic, it'll let me know if you're in danger. or if you call my name, i'll be able to hear you."

 

"so... like a radio?"

 

"yeah, kind of."

 

"okay... but why?" joohyun questions, "you haven't left my side in almost two weeks."

 

there's no need to alarm joohyun when nothing is wrong, and she doesn't want to admit that she's a little paranoid, so lying is easier.

 

"it's just a precaution, i do this for all my pacts." seungwan lies smoothly, "besides, you get a cool ring."

 

joohyun hums quietly, and places it down, "can i not wear it?"

 

a surge of panic washes over seungwan and she exclaims, "it's handcrafted by daedalus! it's top of the line, best of the best, you'll never find a ring like this anywhere else!"

 

"yah! calm down," joohyun smacks the devil playfully, "i was just teasing. i'll wear it around my neck, okay? i'll probably lose it if it's on my fingers."

 

"you better." seungwan huffs. 

 

she materializes an unbreakable chain and secures it to the ring before handing it back to joohyun who puts it on easily. adjusting it slightly, her new gift rests comfortably on her neck.

 

"there, satisfied?"

 

"yep," seungwan bobs her head with a pleased smile, "so what's the plan for today?"

 

tucking the necklace into her shirt, joohyun reaches for another piece of toast. "i have a shift later, in case you've forgotten."

 

the devil doesn't hold back when it comes to showing her disapproval for joohyun's reluctance to wish for a better life. rolling her eyes, she groans, "i could give you all the money you could possibly need, c'mon."

 

"we've been through this many times now, seungwan." her voice is stern and unyielding, and the way her name rolls off her tongue sends an uncomfortable shiver through her bones. seungwan knows better than to push her buttons now.

 

the devil relents with a small sigh, "fine..."

 


 

the only perk that comes with being bound to joohyun is that she actually has a fun job, or at least her workplace doesn't feel soul-. she takes shifts at a small toy store in the heart of town,  and seungwan spends most of her time inspecting the toys. sometimes, seungwan messes with the kids by making toys float; it's always a delight to see them running back to their parents about the toys being magical. although joohyun is against it initially, she gradually accepts it since it's relatively harmless magic. the devil only scares the spoilt brats and entitled customers, which she doesn't mind. joohyun only complains when seungwan summons imps to play chess with her because they always leave remnants of soot on the ground. the last thing she needs is her boss thinking she's smoking in a toy store meant for children.

 

work is a little more enjoyable now, but she'd rather sell her soul than admit it to seungwan.

 

"you're literally a child."

 

joohyun's voice cuts through the silence in the store, she's been watching seungwan struggle with a game for the past hour or so but holds back on saying anything. with the exception of an occasional frustrated grunt slipping from , she looks like she's having fun. the devil is hunched over in a corner with colorful pieces of a puzzle game splayed out on the floor, twisting and turning them in an attempt to get them to fit onto the board. either the game is faulty or nothing fits; she refuses to let joohyun know that she has no idea how to solve this beginner-level puzzle.

 

"it's an IQ game for all ages!" she retorts loudly and turns her attention back to the cursed pieces of wood.

 

joohyun crosses the room to peer over her shoulders, with her hands on her hips, the solution is glaringly obvious to her. she sighs softly, "the blue piece fits on the right."

 

"then i can't fit the green one."

 

"rotate the green one and it fits below."

 

seungwan begrudgingly takes her advice and shoves the pieces in, forming a perfect square to complete the puzzle. , she just got outdone by a 24-year-old human. 

 

a small, teasing smile hangs on , "there's easier puzzles, you know?"

 

"you've probably played this a hundred times, haven't you?" seungwan shoots back with a grumble.

 

"do you think i took this job to play puzzle games?" joohyun shakes her head as she returns to her place behind the register, "put everything back when you're done."

 

"yeah, yeah."

 


 

"what are you doing?"

 

the devil peers curiously over the mortal's shoulder, peeking at her phone which is aimed towards the sky.

 

"i'm taking a picture." joohyun replies, eyes narrowing at the bright orange glow of the sun.

 

the evening sky is layered with vibrant hues of reds and oranges, a picturesque scene worth immortalizing in joohyun's eyes. she raises her phone higher and takes a few more shots. thinking she would be pleased, she swipes through her camera roll to inspect her shots. 

 

but she finds seungwan in the corner of every photo.

 

one with her in the middle of a star jump, another of her casually floating in the sky with her fingers twisted in a peace sign, and another with her sticking a pinky up her nostril. 

 

she swivels around expecting nobody but the same, omnipresent figure is there as always. 

 

seungwan smiles at her, "looking for me?"

 

if joohyun didn't know any better, she might've fallen for the look of innocence that's plastered across seungwan's face.

 

"stay here and don't move." joohyun orders and the devil nods with a salute. of course, seungwan agrees with fingers crossed behind her back — she will do everything but listen.

 

the next few shots, however satisfactory, are ruined by seungwan's shadowy figure popping up. joohyun exhales in frustration and tucks her phone away. another 49 weeks to go before she can go back to a life without being bound to lucifer. she starts walking in the direction of home, knowing that seungwan will trail along behind her.

 

"aren't you going to take more?" seungwan falls into step beside her, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket.

 

joohyun scowls, glaring at the devil. "not with you showing up like a stain in every shot."

 

"are you sure?”

 

“yes," the mortal exhales through her nose, "i can’t post any of these and i don’t want you in my pictures.”

 

“ouch, that stings.” seungwan whistles, “wouldn’t you like something to remember me by?”

 

“no.”

 

“aww, at least let me have something to remember my favourite mortal.”

 

seungwan’s hand grasp joohyun tightly, pulling her close and pressing their bodies together. her other hand steals the phone right out of the mortal’s pocket with ease, and she takes a selfie of them — joohyun’s face scrunched as she’s frozen in a squirm and seungwan’s mouth is tugged upwards in a beaming smile. it’s a good picture, seungwan muses. though, if any other mortal is to come across it, they would question why joohyun took such an odd selfie.

 

maybe after their contract is up seungwan would finally tell joohyun that even in photographs, she's the only one that can see her. for now, she slips joohyun’s phone back into her pocket and slings an arm around the mortal’s shoulder casually.

 

“so what’s for dinner?”

 

“is devil meat on the menu?”

 

unfazed by the question, seungwan shakes her head, “you wouldn’t like it, much too bitter. though, satyr meat is pretty nice, tastes like beef but a little tier.”

 

joohyun rolls her eyes, “tteokbokki.”

 

“fresh from hell?”

 

“no… just the one from the south side of town, please.” she mumbles.

 

seungwan's lips flatten into a line, “you’re too boring to be my charge.”

 

“like i had a choice in the first place!”

 


end notes:

a little casual chapter today, wanna build their relationship a lil before i throw them into A N G S T !!!! they r going to fight soon and i am tingling to write it!!! anyway!!! sorry i asked everyone for speculations and then i realised i can't really reply because i don't wanna spoil it, but i gotta say half of them are in line with what i have in mind ^o^
might be getting my desktop back tomorrow, and i will descend back into my degen gamer lifestyle for like a day or two. so mayhaps no update, but i will try my best! i know there's no pressure but i decided to update daily as a self-imposed challenge, it's dumb as but well, i kinda like it.
also i thought abt reactivating my main twt but... i scrolled through my tweets on priv and realised that it's a lot of nonsense that would be very embarrassing on main, so... i guess not...
anyway, thanks for reading. i think there's like 20 people who read this daily, i'm just judging from aff's bookmarks but LEMME KITH U MWAH MWAH MWAH.

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ILJIDO
it's been 30 chapters and they haven't kissed, is this counted as slowburn?
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