poo-scented demon magic

all we need of hell

joohyun returns to her usual routine — or at least she tries to because instead of an imaginary friend, she has the devil following her around. seungwan refuses to leave no matter what she says, saying that it's a great way to stay updated on what goes on in this realm. so the devil finds herself in a lecture about globalization, or something — she's not really paying attention.

 

but neither is joohyun. the moment she finds a seat, seungwan is quick to make sure nobody takes the seat beside her. her rationale? she's technically invisible to everyone but joohyun and that would mean they could potentially sit on the supposedly empty seat beside her charge, which also means sitting on her. that's a no-no, so she hatches a plan — to make joohyun smell absolutely putrid. a combination of the scent of a dog's barf and a baby's wet diaper has everyone retching as they avoid her. joohyun notices the subtle glances and the clearing of throats but has no idea why, and seungwan is acting suspiciously relaxed.

 

"what did you do?" joohyun whispers as she nudges the devil.

 

seungwan has taken to reclining in her seat with her legs on the desk despite disapproving stares from joohyun. cracking an eye open, she hums, "hm?"

 

"you're doing something," the mortal hisses, "what is it?"

 

seungwan has to bite the inside of her cheek to suppress the urge to laugh, "i... i made you smell like poo so nobody would sit on me."

 

oh my god, joohyun brings the collar of her shirt up and takes a cautious sniff. she smells like her regular perfume, not a hint of poo as seungwan mentioned.

 

"you can't smell yourself, but everyone in this lecture hall can." the devil snickers before bursting into an uncontrollable giggle.

 

"yah!" joohyun shoves her roughly, "stop it!"

 

still cackling, seungwan almost falls out of her chair but it's worth noting that her charge has now garnered the attention of the entire room. in this semi-demon, semi-human form, she retains her powers by remaining corporeal to only joohyun; the more people that see her, the more human she becomes. she'll take being shoved by a tiny mortal any day, considering the fact that joohyun has just made a fool of herself without even knowing.

 

"gotta remind you that you're the only one that can see me."

 

joohyun freezes, her blood runs cold at the sight of turning heads and she's too embarrassed to even lift her head. she zooms in on her notes and begins scribbling everything that her professor has to say, though nothing is really going into her head. her classmates stop staring at some point, which is relieving in some ways, maybe she stopped smelling too. at the very least seungwan is quiet... but a little too quiet.

 

something about seungwan is off, and it irks her. she struggles to put her finger on it, even cranes her ears in an attempt to pick up something, but the being beside her is still, save for the occasional fidgeting. exhaling deeply, she perks up and stares at the devil unblinkingly. and she almost smiles when the realisation hits her.

 

"you're not breathing." she whispers.

 

"really? i didn't know that."

 

ignoring her stupid jibe, joohyun continues with a slight frown, "don't you need air?"

 

"we don't need oxygen," seungwan shrugs, "demons can't die unless our souls go poof."

 

grimacing, she mutters under her breath, "it's weird..."

 

"my lack of breathing?" the devil straightens up in her seat as she tilts her head incredulously, “seriously?”

 

the mortal bobs her head while scribbling more notes. 

 

is this why the fates had no qualms about this pact? did they think that joohyun would reject her and they’d be able to get rid of her? or perhaps this version of her soul is nothing like the ones before? harmless to a point where seungwan has no chance of causing any mayhem. 

 

whatever the case, she’ll get her answer at the end of their pact. for now, she has no choice but to play along.

 

seungwan scoffs, "you're more concerned about my breathing than the lecture you should be paying attention to?"

 

"you're too quiet, it's putting me off."

 

"i could just talk."

 

"but that's going to distract me."

 

you're already distracted, she wants to retort, but she comes up with an even better idea. out of spite, seungwan begins to inhale and exhale loudly, making sure to really draw the air into her nostrils and exhale with . her breathing is awkward and unevenly timed, but somehow, joohyun approves with a satisfied nod. 

 

“can you do it a little softer though?”

 

“i don't want to."

 

“i wish for you to breathe a little quieter.” 

 

she’s ing ludicrous, but seungwan has to concede her request. the devil spends the rest of her time trying to figure out how to breathe without sounding like she has one working lung, and joohyun is strangely comforted by the uncoordinated wheezing — it's kinda like listening to a bad ASMR video, she thinks.

 


 

"what's next?"

 

there's a visible bounce in the devil's movements as she falls into step beside joohyun. with her hands tucked into the pockets of her jacket, she peers curiously at her charge. however stifling these human lessons are, it's still marginally better than attending annual meetings with the fates and angels. they're making their way... somewhere, taking the scenic route through the outdoor section of campus. the sun is warm against their skin but nothing too unpleasant given that they're close to the end of summer. joohyun dodges an occasional student while seungwan clips through them with ease, they cross through the open grounds.

 

"lunch," joohyun answers, "and no more demon magic!"

 

seungwan puckers her lips and quickly douses the magic in her hands — she had spotted a murder of crows in the distance and had every intention of guiding them to fly above joohyun menacingly for two reasons. one, it would be funny to see her reaction, and two, she would look like a freak to the other students. it's an added bonus if they poop on her too. but it seems like her charge is more observant than she thought.

 

"but i haven't done much today!" the devil whines.

 

"you made me smell like poo and i made a wish today," joohyun shoots back, "that's enough demon nonsense for me."

 

"not for me!"

 

the mortal stares at her, one eyebrow ticking up slightly, "go back to hell then."

 

"i'm not going anywhere."

 

"okay then, stop whining."

 

joohyun ignores her subsequent grumbling and enters the cafeteria without so much as looking back. the atmosphere is noisy as it should be, students laughing and chatting as they devoured sloppily prepared meals. seungwan wrinkles her nose, even the food in hell isn't that bad. but at the same time, she likes being in crowded places, there's always some mishap waiting to happen, and it's begging for her to do something about it.

 

the mortal weaves through the crowd, occasionally craning her neck to look for someone — a friend, probably. and seungwan follows closely behind, discreetly tripping one or two students to instigate a small fight. if she hadn't been so occupied by her antics, she would've definitely noticed the slight tinge of divinity hanging in the air. with eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights, the devil is yanked violently back into reality.

 

two angels of the seraphim sit before her in their human forms, and she instinctively takes up a defensive stance. the devil hops in front of joohyun while charging her hands with hellfire, ready to defend her charge from these vile creatures. she braces herself for the inevitable shockwave that is accompanied by the reveal of their true forms, but nothing happens. they don't reciprocate her hostility like they always do, in fact, they don't even acknowledge her presence.

 

joohyun watches seungwan from her peripheral vision — she's acting funny, like she wants to send her friends to the depths of the underworld. but what joohyun doesn't know is that her friends are actually two extremely powerful angels whose magical capabilities are comparable to the devil's. unable to comprehend her sudden defensiveness,  the mortal pushes past her, discreetly clasping her hands over the devil's. seungwan has a split second to panic before she puts out the hellfire in her hands, what the is joohyun thinking? if she had been a little slower, joohyun could've lost a hand. 

 

"did you guys wait long?" she asks while settling into a seat in front of the two angels and pushing seungwan into the seat beside her as smoothly as she can without looking deranged.

 

"nope, we just got here too."

 

the devil stares at the two heavenly beings until one of them meets her eyes with a knowing gaze. they know she's here, and they know that joohyun is her charge. no more demon magic — she can't pick a fight now, not when they're human and fragile. how would joohyun react if the devil tried to punch her seemingly mortal friends?

 

the angel of the sky beams as she stands up, "let's go get our food, byul can watch our things."

 

seungwan watches as the angel links her arms with joohyun and proceeds to drag her into the crowd of humans, she'll be safe in a crowd, angels wouldn't willingly kill the ones they're supposed to protect. once she's certain joohyun is out of sight, she grabs the angel of night by the collar of her shirt roughly and presses their faces up close.

 

she grinds her teeth, "what the are you guys doing here?"

 

"yah... i thought we were cool, luc." leliel moans, "i'm just accompanying sahaquiel, alright?"

 

a flash of protectiveness ignites in her chest and she snaps, "yeah we are, but you being all buddy-buddy with my charge? not cool."

 

leliel sighs before shrugging herself away from seungwan's grasp. sagging back into her chair, she motions for seungwan to do the same.

 

"i can't tell you why, but we mean no harm." the angel of night explains, "we're just her regular human friends, byulyi and yongsun, alright?"

 

"did the fates put you up to this? did they send you to watch me?"

 

leliel chuckles and shakes her head, "on the contrary, to watch her, and we've been here for a while now. chill, you haven't done anything crazy as of late to warrant that kind of supervision."

 

if it's not her, then what do the angels want with joohyun? they've sent two angels of the highest rank to be friends with a mere mortal? she doesn't know what intentions these holy bastards might have but she knows that it's practically impossible for them to lie; it burns their soul if they do, and that hurts like a .

 

the devil tightens her jaw, "if you do anything to her, for the next year at least, i will lead an insurgency back to heaven."

 

"calm down your crazy down, luc. your soul's going to be fine." leliel reassures with a flop of her hand, "now stop glaring at us like you're going to start the second war of heaven, we can't let your charge find out we're angels."

 


 

lunch with the angels passes by agonizingly slow, mostly because seungwan has to keep her guard up now. she has no reason to doubt them but she didn't like the idea of trusting them either. leliel is fine, even pops by hell for a diplomatic drinking session every once in a while, but sahaquiel? sahaquiel hates her guts. and it's completely understandable, the mess she left after her fall from grace took centuries for the seraphim to clean up. sahaquiel is probably reining in her anger now, and she decides it's best to keep shut.

 

it's one thing to be within close proximity of two powerful angels, but to be clueless to their intentions too? it unsettles her, and seungwan doesn't like it in the slightest. she listens in on their conversation and it's like leliel had said, they're just regular human friends. sahaquiel puts up a good show of complaining about classes, and leliel plays along with ease, gossiping about one of their professors. if she had no clue, she would've assumed that they've already fallen from grace too. she scowls quietly — so much for being angels, all they're doing now is committing sin after sin.

 

"yah, did you make me smell like poo again?" joohyun's voice draws her out of her thoughts, seungwan has been way too quiet to not be up to something. the mortal has been holding back on asking her stupid demon the question since she couldn't exactly find a good time to talk to the air in front of her friends. 

 

shaking herself back into the moment, seungwan glances at her charge with a bemused smile. "no."

 

"are you lying?" a pair of narrowed eyes watch her carefully, searching for a trace of a lie.

 

"i didn't." seungwan says, "weren't you the one that said no more demon magic?"

 

pursing her lips, joohyun bobs her head, "i didn't expect you to be so obedient. that's very nice of you."

 

"shouldn't have said that, now i'm going to try twice as hard to make your life miserable."

 

"not in the next class, please, i need a good grade."

 

"only if you promise to make a fun wish tomorrow," seungwan shrugs, raising her voice by a pitch to mock joohyun, "nothing like oh, i wish for you to do my laundry."

 

"i wish for you to do my laundry tomorrow."

 

"i might take your soul at the end of our pact."

 

quirking a brow, the mortal hums, "you wouldn't."

 

"how do you know?"

 

"i just do." joohyun responds smugly.

 

seungwan clicks her teeth sharply, "i'm going to make you smell like poo again."

 

"i wish for you to not use any magic until i'm done with class."

 

"."

 


end notes:

can i get a WAHOO WAHOO for moonsun!!!! it's not an iljido fic without mamavelvet!!!! will be adding more tags as i go along, i doubt they'll be the only side ship i'm throwing into this dumpster fire of a fic.
anyway!! i had a good day yesterday, just felt like sharing hehe. got an update on my desktop too and i think i'll get it back by next week :D
love to hear your thoughts and speculations if any! thanks for reading and loving burger too, he's getting kisses from seungwan in my head.

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ILJIDO
trying to update daily (i am having fun so far!!!) so if anyone needs to know i'll probably update at like 5 am or 9 pm in sgt, if there's nothing at either times, it means i'm touching grass
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