with joohyun by her side, the devil casts the rest of the world aside. 

the entirety of hell waits for their king to address them but seungwan will not pay them any mind for now. her priorities are focused on joohyun; making sure she has a nice, warm bath while the devil attempts to rid her couch of bloodstains.

lucifer might have relied on cleaning imps for a significant part of her life but seungwan has learnt a thing or two from her charge — mainly that it helps with clearing her head. she’d never admit to joohyun that she finds it calming though.

despite her mortality being tampered with, seungwan has no capacity to care. she’s lucky to be alive for sure; lucky that she’s favoured by the fates, but there are hundreds, if not thousands of souls that aren’t as lucky. their deaths weigh on her, most of all, those of her friends, of her fellow kings and demons — they died for her.

her heart wrenches at the thought of them dying for nothing, but like yerim had said, what were they supposed to do?

lucifer built hell to withstand her absence, not her death. a solution will be found eventually, but right now, seungwan grieves for the fallen. 

seungwan eventually collects herself; it’s hardly the first time she’s faced loss and while it still aches, she has to move on. she doesn’t know how long it has been since she returned with joohyun but her hands are raw from cleaning — surely that meant a significant amount of time has passed.

it’s strange that she’s been apart from joohyun for so long given the circumstances and seungwan doesn’t particularly like it. the devil zips around her house looking for her charge but can’t seem to find a trace of her anywhere and there’s no way joohyun would willingly traverse through the underworld without her.

figuring she could only be in the only place she hasn’t checked, seungwan warps to the bathroom.

“hyun?” seungwan rasps her knuckles against the door, “you’ve been in there for a while, the seventh circle is running out of water.”

her question is met with silence and the devil begins to worry.

“not that they ever had any to begin with!” she adds while pressing her ear against the door. she hears nothing, not even the sound of water sloshing about and it intensifies her worries.

seungwan tries again, this time, the desperation in her voice is evident from the increase in decibels. “joohyun? are you okay?”

still, no response. biting down on her lip, seungwan makes a decision to warp into the bathroom. she would prefer to get yelled at instead of something happening to her charge.

thankfully, that is not the case.

in seungwan’s large bathtub, joohyun sits with her knees pulled up to her chest, eyes glazed over while remaining deep in thought. 

“hey,” seungwan starts softly so as not to startle her but joohyun jumps anyway, “sorry!”

swivelling around instantly, seungwan forces her eyes away from the mortal. she hears joohyun drawing a deep breath to calm herself while she blabbers away.

“just so you know i wasn’t peeping! you were in here for a while and you weren’t responding… i got worried.”

without lifting her head, joohyun murmurs in an exhausted, almost defeated manner, “sorry… i didn’t mean to worry you, i was just… thinking…”

the atmosphere grows slightly tense and seungwan swallows to keep her unease at bay, “things will be fine, heaven will be annoying to deal with but eventually, everything will return to normal.”

while joohyun knows there is truth to her words, it’s not the matter of heaven and hell that bothers her.

“it’s not just that, seungwan,” joohyun sniffles, “i…”

seungwan chances a glimpse as the facade that joohyun has been clinging to falls apart. agony claws its way from the depths of her heart and for a moment, joohyun tries to hold the overwhelming surge of tears at bay but caves at the mere thought of losing seungwan again. she trembles, hiccuping as she makes desperate attempts to wipe away her tears with the back of her hands — she doesn’t deserve to cry, not in front of seungwan.

in these rare instances of joohyun showing a shred of vulnerability, seungwan finds herself at a loss. all she wants to do is wrap her up in a tight hug and whisper promises to make things right again but it feels like it isn’t going to be enough. 

the devil inches closer with slow steps and crouches in front of joohyun. her wet hair clings to her skin and joohyun pulls her knees closer to her chest, looking smaller than ever. heartache flutters through her ribs and seungwan bites the inside of her cheeks — she hates every bit of this.

she hates seeing joohyun so broken.

“it’s not your fault.”

“but it is, seungwan!” joohyun cries, “i was the one who killed you!”

“and you were the one who brought me back.” seungwan counters gently, “we all make mistakes, but we can always fix them.”

“you should be upset that i did that to you…”

“why should i? i deserved it, joohyun, every bit. i broke my promise and hurt your family, you had every right to be pissed.” a lightness tints seungwan's words, “you wanted me away from them and i didn’t tell you about this hidden clause when it comes to pacts. i know you didn’t mean to wish me out of existence but in that instance, i don’t see it playing out any differently.”

it is the gentleness of seungwan that makes joohyun want to crumble entirely — seungwan is too good to her.

and she doesn’t deserve it.

she buries her face in her hands, obscuring her tears from the devil, hoping that somehow seungwan would understand why she feels so torn.

it is beyond the devil’s capabilities, however, she rests her arms upon the rim of the tub and maintains a modest distance while keeping joohyun company.

in a firm yet gentle voice, seungwan speaks, “you can tell me anything, i’m not leaving till i know you’re okay.”

what has joohyun done in her past lives to deserve someone like seungwan? out of millions, the devil chose her.

joohyun’s throat constricts at the thought and the weight of her own inadequacy feels more crushing than ever. in a small voice, she murmurs a painful confession.

“i-i don’t deserve you.”

it takes seungwan by surprise, never would she have expected it to come from joohyun, especially in a life where things are better than ever. for years upon years, it was always seungwan questioning if she was worthy.

she scoffs at the irony while shaking her head, “i think it’s the other way around.”

“no…”

“you think i deserve you?” seungwan raises a brow.

“i think you deserve better.”

the sinking feeling in her chest makes it difficult for seungwan to come up with any words of comfort.

“joohyun…” her voice is soft, almost pleading because why is it so damn hard for them to simply love each other?

“you deserve someone who means it when they say they want you to stay, you deserve someone who loves you like lilith once did. i’m not that person.”

i don’t think i could ever be.

tears continue to roll down her cheeks as joohyun spills all of her worries and fears, everything that's keeping her back from seungwan.

“but you are, in more ways than you’ll ever know.” seungwan reassures with a light smile, “i won’t find anyone who will love me like lilith but it doesn’t mean i’m not loved.”

joohyun croaks, “is it really love if i’m always hurting you?”

“funny, i ask myself that too.” seungwan lets a soft chuckle slip before her voice grows solemn, “we have lived very different lives, joohyun. we are in no way alike but i know you care for me as much as i care for you. your actions may be subtle compared to mine but what am i supposed to make of you waiting up for me? or how you somehow got me to sleep after decades? or why you would share your food with me even when you know i don’t need to eat?”

warmth spreads from her chest as seungwan thinks of more and more moments with joohyun. tender moments where the world seemingly narrows around them, moments where all is right within the universe because of their existences reuniting once again. 

the devil swallows, voice dropping to a mere whisper as she locks her gaze on joohyun’s small frame. at that moment, however much she resembles lilith, all seungwan can see is bae joohyun.

the air grows increasingly thick, surging with emotions from the two. an honesty unlike any other tears through the devil and she questions her charge.

“was i supposed to think it’s anything but love?”

joohyun lifts her head slowly, processing the idea as seungwan reaches for her hand. intertwining their fingers, seungwan shoots her a small smile. 

“i’ve always been searching for something specific, something intense, but lately, i’ve realized that love will never be what you want it to be. it happens in the most unexpected circumstances, or when you don’t want it at all and it’s never perfect. it’s always going to be flawed and oftentimes terrible but in the midst of all that lies something wonderful that makes it all worthwhile.” seungwan murmurs, “that’s what i make of us.”

far from perfect but nevertheless, wonderful.

joohyun draws a deep breath as the words of the devil dance in her mind, forcing her to confront exactly how she feels about seungwan.

her worries fall along the line of never measuring up to lilith, after all, ever since she’s come to know of these other realms, lilith has always been tied to her existence.

even if seungwan reassures her that she is a whole other person, joohyun still can’t shake the feeling that she is not enough. how could she compete with the queen of hell? and to erase seungwan from existence? it’s the cherry on top of everything she has been wrestling with.

yet somehow, regardless of all the events that have transpired, seungwan still feels an ounce of love from her.

not lilith, not any other reincarnation, but her.

it speaks volumes about their relationship; maybe it’s time they’ve crossed the line of being merely more than friends.

so is it anything but love?

perhaps it is.

“i… love you, seungwan.” joohyun heaves in a shaky breath, “i think i have for the longest time but i was afraid to admit it.”

her confession shocks the devil as it should and seungwan stares at her, mouth agape.

“a part of me knows i could never measure up to lilith, and a part of me is terrified that these feelings are not my own. for you to chase her across time must mean that whatever love she poured into you was insurmountable.” they reel at a crack in joohyun’s voice and she presses on, “how could i ever come close to that?”

“it’s impossible for you to be like lilith because you are your own person. there’s no way lilith could come close to you either.”

“but how could i ever be worthy of someone like you?” joohyun sobs, “you are lucifer for god’s sake and i’m just a speck in this universe.”

seungwan cracks into a goofy smile, “my favourite speck, to be specific.” she hums, “who and what you are to me won’t be so easily swayed by some doubts, even if they’re yours. you will remain important to me regardless of everything, regardless of where we end up after this.”

joohyun clenches her eyes shut, drawing slow, deep breaths as silence envelopes the duo. she knows what seungwan is asking of her but a part of her wonders if they’re both ready for this — if she’s ready for this.

the quiver in joohyun’s voice is noticeable but neither one acknowledges it, “where are we going to end up?”

“i believe we have to answer that together.” seungwan grins, “we’ll figure out our silly little feelings together, maybe spend some time together. i think another date would be nice too.”

joohyun doesn’t hold back a scoff and she finally turns to face seungwan, “i’m scared, seungwan… but i think i know what i want.”

locking gazes, the devil arches a brow in amusement, “so, what do you want, joohyun?”

“you,” the mortal smiles despite the tears running down her cheeks, “all of you.”

everything seungwan has endured since she lost lilith feels like it’s been building up to this very instance, the very moment she truly believes that there is love beyond lilith. her suffering was not a cruel game that the fates were playing but rather a self-inflicted affliction, how could she have ever known true love again when she’s been adamant that there could only be one for her?

leaning in close, seungwan kisses joohyun. it’s brief compared to what seungwan had imagined but the intensity of her own emotions feels a little too overwhelming. they part, though hovering close enough to feel the other’s breath on their cheek.

if the devil can love with all her soul, then she too can be loved in the same way.

end notes:

hi. sorry this took a hot minute, most of this was written on my commutes to and from school and it's just hard to get into the mood for this. started school slightly over a month ago and man, i'm terrible at juggling my time but i'm still coping i guess.

anyway, usually when i have really big gaps in update times i worry that i kinda lose track of the story. hopefully, this wasn't ooc or like repetitive, i'm just writing off vibes at this point and frankly, i cannot remember anything i wrote in the first 30 ish chapters and i refuse to reread it. 

hope you guys are doing well too, thanks for reading!